Use These 3 Guidelines to Speak Up for What’s Right

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Speaking up for what’s right is important. As God’s people, if we don’t speak up for what’s right, we leave the world in a moral vacuum that our enemy is all too happy to fill with deception. Much of the societal decay in the world around us has risen to unprecedented levels because God’s people have been asleep and silent for far too long.

“Silence does not interpret itself.” – Father Pavone, Priests for Life

But it’s not enough to speak up for what’s right. We have to do it the right way. We’ve all heard about “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), but how do we actually do that? Here are 3 guidelines for speaking up for what’s right so we make a difference.

1) Respect

Everyone has the right to choose what they believe, even if we disagree. Everyone owns the consequences of their beliefs, whether they acknowledge it or not. We can tell someone their choices are leading to bad consequences, but we still need to respect their right to choose what they believe. God does this. God respects our choice but expects us to own the consequences (Deuteronomy 30:15-20).

So respect people’s right to disagree. Respect people’s right to be wrong, no matter how much that frustrates us. When speaking to others, whether it’s in-person or on FaceBook, do so with respect:

  • Don’t call them names.
  • Don’t insult them.
  • Don’t respond in kind.
  • Don’t copy the other person’s bad behavior.
  • Check your own spirit for self-righteousness.

The opposite of respect is offense. There is a major spirit of offense over our country right now. Some call it a political spirit. It’s obviously spiritual warfare because when we get offended, we too often go out of our minds, acting and speaking like no loving Jesus-follower should. But, in our minds, offense justifies all of our bad behavior.

No, it really doesn’t. We need to remember to whom we belong, and act like Him and not the pagans.

But Jesus made a whip and called the Pharisees a brood of vipers! Yes, he did (John 2:13-17, Matthew 12:34, Matthew 23:33). But that was a last resort. He didn’t start there. Jesus did many other things as a testimony to the Pharisees first:

  • Sending the cleansed leper to the priests to make the sacrifices Moses commanded (Matthew 8:1-4).
  • Paying his and Peter’s temple tax (Matthew 17:24-27).
  • Healing the man born blind (John 9).
  • Raising Lazarus from the dead (John 11).

I love the story of Jesus’ paying the temple tax for himself and Peter in Matthew 17:24-27. While Jesus makes it clear he doesn’t have to pay the tax, he pays it for himself and for Peter, and says in verse 27, “… so that we may not offend them…” Jesus picked his battles. So should we.

So yes, Jesus called them a brood of vipers. But he also paid the temple tax to not offend them. There is a time for every activity under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3), to offend and not to offend, and the Holy Spirit knows the difference. My counsel is to let the content of our words be the offensive thing, not the way we say them.

2) Uncompromising Truth

We’re not speaking up for what’s right if we’re not speaking the truth. My heart breaks when I think about entire Christian denominations that have compromised with the world in condoning abortion, homosexuality, and transgenderism. Janet & I pray often for God to open their eyes and send them a spirit of repentance. While sincerely wanting to love people, they are doing so much damage.

People engage in these behaviors because of pain in their lives. God wants to heal that pain. But when we compromise with the world by not calling sinful behaviors the sin that they are, we slam the door of God’s healing in people’s faces. You don’t need healing if nothing’s wrong, do you?

3) Not Being Controlled by the Fear of the Other’s Reaction

When we know we’re saying something the other person doesn’t want to hear, it’s perfectly normal to fear their reaction. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. The problem comes when we let that fear control us. It’s amazing how much of our actions, and reactions, are actually governed by fear, although we generally don’t realize it.

Many times I’ve been screamed at by dysfunctional family members, “You said that because you knew it would upset me!” Yes, I did know it would upset them, and believe me, I fear someone being upset with me. (I die a thousand deaths before a confrontation!) But that’s not why I said it. I said it because it needed to be said. It was an issue between us that needed to be addressed. And I won’t be bullied out of addressing it any longer.

Here are two litmus tests to discover that we are being controlled by fear.

(1) Silence. When something’s wrong and we don’t speak up, we’re being controlled by fear. We’re afraid of offending the other person. Or of their anger. Or of damaging the relationship. Frankly, if the relationship is in a state where telling the truth will damage it, it needs to be “damaged,” because it’s not healthy the way it is.

Remember Father Pavone’s quote at the top of this post: “Silence does not interpret itself.” Whatever issues we are silent about, we condone.

Confrontation is a godly skill that can be learned through practice. I highly recommend the book “Keep Your Love On” by Danny Silk (Amazon affiliate link) for more on this topic.

(2) Control. When we try to control the other person’s reaction, we’re being controlled by fear. Here are some common behaviors designed to control the other person’s reaction. Do you recognize any of these?

  • Shaming them for disagreeing.
  • Bullying them into agreement.
  • Waiting to talk rather than listening.
  • Monopolizing the conversation.
  • Trying to win the argument instead of connecting to their heart.

As Jesus-followers, fear has no place in our lives. Or shouldn’t. Our entire Christian walk boils down to replacing fear-based behaviors with faith-based behaviors. Faith trusts the other person to God and does not let fear of their reaction control us.

Your Turn

So how about you? Is this helpful? How have people spoken into your life that’s made a difference? Did they follow these guidelines? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share this post to bless others.

Why to Help, Not Rescue, Someone Who’s Destroying Their Life

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One of the most painful things in life is to watch one of our loved ones destroy their lives. It doesn’t matter if it’s drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex, porn, gambling, or workaholism. Or something worse. When we medicate the pain in our lives instead of dealing with it, it’s always destructive. And it’s hard to watch. Sometimes it feels like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

If we’re going to really help, we’ve got to understand what’s healthy help and what’s unhealthy rescue.

Sometimes People Want Unhealthy Rescue Rather Than Healthy Help

Painfully, sometimes, the person destroying their life doesn’t want help. They want rescue.

So often, people don’t want to change the lifestyle that’s causing the pain in their lives. They just want to be free from the pain. It’s human nature to avoid pain. It takes bravery and courage to face it in order to receive healing.

