How to Live by Faith While Having Doubts

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Having doubts doesn’t mean you don’t have faith, in the same way that having fear doesn’t mean you aren’t courageous.

What?!? You can’t be courageous and fearful at the same time, can you?

Yes, absolutely you can. Having courage doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. In fact, the brave person and the coward both feel the same amount of fear. Neither one feels brave.

So what’s the difference between them? The coward lets the fear dictate his actions, while the brave person does not. The brave person acts bravely in spite of the fear.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is not letting the fear control you. (I have a post on “3 Great Ways to Hack Your Fear” here.)

As bravery is to fear, so faith is to doubts.

What?!? You can’t be faithful and doubt at the same time, can you?

Yes, absolutely you can. Having faith doesn’t mean you don’t have doubts. In fact, the faithful and the faithless both can have the exact same doubts. Neither one feels like God’s man of faith and power.

So what’s the difference between them? The faithless one lets the doubts dictate his actions, while the faithful one does not. The faithful person acts in faith in spite of his doubts.

Faith is not the absence of doubts. Faith is not letting the doubts control you.

Oh yeah?!? Well, what about James 1:6-8, huh? It sure sounds like God’s not a fan of doubts!

When you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

James 1:6-8

This passage is talking about hedging your bets. It’s about praying for something, just in case that actually works, but inwardly not allowing yourself to really believe God will do it. That way, we spare ourselves the disappointment, and the embarrassment, if God doesn’t come through. James is saying to not let your head talk your heart out of its faith.

Don’t let your head talk your heart out of its faith.

If you don’t think faith and doubts can be held at the same time, read the Psalms!

Look at Psalm 13:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Psalm 13:1-2

David isn’t exactly starting out like God’s man of faith and power here. But look at where he ends up:

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

Psalm 13:5-6

“I trust …” He’s making a choice to believe God in spite of his doubts.

Or look at Psalm 77. The writer, King David’s chief musician Asaph, expresses some major league doubts:

I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands, and I would not be comforted. I remembered you, God, and I groaned; I meditated, and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. ……… Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

Psalm 77:1-4,7-9

But then he chooses to turn his thoughts toward the Lord, choosing to believe in spite of his doubts:

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds. Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God?

Psalm 77:11-13

Once again, the psalmist is choosing to believe in spite of his doubts.

Yes, in a perfect world, we’d never have doubts. But we all know this is not a perfect world, far from it. In fact, that’s the whole reason Jesus went to the cross. Because, no, this is not a perfect world.

And we’re not perfect people. The reality is, we do have doubts. But we can choose to act in faith in spite of our doubts.

So in those times of doubt: Does God even hear me? And if he does, does he even care? Is he even real? In those painful times, when you long for God but feel nothing, and you choose to pray in faith anyway, he feels everything!

Because maybe, just maybe, it’s not all about us. Maybe it’s about blessing his heart. And he always turns that around to bless ours. Eventually.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Can you share a time when you had doubts, chose faith anyway, and saw God show up in the middle of it? Or maybe you acted in faith, but a bad thing still happened. Let’s talk about that too. Testifying with your life that God is good, in the middle of bad things happening, is powerful faith. Share your story with us. And please share this post if it would bless others.

Why New Year Is in the Dead of Winter

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It’s fascinating to me that our New Year here in Western culture occurs in the dead of Winter. I know other cultures’ New Year occurs at different times of the year, and that’s great. I’m sure God is speaking to all cultures with the timing of their New Year celebration, but I’m only qualified to write about my own culture. What is God saying to us?

Wouldn’t it make more sense for the New Year to be at the start of Spring, when everything’s budding and coming back to life? Maybe in some cultures it is; what an awesome time that must be. But God worked through our history to make our New Year when all the leaves are off the trees and everything’s dead. Why do you suppose that is?

I’ve heard a pastor say that leaves don’t actually change color in Fall. They reveal the true color they actually are when not getting overridden by all that green chlorophyll. The point he was making is, in the Autumn of your life, your true colors will show.

What are your hidden colors? Do they reflect the grace and healing of God’s empowerment in your life, or do they still reflect your wounding?

There’s nothing wrong, by the way, with being in a place of wounding. Acknowledging where you’re at is the first step to get healing. Run to God in those times, not away from him. The problem comes when we run away from God and to our chlorophyll of choice to hide our wounded colors, in our own strength.

What is your chlorophyll of choice? Control? Addiction? Entitlement? Performance?

Have you ever wondered why we don’t go straight from Fall to Spring? After all, why can’t the new leaves just push out the old? Why do we have to go through a cold, bare-root season first? Why do we have to get stripped down to nothing? Maybe there’s something necessary going on inside the trunk of the tree that’s getting ready for Spring. Maybe Spring couldn’t come without this time of preparation.

