How to Get Out of Our Head

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One of the biggest obstacles we’ve seen to people receiving healing is when they are all caught up in their own head. There are entire denominations that have intellectualized the Bible, believing the lie that the battle is all in the mind.

Yes, there certainly is a battle in the mind, in our thoughts. But that battle is just the fruit of another battle which too many Christians completely ignore as irrelevant. The battle for our heart. That’s where the real, foundational battle takes place. Once we win the battle for our heart, that battle over our mind is easy.

If we’re having difficulty winning the battle in our mind, that’s a sign that there’s wounding in our heart God wants to heal. There are lies deep in our heart that need to be replaced with God’s truth.

Our heart decides what we’re going to believe or not. Our mind’s job is to rationalize that decision.

In the Bible, in God’s economy, there’s no wall between the head and the heart like we have in Western culture. That’s why the Bible says:

  • “For out of the heart come evil thoughts …” – Jesus, Matthew 15:19, Mark 7:21
  • “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth” – Jesus, John 4:24 (that is, heart and mind together)
  • You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. – Deuteronomy 6:5 (wow, intellect didn’t make the list)
  • Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. – Solomon, the wisest person who ever lived, Proverbs 3:5
  • These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. – Isaiah 29:13

The last two verses above actually place the heart over the mind. God cares a lot more about the state of our heart than he does about our theology. That’s an offensive statement to many Christians today, but it’s true.

That doesn’t mean theology is unimportant, or it’s ok to believe nonsense. But if our heart is wounded and separated from God  by the lies we believe, our perfect theology and Bible knowledge doesn’t matter. Just ask the Pharisees.

So Why Don’t We Go There?

So, if that’s where the main battle is, why don’t we go there? Why is there such a resistance to addressing the things of the heart? Here are 5 reasons why.

  1. It hurts. It’s a lot less painful to stay in our intellect.
  2. Pride. We don’t want to be the needy, hurting, broken person. It’s embarrassing. We’d rather focus on helping others, which keeps our pain safely hidden while we look noble.
  3. Fear, always the flip-side of pride. Pain is scary. It takes a brave person to be willing to go there.
  4. We cope. Many of us would rather just keep coping than be healed. Actually, coping is just socially acceptable denial.
  5. We don’t have to. Yet. But God won’t allow our coping to work forever.

Coping is socially acceptable denial.

Without getting healing ourselves, we minister to others out of our wounding, and that never goes well. We can do more harm than good. We don’t let people go to their pain to receive real healing, because it reminds us of the pain we’ve shoved down. So we shame them:

  • “Just choose joy.” In God’s heart is both joy and weeping. They are not mutually exclusive. How else did “Song of Songs” and “Lamentations” end up in the same Bible?
  • “That’s in the past. It’s under the blood. Let it go.” While, yes, everything in the past is under the blood, there’s a mile of difference between being forgiven and being healed. And if past trauma is still producing current pain, it’s not in the past at all, is it?
  • “If you’re sad, are you even saved? Why aren’t you full of the joy of the Lord? Why don’t you just claim God’s promises?” Joy doesn’t mean life is all happiness, rainbows, and unicorns. In fact, Jesus promised we’d have trouble in this world (John 16:33). He walks through the dark with us; he never told us to pretend it’s not dark.

Fortunately, in his great mercy and love for us, God brings a season where what worked before no longer works for us. That’s a clue there’s something in our heart God wants to heal. It doesn’t feel like mercy at the time, but it’s God’s timing. Go into the pain so he can heal it.

God doesn’t want to re-traumatize us all over again. But we need to get in touch with the pain enough for God to heal it. Like a surgeon saving a gunshot victim, he has to open the wound to remove the bullet and repair the damage.

But when we intellectualize everything and are unwilling to go into our pain, we’re like the patient jumping off the operating table. What’s the doctor supposed to do? All he can do is just wait for the ailment to get bad enough for the patient to return.

How to Get Out of Our Head – Facing the Fear

Has our theology become more important to us than the heart of God?

Intellectualizing everything does have its advantages:

  • Rationalization. Our beliefs don’t have to affect our behavior.
  • Safety. We don’t have to do anything scary or painful.
  • Acceptance. We have the culture’s approval. Bonus!

But that eventually comes to a bad end, because it’s a false safety. If we want to get out of that trap, here are 5 ways to get out of our own way, out of our head, and face our fear.

  1. Repent of intellectual pride. Accept that we may not have it all figured out, and that’s ok.
  2. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you any pain you’ve shoved down that he wants to heal.
  3. Go there. Take a trusted friend, spouse, counselor, parent, pastor, and/or priest along on the journey. Go into the pain. Jump up on God’s operating table.
  4. Get professional help. Most of us need a mix of counseling, inner healing, and deliverance. There’s no shame in getting help when we need it, and it’s foolish not to.
  5. Recognize the layers and seasons. When we have a mile of reaction to an inch of offense, that’s a clue God wants to heal something. When current events trigger stuff we thought was forgiven and healed long ago, that’s a sign God wants to give us another layer of healing and freedom.

Your Turn

Has this post touched or challenged you? How much are you up in the “safety” of your head, versus the painful places of your heart? Tell us your story in the comments and share this post if it would bless others.

The Key to Living in the Inheritance of Abundance, and Not Entitlement, by Embracing Gratitude

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So many people live in a scarcity mindset. This causes jealousy and self-destructive behavior in relationships. These people intrinsically believe there’s only a limited amount and I might not have enough. For example, when bosses sabotage their up-and-coming star employees, they’re afraid and threatened by another’s success because of a scarcity mindset. “If you succeed, there won’t be enough for me.”

The opposite of a scarcity mindset is an abundance mindset, the intrinsic belief that’s there’s enough to go around. I’m not threatened by your success, and I can even help you achieve the success I want, because I believe there’s plenty to go around. But there are two kinds of abundance mindsets, an unhealthy one and a healthy one. And they seem sometimes only a millimeter apart, but the end difference is huge. And they are separated by one thing.

Entitlement is the unhealthy abundance mindset. Samson lived in entitlement (see Judges 13-16). He had very little relationship with God, or he couldn’t have lived a lifestyle that broke God’s heart. His lifestyle spit in God’s face. He lived with Delilah, a Philistine woman obviously bent on betraying him. She finally did betray him, and it did not end well for Samson. He took his gifting for granted. He was entitled.