It’s like someone banging their head on a brick wall. They want the headache to stop. But rather than being willing to stop banging their head on the brick wall, they’re looking for a helmet with more padding.

People in crisis often feel powerless. Like someone trapped on the third floor of a burning building, they want someone to pull up in a magic firetruck and rescue them from their pain.

Now don’t get me wrong. Yes, Jesus does rescue us. But Jesus is the only rescuer, and he only does so in partnership with us. We have to be willing to stop banging our head on the wall; i.e., stopping sinful lifestyle behaviors. And we need to be willing to face the pain those behaviors are medicating so Jesus can heal that pain.

Yes, we can significantly help people. We can help them find the fire-escape they didn’t see, and we can help them navigate it. We can link them up with resources they didn’t know about. But they have to be willing to use them. They can’t keep waiting at the window for the magic firetruck to show up.

Here are 3 reasons why we shouldn’t provide an unhealthy “magic firetruck” rescue for people.

1) They Have Right to Steward Their Life as They Choose

This is the hardest one. Janet and I have a wise friend who told us something we’ve never forgotten and often remind ourselves of:

Our children have to live their own adventure.

I hate that. I want to drive their boat. I want to just jump in there, and say, “Look, I’m over twice your age, and I know these waters. Let me get you off the sandbar you’re stuck on, avoid the rocks, and get you into safer waters. Then you can drive again.”

But that’s not healthy. That dishonors their God-given stewardship over their own life. I would just be forcing them to trade their dysfunctional coping mechanisms for mine, which does them no good in the end.

2) You Can’t Control Someone Else

Yes, ultimately, God is sovereign over our lives. We are stewards of our lives, not owners. But everyone has to choose for themselves whether to voluntarily let God sit on the throne of their life. Or not. God honors their choice, even when he disagrees with it. So must we.

You cannot control another person, no matter how much you think they would benefit from it.

“The only person I can control, on a good day, is myself.” – Danny Silk

That doesn’t mean condoning their choice. If they’re doing something destructive, yes, speak up. Point it out. But do so in a spirit of genuine concern rather than condemnation.

Condemnation is our (sinful) attempt to shame someone into doing the right thing, because, if we’re honest, we’re scared. Condemnation is an act of fear on our part. It’s using the enemy’s tools, which never ends well.

3) Interfering with Sowing and Reaping Hurts Them in the Long Run

Well-meaning parents do this all the time for their children. We need to let our loved ones own the problem.

If we’re solving the consequences of their bad decisions, then we are taking ownership of the problem away from them. We are interfering with God’s process of sowing and reaping.

If they are making poor choices, to the fullest extent possible, let them deal with the consequences. Let them own the problem.

That doesn’t mean we can’t help. But help, don’t rescue. Here’s how to tell the difference:

Rescuing removes the pain. Helping does not.

If you completely remove the pain from a situation they’ve caused, you’re rescuing, not helping.

Think of it like this. They are the rookie quarterback on the football field, with 10 seconds left in the game. You’re the coach. They have one shot to execute the winning play. As a former all-star, hall-of-fame, quarterback yourself, you could go out on the field and execute the play for them.

But you don’t. As the coach, you call the play, but they have to execute it. And they can choose not to. The quarterback can call an audible at the line and change the play. Maybe as they see how the defense is lining up, they decide the play you called won’t work. It’s their choice. The quarterback can modify the play or change it all together.

And they own the results.

Let Them Own Their Problem

At the end of the day, they have to live with the consequences of their choices. True, no one is responsible for the evil done to them. But we are responsible for our response to it.

“The last of the human freedoms: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” — Viktor Frankl, Holocaust Survivor in his book Man’s Search for Meaning

Letting someone own their problem, and the consequences, is painful, especially when we can alleviate their suffering in the short term. But if we interfere with God’s design of sowing of reaping, we’re actually hurting them in the long run. Yes, totally help. But don’t rescue.

Your Turn

Have you been on either side of this principle? Has a painful season of sowing and reaping taught you valuable life lessons? Have you had to let a family member go down a destructive or foolish path to learn for themselves? Or have you been that family member?

Tell us your story in the comments and please share if this would bless someone else.

2 Simple Words to Defeat the Bullies

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No one likes to be bullied. Yet in our modern, sophisticated world, our enemy’s primary method of controlling the people of God is bullying. The church has been bullied into compliance for far too long. The good news is, whether it’s a personal bully or a societal one, like an unrighteous government, there are two, simple, one syllable words that defeat a bully. “Yes” and “no.”

“Yes, I’m going to do this because God’s calling me to it, come what may.”

“No, I’m not going to do that because it’s wicked, come what may.”

A Litmus Test to Know You’re Being Bullied

These two words draw a line in the sand. Bullies hate that. Bullies try to force you into the world of “maybe.”

“Ok, maybe I can do that…”

“Ok, maybe we’ll wait a little longer before doing that…”

If a bully can force you into a “maybe” when you really want to say “yes” or “no,” they’ve won. They are controlling you. And that’s the litmus test to know that you’re being bullied: If your mouth says “maybe” while your spirit is screaming “yes” or “no,” then you are being bullied.

Stand up to them and say the “yes” or “no” your spirit longs to say, come what may. This is what bravery and courage looks like in our first world culture.

“Yes” and “No” Made the Sermon on the Mount

This concept made the Sermon on the Mount. Recorded in Matthew chapters 5, 6 , and 7, this was early in Jesus’ ministry, before strong opposition forced him to speak more and more in parables. In the Sermon on the Mount, although it still has parables for illustration, Jesus teaches about the Kingdom of God very plainly. He said this about saying “yes” and “no.”

“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” – Jesus, Matthew 5:37

Now, to be fair, Jesus was talking here about always telling the truth and not needing to take an oath to be believed. But there’s a principle here. Say “yes.” Say “no.” And stand behind your answer, come what may.

