When Quiet Times Fail

I’m taking for granted, in this audience, we all want to spend time with Jesus. We all know we “should.” But more than that, we truly desire that intimacy, that quiet time, with him.

But what do you do when it doesn’t work? What do you do when your “quiet times” fail? Because, try as you might, you just can’t nail down a time-of-day that consistently works with your schedule? Or, maybe you are consistently spending that time, but it just falls flat?

What happens when you’re not “connecting” with Jesus the way everybody else talks about? Maybe you read your Bible, but it just doesn’t land? Maybe you pray but just hear crickets from God’s side?

What’s wrong with me? Do I just need to read my Bible and pray more? Do I just need to try harder?

Trying Harder Doesn’t Work

The short answer is, No. There’s nothing wrong with you. And doubling-down on what’s not working won’t make it suddenly start working. Continuing to do what’s not working, only harder by putting more pressure and blame and shame on yourself, won’t help. The only part of that equation that works is the blame and the shame. Yuck!

Here’s an example from a past job. I worked at an engineering company with “sensitive” government contracts. We had a “secure room” that had to be locked and alarmed each night. Failing to do so is a security violation. Get enough of those over a short enough period of time, and you lose your contract, and we’re all out of work. So forgetting to lock & alarm the secure room at night is a big hairy deal.

Well, we had a problem with that. Every few weeks or so, the first person to arrive in the morning goes to unlock the room, and it’s already unlocked. Snap, that means it never got locked & alarmed the previous night. Security violation! Doh!

Each time, our site manager would send out an email about the importance of locking the secure room. Try harder, people! But it kept happening.

Basically, the early-morning people open the room, and the late-morning people, who leave later, lock & alarm it. But on the days when the late guy left early for a doctor’s appointment or something, the early guy didn’t know that and didn’t lock the room, assuming the late guy would. But the late guy was already gone. And you can imagine the added confusion when there’s multiple early guys and multiple late guys.

Everyone’s assuming someone else is going to lock the room, like they always do, except when they don’t, and then we get a security violation. Again.

So I went to the site manager and said, “We can’t try harder. We all know the importance of locking the room, and we’re all already trying as hard as we can. Trying harder won’t work. We need to do something different.”

So we hung a laminated, colored 3”x5” index card on a chain outside the locked door, as a “room badge.” If you opened the room, you put the chain around your neck. It was big enough that you couldn’t go home and forget you’re wearing it.

If you’re wearing the room badge, you’re responsible for locking the room. So before you left for the day, you had to find someone else to give the room badge to. If they accept it, they are now responsible for locking the room. If you can’t find anyone to accept the badge, you lock the room, and hand the room badge on its hook outside the door.

Problem solved. No more security violations. But not because we all tried harder. Because we did something different.

So if you’re trying to have impactful “quiet times” (intimate time with Jesus), and it’s just not working, either because consistency just isn’t possible in this season of life (small children, anyone?), or it’s just falling flat, then don’t try harder. Don’t double-down on what’s not working. You need to do something different.

We Ignore Half Our Brain

We live in a Western, Greek-influenced, rational-thinking culture. Intellectual, task-oriented, objective, left-brain activity is emphasized. Experiential, subjective, right-brain activity is either discounted or ignored completely. But sometimes, that’s just what we need.

For example, fill-in the blank Bible studies are analytical left-brain activities. No criticism; Bible-studies are wonderful. But sometimes we don’t need more intellectual knowledge about God. Sometimes our heart is craving an emotional right-brain experience with God.

“Emotional” is not a dirty word. God promised through Ezekiel, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26). And Jesus came to fulfill that.

The heart is the seat of our emotions. It’s where the life comes from. Intellectual pursuits, if not animated with passion from our heart, are just dead works.

Jesus didn’t go through the agony of the cross to set up an intellectual, religious system. He could’ve just founded a seminary for that. Instead, Jesus launched a relational revolution of intimacy with God, tearing the veil in the temple (Matthew 27:51), removing all barriers between the heart of God and our hearts.

The heart-cry of God, repeated at least 22 times in the Bible from Genesis (17:7-8) through Revelation (21:3), is that “you will be my people and I will be your God.” Relationship.

It occurs at least 7 times in Jeremiah alone, the most emotional of the prophets. Don’t tell me God’s not into emotions. Emotions are where the relationship is.

You can’t have a deep, impactful, meaningful, relationship with anyone – a friend, your spouse, or God – without having emotional experiences with them.

Permission to Stop “Should-ing” on Yourself

Your intimate time with Jesus doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. You don’t have to read your Bible for 20 minutes a day, or do a chapter from some Bible-study or devotional book. You don’t have to play a worship song. You don’t have to pray the ACTS formula (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication).

Those are all good things. In fact, they are all really great things. And kudos to you if they work for you. But if they don’t, stop “should-ing” on yourself that they should. Shame is not God’s portion for you.

There’s no “one-size fits all” formula in the Kingdom of God.

Instead, what can you try that’s different? Let’s step into a season of experimentation here. This can be an exciting season if you approach it with curiosity and anticipation without pressure.

Remember, negative results are just as important. Learning what doesn’t work for you is a win.

You only need to win once to find what does work for you in this season. And it doesn’t need to look like anyone else. It just needs to look like something; it just needs to be.

Here’s some ideas (no affiliate links):

Get out in nature.
Cut your focused quiet time in half. Sometimes it’s amazing how effective you can be when you’ve got less time. (I have a post about giving God what you have, instead of what you don’t, here.)
Journal to a 10-minute prayer prompt. (Shameless plug, I have a free 14-day workbook for this here.)
The Quiet Collection App from Emily P. Freeman (website, Apple App Store, Google Play Store). The free app includes some great audio devotions (only a few minutes each). You can buy additional collections of related audio devotions for a modest price. Some of these devotions are my gotos when I feel panicky or scattered and need to center.
The Centering Prayer App by Contemplative Outreach (website, Apple App Store, Google Play Store). My spiritual director turned me onto this free app, and it’s been a game changer. I use it for centering prayer before writing a blog or doing any creative work.
Ask friends and/or family what works for them and try it, with a posture of curiosity not pressure.
Schedule an Immanuel Approach session with Dave & Janet. IA is an interactive right-brain experience with Jesus, blending Biblical principles and brain science.

I’m sure you can think of more. Let us know what ends up working for you, and what you tried that doesn’t. We’re honored to be on this journey with you.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? What has your journey toward intimacy with Jesus looked like? What works for you and what doesn’t? Tell us your story in the comments.

Do You Want Help?

Do you feel shame that traditional “quiet times” don’t work for you? Have you been told to just try harder? Reach out to Dave and Janet for a right-brain, interactive experience with Jesus. We use a combination of Biblical truth and brain science to facilitate a safe, gentle way to experience a two-way connection with Jesus, get unstuck, and receive the fullness of what he has for you.