David, on the other hand, lived in inheritance, which is the healthy abundance mindset. When facing Goliath, they both knew this was a fight to the death, that one of them would die that day. But David was like, “I can’t die today because I’ve got a prophesy from Samuel that I’m going to be the next king of Israel. So who does that leave, Goliath? Stinks to be you.” He ran to the battle line, living in the power of his inheritance (see 1 Samuel 17:48).

David wasn’t perfect, far from it, but his sin (adultery with Bathsheba and murdering her husband Uriah, see 1 Samuel 11) was an isolated incident, not a lifestyle like Samson’s was. David repented and was broken over it when God confronted him (1 Samuel 12 and Psalm 51).

That doesn’t make it ok, and David lived in the consequences of that sin the rest of his life, as it played itself out breaking his heart in his family. His children raped and murdered each other (1 Samuel 13). He had to run for his life when they came after him (1 Samuel 15). And he had to pretend to be happy about it when his son was killed (1 Samuel 18).

David had a rich relationship with God. You can read it in the Psalms, the most raw book in the Bible. Sometimes David starts out yelling at God (see Psalm 13), but he always ends up trusting in God’s goodness. David lived in inheritance—the reality that the favor on his life was not his own. It was given to him. Samson trusted in his own strength and his own devices—that lie that he owned the favor in his life. Samson lived in entitlement.

So what, at the practical level, is the difference between living in entitlement and living in inheritance? How do we cultivate one over the other? This one thing makes all the difference. Gratitude.

Gratitude is the difference between entitlement and inheritance. (Thank you Kris Vallotton!)

Here’s the key to living in gratitude.

Be the Steward, not the King. In The Lord of the Rings, conflict arises between Gandalf and Denethor, the Steward of Gondor, because Denethor wants to be king. Denethor wants to own stuff. While he’s more concerned about blocking the return of the true king of Gondor (Aragorn) than he is about stewarding his kingdom well, orcs overrun his city because he’s let the defenses go to pot. Denethor lived in entitlement, and it blinded him to the real threat.

Here’s 4 practical examples of living this out, of living in gratitude and the healthy abundance mindset that inheritance brings:

  1. Don’t own anything. I don’t mean physically, of course we own stuff. I mean at a heart level. Don’t let yourself become emotionally (or spiritually) attached to stuff that’s all going to burn anyway. Take care of the material blessings God has given you as if they are not your own, but belong to a dear friend. Steward material blessings well.
  2. Don’t own your body. You didn’t create your body, God did. Don’t give it over to sexual immorality. Only sleep with your spouse (after you’re married). Eat well and exercise. Not out of obligation, but because you love Jesus who gave it to you. We don’t really love someone if our lifestyle doesn’t honor them. Steward your body well.
  3. Don’t own your life. You didn’t choose to be born, God made your life and gave it to you. Choose to pursue your calling, that thing that makes your heart leap when you think about it. It may not outwardly look like the most responsible thing or make you the most money. But it will be the most profitable because it’s what God created you to do. God put that desire in your heart. Steward your life well.
  4. In humility, value others above yourselves (Philippians 2:3). This doesn’t mean allowing narcissists to run all over you. That would be allowing the life God gave you to be abused, and that’s not good stewardship. It means a healthy balance between being generous to others while allowing others the blessing of being generous to you. It means treating people with the value they have to God (which may be, out of their wounding, very different than how they are behaving at the moment). Steward your relationships well.

Living in the healthy abundance mindset of inheritance, a.k.a., gratitude, is the greatest adventure you’ll ever pursue. With an infinite God, there’s always more. So what are we waiting for? Let’s kill entitlement with gratitude!

Does this resonate? How has entitlement stolen your inheritance from you? Have you seen restoration through gratitude? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share if you think this would bless someone else.

Why the Church Needs to Understand Wounding

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Too often in the Church we try to address the bad fruit in a person’s life without taking the time to understand the wounding that caused it. If we’re just dealing with the visible bad fruit in people’s lives, and not the bad roots in their hearts that cause it, then we’re just offering a sin management service. No, thank you. I want transformation.

Even if we successfully expunge bad fruit from our lives, if we don’t deal with the underlying roots, those roots will just cause bad fruit to spring up somewhere else. We need to address the motivation. We need to understand the wounding.

A Bank Robbers’ Parable

Two guys burst into a bank with guns. Both fired their weapons into the air and made everyone lay down. They robbed the bank and fled. Later, they were caught, tried, and convicted.

They each received the same lengthy sentence from the judge. After all, the facts of both cases were the same. They robbed a bank. They both used a gun (a worse legal offense). Although they didn’t physically hurt anyone, they both discharged their weapons (again, a worse legal offense). Justice was served like it should be, kudos to the legal system.

Their motivations, however, were completely different.

The first bank robber was motivated by straight greed. Pure, unadulterated greed. “They have something I don’t. I want it. I’m taking it.”

The second bank robber was motivated by fear for his 8-year daughter, dying from a rare and aggressive cancer. She needed an expensive treatment, and she needed it now. But he’d just lost his job, his health insurance was canceled, and the treatment facility required insurance before treatment.

Don’t get me wrong. His desperation does not justify the crime. The punishment was just.

The judge and jury didn’t need to understand the two men’s motivations to hand down judgment and punishment, just the facts of the case. But if the prison counselor wants to bring healing and reform to their lives, he must understand the differences between their motivations.

Which Do We Want to Be?

As the Church, Jesus’ body, the physical manifestation of his love here on the Earth, who do we want to be?

If we want to be judge and jury, bringing judgment, then, no, we don’t need to understand a person’s wounding. We can bring judgment with just the facts of the case.

But if we, as the Church, want to bring healing, then absolutely, we must understand the person’s wounding, and how that wounding has produced bad fruit in their lives.

The prison counselor isn’t going to justify either bank robber’s crime. But he is going to address the problems in each man’s life differently, because their heart conditions, their motivations, and their woundings are completely different.

Did You Cut Yourself?

If someone cuts themselves, too many conservative churches just yell at them, “Hey, stupid, don’t cut yourself! Stop getting blood everywhere, you idiot!” When we don’t lead with compassion, we’re too busy passing judgment to bring healing.

And too many liberal churches pretend they didn’t cut themselves at all. “Blood? We don’t see any blood? You’re fine, no problem here.” When we justify sin, like sex outside marriage, homosexuality, transgender, or abortion, we let people spiritually bleed-out by denying the wound.

But neither is bandaging the wound like Jesus would, which requires 2 things:

  1. Acknowledging the wound.
  2. Loving the person.

Visible bad fruit in a their life often requires immediate attention. But if we really want to help them, we need to address the bad root in their heart, a response to their wounding, that caused the bad fruit in their life.