In the Fiery Furnace

We all know the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (or Rack, Shack & Benny if you’re into Veggie Tales) and the fiery furnace in Daniel 3.

King Nebuchadnezzar set up a massive golden image, and demanded everyone worship it when the music played. Penalty for non-compliance was being burned alive in a furnace.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused and were narked on by their jealous colleagues. Being the reasonable man he was, King Nebuchadnezzar assumed it was all a misunderstanding and gave them another chance to show their compliance. I love their answer, recorded in Daniel 3:16-18.

“King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the fiery furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” – Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (Daniel 3:16-18)

I love that. “Our God can save us, but even if he doesn’t, we want you to know we’re not worshiping your idol.” Translation: They said “no.”

The Bully King blew a gasket. Bullies hate a solid “yes” or “no.” It takes away all their power.

And because of their solid “no,” come what may, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, along with King Nebuchadnezzar, experienced one of the greatest saves by God recorded in the entire Bible. Their uncompromising “no” was the catalyst for the mighty move of God in their lives.

When we compromise our “yes” or our “no” because we’re afraid of the bully in front of us, we compromise God’s ability to work in our lives. What mighty move of God is not happening in your life right now because of a compromised “yes” or “no”?

Bullying Outdoor Diners

In the summer of 2020, a disturbing video came out showing a large crowd of protestors surrounding and shouting at outdoor diners at a restaurant in downtown Washington, DC. The protestors wanted the diners to make a gesture of solidarity with their cause.

All the diners complied, except two. One couple silently refused. They kept their eyes locked on each other, being each other’s anchor of strength in what must have been an ocean of fear. They didn’t say a word as the protestors got in their face, screaming at them to make the gesture.

The spiritual warfare going on became obvious when a lead protestor started shouting at them, “Why won’t you do it? Are you Christians? Is that why you won’t do it?” I thought, wow. I think that protestor realized true Christians, once they decide to stand, cannot be bullied, and it would only make the protestors look worse to continue trying. So the crowd moved on.

Governments Bullying Churches

Worshipping Jesus without government interference should be a no-brainer.

Yes, nobody wants to get coronavirus. Social distancing, not passing collection plates, individual communion elements, wearing masks in common areas are all good ideas. Covid-19 is a real thing, and we all want to be safe.

But nobody tells us we can’t gather together and worship our God, even if we have to do it in our cars or virtually. Especially while the same government allows liquor stores and abortion centers to remain open. Especially while these same governors are photographed at their social events without masks or social distancing.

There may come a time when Christian practice is outlawed for “public safety.” This has been done before.

Nero burned down Rome, blamed the Christians, and persecuted them as domestic terrorists. If the media said in-person church services were responsible for spreading a deadly virus, whether it was true or not, would many communities have mobs burning down churches “for the public safety”?

We could be closer to that nightmare scenario than many of us realize. In that event, are we prepared to still tell the government, “yes,” we will continue to worship our God? If that time comes, we’ll have a lot to learn from our brothers and sisters in China.

Your Turn

How have you stood up to bullies? Did it involve saying “yes” or “no” and sticking with it? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share this post to encourage others.

Why Good Friends Don’t Accept You Just the Way You Are

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What do you want in your friends? What makes a good friend? Many people would answer, “A good friend accepts you just the way you are.”

I beg to differ. That’s not a friend.

Both your local waiter and the cashier at your gas station accept you just the way you are. Because they don’t care about you. As long as you leave a good tip or pay for your gas with a good attitude, they’re fine with you. They really don’t care if you’re hurting yourself. A good friend does.

A good friend receives you just the way you are, not accepts you just the way you are.

A good friend receives you just the way you are. But they won’t accept your self-destructive behaviors, and they don’t want you to accept theirs.

We Don’t Accept Self-Destructive Behavior in People We Love

The world has this very confused. The world says, “love is love,” meaning any sexual relationship is acceptable if the people involved love each other. But that’s simply not true. Far too many churches, some whole denominations, have compromised on this point to gain the favor and acceptance of the world.

The world’s definition of “love” is not saying boo to anybody about what they do or how they live. But that’s not love. That’s indifference. Indifference (not hatred) is the opposite of love.

There are forces in the culture trying to bully us into accepting sexually immoral lifestyles as normal in the name of love. They do so, not because they love the people involved, but so that they get votes and cling to power. Once firmly entrenched in power, they will enslave the very people who voted for them.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. (Proverbs 27:6)

Love is shouting, “Stop! You’re hurting yourself! Don’t do that!” Not out of legalism or religion, but out of an identification with the deep harm and pain the person is causing themselves.

The world hates Christians for this. Christians should be passionate for sexual integrity and purity – sex reserved for one man and one woman inside a marriage relationship.

Think about it – most of the lawlessness we see in our society today comes from fatherlessness, which is a direct result of sexual immorality.

To truly love people the way Jesus did, we need to be willing to tell them their lifestyle is self-destructive. Now please hear me. I’m not saying beat anybody over the head with your 97-pound Scofield Reference Bible. We need to be wise, which usually means being gentle, but sometimes not. But being wise always means being led by the Holy Spirit, communicating in a way the other person can understand. Whether they receive it or not is on them.

Good Wisdom from a Lousy Movie

Remember the movie Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, and Shia LeBeouf? Indiana Jones (played by Harrison Ford, of course) runs into his ex from Raiders of the Lost Ark, Marion Ravenwood (played by Karen Allen). She’s remarried and has a son (played by Shia LeBeouf).

Indiana talks to the boy who’s complaining about the rigorous education his mother tried to force on him, and how his dropping out of school has strained their relationship. Indiana Jones assures the boy school’s really no big deal. When Indiana sees Marion, he tells her to lighten up on the boy. After all, school’s not for everyone.

Marion tells Indiana the boy is actually his son. After he picks his jaw up off the floor, the first thing out of Indiana’s mouth is, “Why didn’t you make him stay in school?!?”

