The Key to Living in the Inheritance of Abundance, and Not Entitlement, by Embracing Gratitude

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So many people live in a scarcity mindset. This causes jealousy and self-destructive behavior in relationships. These people intrinsically believe there’s only a limited amount and I might not have enough. For example, when bosses sabotage their up-and-coming star employees, they’re afraid and threatened by another’s success because of a scarcity mindset. “If you succeed, there won’t be enough for me.”

The opposite of a scarcity mindset is an abundance mindset, the intrinsic belief that’s there’s enough to go around. I’m not threatened by your success, and I can even help you achieve the success I want, because I believe there’s plenty to go around. But there are two kinds of abundance mindsets, an unhealthy one and a healthy one. And they seem sometimes only a millimeter apart, but the end difference is huge. And they are separated by one thing.

Entitlement is the unhealthy abundance mindset. Samson lived in entitlement (see Judges 13-16). He had very little relationship with God, or he couldn’t have lived a lifestyle that broke God’s heart. His lifestyle spit in God’s face. He lived with Delilah, a Philistine woman obviously bent on betraying him. She finally did betray him, and it did not end well for Samson. He took his gifting for granted. He was entitled.

David, on the other hand, lived in inheritance, which is the healthy abundance mindset. When facing Goliath, they both knew this was a fight to the death, that one of them would die that day. But David was like, “I can’t die today because I’ve got a prophesy from Samuel that I’m going to be the next king of Israel. So who does that leave, Goliath? Stinks to be you.” He ran to the battle line, living in the power of his inheritance (see 1 Samuel 17:48).

David wasn’t perfect, far from it, but his sin (adultery with Bathsheba and murdering her husband Uriah, see 1 Samuel 11) was an isolated incident, not a lifestyle like Samson’s was. David repented and was broken over it when God confronted him (1 Samuel 12 and Psalm 51).

That doesn’t make it ok, and David lived in the consequences of that sin the rest of his life, as it played itself out breaking his heart in his family. His children raped and murdered each other (1 Samuel 13). He had to run for his life when they came after him (1 Samuel 15). And he had to pretend to be happy about it when his son was killed (1 Samuel 18).

David had a rich relationship with God. You can read it in the Psalms, the most raw book in the Bible. Sometimes David starts out yelling at God (see Psalm 13), but he always ends up trusting in God’s goodness. David lived in inheritance—the reality that the favor on his life was not his own. It was given to him. Samson trusted in his own strength and his own devices—that lie that he owned the favor in his life. Samson lived in entitlement.

So what, at the practical level, is the difference between living in entitlement and living in inheritance? How do we cultivate one over the other? This one thing makes all the difference. Gratitude.

Gratitude is the difference between entitlement and inheritance. (Thank you Kris Vallotton!)

Here’s the key to living in gratitude.

Be the Steward, not the King. In The Lord of the Rings, conflict arises between Gandalf and Denethor, the Steward of Gondor, because Denethor wants to be king. Denethor wants to own stuff. While he’s more concerned about blocking the return of the true king of Gondor (Aragorn) than he is about stewarding his kingdom well, orcs overrun his city because he’s let the defenses go to pot. Denethor lived in entitlement, and it blinded him to the real threat.

Here’s 4 practical examples of living this out, of living in gratitude and the healthy abundance mindset that inheritance brings:

  1. Don’t own anything. I don’t mean physically, of course we own stuff. I mean at a heart level. Don’t let yourself become emotionally (or spiritually) attached to stuff that’s all going to burn anyway. Take care of the material blessings God has given you as if they are not your own, but belong to a dear friend. Steward material blessings well.
  2. Don’t own your body. You didn’t create your body, God did. Don’t give it over to sexual immorality. Only sleep with your spouse (after you’re married). Eat well and exercise. Not out of obligation, but because you love Jesus who gave it to you. We don’t really love someone if our lifestyle doesn’t honor them. Steward your body well.
  3. Don’t own your life. You didn’t choose to be born, God made your life and gave it to you. Choose to pursue your calling, that thing that makes your heart leap when you think about it. It may not outwardly look like the most responsible thing or make you the most money. But it will be the most profitable because it’s what God created you to do. God put that desire in your heart. Steward your life well.
  4. In humility, value others above yourselves (Philippians 2:3). This doesn’t mean allowing narcissists to run all over you. That would be allowing the life God gave you to be abused, and that’s not good stewardship. It means a healthy balance between being generous to others while allowing others the blessing of being generous to you. It means treating people with the value they have to God (which may be, out of their wounding, very different than how they are behaving at the moment). Steward your relationships well.

Living in the healthy abundance mindset of inheritance, a.k.a., gratitude, is the greatest adventure you’ll ever pursue. With an infinite God, there’s always more. So what are we waiting for? Let’s kill entitlement with gratitude!

Does this resonate? How has entitlement stolen your inheritance from you? Have you seen restoration through gratitude? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share if you think this would bless someone else.

Why We Are Here

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Something Janet and I saw recently on social media caught our ear. It wasn’t bad in itself. There wasn’t anything wrong with it, per se. But it was the implicit assumption behind it that bothered us.

Social media is often just a highlight reel, and shows all the exciting, exotic adventures. Nothing wrong with any of that. I love exciting, exotic adventures. It’s all good.

But the message was, “I’m finally living my purpose. God has given me this adventurous life to enjoy.”

We never know what someone’s been through or their story, especially on social media. I would not begrudge anyone a happy and pleasurable life. That’s all good. God wants us to enjoy life.

But rather than say, “God has given me this adventurous life to enjoy,” I would change the word “enjoy” to “live.” That might not look like a big change at first, but it is. It is a huge change in perspective.

Yes, God wants us to enjoy life. Enjoying life is good. I’m all for enjoying life. But that’s not our purpose.

Living the life God has created us to live is our purpose.