Where there’s fruit, there’s a root.

What was the motivation for cutting themselves? Was it an accident and they were just being careless? Or was it intentional and they struggle with self-hatred?

Do you see that each motivation needs to be addressed differently? The former needs safety training, while the latter needs counseling and inner healing. Those follow-ups are very different, even though these individuals both received the same emergency medical care.

Start by Listening & Accepting Their Story

So how do we make a difference? How do we do this? Where do we start? How do we understand a person’s wounding?

Here are some helpful, practical guidelines to begin to understand.

  • Listen to their story. This is not the time to tell your similar story, which actually discounts their story. Shut up and listen.
  • Accept their story. Don’t judge it. Value their vulnerability. “Thank you for sharing that with me. That was really brave.”
  • Don’t generalize. Don’t assume you understand what they’re going through because you’ve heard (or lived) a similar story. You need to hear lots of different stories before you really understand an issue.
  • “Tell me more about that” is a great thing to say when you don’t know what to say.
  • Validate their pain. “That must really hurt. I’m sorry you’ve been through this.” (For more practical tips on how to validate someone’s pain, check out here and here.)

We can learn to understand wounding, to look beneath the surface, to validate people’s pain. We can learn to be Jesus’ heart, hands, feet, and mouth on the Earth like we’re called to be. Because if you can’t go to the people of God when you’re in crisis, where can you go?

Resources

In particular, I’ve got 2 short video series, each with videos only 5-8 minutes long, about understanding depression and post-abortive.

Your Turn

Have you ever had someone give you the right solution to the wrong problem because they didn’t take the time to understand? Have you ever done that and regretted it later? I know I’ve been on both ends of this. Tell us your story in the comments and please share this post on social media if it would bless others.

How to Not Starve on Relationship Breadcrumbs

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Thomas just wanted peace in his home. That’s a good thing, isn’t it? He lived in constant fear of his wife leaving. All she had to do to get her way was yell at him, and he’d capitulate. Even if he knew it wasn’t the right thing, he did whatever was necessary to keep the peace. He lost the fire in his heart a long time ago, sacrificing the vision that made his heart soar for peace in his home.

Vanessa just wanted a peaceful holiday meal. Can everybody just get along for 6 hours? At least pretend to? She went out of her way to make something everyone liked, have activities everyone liked, and be the buffer between certain family members who apparently thrive on conflict. But everyone seemed to take for granted all her efforts to keep the peace. She’d long forgotten what she actually enjoyed.

Thomas and Vanessa have something in common. They’ve both sacrificed themselves for the sake of others to an extreme. To the point where they’ve forgotten who they themselves are and what makes their heart sing. They are both peace keepers.

But didn’t Jesus say in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peace keepers?” No, he didn’t. He totally did not. That verse actually says, “Blessed are the peace makers, for they will be called sons of God.” Did you catch that? Peace makers not peace keepers. What’s the difference?

Peace keepers abandon what they know to be true, God’s calling on their life, even their very identity, for the sake of peace. To a peace keeper, the world is coming to an end if someone’s mad. The pain of someone being angry with them is too great. I know. I did this for decades. Having someone angry at me was excruciating because I believed the lie that it was my fault and hence I wasn’t lovable.

Peace keepers live in fear. Fear of the other person terminating the relationship. Fear of being yelled at. Fear of it being all their fault. They are starving for whatever relationship breadcrumbs the other person decides to throw their way.

Peace keepers surrender what they know is right for the sake of peace. But some peace isn’t worth having. If that peace is based on selfish desires—instant gratification—the things of our old sinful nature, that peace is a false peace not worth having. That’s not peace.

Peace is not just the absence of conflict. Peace is a Kingdom of God thing. It’s got to do with rest. Confidence. Security. And the foundational knowledge that God is with you because you’re moving in what he’s called you to do. You’re living life his way.

Peace makers go hard after God’s calling on their life. They won’t compromise it. But they aren’t a jerk about it either. They don’t try to manipulate or force others into it. They find a way to communicate it and, if need be, pursue it in spite of opposition, even from family. They invite their family and their inner circle to come along.

Peace makers invite peace. They don’t surrender for it. It’s neither capitulation, manipulation, nor aggression. It’s an invitation.

“I know God is leading me this way, and my hand is open to you, inviting you to come along. You don’t have to come, although I hope you do. But whether you do or not, that’s where I’m going.” –Invitation of a Peace Maker

But aren’t we supposed to surrender? Didn’t Jesus say, “deny yourself?” Yes, he did, and I love Luke 9:23: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” I have that book-marked in my Bible. That’s one of my favorite verses.

But don’t it get twisted to mean something Jesus never intended. What are you denying yourself for? What Jesus has called you to, not to please people. Who are we supposed to surrender to? Jesus—not some bully.

The good news is, you can totally move from peace keeper to peace maker. I paid a price for making this move. The bullies in my life were not happy they could no longer control me, and some of them painfully ended relationship. They were fine with the Dave who would sacrifice everything for them, but not so much with the Dave who spoke life and learned to say “no.” It was very painful and still is.

But it’s so worth it to boldly step out into what God has for you and darn the torpedoes. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating being stupid. I’m advocating boldness, not brashness. I’m no longer living in fear. Walking out God’s vision in our life is the most exhilarating adventure ever.

Here are 2 tips that helped me move from a fearful peace keeper to a bold peace maker. If you’re a peace keeper, I pray they help you as well.

1) Not everyone’s point-of-view is equally valid.

I came into every conversation thinking the other person wanted to legitimately solve the problem like I did. I assumed they were pursuing, not their own agenda, but what was mutually best for everyone like I was. Unfortunately, and I found this out the hard way, that’s not always true.

Some people don’t enter into an argument to find what’s best, they are just trying to win. Do not give these people’s point-of-view the same weight as your own. That sounds unfair, but believe me, they are not giving your point-of-view the time of day. They are just trying to win. They don’t care about what’s good, right, and true.

Although they appear self-confident, deep down some people are very insecure and very self-condemning. They are believing a lot of foundational lies about themselves, and they are trying to protect their own heart through controlling you and everything else.

You can recognize these people by a few tell-tale signs:

  • They take disagreement as a personal attack.
  • In general, they don’t sacrifice for anybody.

2) The world is not coming to an end because someone is angry with you.

You don’t have to walk on egg shells. You don’t have to wear kid gloves. You deserve to be treated like a human being, even if you’re wrong. You deserve to be respected by the other person even when they disagree with you.

Choose to require respect. Don’t demand it or be a jerk about it. Don’t escalate the situation to their level. Instead, here’s some ways to require respect.