While a humorous scene in a silly movie, it illustrates a deeper point. When the boy was somebody else’s kid, Indiana Jones couldn’t care less about him, and just wanted him to be comfortable and happy. Primarily because that made life easier for Indiana Jones. Who wants to deal with somebody else’s problems?

But as soon as the young man was his son, well, suddenly, that’s different. Now he cares about what’s ultimately best for the boy, not just what brings happiness at this moment.

Good Parents Don’t Accept Just Anything

I have heard so many of my fellow parents say, “I just want my daughter (or son) to be happy).” I’m not a violent man, but when people say that, I just want to smack them.

“Don’t you love your child?” I want to scream at them. “Why on earth would you just want your child to be happy?”

There are so many more important things for your child to be than happy. What about maturity? What about loving God? What about self-sufficient? What about giving? What about being a person of character? None of those things are built into a person’s life by happiness, but by hard work, sacrifice, and choosing delayed gratification.

Honestly, if you just want your child to be happy, let him live with you in your basement playing video games until you die. We all know those people, and we pity them. Their parents have crippled their children for life.

Not Accepting and Controlling Are 2 Different Things

Not accepting self-destructive behavior doesn’t mean trying to control or manipulate the person into making good choices. It is their life and they have to live it and be responsible for it. Not accepting self-destructive behavior does not mean that we don’t honor their right to choose.

We need to let our children live their own adventure.

Not accepting self-destructive behavior means we speak up. For God’s sake, speak up! From a place of relationship, not legalism, we speak up. Put as many disclaimers on it as you want to soften the blow, but speak up. Tell your friend, or your family member if you have the relationship to do so, that they are harming themselves, or about to.

That’s your responsibility as a good friend, or a parent, or family. What they do with it is up to them. So we speak up, but we still honor their right to choose.

It’s Not about the Behavior. It’s about the Wounding.

Remember also that the real issue with self-destructive behavior, whether it’s addictions or sexual immorality, isn’t the behavior itself. It’s the hidden wounding causing the behavior. That’s what we need to get to. Get the person’s wounding healed, and the behavior will take care of itself.

That’s why so many people who quit smoking gain weight. The addiction just pops up somewhere else because the underlying wound was never dealt with.

That’s why legalizing same-sex marriage and normalizing transgender is so destructive in our society. These people are deeply wounded, to the extent that even their sexual attraction and gender identity are confused.

But our society puts a band-aid on their bleeding emotional artery and says, “No, you’re fine! No problem here.” And so we deny them the healing Jesus wants to give them. That is not love.

We need to love people enough to tell them the truth. In love, with all the disclaimers you want, but still the truth. With a spoonful of sugar maybe, but not watered down. Are you willing?

Your Turn

Has someone spoken into your life something that you initially resented, but later respected and appreciated them for? Or maybe you’ve taken the risk to share something the other person really needed to hear that you knew may not be well received? Tell us your story in the comments. And please share this post if it would bless others.

Performance Orientation

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I’ve lived my whole life, since I was a young boy, to hear Jesus say, on that Day, “Well done good and faithful servant.” (See Matthew 25:21 & 23.) Those six blessed words.

While I was reflecting on how much I want to hear him say that, I heard the Lord tell me, in the loving way he always does, “Dave, you’re not going to hear me say that on that Day.”

Shocked. I was totally shocked in my spirit. I’ve been longing for that my whole life. Dumbfounded, I could only ask, “Why not, Lord?”

His answer caught me off guard. “I’ve been saying it to you for over 50 years and you haven’t heard it. What makes you think you’ll hear me when I say it then?”

Wow. He continued. “Dave, I want you to hear me say it now. So that’s finally settled in your heart. I don’t want longing to hear that to be the focus of your life. I want loving me and living the life I have for you to be the focus of your life.”

God is so good. He doesn’t leave us where we are. He’s always drawing us closer to himself.

He didn’t want me to waste my energy trying desperately to hear something he’s already told me.

I had a Performance Orientation. God wanted to heal it in that season. I repented of it. It’s sin.

Performance Orientation is the belief (often held unconsciously) that we have to earn love, to earn the right to be loved. The implicit lie is that we’re not worth loving unless we earn it by doing something.

I honestly think the majority of us in the church have Performance Orientation to some degree. God wants to heal it. We can’t earn his love. Performance Orientation leaves us in the impossible situation of trying to earn by hard work what we already have by inheritance.

Performance Orientation is becoming the good __________ at the expense of ourselves, our true self. What fills in the blank for you? Christian? Leader? Wife? Husband? Student? Good person? Good boy? Good girl?

Fear is the fuel for Performance Orientation. “I won’t have enough if I don’t perform.”

On the other hand, the cure for Performance Orientation is Intimacy (= Into Me See), accepting love based on who we are, not what we’ve done. We fear intimacy because we’re afraid if someone’s close they’ll see it’s all a sham. They’ll see who we really are.

My heart was stuck trying to earn love. God wants me to have that settled, so he and I can move on, and do what hearts that are loved do. Soar! Do the impossible without paralyzing fear. I can’t take the risks of living fearlessly while I’m still afraid of not being loved. I can’t both live a life of faith and of fear of not being loved. Neither can you.

Your Turn

He’s calling me to live a life of faith. How about you? Do you struggle with this? Or have you already been set free from it? Either way, tell us in the comments. And please share on social media if this would help someone else.

4 Ways to Get the Healing We Need

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All of us have wounding. We live in a fallen world with a powerful spiritual enemy who wants to destroy us, or at least keep us from living the adventure God created us for. Our enemy does this by wounding us. The good news is, Jesus heals wounding.

But how? How do we go about getting our wounding healed? It doesn’t happen on its own. Here are 4 ways we can pursue our healing with both hands. Most of us need some unique combination of these. Everyone’s healing path is different; there is no universal formula or timetable. Ask the Holy Spirit what’s right for you.

1) Counseling

Professional counselors are brilliant at providing the tools for living we should’ve learned growing up but didn’t. Honestly, all of us can use a healthy dose of good counseling.