Frankl over Freud

Sigmund Freud said, in a nutshell: Life revolves around pleasure. People live and search for pleasure more than anything else. Sex is the greatest pleasure possible, so life is really all about sex.

Now I’m not a prude, and sex is a really important part of life. When practiced according to God’s design — one biological man and one biological woman, inside a marriage covenant — it’s an amazingly beautiful thing. Deep intimacy within a sole, uncompromising, life-long covenant commitment, marriage is a model of our relationship with God. (That’s why there’s no marriage in Heaven, see Matthew 22:30. We’ll have the real thing; we won’t need the model anymore.)

But pursuing pleasure, even sex, is not what life’s about. Another psychologist, Viktor Frankl disagreed with Freud. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl said, in a nutshell:

“People live and search for meaning. When they can’t find meaning, they settle for pleasure.”

— Viktor Frankl (my paraphrase), in Man’s Search for Meaning

Life is about purpose. We feel empty without it, and often medicate with all sorts of healthy and unhealthy pleasures when we can’t find it. But that doesn’t work. Pleasure doesn’t take away the void, the pain of an empty life lived without purpose. Pleasure only distracts us from the pain and the emptiness, and only temporarily.

So What’s Our Purpose?

Our purpose in the Kingdom of God is two-fold.

First, we were created to love God and be loved by him. That is success in life. Any definition of success beyond that is idolatry.

Second, we all have a unique purpose and calling on our life. It’s something we alone can bring into the world. It’s something that, if we don’t do it, no one will, and world will be worse off.

“This task was given to you, Frodo Baggins, and if you do not find a way, no one will.”

– Galadriel, in The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien

Loving God and Being Loved By Him

Like everything in the Kingdom, there is a corporate and individual component.

The individual component is our personal time with Jesus. This is everything, isn’t it? True fulfillment in life comes from this place of intimacy with Jesus. It’s that time you and him spend together alone, just the two of you, however you spend your time together. Private and intimate.

The corporate component is loving God in a loving, healthy, Church family. It’s where we participate with a body of believers and do life together, manifesting our love of God through our love for each other. Being part of a healthy, loving, church family is amazing. I couldn’t imagine life without these people. They are my real family.

The Unique Purpose and Call on Your Life

Counterintuitively, this also has a corporate and an individual component, like everything in the Kingdom.

Individually, your purpose is yours alone. It’s God’s unique calling on your life. It’s an exciting journey of discovery with him to uncover who you are and what you’re for. It’s exciting to partner with God for your life. And a bit terrifying, because your calling is bigger than what you could accomplish without him.

Whenever God talks to someone about their calling, Moses, Gideon, whoever, when they are overwhelmed by it and raise objections, God doesn’t disagree with their objections. He just says, “Nevertheless, I will be with you.” He loves the partnership with us!

Your calling is unique to you. One of the enemy’s greatest deceptions is getting us to judge others who are not called to what we’re called to. Everyone’s calling looks different, even when they are called to similar ministries.

So if our callings are unique to us, how can there be a corporate component? Because you can’t do it by yourself. None of us can accomplish our calling alone. We need community.

Even God needs community. It’s baked into the essence of his being. He has community within himself — Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We were made in his image, so we need community.

This community doesn’t have to be the church. God’s put us in lots of different communities. It could be your church. But it could also be your company, your school, your neighborhood, or a group of people doing what you’re doing. For example, an artist needs to hang around with other artists.

I have a writer’s mastermind group I’m in, peers doing the same online thing that I am. I couldn’t do this without them. Each of us are good at something the others aren’t. For example, I hate doing video, but there’s someone in our group who does it professionally. Someone else turned me on to a graphic designer they knew when I needed one. And I have helped them with their tech challenges.

To summarize:

To experience loving God, alone with him and together with other believers, and to walk out his unique calling on our life, with the help of a supportive community — that’s what we were created for.

Your Turn

How about you? Does this resonate? What obstacles have gotten in the way, or are in the way, between you and God? Do you know the calling on your life? Where are you on that journey of discovery? Have you found a community? Tell us your thoughts and your story in the comments; it will bless others. And please share this post if it would bless others.

Why Friendship Is the Foundation of Our Relationship with God

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What’s the most critical part of a building? Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? It’s all in the foundation. If the foundation isn’t right, it doesn’t matter how great the rest of the building is. The owner is going to have severe problems.

If the foundation of our relationship with God isn’t built on the right thing, we’re never going to live the abundant life Jesus came to give us (John 10:10). What is your relationship with God based on? What is the foundation?

Before we talk about what should be, here are 3 things that shouldn’t be the foundation of our relationship with God. Unfortunately, while these things are important, churches often teach them as the foundation. That’s a mistake.

(1) Not Obedience

Yes, obedience is important. We can’t love Jesus and live a sinful lifestyle (John 14:15, 1 John 2:3-6, 1 John 3:24). But if obedience is the foundation of our relationship with God, then Christianity is no better than Islam.

And, yes, Jesus ended the Sermon on the Mount with a parable about the foundation of putting his words into practice (Matthew 7:21-23). God’s principles work for whoever uses them; they are a great foundation to build your life on. But obedience to principles shouldn’t be the foundation of our relationship with God.

Churches teach obedience as the foundation when they are building their own Empire, instead of the Kingdom of God. Churches are often so afraid of people’s sin that they try to control it. But God doesn’t control sin; he deals with it. Church is not supposed to be sin management. It’s supposed to be life transformation.

While important, obedience isn’t the foundation of our relationship with God.

(2) Not Belief

Belief is important. Good doctrine is important. Faith is important. And while all are important to our Christian life, none of these should be the foundation.

Many churches have fallen into this trap. Again, if belief and good doctrine are the foundation of our relationship with God, then Christianity is no better than Islam.