  • Have the conversation in a public place, like a coffee shop or a restaurant, or even a park with people around. There is much more social pressure on the other person to be respectful and not make a scene than when you’re in private. A coffee shop or a Paneras-like restaurant is better, because you pay up-front and don’t have your check holding you there (see below).
  • Say something like this: “I want to have this conversation with you, but you can’t talk to me like that. We can try again when you’re ready to treat me with respect.” Then simply walk out of the room (if you’re at home) or get in your car and drive away (if you’re in a public place). Don’t let their cat-calls stop you. Once you decide to leave, go.

If you’re doing your best to follow Jesus and not pursue your own selfish agenda, denying yourself for the sake of the calling on your life, then, in general, their anger is not your fault. They have a choice of how they respond. So do you.

You are allowed to make honest mistakes. It’s called learning. You are allowed to even be wrong. It’s called being human. You still deserve love and respect.

You deserve love and respect because you are valuable to God, not because of what you do or provide.

Don’t starve begging for relationship breadcrumbs. You are worth the whole 4-course meal.

Did this post touch a chord? Did it resonate? Tell us your story in the comments. And please share on social media if it would bless someone else.

How to Get Your Brain Working for You

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First we have to understand what our brain is really for. Contrary to conventional wisdom, your brain is not there to determine truth. Its purpose is not to figure out what’s true and what’s not. That is your spirit’s job. That’s why discernment is a spiritual gift. Truth is spiritually discerned, not physically reasoned.

The natural man does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God. For they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. – 1 Corinthians 2:14

I’ll give you an example. Amazingly smart people who don’t know Jesus invented evolution. They sat down to “reason” how we got here, and decided we evolved from primates, who evolved from fish, who evolved from single-cell organisms, which ultimately evolved from non-living material in the primordial soup. Even though this theory violates the sciences of physics, biology, geology, statistics, paleontology, and engineering, you can’t talk them out of it. (That’s another post—if you want more info about how evolution violates science, shoot me an email.) Although they espouse “science,” the actual facts don’t matter to them. Because it’s not about science. It’s ultimately about a spiritual truth, the existence of God, that their spirits reject.

Their brain has rationalized their spiritual bias. And that’s what your brain is for—to plan, chart, and route the course to the destination your spirit selects, for better or worse. Your brain is your spirit’s GPS.

Your brain isn’t there to figure out your calling. Your brain is there to plan your calling.

When we ask ourselves, “What’s my calling?” and we try to figure it out intellectually, it typically brings up a lot of fear and frustration. Your brain is not able to determine your calling. That’s not what it’s for. Your GPS is really bad at selecting a destination. That’s your job. That’s not what your GPS is designed for. And your brain is not designed to determine truth. That’s your spirit’s job.

Now once you’ve selected a destination, your GPS is really good at showing you how to get there. That’s what it was designed for. Your calling is something your spirit knows. Once you embrace it, your brain is excellent at planning the route, helping you find the first steps to get there. Your brain is designed by God to route you to the destination your spirit selects.

Here’s a negative example. Atheists’ spirits have selected a godless destination, and their brains have routed the course. Not to open up a huge can of worms here, but the two greatest hoaxes perpetrated on the public in the name of “science” are evolution and climate change (formerly “global warming.” They’ve changed the name since global warming has been discredited, but it’s the same thing.) Evolution is there to rationalize away what God did at the beginning of time. Climate change is there to rationalize away what God’s about to do at the end of time. (If you read Revelation, the first several plagues are all environmental. When these things start happening, the culture will blame climate change to avoid admitting God’s trying to get our attention.)

On the positive side, Hebrews 10:39 says, “We do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” So how do we, people of faith, use our brains to chart the destination to the calling God has for us?

Here’s 3 simple steps.

1) Set the destination.

Your spirit knows your calling. It makes your heart leap. What is that thing for you? 

It doesn’t have to be something spiritual. It can be fly-fishing or dancing or accounting. Remember the famous quote from the movie Chariots of Fire, about the UK’s Olympic track team? Eric Liddell said, “God made me for China, but he also made me fast. And when I run, I feel his pleasure.” While he felt a call on his life to go to China, he also knew part of his calling was to run fast. 

If you truly don’t know what your calling is, ask your heart. It knows. Often, knowing is not the problem. Admitting it is. You need to admit it and embrace it. Let your mouth say it. Out loud. Tell someone. 

2) Let your brain plan the course.

Once you’ve identified your calling, your destination, use your brain to plan how to get there. That’s what your brain is for. 

There’s usually one obstacle that trips us up here — FEAR. Here’s a life-hack to get around the fear.

Be an actor. This is your chance to win an Academy Award. Play the role of someone who isn’t afraid of pursuing your calling. What would that person do? To put it another way, what would you do if you weren’t afraid?  Do that. Now your brain is working for you.

3) Take the first step.

Any movement is good movement. You really don’t have to worry about making a mistake. If you do, you’ll have learned something and can course-correct. So it’s a win-win once you ditch the fear.

Think of it as an experiment. Then if it fails, it was just an experiment. If what you try doesn’t work, you learn a valuable lesson. And then using what you’ve learned, use your brain to revise the plan and try again.

But if your baby-step works — Bonus! So you really can’t lose.

My Story

I got over my fear of moving forward into my calling with another life-hack — playing one fear against another. I was driving to work listening to Michael Hyatt interviewing best-selling author Jeff Goins. During the interview, Jeff said this, and it rocked my world:

“I got to the point where I was more afraid of not trying than I was of failing.” — Jeff Goins

That hit me right between the eyes. It raised a question I could not get out of my mind. What if, on that Day when I meet Jesus face-to-face, I see all the dominoes God had lined up to help me succeed, one event and “coincidence” after another, but they never fell because I never tipped over that first domino? That question haunted me. 

It should haunt you. What if God has resources already prepared to make your dream succeed, but you’re tying his hands because you won’t take that first step? How tragic would that be?

That’s what sent me down this road of being a writer. How am I doing? I’ve had failures and frustrations along the way. But I have learned so much.

Your Story

How about you? Now it’s your turn. This is your time. What makes your heart leap? What’s the first baby-step in that direction? Are you ready to try it? The truth is, you’ll never feel ready. Try it anyway. Let us know what happens. Tell us your story in the comments and please share if this would bless someone else.

Why Your Negative Past Is Key to Your Awesome Future

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Have you ever been paralyzed by your past? Have you ever wanted to do something that made your heart leap, but then dropped the idea because your past disqualified you? Maybe you were an addict or had an affair. Maybe it was an abortion or divorce. Fill in the blank for you.