Don’t be afraid to try different counselors before you find the one that works for you. This process can take a year or two or more, but keep at it. The right counselor is out there. It could be a professional counselor, a pastor, or a life coach, or a combination thereof.

There’s wisdom in using more than one professional at the same time. Often, they deal with different areas. For example, professional counselors typically can deal with different things than pastors, and pastors will deal with things counselors often won’t touch.

For example, we’ve had people say they got more healing in a 10-week abortion healing Bible study then they got in 25 years of counseling. That doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with their counseling; it just means it wasn’t dealing with the critical issue.

BTW, if you have had sexual abuse, an abortion, or other types of trauma, you need healing from people who deal with that specific thing.

Pro Tip: If there’s anything in your life where you say, “I’ll talk about anything but this,” that’s probably the thing you need to get specific healing for. It could be your relationship with a parent, an abortion, sexual abuse, or another form of trauma. But if there’s pain you don’t want to go to, going to that pain is probably where your healing lies.

You can find wise and well-trained practitioners in our free 1-page resource list at the bottom of this post.

2) Deliverance

Deliverance is the process of removing demonic influences (or, in some cases, control) from your life. Now don’t flip out. This is not what you see in Hollywood or anything creepy or scary. For a Christian, this is just a spiritual reality.

While Christians cannot be overtly possessed, we can certainly be oppressed, and we often are. All of us need some degree of deliverance.

“You cannot counsel a demon. You have to drive that sucker out with power and authority.” –John Fichtner

Demons have power in our lives when we believe their lies. So even as Christians, we can give demons a foothold in our lives. If the foothold stays there long enough, it gets reinforced as a structure. If the structure stays there long enough, it gets built into a stronghold.

A stronghold has a strong hold on us, because it’s built on a foundation of lies we take for granted as truth.

Deliverance is the process of tearing down those lies, forgiving whoever tempted us to believe them (often by sin against us), repenting of believing them, and replacing them with God’s truth. Once the lie is repented of and no longer believed, the demons attached to it have no more legal right to be in your life and can be commanded out.

In the early days of the church learning about deliverance, there was a lot of rolling around on the floor, snotting and vomiting, shouting, and other crazy stuff. Demons love to make a show and embarrass the person. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Not at all.

Deliverance is one of those things where a little bit of knowledge can do a whole lot of damage. There are a lot of poor practitioners out there who really don’t know what they’re doing.

If you’ve had a negative experience with deliverance, don’t give up. A trained practitioner who knows what they’re doing won’t let the demons put on a show. In fact, they take authority right from the beginning to make a safe space to explore with you the truth God wants to bring.

You can find wise and well-trained practitioners in our free 1-page resource list at the bottom of this post.

3) Inner Healing

When we are wounded, we often respond in a sinful way. While the original sin or trauma against us is not in any way our fault, our sinful response to it is. We often make inner vows to protect ourselves, rejecting God as our protector.

  • “I’ll never let anyone close to me again. I’ll reject them before they reject me.”
  • “I’ll never be angry like my dad (or mom).”
  • “I’ll never rely on anyone. I’ll take care of myself.”

Those inner vows lead to bitter root expectations of how we will be treated. If we expect abandonment, we gravitate to relationships with people likely to abandon us. If we feel unworthy of love, we gravitate to relationships with abusive people who don’t treat us lovingly.

Inner healing is the process of identifying those inner vows, repenting of making them, renouncing them, and replacing them with God’s truth. You can read about the principles of inner healing in Dave’s FREE fun and engaging story here, The Runt: A Fable of Giant Inner Healing. In fact, periodically we do a 12-week zoom group going through the ebook. That link takes you to the waiting list page, but you can also download the ebook from there.

Inner healing is similar to deliverance in that a little knowledge can do a lot of damage. There are a lot of poor practitioners out there. You can find good ones in our resource list at the bottom of this post.

4) Medication

There’s nothing unspiritual about medication. Some people need medication first to level them out enough to receive inner healing, deliverance, or counseling. Other people need some deliverance or inner healing first before the medication can work, and then some good counseling. There’s no universal formula.

Your healing journey will be unique to you. Don’t let shame, or the unfortunate ignorance of other Christians, keep you from getting medication if you need it. Talk to your doctor. Talk to your pastor. Sign releases and ask them to talk to each other. Get everyone on your team on the same page.

What They All Have in Common

What do all things have in common? Two main things.

(1) Someone else is helping you. You can’t do it alone. Remember, shame is the major tool of our enemy to keep you living in wounding. Shame gets its power from secrecy and isolation. So in just reaching out for help, you’ve broken 90% of shame’s power right there. That’s why initially asking for help in the first place can be the hardest part.

(2) Going into the pain. In each case, you’re going to where the pain is. This is why so many people medicate their pain instead of getting healing for it. Getting healing hurts! Healing lies on the other side of the pain, and you have to go through the pain to get there. But you can get there.

So How about It?

Are you willing to go through a painful season of healing in your life, in order to live the adventure God created you for? An adventure beyond your wildest dreams? We would love to walk that journey with you. Reach out to us with an email.

Also, if you’re looking for healing, you can download our free 1-page resource list here. We have either personally benefitted from or personally know each of these ministries and we vouch for them. They know what they’re doing. (We do not have any affiliate relationship with any of these ministries.)

Have you been through healing and come out the other side? Leave a comment; your story will help others.

And please share this post to bless more people.

6 Ways the Enemy Keeps Us in Pain

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Our enemy is terrified of who God created you to be. And for good reason. When one Christian actually steps into the adventure God created him to live, the enemy’s kingdom suffers tremendous losses. Structures of lies that took decades to build come crumbling down in a moment. Whole people groups are set free. The atmosphere of an entire city changes.

The influence of one person living out her calling is felt for generations into the future, destroying the false works of a thousand ungodly pagans or compromised Christians. Seriously. One puts a thousand to flight.