Unfortunately in the West, we’ve exalted our intellect, gotten all up in our heads, and made idols out of logic, science, medicine, and technology. There’s nothing wrong with those things when kept in proper perspective.

But when we live like we have it all figured out, we devalue our hearts, which is where God wants to go. Jesus was much more concerned with the heart than the intellect. He said, “My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them” (John 14:23b). I don’t know anyone who thinks God wants to live in your brain.

Again, Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). He’s concerned more about where our hearts are than our logic and reason.

(3) Not Experience

Experiencing God is important, yes! We can’t say we know someone if we don’t experience them. But experience itself is not the foundation. If experience is our foundation, then Christianity is no better than Buddhism.

I love baseball. I have a great time whenever I go to a game with 20,000 of my closest friends. We share an experience, cheering on our favorite team. I spend several hours there having a great experience. But it’s entertainment. It’s not life-changing.

When we fall into this trap, our churches become entertainment instead of the life transforming hospital they are meant to be. You aren’t typically personal friends with your heart surgeon, even though you’ve had a life-saving experience with him or her.

Our Solid Foundation — Friendship

So what should the foundation of our relationship with God be? Friendship with Jesus.

Many former Christians are “deconstructing” their faith right now (“falling away” in Biblical terms), because, while they had the trappings of Christianity – obedience, belief, and even experience with Jesus – they never had friendship with Jesus. They never had that level of relationship.

“The foundation of our relationship with God is friendship. Friendship is the process of healing.” – Brain Orme

Friendship with God is being on a first name basis. That’s not a lack of respect. It’s asking God, “Hey, what do you think about what’s happening in the world right now?” instead of being told by the godless media what to think. We adopt his perspective, and see past the events and immediate circumstances of our lives.

We talk to him about our job, our family, our hopes and dreams. We share the ups and the downs, and we ask his advice. He’s got opinions. We do life with him, not just visit him for an hour or two on Sunday morning.

Friendship with God heals our orphan-spirit and sends us out as daughters and sons. Churchianity sends out orphans who just build more orphanages.

Friendship with God is a partnership with him for our life. He calls us to uncomfortable, often scary, action. But he promises to be with us; we’re never alone. We’re like a child learning to walk while holding their parents fingers – doing something we’ve never done before, while holding his hand.

So Who’s Your Friend?

What is the foundation of your relationship with God? Obedience? Belief? Experience? Or friendship? Did this post challenge you to think differently? Tell us in the comments; we want to hear from you. What do you think? And please share this post if it would bless others.

Credit where Credit Is Due

The concepts in this post come from the Face to Face podcast, hosted by Cathy Little and Melinda Wilson; in particular; Episode 107, an interview with Brian Orme, author of The Ascended Life (not affiliate links). I highly recommend their podcast.

How to Tell if You’re Motivated by Wounding or Calling

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Everything we do in life is driven by one of these two things. At the end of the day, these are the only two motivations in the human experience. Everything we do is driven by either our wounding or our calling. Here’s an example.

Bob and Ted both help their church one Saturday morning a month serving breakfast at the local homeless shelter. They both get up at 5:00 AM, so they can be at the shelter by 6:00 to have breakfast ready for the residents at 7:00. They’re both happy to do whatever’s needed—scrambling dozens of eggs, cooking bacon, toasting slices and slices of toast, washing dishes, talking to and praying with the residents. Both are faithful. Both feel great afterwards, having been blessed with the opportunity to serve. But while they both look exactly the same from the outside, there’s a big difference inside.

Driving home, Bob is jazzed. He feels so good. For a few brief, shining moments, he feels good about himself, having done something good. Maybe that compensates for all his failures. Maybe, for a few hours, that’ll drown out the shame that just won’t let him go. Bob is serving out of his wounding.

Meanwhile, Ted is driving home, and he’s also jazzed. He feels so good. When he’s eating and talking with the shelter residents, he identifies with them. He doesn’t see a dirty homeless man. He sees a broken heart. He sees potential. He sees God’s hand of anointing and purpose on these precious people who have been so deceived and beaten up by the world. And Ted feels privileged to be with them, to tell them the truth of who they really are, how much they’re loved by God, and to pray with them. Ted’s high will last for days. Ted is serving out of his calling.

Do you see the difference? Both are doing the same actions. Both look exactly the same on the outside. Both get good feelings out of it (which is the outworking of a Kingdom principle, BTW. You can control your emotions by serving.) [https://identityinwholeness.com/how-to-control-your-emotions/]

But their motivations are totally different. Bob is serving for the benefit to himself. He’s medicating pain. He may or may not feel guilted into it, but either way, his wounding pushes him to serve. Ted, on the other hand, is serving for the benefit of the people he’s serving. He feels drawn to them. His calling pulls him into serving. He can’t not serve.

Let’s look at another example.

Bob and Ted both get home after the homeless shelter feeding and get their daughters ready for swim practice at the local pool. Their kids are both on the same swim team, and both Bob and Ted are very involved in helping the coach with the team.

Bob was a swimmer in his youth and a strong contender for the Olympics, until the injury. That ended that. But his daughter has an opportunity to succeed where Bob failed. So he pushes her to swim harder, faster, better. And he doesn’t understand why she seems to resent all he’s sacrificing so she can have this opportunity. Going to swim meets all over the country isn’t cheap. He’s living vicariously through his daughter. His wounding is pushing him and his daughter. This movie doesn’t end well. Maybe you’ve seen it. Maybe you’ve lived it.

Ted, on the other hand, can think of a thousand other things he’d rather be doing than spending Saturday at the pool. Mowing the lawn, mending that fence, trimming the roses. He loves being outside, and doesn’t look forward to spending another Saturday indoors at the pool smelling chlorine all day.