The truth is, not only can God forgive and heal your past, but your past is actually key to God’s calling on your life. There are two important points here.

First, our past doesn’t derail God’s calling on our life.

But we can derail ourselves. Sometimes we sabotage our own destiny.

“I can’t write that book because I dropped out of college!”

“I can’t lead a marriage Bible study because I’m divorced!”

Sometimes our sabotage is subtle, unconscious, and just under the surface:

“I don’t deserve a healthy relationship after what I’ve done!”

But the good news is our past does not disqualify us from our future for one big reason. That’s not how God sees us. Check out this story.

Ok, so we’re in Damascus, first decade AD. A Christian named Ananias is out watering sheep, or doing whatever they did back then, when God shows up in a vision and calls him by name.

Ananias thinks this is awesome, until Jesus says, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul. He’s praying and I’ve given him a vision of you restoring his sight.”

Now Ananias thinks, “Snap, not so awesome.” He answers, “Lord, I saw this dude on Jerusalem Today. He was going house-to-house, dragging off Christians and throwing them in prison! And he’s come here to do the same thing! Look, I’ll show you on my iPhone. I’ve got it on YouTube right here.”

Ok, now this is where it gets interesting. Here’s what the Lord never said:

  • “Wow, I hadn’t heard that! I guess I picked the wrong guy. Must be a mix-up in the front office.”
  • “Thanks, Ananias, you really saved me from a big blooper there!”
  • “I sure am glad you’re on my team, Ananias! Way to be on the ball!”

Nope. Instead, the Lord gets a little testy with Ananias: “Go! Don’t you be talkin’ ‘bout my servant like that! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their Kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name’s sake.”

Ok, I took some creative license here, but you can read the real story in Acts 8:3 and 9:1-19.

Here’s the thing: Everything Ananias said about Saul was completely true. And the Lord completely ignored it. Instead of arguing with Ananias over Earth’s truth about Saul, the Lord responded with Heaven’s truth about Saul. “This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their Kings and before the people of Israel.”

Earth’s truth defines us by what we’ve done. But Heaven’s truth defines us by our calling, and that’s how God sees us. Heaven’s truth trumps earth’s truth every time, which is why your past doesn’t disqualify you. You are not what you’ve done.

When we agree with Heaven’s truth, admit the wrongs in our past, and turn from them so we don’t practice them anymore, like Saul did, that’s called repentance. Repentance totally blows our past away so it has no more power over us.

Second, our past is key to God’s calling on our life.

Back to Saul, soon to be the Apostle Paul. God knew the most challenging controversy in the first century church would be the confusion over whether Gentile converts had to be circumcised and keep the whole Law of Moses or not. There were some very persuasive Pharisees who became Christians and insisted they did. God felt otherwise, but who could stand up to the legalistic and opinionated Pharisees and logically make God’s point to the contrary? Certainly not some uneducated fishermen who could barely read or write!

What God needed was somebody who was himself circumcised on the eighth day, a Hebrew of Hebrews, somebody zealous for the Law who knew it as well as or better than the Pharisees causing all the trouble. If fact, God needed an ex-Pharisee.

Enter the Apostle Paul. He’s wasn’t just an ex-Pharisee, but an exceptional one. He studied under Gamaliel, the greatest Rabbi of that day. He excelled way beyond his peers and was extremely zealous (Galatians 1:14, Philippians 3:4-6). Paul could run circles around the other Pharisees with the Law. He was perfect. Paul’s past was key to God’s calling on his life.

After we repent and go through a season of healing, like Paul did, our past can be key to our future. We have authority over what we’ve been rescued from.

Dropped out of college? You’ve acquired real-life wisdom that makes you perfect to write that book.

Been divorced? You’re perfect to lead that marriage Bible study. You know where the traps and pitfalls are.

Had an affair or abortion? You’re perfect to lead others through the healing you’ve received. You know the pain they’re feeling.

And when you set others free from what you’ve been set free from, that’s revenge. Sweet revenge. Make the enemy sorry he ever messed with you! Make the devil need therapy! Woof!

So what’s Heaven’s truth about you? The Lord has a mission for you. Do you know what it is? It’s connected to your past. You are his chosen instrument for, what? Fill in the blank for you. What’s the passion that rises up in your heart when you think about it. Your past does not disqualify you from it. Your past is actually key to it.

Does this possibility make your heart leap? Does it resonate? Tell us your story in the comments or shoot us an email. And please share on social media if you think this would help or inspire someone else.

[Note: This post was inspired by Graham Cooke’s Living Your Truest Identity 3-CD audio series. I highly recommend it. This is not an affiliate link; we get no commission if you click the link or buy from Graham.]

7 Considerations for Sharing Your Story or Not

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Sometimes we feel pressured, or drawn, to share our story. Our stories often contain hard and vulnerable things. The thought of sharing our story can be really scary. It can be hard to discern if we’re being drawn to share by the Holy Spirit or pressured by people. And it can be really confusing if it’s both.

Your story is your story. It belongs to you. You can share it or not. Don’t let anyone pressure you into sharing the treasure of your story. Because your story is a treasure. Sharing it is a precious gift that deserves to be stewarded well, as does your vulnerability and your heart, by the hearers.

Here are 7 considerations to think about when discerning whether or not to share your story.

1) Share Your Scars, Not Your Wounds

I learned this from Amy Porterfield. She was talking about how vulnerable to be with followers in your online business on social media, but I believe this applies in the church, and all of life, as well.

Sharing what you’ve been through is generally wiser than sharing what you’re currently going through. Because publicly sharing your story is not about you.

“But it’s my story! What do you mean it’s not about me?!?” 

Private healing we seek out is about us and getting the healing we need. We all need a healthy dose of counseling, inner healing, and/or deliverance. Personally, I’ve benefited from all three, and we encourage everyone to get the help they need. Yes, your healing is about you.

But everything we share publicly is all about the other people. What we share needs to build up our hearers. The Bible uses the word edify. At least four whole chapters in the Bible (Ephesians 4 and 1 Corinthians 12-14) are dedicated to this concept.

If what we’re sharing is an open wound, and if by sharing it we’re gushing emotional blood all over everyone, that’s not helping them. And it’s probably not doing us any favors, either.

2) What Is the Other Party Equipped to Handle?

I learned this from Toni Collier, in her excellent book Brave Enough to Be Broken (not an affiliate link).

