How We Get Trapped and How We Get Free

The worst bondages are the ones we don’t realize we have. We’ve been like this so long, it seems normal. But it’s not normal. Bondages keep us from living our best life, and Jesus has healing for us. But to live in his freedom, we need to understand how we get trapped and how we get free.

Here’s the essence of inner healing in a nutshell.

How We Get Trapped

Typically, someone sins against us. That is not our fault. Never. Maybe you were abused, lied to, betrayed, rejected, abandoned, or something worse. No one deserves to be treated like that. Ever.

But what happens next is our fault. We vow to protect our own heart instead of trusting God. It happens like this.

When we are sinned against, we make negative judgements about ourselves, about others, about God, and about the world. Here are some examples:

“I’m dirty.”
“People hate me.”
“God doesn’t love me.”
“It’s dangerous to be too happy.”
“I don’t have value.”
“I’m only loved when I’m being good.”
“Emotions aren’t safe.”
“No one will ever protect me.”
“I shouldn’t be alive.”
“I’m the wrong gender.”

Based on that judgment, we form a negative expectation of how we will be treated.

“People will always reject me.”
“Everyone will betray me.”
“I will only be loved if I perform.”
“Men only love me as an object.”
“A father will always leave me.”
“I will always be betrayed.”
“I will never receive anything good from life.”
“People will never accept me as a man.”

Have you ever met someone, talked innocent small talk with them for 10 seconds, and thought, “I don’t know why, but I just hate this person!” You are actually feeling their expectation.

There are demonic spirits that read that expectation and say, “Ok, Dave expects everyone to reject him. Let me help him with that!” And that expectation goes out like a cloud from that person, tempting everyone they come into contact with to reject them as soon as possible.

Then the person is rejected, which strengthens their expectation, and around the track we go again.

Based on that expectation, we make an inner vow to protect our own heart.

“I will never let anyone get close to me so their inevitable rejection won’t hurt.”
“I will always be the good boy or good girl so people will love me.”
“I will protect myself.”
“I will hurt them before they hurt me.”
“I will not have emotions.”
“I will never be like my parent.”
“I want to die.”
“I will be the other gender.”

This is our sin. We are protecting our own heart, instead of taking our pain to God and trusting him to protect our heart. It’s the same as in the Garden of Eden. We are being our own god.

Our inner vows are our prison bars.

Living in an isolated prison cell is pretty safe. But it’s a prison cell. It’s not living; it’s just existing. It’s cut off from joy, from love, and from everything else that makes life worth living. We will never live the amazing adventure God has for us in that place. He created us for so much more.

It’s like a boat being chained to the dock. It’ll never risk going out in deep water where so many other boats have sunk. But being chained to the dock is not what that boat was created for, and it’ll never be fulfilled there.

Yes, those inner vows keep us safe, but it’s a miserable safety. It’s a case of the cure being worse than the disease.

Are you chained to the dock by your inner vows? Jesus created us to sail out into deep water. True, it’s not safe out there, but God is good. Jesus will be our safety, whatever happens.

How to Recognize an Inner Vow

Often, we form inner vows very early in life, even before we have language. That makes them very hard to articulate. Or even recognize. We’ve had them virtually our whole life; they seem normal. So how do we recognize when an inner vow is in play when they are hidden from us?

A big clue is when we have a mile of reaction to an inch worth of offense. For example, maybe we fly off the handle in a rage when the other person really didn’t do anything rage-worthy. Ask the Holy Spirit if an inner vow is affecting our behavior. Ask your heart.

Another big clue is when negative behavior is confronted in our lives and we say, “That’s just the way I am.” Perhaps, but that’s a choice we make. That’s not how we were created to be, and Jesus has freedom and healing available, if we want it.

How We Get Free

So how do we get free from inner vows? Here’s a 5 step process. We do this in prayer, and it’s best to go through it with someone else, like your spouse, pastor, Christian counselor, or friend. Someone who understands inner healing and can support and lead you through it. But if you don’t have that safe person, do it just you and Jesus.

Identify the judgement, the expectation, and the inner vow. These questions can help you through this process.

What happened to you?
Because that happened, what did you decide about the world? Yourself? Others? God? (This is the judgement.)
Because you believed that to be true, what did you come to expect?
Because of that, how did you vow to protect your heart?

Repent for making the inner vow. Break it, declaring out loud that you no longer hold to that vow. Take it to the foot of the cross and leave it there.

Renounce the benefit. In some way, that vow was keeping you safe. If you don’t know the benefit, ask the Holy Spirit; he’ll tell you.

If the vow was a response to someone’s sin against you, forgive them. Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood topics in the church today; here’s a guide to help you through it.

Replace the judgement and expectation with God’s truth. For example, if the expectation was to be rejected, maybe God’s truth is Hebrew 13:5, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Replacement happens with practice over time. In this example, when tempted to expect rejection, or when feeling it, say (out loud if possible), “No, God will never leave me nor forsake me.”

We can walk in the freedom God has for us. We can walk in Jesus’ healing. Having gone through this process several times, I can tell you, freedom is so much better than the prison cell. Let the Holy Spirit take you there.

Your Turn

Have you had a mile of reaction to an inch of offense? What inner vows have you identified in your life? What judgements and expectations? What is God’s truth that sets you free? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share this post. Let’s get this message out there.