But from birth, his daughter was as comfortable in the water as she was on land. No one had to teach her how to blow bubbles in the bathtub, or to put her face under the water. She just did it naturally. She was almost swimming before she could walk. Ted realized something about his child: God hard-wired her to swim. So he silently sacrifices his Saturdays because he knows that as her father it’s his calling to gently guide her into who God created her to be.

Do you see the difference? Again, Bob and Ted look exactly the same from the outside. They both go to all their daughter’s swim practices and swim meets. They both help out the coach with the team however they can. But their inner motivations are totally different. Pushed by his wounding, Bob is doing it for himself, in a fruitless attempt to ease the pain. But Ted is pulled by his calling. He can’t not be there for his daughter, for her sake—not for his.

Both are driven. But while Bob is pushed by his wounding, Ted is pulled by his calling. And that’s how you can tell whether you’re being motivated by your wounding or by your calling. Wounding pushes you—guilt, shame, medicating pain. But calling pulls you—drawing you forward, wooing you, to the point that once you start thinking “what if…” you can’t not pursue it.

So what if I discover I’m being driven by my wounding? Do these 4 simple steps.

1) Admit it. Stop pretending otherwise.

2) Name the wounding. You have power over what you can put a label on.

3) Get help. There’s no shame wearing a cast on a broken leg. There’s no shame getting counseling for broken emotions. Everyone needs help at some point. Talk to your pastor, a professional counselor, a mature and godly parent, or a trusted friend. Or all of them. You need all the tools in the toolbox. But, please, talk to somebody.

4) Embrace this season of healing. You can get free. Healing is out there. Pursue it. Don’t give up. God wants to bring you freedom, so you can set others free. You have authority over what you’ve been set free from.

Once you’re walking in freedom rather wounding, you may realize your calling is totally different from what you thought. Whole new worlds may open up to you.

Or, you may have been pursuing your calling all along, but your wounding is like dragging an iron ball chained to your leg—so you can’t run very fast. Once you get some healing, maybe you’ll feel a new freedom and ease to chase the calling you never believed was possible.

Caveat: Healing comes in waves. This may not be your last season of healing. Healing hurts, so out of his mercy God gives us as much as we can handle at any one time. So don’t be surprised if, after years of living motivated by your calling, you suddenly discover there’s still some wounding there. Don’t be discouraged—God’s getting ready to upgrade you again! Bonus!

How about you? Are you operating out of your wounding, or out of your calling? Have you ever realized, after getting some healing, your calling was totally different from what you thought it was? Have you gone through seasons of healing? How did each give you another level of freedom? We’d love to hear your story in the comments or in an email. And please share if this would bless someone else.

Free Resources:

Do you know God wants to talk directly to you? Do you have trouble hearing him? Find out how to hear God with Dave’s free ebook “Hearing God and What’s Next: 12 Ways to Hear God, 3 Things to Do about It, and 6 Ways to Know You’re Not Crazy.”

Does your heart need healing? Learn the steps to inner healing with Jesus through a fun and engaging fictional story. Download Dave’s free ebook “The Runt: A Fable of Giant Inner Healing.”

How to Change How You See Yourself with 2 Words

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“I’m learning.” These are the most powerful two words we can say. They will completely change our mindset about how we see ourselves. And they shut down the accusations in our head.

For example, when “I’m so disorganized” becomes “I’m learning to be organized,” that’s a total game changer. You no longer see yourself as a disorganized person.

The most destructive lie we can believe about ourselves is, “That’s just the way I am.”

That is one of my personal pet peeves. Don’t get me started. More than anything else, this lie shuts down any growth in our lives. It gives us permission to stew in victimhood.

Instead, saying “I’m learning to …” puts us in a whole new light. It gives us permission to not be doing it perfectly yet. It gives us permission to keep trying even when we make mistakes. And it reframes those mistakes as a necessary part of learning.

When you say, “I’m learning,” you’ve accepted a new reality about yourself in your heart. Because that’s where our beliefs about ourselves, and hence our words, come from.

Jesus explained it this way.

“For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” – Jesus, Matthew 15:19

And again:

“A good man, out of the good treasure of his heart, brings forth good; and an evil man, out of the evil treasure of his heart, brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” –Jesus, Luke 6:45

Negative thoughts about yourself start in your heart, not your head. Contrary to conventional wisdom, your brain doesn’t figure out what you believe. It rationalizes it.

Your heart decides what you want to believe, and your brain justifies it. That’s your brain’s job. (More about that here.)

So if your heart decides, “I’m just a disorganized person,” your brain will magnify every disorganized thing in your house, car, and workspace to reinforce and justify that belief. Your mind will be presented with an unorganized mountain of chaos that can never be tamed to rationalize what your heart believes.

On the other hand, if you choose to say, “I’m learning to be an organized person,” then your brain sees everything as a possibility. It goes to work to figure out how that cluttered area could be different.

The words we say and think about ourselves decide whether our brain sees all the negative evidence or all the positive possibilities.

Since God created us as integrated spiritual and physical beings, our behavior and our identity do this dance together. You can change what your heart believes by the words you choose to say.

Your Turn

What story do you tell yourself about yourself? What words do you use to describe yourself? What do you choose to believe about yourself? Have you learned to change the narrative?

Just learning to say “I’m learning” is a huge step forward. Do you have a negative narrative in your head that needs to change? If you’ve come out of that, tell us how in the comments. Your story will inspire others. And please share this post to get this message out to more readers.

How to Get Your Brain Working for You

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First we have to understand what our brain is really for. Contrary to conventional wisdom, your brain is not there to determine truth. Its purpose is not to figure out what’s true and what’s not. That is your spirit’s job. That’s why discernment is a spiritual gift. Truth is spiritually discerned, not physically reasoned.