“One of you routs a thousand, because the Lord your God fights for you, just as he promised.” –Joshua 23:10

So the enemy fights with everything he has to keep us from living the adventure God created us for. His primary strategy is trauma or sin against us which is not our fault. (Of course if he can deceive us to sin and inflict trauma on ourselves, that’s a bonus.) Wounding in our lives causes tremendous pain. Pain produces fear, and fear keeps us from living the adventure God created us for. Goal achieved.

He’s an expert at getting us to live in fear because he lives in fear. He’s read the Bible; he knows what’s coming. He’s terrified of his future, and he’s terrified of ours.

He provides false ways to deal with the pain in our lives. They all alleviate the pain (temporarily) without dealing with the underlying wounding. Hence, they all are doomed to fail in the long run.

See if you recognize any of these 6 demonic strategies operating in your own life. Some of them have certainly operated in mine. Often, they operate in combination.

1) Denial

Pain? No, there’s no pain here. Nothing to see, go back to your lives, citizens. It’s amazing how obvious it is when some else is denying an issue in their life, and equally amazing how blinded we can be to our own.

We see this in the church all the time. That thing in my past, no problem there. It’s all under the Blood! Yes, our entire past is covered under the redeeming Blood of Jesus. But being forgiven and being healed are two entirely different things.

We don’t go looking for things in our past, or new hip things to blame our parents for. But consistent bad fruit in our lives comes from somewhere. Too much of American church life is sin management, where we just deal with the obvious bad fruit without getting the root causes.

We too often deal with the symptoms, not the disease. All that does is teach us to get really good at hiding the symptoms while the disease goes merrily on, secretly wreaking havoc in our lives until it explodes.

If our past planted roots in our life that bear bad fruit in the present, then it’s not a past problem at all, is it? It’s a present problem, and we might have to go into the past to heal it.

2) Addictions

Medicating the pain. This is a bonus for the enemy, since many addictions, even when legal, lead to their own nasty consequences. Smoking leads to cancer. Drug and alcohol abuse lead to lying, theft, violence and/or jail time.

Sex addictions lead to broken relationships, exploiting other people as objects, epidemic fatherless in our society, and a deep-rooted self-hatred.

Yet in the moment, the addiction numbs the pain. So we learn to live for the moment, regardless of future consequences. We find ourselves in the bondage of just living for the next hit of our drug of choice.

3) Busy, Busy, Busy!

Fill your days with busyness, doing all the good, safe things. Never take a moment to hear the passionate cry of our heart.

In inner healing we call this Performance Orientation. It’s another form of addiction. It’s hard to identify because it looks so good on the outside. But it’s just a socially acceptable way of medicating pain.

4) Constant Media

Barrage your thoughts with a constant stream of noise, drowning out the whisper of God’s calling. The goal is to avoid any quiet moment when the Holy Spirit might speak to us.

The practice of silence is a lost art in our society. But it’s desperately needed. Please take some time each day to unplug. Even if it’s just 10 minutes.

This practice probably saved my life. When I went through my rebellious time in high school, I filled my days with noise. The Holy Spirit spoke to me in the quiet moments when I’d be getting ready for bed. Fortunately for me, we didn’t have earbuds back then that could keep the distractions flowing dawn to dusk. I heard him in those quiet moments and repented, turning back to him. Otherwise, I probably would not have survived the more difficult times in my adolescence that were to follow.

5) Cause Pain in Others

If I’m creating victims, I must not be one, right? Hurt people hurt people. The enemy gets exponential mileage out of this one. The perpetrator medicates his own pain by inflicting trauma on others.

I am in no way excusing any sin against you. And the perpetrator should go to jail if it was a crime. You deserve justice. But it can help in your healing to reprofile that person, realizing that they were acting out of their own wounding. Forgiveness is not pretending they didn’t do evil to you or letting them off the hook, but coming to the place where they are not the evil they did to you.

6) Control

Often, as a result of trauma or pain in our lives, we make inner vows to control so we won’t get hurt again. The problem is, that never works. But that doesn’t mean we stop trying. We’re deceived into thinking it’s safer that facing the pain. It certainly hurts less.

All of These Strategies Reinforce Shame

Shame is the #1 reason people don’t get healing. Shame makes us feel like we are something wrong. And since we are the thing that’s wrong, we can never be healed. The truth is, we have something wrong, but Jesus can totally heal it. It doesn’t have to be this way forever.

But God

Eventually, because of the pursuit of God’s relentless love, these things stop working. When what used to work in our lives no longer works, that’s a sign God wants to heal something. Although it doesn’t feel graceful because some aspect of our life is falling apart, it’s actually God’s grace to bring us into a season of healing.

So How about You?

Can you relate? Have you experienced these strategies in your life? Tell us in the comments; your story will help others. Or are you experiencing them now and want freedom? Shoot us an email; we’d love to share your journey with you. And please share this post to reach more people.

How to Know When You’re Decorating the Walls of Your Prison

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We all do the best we can to make our lives beautiful. But sometimes we get comfortable with behaviors, either our own or others, that aren’t healthy. We’ve been subject to them for so long they feel normal. Maybe they’re even common. But they aren’t healthy. So instead of living in the mansion of freedom Jesus has for us, we end up decorating the walls of our prison cell.

We make that prison cell look really nice too. It’s a comfortable place. But it’s a prison and it’s keeping us bound. It’s keeping us from the freedom that Jesus has for us.

The sticky wicket is, we often don’t know it. Here are 3 red flags that can clue you into the truth that you might be decorating your prison cell walls, instead of your room in the mansion of freedom that Jesus has for you.

1) There’s Something in the Past that’s Not Been Healed

We hear this one all the time in Christian circles. “It’s in the past; it’s under the blood.” That’s true. But if it’s causing present day bad fruit in your life—addictions, unworthiness, self-hatred, etc.—then it’s not in the past at all, is it?

When we become a Christian, we have that moment at the cross where we surrender and make Jesus the Lord of our life. Our past is instantly forgiven by the power of his blood. But that doesn’t mean it’s healed. Often it’s not.