Not every audience, Christian or not, church or not, saved or not, is capable of handling your story. Your story is valuable, and sharing it is a vulnerable gift you are giving to others. You deserve to have the gift of your story stewarded well. If the audience, or the other person, is not equipped to steward your story well, and steward your heart well, then don’t share your story with them.

3) Will Others Be Hurt?

Some stories from our past can hurt our current families. You need to prayerfully consider whether or not to share if others will be hurt.

For people in your story who treated you badly, there is a balance here. On one hand, if they didn’t want to look bad later, they should’ve treated you better. This is not about protecting perps so they can continue hurting others.

On the other hand, we don’t want to bash others out of our own unhealed bitterness. That does nobody any good.

And I’m not just talking about people involved in your story. For example, will current children, who had nothing to do with your story, be hurt if certain details from your past are revealed?

These are questions to work through with the Holy Spirit and wise counsel who does not have a stake in your decision.

4) Small or Wide Audience?

Often, what and how much to share depends greatly upon the audience. Is this with a few trusted friends? Is it a private conservation? Or is it being streamed live on the Internet?

The wider, more general, and less trusted the audience, the more discerning you need to be about what you decide to share.

5) Do You Feel Pressured or Drawn?

If the Holy Spirit is drawing you to share, you won’t feel pressured or guilted into it. I have seen ministries coerce people into sharing before they were ready, to the harm of the person sharing.

Unfortunately, some Christian leaders are not above using your story to build their own personal empire. Here are some ways leaders can nicely but manipulatively attempt to coerce you into sharing your story for their own benefit:

  • Shame: “If you’re not ready to share your story, you must not be healed yet.”
  • Manipulation: “You have a responsibility to share your story. Look at how many people it would help.”
  • Presumption: Assuming that you’re going to share, without asking you, and informing you of when you’re on the calendar.
  • Pressure by Comparison: “Everyone else (or so-and-so) is sharing their story.”

Every one of these tactics is demonic and not of God. Doing these things is a sure sign that the leader is just using you to build their own empire.

If you feel pressured to share, or are being guilted or manipulated into it, then don’t share. Tell that leader “no.” And you don’t have to explain why. You can just say, “No, I don’t feel right sharing that.”

If they don’t accept your no, and still try to convince you to share, however nicely, realize you’re dealing with a controlling and abusive leader. Run, do not walk, out the door and find healthy leadership in a healthy ministry.

6) The Peace Test

Does sharing your story in this setting, to these people, pass “The Pease Test”? Do you have peace in your spirit about it?

If not, don’t share. You don’t have to be able to explain why. It’s enough to know you have a check in your spirit against sharing. Wait until the Holy Spirit has brought a peace to you about it that outweighs any natural nervousness you might have.

7) If It’s a Tie, Don’t Share

When considering whether or not to share your story, if yes and no are a tie, then don’t share. Once you’ve shared, you can’t take it back. The cat’s out of the bag. But you can always share your story later.

If the Holy Spirit is prompting you to share your story, that prompting won’t go away if you sit on it for a bit. In fact, it usually grows stronger.

One of the key ways I discern whether something I’m unsure about is God or not is by pausing first. If it’s just my flesh, I find the compulsion fades over time. But if it’s the Holy Spirit, it grows stronger.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Have you shared your story and wished you hadn’t? Or has your vulnerability been stewarded well? Or not? Tell us in the comments and shoot us a private message. And please share this post if it will bless others.

Resources

Janet and I are called, in part, to train the church how to embrace the wounded. I did this video series to help the church learn how to embrace two specific types of wounded people, those suffering from depression, and those who are post-abortive. I pray they are helpful.

Why You Are Not Defined by Your Actions

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Our neighborhood’s polling place is the local elementary school. When I voted in the last election, I saw a huge banner hanging in the school cafeteria that read, “You Are Defined by Your Actions.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

I get it. The school is trying to instill good behavior. That’s a good, worthy, and noble goal. The banner basically asks the children, “Who do you want to be?” Act like the person you want to be. Sounds great on paper. Many of you are probably thinking, “What’s the problem with that?” I don’t blame you. This is really subtle.

The problem is this. It’s control, not identity. “You Are Defined by Your Actions” implies “We are judging you by your actions. Your value comes from the good things you do. You are only as acceptable as your behavior.” The Kingdom of God has a one-word response to this prettily packaged attempt at worldly control: Not!

Tenth Avenue North has, IMHO, one of the most powerful songs ever written. It’s called You Are More. Here’s the chorus:

            You are more than the choices that you’ve made.

            You are more than the sum of your past mistakes.

            You are more than the problems you create.

            You’ve been remade.

The Kingdom of God is about identity, not control.

“Who do you want to be?” is the wrong question. “Who did God create you to be?” is the right question.

That’s why we can’t really redefine our race or our gender, no matter how hard we try. This is very politically incorrect, but you can’t change your gender. Even if you mutilate yourself with the best surgical techniques modern medical science has to offer, you still have the same XY or XX chromosomes you were born with. Nothing’s really changed. You just look different.

It’s not about acting like the person we want to be. That’s just being posers. Pretenders. It’s not about getting into a role, so we externally play the part. We’re not looking for an Academy Award here.

It’s about acting like the person we are. We are sons and daughters of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. We need to learn what that means and how to act like it. (I recently wrote a post about 4 ways to live as royalty.)

The problem is, either we’ve forgotten who we really are, or we never knew. I love that scene in Lion King where, in the midst of a storm, Simba has a vision of his father, Mufasa, reminding him of who he is:

Mufasa: You have forgotten me, Simba.

Simba: No, father, I could never forget you!

Mufasa: You have forgotten who you are, so you have forgotten me. Remember who you are!

Our enemies’ plan is to get us so wounded that we never learn who we really are. Because they’re terrified of who we really are. When we know our true identity and walk in it, claiming it as our own, the kingdom of darkness falls. We can tear down, in moments, strongholds that took multiple demons generations to build. Sucks to be them.

Jesus said, “I’ll build my Church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.” (Matthew 16:18) The kingdom of darkness doesn’t want their gates kicked in. Bummer. Then they shouldn’t have built them around people that Jesus died to redeem. Bad move. Kicking down their gates and claiming territory for Jesus is our charter mission. I love it.

So the world’s message, like that banner in the school cafeteria, is “You are only as acceptable as your behavior.” But God says, “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) We were accepted and loved by God before we did anything good, not after.

So we desire to live a life that honors God, not to be who we want to be, or to earn our way to Heaven, or to be acceptable to God. We desire to live a life that honors God because it’s who we are, it’s who he made us to be. Because we’re already living out of that place called Heaven. Because we’re already accepted.