The natural man does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God. For they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. – 1 Corinthians 2:14

I’ll give you an example. Amazingly smart people who don’t know Jesus invented evolution. They sat down to “reason” how we got here, and decided we evolved from primates, who evolved from fish, who evolved from single-cell organisms, which ultimately evolved from non-living material in the primordial soup. Even though this theory violates the sciences of physics, biology, geology, statistics, paleontology, and engineering, you can’t talk them out of it. (That’s another post—if you want more info about how evolution violates science, shoot me an email.) Although they espouse “science,” the actual facts don’t matter to them. Because it’s not about science. It’s ultimately about a spiritual truth, the existence of God, that their spirits reject.

Their brain has rationalized their spiritual bias. And that’s what your brain is for—to plan, chart, and route the course to the destination your spirit selects, for better or worse. Your brain is your spirit’s GPS.

Your brain isn’t there to figure out your calling. Your brain is there to plan your calling.

When we ask ourselves, “What’s my calling?” and we try to figure it out intellectually, it typically brings up a lot of fear and frustration. Your brain is not able to determine your calling. That’s not what it’s for. Your GPS is really bad at selecting a destination. That’s your job. That’s not what your GPS is designed for. And your brain is not designed to determine truth. That’s your spirit’s job.

Now once you’ve selected a destination, your GPS is really good at showing you how to get there. That’s what it was designed for. Your calling is something your spirit knows. Once you embrace it, your brain is excellent at planning the route, helping you find the first steps to get there. Your brain is designed by God to route you to the destination your spirit selects.

Here’s a negative example. Atheists’ spirits have selected a godless destination, and their brains have routed the course. Not to open up a huge can of worms here, but the two greatest hoaxes perpetrated on the public in the name of “science” are evolution and climate change (formerly “global warming.” They’ve changed the name since global warming has been discredited, but it’s the same thing.) Evolution is there to rationalize away what God did at the beginning of time. Climate change is there to rationalize away what God’s about to do at the end of time. (If you read Revelation, the first several plagues are all environmental. When these things start happening, the culture will blame climate change to avoid admitting God’s trying to get our attention.)

On the positive side, Hebrews 10:39 says, “We do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” So how do we, people of faith, use our brains to chart the destination to the calling God has for us?

Here’s 3 simple steps.

1) Set the destination.

Your spirit knows your calling. It makes your heart leap. What is that thing for you? 

It doesn’t have to be something spiritual. It can be fly-fishing or dancing or accounting. Remember the famous quote from the movie Chariots of Fire, about the UK’s Olympic track team? Eric Liddell said, “God made me for China, but he also made me fast. And when I run, I feel his pleasure.” While he felt a call on his life to go to China, he also knew part of his calling was to run fast. 

If you truly don’t know what your calling is, ask your heart. It knows. Often, knowing is not the problem. Admitting it is. You need to admit it and embrace it. Let your mouth say it. Out loud. Tell someone. 

2) Let your brain plan the course.

Once you’ve identified your calling, your destination, use your brain to plan how to get there. That’s what your brain is for. 

There’s usually one obstacle that trips us up here — FEAR. Here’s a life-hack to get around the fear.

Be an actor. This is your chance to win an Academy Award. Play the role of someone who isn’t afraid of pursuing your calling. What would that person do? To put it another way, what would you do if you weren’t afraid?  Do that. Now your brain is working for you.

3) Take the first step.

Any movement is good movement. You really don’t have to worry about making a mistake. If you do, you’ll have learned something and can course-correct. So it’s a win-win once you ditch the fear.

Think of it as an experiment. Then if it fails, it was just an experiment. If what you try doesn’t work, you learn a valuable lesson. And then using what you’ve learned, use your brain to revise the plan and try again.

But if your baby-step works — Bonus! So you really can’t lose.

My Story

I got over my fear of moving forward into my calling with another life-hack — playing one fear against another. I was driving to work listening to Michael Hyatt interviewing best-selling author Jeff Goins. During the interview, Jeff said this, and it rocked my world:

“I got to the point where I was more afraid of not trying than I was of failing.” — Jeff Goins

That hit me right between the eyes. It raised a question I could not get out of my mind. What if, on that Day when I meet Jesus face-to-face, I see all the dominoes God had lined up to help me succeed, one event and “coincidence” after another, but they never fell because I never tipped over that first domino? That question haunted me. 

It should haunt you. What if God has resources already prepared to make your dream succeed, but you’re tying his hands because you won’t take that first step? How tragic would that be?

That’s what sent me down this road of being a writer. How am I doing? I’ve had failures and frustrations along the way. But I have learned so much.

Your Story

How about you? Now it’s your turn. This is your time. What makes your heart leap? What’s the first baby-step in that direction? Are you ready to try it? The truth is, you’ll never feel ready. Try it anyway. Let us know what happens. Tell us your story in the comments and please share if this would bless someone else.

Why Your Negative Past Is Key to Your Awesome Future

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Have you ever been paralyzed by your past? Have you ever wanted to do something that made your heart leap, but then dropped the idea because your past disqualified you? Maybe you were an addict or had an affair. Maybe it was an abortion or divorce. Fill in the blank for you.

The truth is, not only can God forgive and heal your past, but your past is actually key to God’s calling on your life. There are two important points here.

First, our past doesn’t derail God’s calling on our life.

But we can derail ourselves. Sometimes we sabotage our own destiny.

“I can’t write that book because I dropped out of college!”

“I can’t lead a marriage Bible study because I’m divorced!”

Sometimes our sabotage is subtle, unconscious, and just under the surface:

“I don’t deserve a healthy relationship after what I’ve done!”

But the good news is our past does not disqualify us from our future for one big reason. That’s not how God sees us. Check out this story.

Ok, so we’re in Damascus, first decade AD. A Christian named Ananias is out watering sheep, or doing whatever they did back then, when God shows up in a vision and calls him by name.

Ananias thinks this is awesome, until Jesus says, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul. He’s praying and I’ve given him a vision of you restoring his sight.”