Think of it this way. Have you ever changed the oil in your car and put the old oil in a milk carton? You mean to throw it away the next day, but life happens and you forget. Stuff gets piled up in the garage in front of that milk carton and you forget it’s back there.

Oil can last a long time in a milk carton. But eventually, that bugger’s going to leak. And it’s going to seep into every other cardboard box around it.

So, come December, you get the box of Christmas ornaments. But what’s that stain on the box? Weird. You clean it up and wipe off any ornaments affected. But then another box gets stained, and the books you stored inside are ruined. What’s up with that? Where’s this goop coming from?

You don’t realize that old oil is slowly seeping out of that milk carton, way in the back, into everything around it. And it’s going to keep happening, seeping into every different box in your life, until you deal with it.

“But I changed that oil years ago! It’s in the past!” Yeah, but if it’s seeping into boxes today and ruining things, it’s a present-day problem.

2) You’re Not Willing to Go There – “Anything but This”

Ok, maybe you know what that thing is, but you’re not willing to go there.

Doing post-abortive healing work, we’ve seen people with various different traumas in their life. Sometimes people say, “Anything but that. I’ll deal with my sexual abuse as a child, my abusive marriage, my addictions, my depression. But we’re not going to talk about my abortion.” But if that’s the milk carton the oil is leaking from, God wants to go there so he can heal it.

3) You Give but You Won’t Receive

So many Christians, especially leaders, medicate their pain by serving. If you’re happy to give to others but won’t receive yourself, you’re likely decorating the walls of your prison cell.

For example, if you’re on the Sunday morning prayer team, but won’t get prayer when you’re hurting, you might be decorating the walls of your prison cell.

If you’re a pastor, who do you get ministry from? You need a support network too. It’s ok if it needs to be someone outside your church. But it needs to be someone. If you don’t go to anyone for ministry or counseling yourself, are you medicating your own pain through ministry? Are you decorating the walls of your prison cell? Jesus has freedom for you.

What to Do When You See It

So what do you do when you realize, “On snap! I’ve been decorating the walls of my prison all these years?”

Get healing for that thing. Yes, that one, way back there. Counseling is a great place to start, either pastoral or professional. Preferably get both, and sign releases so they can talk to each other. You want everybody on the same page.

BTW, if either poo-poos the other, that is, if your pastor poo-poos professional counselor or your counselor poo-poos pastoral counseling, that’s a red flag. Find a different one. You don’t want counseling from either a pastor or a professional with a messiah “all you need is me” complex. They’re probably medicating their own pain by fixing you. Not healthy. Find someone who’s humble and willing to work as a team.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Share your story in the comments; it will help others. And please share if this post will bless others.

How to Do a Powerful Spiritual Reset in 2 Steps

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Starting in late February 2020, during Lent, our church embarked on a sermon series called “Reset: Next Generation.” We sought God through congregational fasting about if and how the Holy Spirit wants our church to change. We found out later that many prophetic voices across Christendom in that same time period received similar words. Reset.

Then covid-19 hit. Talk about a reset! It is pretty much resetting the whole world, which is not necessarily a bad thing, although it’s certainly painful.

I am in no way playing down the seriousness of covid-19, or the tragedy that has played out all around the world, from China to South Korea to Iran to Italy to Spain to France to New York. Nor am I downplaying the longer-term danger of this hour, where dark forces in our government are testing using this opportunity to steer America toward socialism. If history is any teacher, surrendering “rights” for “security” is a good way to lose both.

But, except for our indirect voice in voting, those decisions are way above our paygrade for most of us. So while, yes, all of that is in play, I think God is doing something else on a grass roots level, where each of us lives as individuals. God is offering every church, and more importantly each of us individually, own personal “reset” during this season.

If we, the people of God, correctly discern this season and reset accordingly to the opportunity God is affording us now, then everything else will fall into place. Because all those “bigger” things are just made up of people. So if people will reset, the churches will reset in intimacy. The government will reset in righteousness. Corporations will reset in integrity. Society will reset in godliness. Resets in all the “big” things above our paygrade start with resets in us.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and heal their land. – 2 Chronicles 7:14

The best thing about 2 Chronicles 7:14 is it doesn’t matter what the pagans do. It matters what God’s people do. If we take this opportunity to hear the Holy Spirit and reset our lives, God will take care of the rest and heal our land. I think God is inviting us to partner with him in ushering in the Third Great Awakening.

So how do we reset? We perform resets on our devices every day. I think we can learn a lot for this season by the way computers reset. In particular, here are two ways we can perform a godly reset during this golden opportunity.

1) What Memory Do You Need to Power Off?

We’ve all had the experience of working on a computer when either the power goes out or our laptop battery dies. Doh! I just lost all that work I didn’t save! In the computer industry, we have a saying: “There are two types of computer users: Those who have lost critical data, and those who are about to. Save often.”

When the power bounces and a computer resets, the first thing that happens is volatile memory is lost. Everything on the hard drive is still there, but whatever was actually inside the working memory of the computer is gone.

When God performed resets in the Bible, there is often something that needs to be forgotten. Not “forgotten” in the sense of “not remembered anymore”—it’s important to remember where we’ve come from and what God’s done for us so far. But “forgotten” in the sense of “not lived out anymore.”

For example, look at some of God’s resets in the Bible:

  • Israel’s Deliverance from Egypt through Moses. The people of Israel needed to forget how to live under oppression as slaves. Their inability to forget that lifestyle caused a lot of problems.
  • The Captivity in Babylon. God’s people needed to forget their godless, pagan practices and lifestyles.
  • The Cross. The greatest reset in human history so far, we could now forget legalism.
  • Jesus’ Return. Still to come, we will be able to forget injustice as he sets everything right.

What do you need to forget in your life? What godless lifestyle and/or practice do you need to leave behind? Going deeper, what pain is that thing medicating? What sin against you by someone else, what oppression, what injustice, does God want to heal?

