Why You Feel Unworthy

As I work with people to help them partner with God for the calling on their lives, I see a common obstacle that holds many people back. Some people know their calling, but this holds them back from stepping into it. Other people can’t even approach God to have the conversation and investigate their calling, because of this one thing. Well, what is it already? I’m glad you asked.

It’s a deep-seated, underlying feeling of unworthiness, and the shame that comes along with it.

In my experience, feeling unworthy is one of the hardest obstacles to overcome, because most of us don’t correctly understand why we feel unworthy. And if we don’t even understand why we feel that way, it becomes really hard to address the root of the problem.

But before we unpack that, a caveat first.

Please Don’t Hear What I’m Not Saying

This is when all the Biblical scholars and theologians out there quote me all the Bible verses about our sinful nature, our unworthiness before a holy God, and how we can’t save ourselves. Yeah, I know all that. And I agree.

I’m taking for granted in this post that we all understand that, yes, of course we are all unworthy (Romans 3:10-11). None of us deserve the grace we’ve been given. None of us deserve relationship with God. None of us deserve his favor. This is not a post to encourage entitlement.

But wasn’t that the whole point of the cross? Jesus took all our unworthiness and nailed it to the cross, so when God looks at us, he sees Jesus’ worthiness (2 Corinthians 5:21).

That’s not license to presume on God’s grace and live however sinfully we want (Romans 6:1-2, Philippians 2:14-16). It’s recognition of the fact that, to restore relationship with God, Jesus took worthiness off the table at the cross.

So let’s talk about why we really feel unworthy. We can’t move past the unworthiness that Jesus died for if we don’t even understand why we feel it in the first place.

Why You Think You Feel Unworthy

You think you feel unworthy because “I’m so _____.” Fill in the blank with the negative adjective for you. Fat? Weak? Stupid? Vulgar? Dirty? (Feeling dirty is common for people who have been abused.) Sinful? Angry? Broken? Not good enough? Flawed? Defective?

What do your thoughts constantly accuse you of? What do you, in your heart, deep down, accuse yourself of?

The truth is, that’s a lie we believe. Sorting out lies is tricky. The nature of being deceived is we don’t know we’re deceived. It’s hard to identify lies we believe so deeply we just take them for granted.

But even if those things were true, which they aren’t, it still wouldn’t matter. Those things are irrelevant because that’s not how God sees us. (I have others posts on this subject here, How Your Negative Past is the Key to Your Awesome Future, and here, Why You Are Not Defined by Your Actions.)

So here’s the paradigm shift: Why you think you’re unworthy is not really why you feel unworthy.

Why You Really Feel Unworthy

The truth is, Jesus nailed all that negative stuff, both from our past and what we’re struggling with now, to the cross. And, honestly, none of that is why you feel unworthy.

You feel unworthy because you’re wounded. That’s what wounding does. It makes you feel unworthy.

Feeling unworthy is a sign that we have wounded, broken places in our heart that God wants to heal.

Remember that blank you filled in up above with your “negative adjective”? Inner healing is the process of replacing those lies with God’s truth, replacing how we see ourselves with how God sees us.

The Language of the Heart

So something bad happens in our lives. We call that Type “B” Trauma, Bad Thing Happened. Or something good fails to happen. We call that Type “A” Trauma, the Absence of the Necessary Good Thing.

This is our wound. Both types of woundings can be just as damaging. And neither is our fault.

But our response to it is. Because of what happened, or what failed to happen that should’ve, what judgements did we make about ourselves? About God? About other people? About how we would be treated? In inner healing lingo, we call these bitter root judgements and bitter root expectations.

Therefore, because we’ve judged ourselves, God, and the world this way, how did we vow to protect our heart? We call this an inner vow.

Inner vows are ways we’ve internally sworn to protect our heart ourselves, instead of trusting God.

An Example

Here’s an example of Type “A” Trauma, the Absence of the Necessary Good Thing.

So suppose a parent was physically present but emotionally absent. If it’s your mother, maybe you were never emotionally nurtured. You never learned you could be loved just for yourself.

If it’s your father, maybe you were never affirmed and approved, never called into who God created you to be, never given permission to be your true self. You only were acceptable if you performed properly.

Either way, what might you have judged about yourself, God, the world? Maybe one of these:

• “I’m not worthy of love in and of myself.”
• “I’m only loved if I perform.”
• “No one will love me for me.”
• “If I don’t give people a reason to love them, they won’t.”
• ”People will only love me if there’s something in it for them.”

So then, because of that, what might you vow to protect your heart? Maybe one of these:

• “I will always be the good person to earn love.”
• “I will never disappoint anyone.”
• “I will never let anyone come close enough to see the real me.”
• “I will reject others before they can reject me.”

Can you see how these deep, inner beliefs we take for granted wreak havoc in our lives?

Inner healing isn’t about digging stuff up from the past or blaming our parents. But if past woundings are causing bad fruit in our life today, they aren’t in the past at all, are they? They are very much here with us in the present causing damage that God wants to heal.

Are You Willing to Pursue Healing and Wholeness?

Jesus took worthiness off the table at the cross. God isn’t looking for worthiness. He’s looking for willingness.

Inner healing, like a life-saving surgery, hurts. And there’s a recovery period. Like physical therapy after a surgery, you may need spiritual and/or emotional therapy for a while even after receiving inner healing. It’s not a “one and done.”

But getting your life back is worth it. It takes a willingness to go to the scary places that may have been buried a long time. Not to relive the trauma. But so that God can heal it.

Are you willing?

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Tell us your story in the comments. Do you feel unworthy? Are you willing to pursue healing? Please reach out to Janet & me here.

And please share this post if it would bless others.