How Not to Think a Thought

Self-doubt. Nagging fears. Intrusive thoughts. These are some of the most common experiences in the human condition. And some of the most hidden and denied. Because we all think we’re the only one.

Is there any hope? Is there a way to stop the negative thought loop once the thoughts have started? Is there any hope once the train has left the station?

The good news is, yes, there is hope. There is a way to not think the thought. But it’s not what you might think.

Trying to just not think the thought doesn’t work.

The obvious solution is, “Well, just don’t think that thought!” But that doesn’t work.

Have you ever tried to get a song out of your head? You can’t do it by not thinking about the song, as every parent who has small children that love the movie Frozen knows. (My apologies to parents who now have the song Let It Go going through their heads!)

Trying not to think about it doesn’t work because, by trying so hard to not think about X, you’re actually thinking about X.

Focus on what you want to replace it with.

You get Let It Go out of your head by thinking about Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock ‘n’ Roll instead. Or whatever catchy song you like.

Same with negative thoughts. You have to replace the thought with something else. Instead of focusing on the negative thought you don’t want to think, focus on the positive thought you want to replace it with.

The Gift of Neuroplasticity

Those negative thoughts, over decades, have created ruts in our brains. Without conscious effort, our train of thought slips into the same old ruts, just like a wagon wheel slipping into the ruts on a dirt road.

But the good news is God created our brains with neuroplasticity, which is just a fancy word meaning that we can rewire our brains. You can rewire your brain so the new rut is a positive one.

How do we rewire our brains? Repetition. Notice yourself thinking the old thought. Stop. Say to yourself, out loud if possible so your ears can hear you say it, “No, I don’t talk to myself that way anymore. I choose to believe …” and say the new thought you want to think. The more you do this, the more the neurons in your brain rewire to make a new pathway, and as that new neural pathway gets more and more traffic, it will replace the old one.

Sometimes the replacement we need isn’t a thought at all.

Sometimes the thing we need to replace that negative thought with isn’t a thought at all. Because sometimes there’s more going on than just a thought. Sometimes the negative thought induces a physiological trauma response in our bodies.

And while that response was necessary for survival while we were experiencing trauma (what Aundi Kolber calls “Situational Strength” in her excellent book Strong like Water, the danger no longer exists. But our bodies, and often parts of our psyche, don’t know that. While that response kept us safe once, it is no longer serving us.

So before you can replace the negative triggering thought, you have to come down from the physiological trauma response it induced. How do you do that? Grounding techniques, things you can do to get grounded in your body, can be extremely helpful here. Bilateral tapping. Box breathing. Intentionally noticing and describing the physical world around you.

Once you feel grounded and safe in your body, then you can tell yourself a different story, a new thought to replace the old.

Scripture can be really helpful here.

For me personally at least, the Bible, God’s word, has been really helpful.

At one point in my life, I had a real struggle battling lustful thoughts. Once the train had left the station, it was really hard, if not impossible, to reign it back in.

1 Corinthians 10:13 was really helpful:

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13

I would pray, “Lord, you promised a way of escape. I need that way of escape, and I need it right now!” And I would keep praying that until I got it. (For those struggling with this, I have a free download teaching you how to personalize scripture to fight your own personal battle.)

I struggled a lot with self-hatred. I spent an entire year reading nothing but Psalm 139, the anti-self-hatred psalm. (You can read the details of my struggle, and my victory, here.)

Which thought are you feeding?

If you have two competing thoughts, the negative one you don’t want and the positive thought you do want… Which thought are you feeding?

For example, suppose you’re struggling against a negative thought loop of severe fear and anxiety based on the state of the world today. Who is going to get shot next? Is the economy going to collapse? Is the climate going to collapse?

You want to replace this with peace and joy, rooted in faith in a sovereign God who’s good, in control of the world, and with me no matter what happens.

Which thought loop are you feeding? It’s a pretty good bet that our time on social media’s not feeding the “peace, joy, and faith” thought loop.

The thought loop we feed is the one that’s going to grow in our minds. So while you’re teaching your brain a new thought pattern, maybe watch worship music videos instead of scrolling social media. Or just, as an experiment, get off social media for a month & see how your thought life changes. After all, although FOMO is a real thing, nobody ever died from it.

Is the thought really the problem?

Lastly, what if that negative train of thought isn’t really the problem after all? What if it’s only a symptom of the real problem?

What if those negative thoughts are really revealing wounding that God wants to heal? What if they are a counter-intuitive invitation into a season of healing God has for you?

What if God thinks you’re ready for a whole new normal, and he has healing for you to step into?

When our coping mechanisms that were working just fine suddenly no longer serve us, it’s often God’s grace in disguise. They aren’t working anymore because God’s not letting them work. He’s bringing up the pain he wants to heal, to bring you into a whole new paradigm of freedom.

What if this is your time?

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Have you conquered negative thought loops in the past? How did you do that? Tell us your story in the comments; it will help others.

Do You Want Help?

Are you struggling with negative thoughts? You can reach out to Dave and Janet for a session. We use a method called The Immanuel Approach, a facilitated safe, gentle way to experience a connection with Jesus, get unstuck, and receive the healing he has for you.