2) Reset Your BIOS

When a computer boots up, the first program to execute is the BIOS, the Basic Input/Output System. Most computers display a splash screen while this is happening. A computer’s BIOS sets up the basic stuff it needs to operate—all the input/output devices, like the hard drive, the keyboard, the monitor, the mouse, the USB ports. A computer can’t do much without input or output. Neither can you.

In fact, all of a computer’s output, everything it does, is a function of the input it’s given. That’s why we say in the computer industry “GIGO: Garbage In, Garbage Out.” As humans, we work the same way.

Use this period of God’s reset to refresh your BIOS. What inputs are you allowing into your spirit? What media do you watch? What media do you listen to? The input you consume directly affects the output of your life, even if you don’t see it.

Often, tragically, we hold ourselves back from the fullness God has for us by the media we consume. Because we don’t experience that closeness to God, we don’t know what we’re missing. We think we’re fine but in reality we’re only living a shadow of what we could be.

Use this opportunity to re-evaluate all the media you consume, from video games to TV to movies to music. Don’t take anything for granted, but ask the Holy Spirit what that media looks like through God’s eyes.

One real simple litmus test for godly media: Does it contain or promote sex outside of marriage (between one man and one woman)?

If your favorite TV show has people sleeping together who aren’t married—or homosexual or transsexual characters where that lifestyle is portrayed as acceptable—watching that show is harming you. It doesn’t matter if the rest of the world is watching it. It’s moving you further away from God.

Does the music you’re listening to degrade women by reducing them to sex objects? Modern rap is notorious for this; although, there’s good rap out there too. Every generation has its unredeemed music. There’s a reason you’ve probably never heard the words to Glenn Miller’s 1940s hit “In the Mood.” You’ve probably only heard big bands play the instrumental version. Although the music is awesome, the words are straight lust.

Now I’m a musician, and I love secular music. There’s a lot of good stuff out there. So no legalism here, just fact. I’m just saying as the people of God, we need to be discerning about the media we allow ourselves to consume. Not to win brownie points on some legalistic checklist, but because it’s taking us further away from our lover-God.

The Question before Us

I believe, in this season of God’s reset upon the earth, he is wanting to launch the Third Great Awakening by drawing us back to himself. Will you turn off the TV, put down the headphones, silence your phone, and spend time with the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the God who loves you? Will you unplug for a moment and reset your life centered on Jesus? What an exciting time to be alive!

Why You Need a Bias toward Action

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It’s counter-intuitive, but action wins over clarity every time. Waiting to act until we have clarity will keep us paralyzed, never realizing our calling. It’s just socially acceptable procrastination.

Mother Teresa

A reporter visited Mother Teresa to do a story. When getting ready to leave, he asked her to pray for him for clarity. He had some big decisions he had to make back home that he was stressed about. She told him no.

He was shocked. “What do you mean you won’t pray for me? You’re Mother Teresa!”

She answered him, “I can’t pray for you for clarity because I’ve never had it. But I will pray for you for faith.”

Who Are We Trusting?

Waiting for clarity before we step out is really a form of self-idolatry. “I’ll be safe if I figure this out first. My clarity is my security, and then who needs God? I got this.”

I had a pastor who always used to say, “You spell faith R-I-S-K.” It’s a scary thing to trust God instead of ourselves. Faith is risky. But faith is where our calling lies.

Ships Weren’t Made for Docks

Waiting for clarity keeps your ship chained to the dock. It’s a lot safer than sailing out in that big, scary ocean, where many ships have sunk. But it’s not what the ship was made for.

Staying safe isn’t what you were made for, either. You were made for adventure. What’s the passion of your heart? God put that there.

“It’s a scary thing to step outside your front door.” – Bilbo Baggins

The Best Way to Get Clarity

The best way to get clarity is to act. Try something. What’s the next right thing? If you were actually going to pursue that passion in your heart, what’s the first baby step you’d take? Do that.

“Clarity comes with action.” – Jeff Goins

A former mentor, Jeff Goins, used to always say, “Clarity comes with action.” After you try something, you have much greater clarity about it. You’ve learned something. It worked or it didn’t. Most likely, it partially worked, and you’ve learned how to make it better.

Talk About Fear

A bunch of Christians running around fulfilling the passion God put in their hearts is Hell’s nightmare scenario. This is what keeps the enemy up at night. Because if we actually live out who God created us to be, the Kingdom of Darkness falls all across the world like a house of cards.

Yet all the enemy can do to prevent us from fulfilling our destiny, reaching our potential, and living our calling is pass his fear along to us. If he can anchor us to the dock of false safety with fear disguised as needing clarity before acting, he wins.

The people our message will touch are loved by God. But until we start doing things to move toward our calling, those precious lives remain firmly under enemy control. How sad.

On that Day we meet him face-to-face, what if Jesus shows us all the resources of Heaven that were positioned to help us live out our heart’s passion? Like dominoes, they were ready to fall into place to enable our calling. But it never happened because we never pushed over that first domino. How tragic would that be! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to have that conversation.

How to Use Your Brain

No one is saying be stupid. Use the brain God gave you. But use your brain to figure out the wisest path toward the passion God put in your heart. Don’t let your brain talk you out of it. So often “waiting for clarity” is just an excuse to live in fear.

Your brain is your GPS. It navigates the route. It never selects, or denies, your destination.

Say you get in your car and enter a destination into your GPS. “You really don’t want to go there,” said no one’s GPS ever. No. You, the driver, pick the destination, and, given that destination, your GPS plans the best route. That’s how it works. Your GPS is not allowed to have an opinion about your selected destination. Neither does your brain.

Your heart, led by the Holy Spirit, is the driver. Your passion is the destination. Your brain doesn’t have the right to talk you out of it. Your brain’s job is to say, “Ok, given that’s your passion, here’s the route. Here’s the best way to realize that in your life.”

Then take that first baby step. Clarity comes with action.

Your Turn

What’s the passion in your heart? Are you “waiting for clarity”? What is the first baby step you can take? Tell us in the comments. And please share if this would bless someone else.