Why Friendship Is the Foundation of Our Relationship with God

What’s the most critical part of a building? Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? It’s all in the foundation. If the foundation isn’t right, it doesn’t matter how great the rest of the building is. The owner is going to have severe problems.

If the foundation of our relationship with God isn’t built on the right thing, we’re never going to live the abundant life Jesus came to give us (John 10:10). What is your relationship with God based on? What is the foundation?

Before we talk about what should be, here are 3 things that shouldn’t be the foundation of our relationship with God. Unfortunately, while these things are important, churches often teach them as the foundation. That’s a mistake.

(1) Not Obedience

Yes, obedience is important. We can’t love Jesus and live a sinful lifestyle (John 14:15, 1 John 2:3-6, 1 John 3:24). But if obedience is the foundation of our relationship with God, then Christianity is no better than Islam.

And, yes, Jesus ended the Sermon on the Mount with a parable about the foundation of putting his words into practice (Matthew 7:21-23). God’s principles work for whoever uses them; they are a great foundation to build your life on. But obedience to principles shouldn’t be the foundation of our relationship with God.

Churches teach obedience as the foundation when they are building their own Empire, instead of the Kingdom of God. Churches are often so afraid of people’s sin that they try to control it. But God doesn’t control sin; he deals with it. Church is not supposed to be sin management. It’s supposed to be life transformation.

While important, obedience isn’t the foundation of our relationship with God.

(2) Not Belief

Belief is important. Good doctrine is important. Faith is important. And while all are important to our Christian life, none of these should be the foundation.

Many churches have fallen into this trap. Again, if belief and good doctrine are the foundation of our relationship with God, then Christianity is no better than Islam.

Unfortunately in the West, we’ve exalted our intellect, gotten all up in our heads, and made idols out of logic, science, medicine, and technology. There’s nothing wrong with those things when kept in proper perspective.

But when we live like we have it all figured out, we devalue our hearts, which is where God wants to go. Jesus was much more concerned with the heart than the intellect. He said, “My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them” (John 14:23b). I don’t know anyone who thinks God wants to live in your brain.

Again, Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). He’s concerned more about where our hearts are than our logic and reason.

(3) Not Experience

Experiencing God is important, yes! We can’t say we know someone if we don’t experience them. But experience itself is not the foundation. If experience is our foundation, then Christianity is no better than Buddhism.

I love baseball. I have a great time whenever I go to a game with 20,000 of my closest friends. We share an experience, cheering on our favorite team. I spend several hours there having a great experience. But it’s entertainment. It’s not life-changing.

When we fall into this trap, our churches become entertainment instead of the life transforming hospital they are meant to be. You aren’t typically personal friends with your heart surgeon, even though you’ve had a life-saving experience with him or her.

Our Solid Foundation — Friendship

So what should the foundation of our relationship with God be? Friendship with Jesus.

Many former Christians are “deconstructing” their faith right now (“falling away” in Biblical terms), because, while they had the trappings of Christianity – obedience, belief, and even experience with Jesus – they never had friendship with Jesus. They never had that level of relationship.

“The foundation of our relationship with God is friendship. Friendship is the process of healing.” – Brain Orme

Friendship with God is being on a first name basis. That’s not a lack of respect. It’s asking God, “Hey, what do you think about what’s happening in the world right now?” instead of being told by the godless media what to think. We adopt his perspective, and see past the events and immediate circumstances of our lives.

We talk to him about our job, our family, our hopes and dreams. We share the ups and the downs, and we ask his advice. He’s got opinions. We do life with him, not just visit him for an hour or two on Sunday morning.

Friendship with God heals our orphan-spirit and sends us out as daughters and sons. Churchianity sends out orphans who just build more orphanages.

Friendship with God is a partnership with him for our life. He calls us to uncomfortable, often scary, action. But he promises to be with us; we’re never alone. We’re like a child learning to walk while holding their parents fingers – doing something we’ve never done before, while holding his hand.

So Who’s Your Friend?

What is the foundation of your relationship with God? Obedience? Belief? Experience? Or friendship? Did this post challenge you to think differently? Tell us in the comments; we want to hear from you. What do you think? And please share this post if it would bless others.

Credit where Credit Is Due

The concepts in this post come from the Face to Face podcast, hosted by Cathy Little and Melinda Wilson; in particular; Episode 107, an interview with Brian Orme, author of The Ascended Life (not affiliate links). I highly recommend their podcast.