Now Ananias thinks, “Snap, not so awesome.” He answers, “Lord, I saw this dude on Jerusalem Today. He was going house-to-house, dragging off Christians and throwing them in prison! And he’s come here to do the same thing! Look, I’ll show you on my iPhone. I’ve got it on YouTube right here.”

Ok, now this is where it gets interesting. Here’s what the Lord never said:

  • “Wow, I hadn’t heard that! I guess I picked the wrong guy. Must be a mix-up in the front office.”
  • “Thanks, Ananias, you really saved me from a big blooper there!”
  • “I sure am glad you’re on my team, Ananias! Way to be on the ball!”

Nope. Instead, the Lord gets a little testy with Ananias: “Go! Don’t you be talkin’ ‘bout my servant like that! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their Kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name’s sake.”

Ok, I took some creative license here, but you can read the real story in Acts 8:3 and 9:1-19.

Here’s the thing: Everything Ananias said about Saul was completely true. And the Lord completely ignored it. Instead of arguing with Ananias over Earth’s truth about Saul, the Lord responded with Heaven’s truth about Saul. “This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their Kings and before the people of Israel.”

Earth’s truth defines us by what we’ve done. But Heaven’s truth defines us by our calling, and that’s how God sees us. Heaven’s truth trumps earth’s truth every time, which is why your past doesn’t disqualify you. You are not what you’ve done.

When we agree with Heaven’s truth, admit the wrongs in our past, and turn from them so we don’t practice them anymore, like Saul did, that’s called repentance. Repentance totally blows our past away so it has no more power over us.

Second, our past is key to God’s calling on our life.

Back to Saul, soon to be the Apostle Paul. God knew the most challenging controversy in the first century church would be the confusion over whether Gentile converts had to be circumcised and keep the whole Law of Moses or not. There were some very persuasive Pharisees who became Christians and insisted they did. God felt otherwise, but who could stand up to the legalistic and opinionated Pharisees and logically make God’s point to the contrary? Certainly not some uneducated fishermen who could barely read or write!

What God needed was somebody who was himself circumcised on the eighth day, a Hebrew of Hebrews, somebody zealous for the Law who knew it as well as or better than the Pharisees causing all the trouble. If fact, God needed an ex-Pharisee.

Enter the Apostle Paul. He’s wasn’t just an ex-Pharisee, but an exceptional one. He studied under Gamaliel, the greatest Rabbi of that day. He excelled way beyond his peers and was extremely zealous (Galatians 1:14, Philippians 3:4-6). Paul could run circles around the other Pharisees with the Law. He was perfect. Paul’s past was key to God’s calling on his life.

After we repent and go through a season of healing, like Paul did, our past can be key to our future. We have authority over what we’ve been rescued from.

Dropped out of college? You’ve acquired real-life wisdom that makes you perfect to write that book.

Been divorced? You’re perfect to lead that marriage Bible study. You know where the traps and pitfalls are.

Had an affair or abortion? You’re perfect to lead others through the healing you’ve received. You know the pain they’re feeling.

And when you set others free from what you’ve been set free from, that’s revenge. Sweet revenge. Make the enemy sorry he ever messed with you! Make the devil need therapy! Woof!

So what’s Heaven’s truth about you? The Lord has a mission for you. Do you know what it is? It’s connected to your past. You are his chosen instrument for, what? Fill in the blank for you. What’s the passion that rises up in your heart when you think about it. Your past does not disqualify you from it. Your past is actually key to it.

Does this possibility make your heart leap? Does it resonate? Tell us your story in the comments or shoot us an email. And please share on social media if you think this would help or inspire someone else.

[Note: This post was inspired by Graham Cooke’s Living Your Truest Identity 3-CD audio series. I highly recommend it. This is not an affiliate link; we get no commission if you click the link or buy from Graham.]

Image by Larisa Koshkina from Pixabay

How to Move from Fear and Wounding to Calling

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I believe God wants to partner with each of us for an exciting and impactful life. He created us to live a life that makes a difference in the world and advance the Kingdom of God. He has created each of us with a unique calling and purpose.

But there’s something that derails us, that stops us in our tracks before we even start. Fear. And fear is driven by wounding.

When we say, “I have to do this because …”, that’s a clue that we’re living in fear. We’re living in fear of the “because.” Fear’s greatest lie is: “You have no other choice.”

Fear’s Greatest Lie: “You Have No Other Choice”

Living in fear can manifest itself in different ways.

Letting Life Be Controlled by Others

Victimhood. I never get a break. The rallying cries of our life are, “If only…” and “Someday when…” When we find ourselves constantly saying these things, we’re living in victimhood, controlled by others. Our controller doesn’t even have to be a person. If we’re continually derailed by our circumstances, we are still living as a victim and being controlled.

Victimhood can also take the form of False Martyrdom. (I did this for a long time.) False martyrs live under the constant fear of, “Will my spouse/parent/coach/controller be angry?”

The controller’s rages paint them as the obvious bad guy, which makes us the good guy. What we don’t see is, on the back of our brilliant, white, “Good Guy” hat, is the word “VICTIM,” neatly stenciled in big, bold letters. We live under that victim-mantle as long as we play the martyr.

Yes, bad stuff happens. Trauma happens. Abandonment (which is trauma) happens. But those who don’t live in fear as victims, when trauma happens, do two things:

  1. Pursue healing with both hands. People who refuse to be victims don’t let their trauma define them. And they do that by seeking out help and healing from qualified people they trust.
  2. Take action. Their life’s rallying cry is “I am doing …” They don’t wait for “someday when.” They take action today.

Say you’re driving to pick up your kid from school, and the road is closed for construction. ”Oh well, I guess they’ll just either walk home or sleep at school,” said no parent ever. No, what do you do? You take the detour, you drive around.

