How to Move from Either/Or to Both/And

Sometimes we get in our own way, and limit what God wants to do in our lives by either/or thinking. But making the paradigm shift to both/and thinking is often the most powerful enabling shift we can make.

That changes everything.

A Real-Life Example

In one of my recent webinars about hearing God, a participant shared this (true) story:

There was a Christian school trying to hear God to discern if they should move to another city or if they should stay put. This is a big decision and one that can’t be undone once you’ve carried it out. Once you’ve moved, you obviously can’t move back to the old city; that’s just financially and logistically not possible. So they had to get this right.

The director shared all the reasons for both sides, and asked all 18 staff to fast and spend focused time in prayer about this issue. They prayed for unity around God’s will for the school.

You can probably guess what happened. 9 staff came back feeling certain God wanted them to move. And 9 staff came back feeling certain God wanted them to stay. Snap! What do you do with that?

These are the real-life tough questions. On the webinar, I didn’t have any easy answers. We like to reduce everything to formulas and frameworks. And while those can be helpful and instructive, life likes to throw us exceptions.

Time for a Paradigm Shift

So, well snap, whatever the answer was, half the staff missed what God was saying.

Or did they?

Since that webinar, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. What if God’s answer to the school wasn’t either/or? What if God’s vision for the school was both/and?

What if God’s answer to, “Should we stay or should we go?” was “Yes!”??? What if God was saying keep the original campus in the old city and open up a new one in the new city?

And what if the Lord separated the staff for the Director, clearly indicating who was to stay and who was to go, by the response they brought back?

Looking at the staff responses as a both/and, rather than an either/or, it suddenly gets a lot less confusing!

How to Move into a New Paradigm

But we can’t open a new campus! We’re barely keeping our heads above water operating the one campus we have now!

The trick in moving into a new paradigm is not talking ourselves out of it before we’ve given it a fair chance. And the way we do that is by making an enabling decision: Suspend disbelief (at least for the moment).

Your Enabling Decision: Suspend Disbelief

Suspending disbelief doesn’t mean taking our rational brain off-line and living in a fantasy. To the contrary, it means letting our rational brain work out, with the Holy Spirit’s help, what this idea would look like. It means not dismissing the idea out-of-hand.

Suspending disbelief leaves that scary idea on the table. It asks the key question: What would have to be true in order for this to actually work?

Key Question: What would have to be true in order for this to work?

So suppose God’s vision for this school was to open a new campus. What would have to be true in order for this to work?

We would have to divide up the existing staff – who stays and who goes. But, if this is God’s vision for the school, he already did that by their responses. The staff who clearly heard God clearly saying to stay is supposed to stay. And the staff who clearly heard God saying to move is supposed to move. That would’ve been a major problem, but God already sorted it out.

So back to the key question: If these 9 staff are going to move and launch a new campus, what has to be true? What skills do they have? What skills do they need to hire (or develop)?

Same question for those that stay. What has to be true for the existing campus to succeed with half its staff? What would have to change?

The Power of Both/And

Do you see how a both/and solution is a powerful paradigm shift?

It can also be scary. Some things are rightfully scary because they’re stupid. But other things are scary because they’re bigger than we can imagine. Or control. Or wrap our brains around. And sometimes it’s really hard to tell the difference.

It’s ok to say to God, “If this is you, this is what I need.” And see if he provides it.

It’s ok for the Director to say, “Ok, God, if you want us to have 2 campuses, I need you to double our support base.” Then pitch the idea to the school’s donors and see what happens.

God often (ok, usually) calls us to something bigger than ourselves. It’s ok to say, “Ok God, if you want me to do that, then I need this from you.” And see if God provides.

God may meet the need sovereignly. Or he may drop a strategy in our spirits for meeting that need. And we get to see if it works. I know by experience God loves to partner with his people in this way!

It’s all over the Bible. God did this for Gideon with the fleece (Judges 6:36-40).

And God did it for Moses by sending Aaron along to speak for him (Exodus 4:14-16). And the interesting thing is, God did this for Moses even though God knew Moses didn’t really need Aaron. It’s a fascinating story. As you read it, you watch Moses gradually grow into the leader God knew he was all along, talking to Pharaoh directly.

God is not afraid of your doubts, misgivings, or questions. He will meet you in them.

What Needs to Be True?

Does this resonate? Are you trying to decide between two mutually exclusive choices? What if your choices weren’t mutually exclusive?

Yes, some choices certainly are. You can’t marry two people or be in two places at once. But sometimes we artificially limit ourselves, and what God wants to do, because of either/or thinking.

How would considering the both/and option change the game?

Tell us your thoughts & share your story in the comments. Your input helps our whole community. And please share this post if it would bless others.