Performance Orientation
I’ve lived my whole life, since I was a young boy, to hear Jesus say, on that Day, “Well done good and faithful servant.” (See Matthew 25:21 & 23.) Those six blessed words.
While I was reflecting on how much I want to hear him say that, I heard the Lord tell me, in the loving way he always does, “Dave, you’re not going to hear me say that on that Day.”
Shocked. I was totally shocked in my spirit. I’ve been longing for that my whole life. Dumbfounded, I could only ask, “Why not, Lord?”
His answer caught me off guard. “I’ve been saying it to you for over 50 years and you haven’t heard it. What makes you think you’ll hear me when I say it then?”
Wow. He continued. “Dave, I want you to hear me say it now. So that’s finally settled in your heart. I don’t want longing to hear that to be the focus of your life. I want loving me and living the life I have for you to be the focus of your life.”
God is so good. He doesn’t leave us where we are. He’s always drawing us closer to himself.
He didn’t want me to waste my energy trying desperately to hear something he’s already told me.
I had a Performance Orientation. God wanted to heal it in that season. I repented of it. It’s sin.
Performance Orientation is the belief (often held unconsciously) that we have to earn love, to earn the right to be loved. The implicit lie is that we’re not worth loving unless we earn it by doing something.
I honestly think the majority of us in the church have Performance Orientation to some degree. God wants to heal it. We can’t earn his love. Performance Orientation leaves us in the impossible situation of trying to earn by hard work what we already have by inheritance.
Performance Orientation is becoming the good __________ at the expense of ourselves, our true self. What fills in the blank for you? Christian? Leader? Wife? Husband? Student? Good person? Good boy? Good girl?
Fear is the fuel for Performance Orientation. “I won’t have enough if I don’t perform.”
On the other hand, the cure for Performance Orientation is Intimacy (= Into Me See), accepting love based on who we are, not what we’ve done. We fear intimacy because we’re afraid if someone’s close they’ll see it’s all a sham. They’ll see who we really are.
My heart was stuck trying to earn love. God wants me to have that settled, so he and I can move on, and do what hearts that are loved do. Soar! Do the impossible without paralyzing fear. I can’t take the risks of living fearlessly while I’m still afraid of not being loved. I can’t both live a life of faith and of fear of not being loved. Neither can you.
Your Turn
He’s calling me to live a life of faith. How about you? Do you struggle with this? Or have you already been set free from it? Either way, tell us in the comments. And please share on social media if this would help someone else.
ps – I particularly appreciate that you call this out as “sin”.
I “get” the logic behind that.
But it’s Incredibly Helpful to me to have someone say it for what it is, while yet also being able to minister and communicate in a spirit of grace, humbleness, and “I’ve been there”. “I was once suckered into this (very tempting, appealing, “good looking” sin)” too.
You remind me of Jesus: the high priest able to sympathize with us because he bore the frailty of humanness too.
KEEP CALLING US OUT DAVE! This is BADLY needed. Not many are doing this where it’s needed, and how it’s needed.
You are God’s grace.
Wow, thank you Naomi! This brings tears to my heart, the good kind. Thank you! Janet and I so appreciate you!
Thanks Dave for redirecting me to this piece (via a recent email link). It’s definitely an area the Lord is working on in my life at this time (slowly but surely) too.
Printing this off, so I can keep it before me in prayer and conversation with the Lord.
Deeply appreciated! Warm blessings to you and Janet 🙂
Thank you so much Naomi! Hearing that you’re printing it off — wow, that makes my day. I pray it continues to bless you. So great to hear from you.
I don’t suffer from this problem with God. I grew up trying to prove my worth; because I was born to a teenage mother fourteen years old. My grandmother recognized my abilities as she raised me. My mother (who is still alive) still does not but God has given me understanding about the matter. I know God loves me unconditionally.
Thank you, Charlene, for sharing your story. What an inspiring understanding and perspective you have. I pray all my readers know God’s love as unconditionally as you do. Every comment you make adds value to my life and to everyone reading. Thank you.
Guilty. And on top of that, I take on too much — so I feel overwhelmed AND guilty that I can’t keep up with it. In fact, I spent a good chunk of my weekend sorting through this.
I appreciate your comment, Randi! Performance Orientation gets us coming and going. We feel guilty if we don’t take on too much and then feel guilty we can’t keep up with too much. And it’s not what we’re doing — they’re all good things. It’s the motivation behind it: “I won’t be loved or worth loving if I don’t take on more than I can possibly do.” The freedom Jesus gives us starts with learning to say “no” to good things people ask of us and feeling safe secure in that, so we have time & energy available to do the great things He’s calling us to.
I’m just learning this. I’m recognizing good things I should’ve said “no” to. I need to finish out my commitment to these things, and then I’m not renewing. That’ll help me be much more focused, not burning the candle at both ends.