Same thing in life. When bad things happen out of our control, we trust the Holy Spirit to find us an alternate route. We keep driving; we don’t park.

Living Life to Control Others

If I’m abusing a victim, I must not be one, right? Negative Controllers – bullies, abusers, and narcissists – are incredibly insecure. They create this persona around themselves of being “large and in-charge” so no one ever knows how weak, afraid, and terrified they really feel. Creating pain in others numbs pain in themselves.

But Positive Controllers are just as unhealthy. Positive Controllers look really good on the outside. They often suffer from Performance Orientation, the foundational lie that my value comes from what I do.

They can be really sweet, precious people. But you can recognize a Positive Controller because they won’t take “no” for an answer. They sweetly respond with, “Ok, but can you just…”

  • “I know you said you can’t help with Vacation Bible School this year, but can you just …”
  • “I know you’re too swamped to babysit for me today, and I don’t want to impose, but can you just …”
  • “I know you said no to the favor I asking, but can you just sacrifice and at least do something for me so I get some benefit from your existence?”

When you have a problem, they don’t walk through it with you. They jump in the driver’s seat. They try to “fix” you. Because it’s so much easier and less threatening to work on your problem than on their own.

At the end of the day, it’s all about them, and about how your existence can serve them. When you think back, they’ve never served you.

Controlling others comes down to living in fear. We desperately try to stay in control to keep the world at a safe distance, to never let our shame sneak out. Because if people get too close, they’ll see the shameful truth about me. And that’s the lie we often unconsciously believe that keeps us stuck living in fear.

Under the Fear: Pain from Wounding

Underneath it all, living in fear is driven by something hidden. Something we desperately want to keep hidden but are secretly terrified will be exposed. Our wounding. Our shame.

We put on a persona to keep it from ever slipping out. Whether we play the victim at the mercy of others, or the controller using others, we’re trying to keep our wounding hidden.

Because if they knew the truth about me…

The reality is that it doesn’t work, at least not permanently. It may work for a while, but, out of his mercy for us, God doesn’t let it work forever. Because he wants us to address the wounding so he can bring healing.

Because he has healing for us. And a calling on the other side of that healing. It may be in the area of our wounding, or it may not. Our calling may look totally different after we’ve received healing, because we’re no longer trying to make up for our shame. Once our wounding is healed, that shame has no more power over us.

Yes, that’s possible. God wants to bring that healing into your life.

3 Mindset Shifts to Pursue Your Calling

We all have a calling, that unique contribution God’s created us to make in the world. In Biblical language, it’s the “live works” God designed for us to do before the creation of the world (Ephesians 2:10).

We might even know what our calling is – that passion in our hearts that both excites us and terrifies us when we dare to think about it.

Here are 3 foundational mindset shifts that help us get out of fear and pursue our calling in partnership with God.

1) Become more afraid of not trying than of failing. What if, when we meet Jesus face-to-face, we see all the resources Heaven had lined up to help us pursue our calling, ready to fall like dominoes just when we needed them. But it never happened because we never pushed over the first domino. I don’t want to live in eternal regret, do you?

2) Get comfortable with discomfort. Pursuing God’s calling on our lives always takes us into uncomfortable territory, into uncharted waters. Because God always calls us to something bigger than ourselves, something we can’t do without him.

3) Treat everything as an experiment. This takes all the fear of failure off the table. Because, with this mindset, you didn’t fail, you just learned what doesn’t work. Negative results are just as important. When we learn from our mistakes, we save tremendous energy by avoiding them in the future. And we make adjustments, getting that much closer to what does work.

Your Turn

So what about you? Does this resonate? Where are you on this exciting journey of finding and pursuing God’s calling on your life? Tell us your story in the comments. And please share this post if it would bless others.

4 Lies We Use to Sabotage Ourselves

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So often I’m my own worst enemy. Are you?

Now don’t get me wrong here. There’s something good about being your own worst critic. If I’ve got a problem, I’d much rather notice it myself than have someone else point it out.

Often I’ll think something, like my writing or a video, is only 80-90% as good as it could be, but others think it’s 150%. As long as I keep it in check and don’t procrastinate in the name of perfectionism, my inner critic is a positive force that helps me do my best work. It’s the spark of inspiration within me from the Holy Spirit that makes my heart leap at the possibility of what could be.

But my inner enemy is another matter entirely. When I’m my own worst enemy, I sabotage myself.

Here are 4 lies I use regularly. See if any of these sound familiar.

1) “I’m Too Old” or “It’s Too Late”

“I can’t make a difference! I’m too old!”

“I missed my window! It’s over!”

“It’s too late! The opportunity is gone!”

All of these are lies we tell ourselves to justify not stepping out into the adventure God’s called us to. There’s an old Chinese proverb about the best time to plant a tree.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. — Chinese Proverb

Yes, maybe we should have started sooner. Maybe we should have followed God’s calling on our life 20 years ago. But if we think we missed our golden opportunity, that shows a mistake in our thinking. Namely, that we wrongly think there’s only one golden opportunity.

Every moment is a new golden opportunity. That’s why God makes every sunrise so beautiful. Every day is a new golden opportunity to follow your God-given dreams, make new choices, and start living large.

2) “Who Am I To … ?”

Imposter syndrome. Everyone who has ever done anything amazing feels this way. It’s the enemy’s last, desperate effort to get you to quit, often right before your breakthrough.

That’s why God promises us “the battle is mine, says the Lord” (2 Chronicles 20:15). And again in Zechariah 4:6, “Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord.”

So while you may not feel qualified to write that book, or do whatever else God’s put on your heart, God is qualified. And it’s by his Spirit he’s put that heart cry in us, so he qualifies us, even when we don’t feel like it.