I’m not saying our actions aren’t important. They are. When aligned with our God-given identity, they are how we walk out who we are. In that case, they are our legacy. But when our actions aren’t aligned with who God says we are, then they are just signs that we’re confused and hurting. Then they are evidence we still have wounding Jesus wants to heal, which will always be the case in this life.

We’re learning who we are. 

How about you? Do you know who you are? Learn how to discover the wonder of who you really are in a fun and engaging story. Download Dave’s free eBook The Runt: A Fable of Giant Inner Healing. And tell us your story in the comments. What are you learning about who you really are? And please share this post if it would bless someone else.

The 3 Most Powerful Tools for Freedom & Healing

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One of the biggest disagreements in Christendom is over counseling versus inner healing versus deliverance. And within that sentence lies the whole problem: Saying the word “versus.” It’s not “either/or.” It’s “both/and.”

In our scarcity mindset and fear of doing it wrong, we so often make a controversy on earth where there isn’t one in Heaven.

As broken humans, we need all the tools in the toolbox. If your only tool is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. You can put a screw or a bolt in with a hammer. It’s just not going to work very well, and the end structure will be damaged. It works a lot better when you use the right tool for the right job.

So what’s the best tool for healing our brokenness? What’s the best tool for recovering from trauma or neglect? Is it counseling, inner healing, or deliverance? And the answer is a big resounding … Yes! All of the above. Quite frankly, most of us need some combination of all 3.

There’s a lot of confusion and bad information out there. So here’s a description of the 3 most powerful tools for recovering from our brokenness, whether it’s sin against us (like trauma or neglect), or our own mess.

1) Counseling

There is a tragic stigma in the world, and often even more in the church, against getting counseling. This should not be. When we “de-spiritualize” or stigmatize counseling, we slam the door of God’s healing in people’s faces. I know none of us want that.

Counselors are brilliant at giving us the tools we should’ve learned growing up but didn’t.

There is nothing unchristian or unspiritual about getting counseling.

In fact, getting counseling doesn’t even mean you’re unhealthy. Quite honestly, often the unhealthy person is the one who refuses to get counseling. So what’s a healthy person to do? Get counseling themselves! But I don’t need counseling! I’m the healthy one! Exactly. Go get the tools you need to deal with that unhealthy person.

Yes, your counselor should be a Christian. Non-Christian counselors are often sold-out to the spirit of the age, and the APA is pushing some really damaging, demonic agendas (for example, pro-choice and transgender). Even counselors who are Christians can be under these or other deceptions. But being a solid, Kingdom-minded Christian is not enough.

Pastoral counseling is great, but many pastors, quite frankly, have been schooled in theology and not in professional counseling. Sometimes you need a professional, especially if you’re dealing with trauma (what we call Type “B” trauma, a Bad thing happened) or neglect (Type “A” trauma, the Absence of the necessary good thing).

It’s totally ok and expected to try out a few counselors before you find the right match for you. If you have to go through half a dozen counselors (or more) before finding the right one, that’s perfectly normal and ok. It can take a year or so. Don’t give up; keep looking.

Here are some good resources for finding good Christian counseling.

2) Inner Healing

Although sins against us are not our fault, our sinful response to them is. Often, this happens in early childhood, or even in utero.

Our sinful responses can be bitter root judgements like “emotions are bad” or “I’m dirty.” Judgements lead to bitter root expectations like “people will always reject me.” (That was one of mine.) So to protect our own heart from that expectation (instead of trusting God), we make inner vows like “I will never trust anyone” or “I will always be the good guy.”

Although they can sound godly (what’s wrong with being the good guy?), they set us up for train wrecks later in life. For example, if you’ve vowed to always be the good guy, what happens when you need to have a hard conversation with someone? Say you need to address an issue that needs to be faced, but the other person doesn’t want to hear it. In the other person’s eyes, you risk being the bad guy, and that inner vow can block you from having that healthy but difficult conversation the Holy Spirit is leading you to have.

These judgements, expectations, and vows can be hard to recognize because we’ve grown up with them as implicit assumptions we accept as normal. And they can be hard to articulate because we often made them before we had language.

Please don’t misunderstand. This isn’t about blaming our parents for everything or digging around to find dirt in our past. But if our reaction to a past experience is causing bad fruit in our life today, it’s not in the past at all, is it?

So how do we know these hidden judgements, expectations, and/or inner vows are there? A major clue is having a mile of reaction to an inch of offense. This can indicate an inner vow is in play, and we need to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it.

Inner healing is the process of breaking and renouncing those inner vows, bitter root expectations, and false judgements we’ve made about ourselves, about God, about the world, about how we deserve to be treated, and replacing them with God’s truth.

With inner healing, you need someone who knows what they’re doing. Here are some great resources:

3) Deliverance

Whether we believe it or not, spiritual warfare with demonic entities is a reality in our fallen world. Although Christians cannot be possessed (a demon cannot force you, against your will, to do something), Christians can be oppressed (influenced by the demonic).

“You cannot counsel a demon. You’ve got to drive that thing out with power and authority.” – Pastor John Fitchner, Liberty Church, Atlanta

This is nothing to get freaked out about. It is absolutely nothing like Hollywood portrays it. We give demons power over us at the point where we believe their lies. Deliverance is the process of breaking those demonic strongholds in our lives. Because so much of it revolves around replacing demonic lies with God’s truth, deliverance and inner healing often go hand-in-hand.

Often, if not always, when we got saved, the kingdom of darkness had inroads into our lives. And while often weakened after we got saved, the demonic presence in our life can remain until we stop believing its lies and order it out of our life.

Think of it this way. Suppose a house has a rat infestation in the basement. Just because the house gets sold and is under new ownership doesn’t remove the rats from the basement. Overt, intentional action is needed to address the issue and clean up the mess.

With deliverance, you really need someone who knows what they’re doing. Here are some great resources:

Our Biggest Mistake

We may get amazing, phenomenal healing through one of these tools. One of the most damaging things we can do to other people is assume that they need what worked for us. Now, maybe they do. But maybe they don’t. God may be doing something different with them.

For example, if I have a wonderful experience with deliverance (which I have), and then go on to flippantly tell anyone with a problem they need deliverance, I could do much more harm than good, especially if it doesn’t work for them.

One size does not fit all.

That is so not the Kingdom of God. Each of us needs a different combination of these things, and what worked for one person may not work for another. That’s ok. It doesn’t mean the person doesn’t have faith. It just means we’re all individuals and God’s doing something different with that person.