3) “I Don’t Know How” or “I Don’t Know What to Do”

This is an easy one. God is constantly calling people in the Bible to stuff they don’t know how to do. And God promises to come through. He’s got the wisdom we need.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

“I don’t know how” should never stop you. Here’s a simple 4-step plan to get over this road block.

  1. Pray and ask God for his wisdom for this specific problem. Maybe it’s jumping on Google to see how others have solved this problem. Maybe asking others you respect.
  2. Maybe you get a download from God. Maybe you don’t. Take your best guess and try something. Think of everything as an experiment.
  3. Learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are a gift.
  4. Rinse and repeat.

You don’t have to figure the whole thing out up front. You just need to do the next right thing.

4) “I’ll Start Tomorrow”

No, you won’t. “Today is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2). Today is the day to start. Do one thing toward the call God’s placed on your life. Today. Start. The world is waiting.

What They All Have in Common

What do all these lies have in common? They are all covering for one thing:

I’m afraid.

They are all a cover for fear. Stepping out into the calling God has on our lives is a step into the unknown. That’s scary. But it’s so worth it. God is good, and will meet you in that place of dangerous, thrilling adventure.

Your Turn

What has God put in your heart that you’re sitting on? What are you too afraid to start? Today is the day. If you’re willing to start today, tell us in the comments what it is. There’s something powerful about declaring it publicly. And please share this post if it would inspire others.

Why We Choose Confusion over Clarity

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Nobody wants to be confused. Or do we? It turns out a lot of our confusion is intentional. We all say we want clarity. But, all too often, we actually choose confusion over clarity because confusion gives us these 3 benefits.

(1) Confusion Lets Us Avoid Conflict

I heard a podcast where a business owner was talking with his business coach. “I have this employee who doesn’t seem to fit anywhere we put him. I’ve helped him develop skills, and we’ve moved him around to different positions, but he just doesn’t seem to be effective anywhere. I’m really confused about what to do with this person.”

The coach called the owner on the carpet. “No, you’re not. You’re not confused. You know exactly what you need to do with this person – let him go. You’re choosing to be confused because you don’t want to do it.”

Ouch. I resemble that remark. If there’s a conflict we need to have, but don’t want to have, our brains often help with that. “Here, let me help you avoid that painful thing.” So, unconsciously, we choose to be confused to avoid having a conflict we’re afraid of.

(2) Confusion Lets Us Avoid Action

What if it’s not conflict per se, but doing something scary? Writing that book. Hitting “publish” on that blog or video. Starting that business. Following your heart. Doing what you were created to do.

There is a spark of genius that only you can bring into the world. And if you don’t do it, no one will. Your calling is the scary and exhilarating adventure you were created to live. Its greatest enemy is what you are comfortably good at.

Confusion lets us stay in that place of comfortable excellence, never daring to take that first right scary step into our calling. How sad! The greatest tragedy in life isn’t an early death, but a long life unlived.

(3) Confusion Lets Us Avoid Responsibility

The most important step in solving a problem is to actually do something. Often, it doesn’t even matter if it’s the right thing or not. Because if we’re honestly trying to solve the problem and do the wrong thing, we usually figure it out quickly. And then we can course correct, getting closer to doing the right thing. Eventually, if we keep doing things, we’ll figure out the right thing, do it, and solve the problem.

But action, working through the process of actually doing things to solve a problem, requires a prerequisite: Accepting responsibility for the problem.

Confusion keeps us from starting the process of solving a problem. Confusion lets us avoid responsibility. “Whose problem is this anyway? It’s not my responsibility.” Entitlement loves sprouting up from the futile soil of confusion. And entitlement always pushes the responsibility for our own lives onto other people.

Thanks but No Thanks

We all say we want clarity. But clarity can be very uncomfortable. Clarity calls us to scary action outside our comfort zone and places responsibility squarely on our shoulders. Confusion lets us avoid action, conflict, and responsibility in a socially acceptable way. Bonus!

But it’s not really a bonus. Although our brain is trying to do us a favor with that big, intimidating wall of foggy confusion, it’s not really helping. Confusion keeps you from your calling, from the thing that would light up your heart if you would only do it – that thing you were born to do.

If you think about it, the only real weapon the Enemy has to keep you from your calling is Fear. He often instills fear by trauma, but a more subtle strategy is confusion. Confusion is a socially acceptable cover for fear.

Think about it. What’s more socially acceptable to say? Which of these two options gives me emotional cover for avoiding the thing I don’t want to do:

  • “I know what I need to do, but I’m afraid to do it.” That will have people encouraging me to do the thing! “You can do it!” they’ll cheer me on. Bummer! I’m trying to avoid doing that scary thing.
  • “I’m just not sure about what to do next.” If I’m trying to avoid something, that works much better. People will say, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Perfect! Emotional cover for inaction.

Except that your calling, your purpose, your transformation, lies on the other side of that fear.

Defeat Confusion with 3 Questions

So how do we fix this? Defeating confusion comes down to this – the answer to these 3 questions.

1) Do you believe who God says you are? God has a unique purpose for you. Suspend disbelief for a moment. What makes your heart leap when you think of doing it, before your brain jumps in and tells you that you can’t?

2) Do you believe God is for you? God put that spark in your heart. He’s for you, on your side, rooting for your success. And he’s cheating along the way, orchestrating things to give you exactly the help you need exactly when you need it. He’s all in. Are you?

3) If you weren’t “confused,” what would you do? Play the role as an actor. Someone who has the same spark in your heart that you do, but wasn’t afraid, what would they do next? Do that.

Your Turn – Do Something

It’s hard to know whether something will work or not. But it’s pretty easy to tell if something is working or not. Clarity comes with action. Stop choosing to be confused. Do the thing. If it’s something you’re afraid of doing, you probably need to do it.

Does your best-self know what the next right thing to do is, but you’re afraid to do it? Does this post resonate? Tell us your story in the comments. And please share this post if this would bless someone else.