Do the Work

One more thing needs to be said. There is no silver bullet that will miraculously solve all your problems and suddenly life’s all rainbows and unicorns. You are not entitled to healing, although God totally wants to bring it. Whatever form it takes, it is a gift of grace from God.

All of these things take your engagement. You can have the best practitioners in the world, but if you don’t engage and do the work, nothing in your life is going to change.

Your Turn

So which do you need? Probably all of them. I know I did. Which have made a difference in your life? Which are you afraid of and hence resistant to? Has this post helped with that? Please tell us your story in the comments and share this post if it would bless others.

What to Do when the Pain Won’t Go Away

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None of us want to admit it, but we all have it. Or have had it at some point. Emotional pain that just won’t go away. Sometimes we think we’ve stuffed it, but then – bam – something seemingly innocent happens and it all comes crashing back.

Daniel was so past his divorce. He’d made his peace with it. Until he went to his nephew’s wedding. Emotions he thought were long gone were really only hiding. They rose up and slammed him out of nowhere. He drank way too much at the reception. And every night after that.

Melanie was over her abortion, or so she thought. No one knew, and she’d moved on. Until her best friend invited her to her baby shower. And it all came crashing back. She went and put on a happy face. No one knew she was dying inside. But she was.

Sometimes we can’t even begin to stuff it, and we just learn to live with it. Or better put, survive with it.

Lisa cannot remember a time when she wasn’t battling depression. She lives in a box, behind a mask, trying desperately to keep the outside world at bay, to stay in control. Where is the joy all the other Christians have? Are they just faking it, too? Or is there something wrong with her? She suspects the latter. She desperately hopes this next relationship will fix it all. Again.

Somehow we learn to cope. Maybe we self-medicate. Maybe we control. Sometimes we put on a face and pretend, hiding the real me. We’ve coped with it for so long we think it’s normal. But it’s not. Although it’s very common, just coping forever is not healthy.

God has something for us so much better than coping. He has a new-normal for us, without the pain. It’s called healing. But how do we embrace it? How do we move into that place?

The short answer is, Be the buffalo not the cow. Dude, what are you even talking about? What do bovines have to do with deep emotional pain? I’m glad you asked.

When there’s a thunderstorm on the plain, buffalo and cattle both panic. Both herds stampede, and you don’t want to be in the way! But there’s a major difference.

Cattle take off running away from the storm as fast as they can. If the storm’s coming from the west, they stampede east. This is the obvious, no-brainer thing to do to avoid the storm. The problem is, they’re running the same direction as the storm’s moving, and the storm always moves faster. So it eventually overtakes them anyway. And since they’re running the direction it’s moving, they actual maximize their time in the storm.

On the other hand, buffalo run straight at the thunderstorm. So if the storm’s coming from the west, they stampede west, right into it. This seems really dumb at first glance, but it’s actually brilliant. Since they’re running the opposite direction the storm is moving, they minimize their time in the storm. And they get rewarded with the yummy, just watered, fresh grass on the other side. Bonus!

Most of us run from our pain, like cattle running from a thunderstorm. But avoidance just maximizes our time in the pain when it catches up with us, and it always does.

John Sanford, founder of Elijah House Ministries said, “We need to embrace the fireball of pain.” Wow. Seriously, dude? Yeah, seriously. We need to go where it hurts, not avoid it.

Ok, you sold me. How do we “embrace the fireball of pain?”

I’m glad you asked. There’s 3 steps to start this process.

1) Start the journey with God.

Be honest. Don’t hide it or pretend it’s not there. Honestly tell God how you feel. It’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to not feel joy. Read the Psalms. Many of them are written from places of extreme pain. They are examples of God meeting people in the middle of extremely painful circumstance, doubt and fear. For a start, look at Psalms 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 13, 17, 22, 28, 40, 120, and many, many more.

What gets scheduled gets done, so schedule time to pray and meditate each day with God, even if it’s just 10 minutes during a break. Stopping, unplugging, and getting alone with him, even if just for a few minutes, makes a huge difference.

2) Start the journey with someone else.

You don’t need to tell everyone everything. But you need to tell someone everything. So often the pain’s power over us is rooted in shame. Shame protects itself by isolating us. We think we’re the only one. But we’re not. Often, sharing our pain with someone else breaks the shame and that’s 80% of the healing right there.

So often we the church do such a disservice to people by forcing them to either hide their pain or face our rejection. I know someone who, in a vulnerable moment, shared the pain in their life. They were actually told by their Bible study leader at church, “Well, Christians are supposed to be joyful, so if you’re not feeling joy, are you even saved?”

What rubbish! Jesus does not deliver us from pain, he delivers us through it. He never promised we wouldn’t have trouble in this world (in fact just the opposite, see John 16:33). He promised us he’d be there with us in the middle of it. So we should be there for each other.

If your church shames you for having pain in your life, find a different church. There are many churches out there that get this right. Find someone you trust that you can share your journey with, and who is willing to share theirs with you. You’ll find that, no matter how perfect they look, they have pain in their life, too.

3) Recognize the season.

Healing is a season, it doesn’t happen overnight. The season can be weeks, months, years, or even decades.

Sometimes, for whatever reason he alone knows, God doesn’t heal as we expect. I know some very strong Christians, men and women of deep intimacy with the Lord, faith and power, who have battled depression their whole life. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them or their faith. It means God is choosing to use that for his glory in their lives (see John 9:3). He is meeting them right there in the middle of it, just like he did the Apostle Paul, who, by the way, God also didn’t heal (see 2 Corinthians 12:7-9). So if this is you, you’re in good company.

I can’t promise God will eventually heal your situation. Often he totally does. But I can promise God is always good, and will meet you in the middle of it.

Personally, a moment of vulnerability here, I still struggle with self-hatred. But I’m getting stronger and it’s a lot weaker than it used to be. I’m learning how to not agree with it and instead agree with what God says about me. Jesus has been my deliverer in the middle of it. And continues to be.

So what about you? Where do you come down in all this? Tell us your story in the comments or shoot us an email. And please share if you think this would bless someone else.

Free Resources:

Do you know God wants to talk directly to you? Do you have trouble hearing him? Find out how to hear God with Dave’s free ebook “Hearing God and What’s Next: 12 Ways to Hear God, 3 Things to Do about It, and 6 Ways to Know You’re Not Crazy.”

Does your heart need healing? Learn the steps to inner healing with Jesus through a fun and engaging fictional story. Download Dave’s free ebook “The Runt: A Fable of Giant Inner Healing.”