What happens when circumstances and struggles reveal our wounding and our chlorophyll of choice stops working? What happens when all the leaves are off the trees of our lives? Maybe when we’re stripped down to the bare trunk, maybe that’s when we hear God best. Maybe because then we have to and we don’t have any other choice. Maybe out of his great love and mercy for us, he’s stripped away everything that distracted us from his voice.

I think God considers that place the beginning. That’s where his New Year starts. Because when all the outside is stripped away, there’s nothing left but to work on the heart. And that’s what he’s always wanted, to heal our wounding and give us a new heart.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26)

I’m up for that. My hidden colors were worthlessness and rejection. The lie I believed was, “I am unlovable.” My chlorophyll of choice was being nice, being a servant to all. Dying to myself, literally, to a fault. My bitter root expectation was, “You’re going to reject me. So I’m not going to give you a reason. I’m going to be as lovable as possible, so that when (not if) you reject me, it’s on you.” In inner healing lingo, we call this a bitter root expectation.

God had to take me through a bare-root, cold Winter season. He had to strip away all the false leaves and false colors I used to protect my heart, in order to take that structure of lies and inner vows and bitter root expectations down.

Ironically, it’s when I started coming out of those lies that all disaster broke loose. My family fell apart and disintegrated. It hurt. But it was a season. It was only a season (a long season, several years), and I’m coming through it now. Sometimes the enemy’s greatest deception is to trick us into believing the painful season we’re in is forever, which brings desperation and despair. It’s not forever. It’s only a season. Trusting God brings hope through the pain.

He’s still working on me, but I’ve come a long way. He’s brought me into a fresh, bright Spring the last few years. He’s restored relationships I thought would never be restored, while others I still wait for. And he’s using his chlorophyll to work his colors into me.

How about you? What season are you in, here at the turn of the New Year? Tell us in the comments. If you’re in a cold, Winter, bare-root season, we’d love to pray with you. If you’ve come through such a season, please share your story; it will encourage others. And please share on social media if you think this post would bless others.

How to Live through Painful Holidays by Doing a Gift Exchange with Jesus

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When I was a kid, Christmas couldn’t come fast enough. I loved the big family gatherings, seeing my cousins, all the great food (especially my mom’s fudge), decorating the tree, and of course all the presents. I loved it all. And my birthday is in December. It was the best month of the year.

Now, my family is broken, I have children who don’t speak to me, and all decorations are just work I don’t have time for. December hurts and January can’t come fast enough. I just can’t wait to get it all over.

December is hard for a lot of people. The physical darkness in the Northern hemisphere this time of year doesn’t help any either. It’s a well-known fact that depression increases this time of year, and the lack of sunlight is one component. Another, and probably larger, component is the holidays highlight the pain in our lives from broken families that we push down the rest of the year.

When parts of your family are dead to you, either literally, emotionally, or relationally, how do you get through watching everybody else’s happy family? What do you do when everyone else’s happy, jolly Christmas just screams to you your own loss and brokenness?

I had a pastor who, as a young boy, used to love visits from his favorite uncle. His uncle would always invite him into a pocket swap: “I’ll give you what I’ve got in my pocket for what you’ve got in yours.” The young boy always had something ordinary in his pocket he gladly gave his uncle. Sometimes a rock. Or string. Or a frog.

But the uncle always had something special in his pocket. Sometimes a piece of candy. Sometimes a shiny silver dollar. It was always worth the exchange.

Jesus is inviting us into a gift exchange with him this holiday season: “I’ll give you what I’ve got in my heart for what you’ve got in yours.” This is how I get through the holidays. By doing a gift exchange with Jesus. Sometimes every day.

I’ve got pain, brokenness, pain, betrayal, more pain, rejection, and yes, even more pain. I get away by myself, usually in the mornings, behind the closed door of my office at home. Sometimes I play my keyboards and worship. Sometimes I lay on the floor and cry. Sometimes I pour my heart out in travail. But there’s one common thread. In those moments, I give Jesus all my pain in my heart. It’ll probably look different for you. That’s ok.

And I stay there until I get what he’s got in his heart. Peace, joy, stillness, quietness of spirit, and most importantly, hope. Precious hope. And I realize, after receiving it, that hope is the thing I was missing and needing the most.

One of the most deceptive lies is that the current situation will last forever. “This is just the way it is.” Not true. It’s a season. We don’t know the length, but God does, and it is of limited length, one way or another. This pain will not pass into eternity, even if it’s not healed in this life, which a lot of it will be. Because that’s God’s desire. Hope blows away the lie that this pain is forever. It’s not.

My gift exchange with Jesus doesn’t change the painful situation. I’m still living in the loss and living with the pain. But it’s no longer overwhelming, and my sense that He’s on it, in control, not caught off guard by it and in fact is working in it. The blood of Jesus is stronger than the pain.

How about you? If the holidays are hard for you, how do you get through them? Have you come out of a season of hard holidays back to a season of blessed holidays again? Please share your story with us to encourage others. And please share if this would inspire and bless someone else.

The Key to Living in the Inheritance of Abundance, and Not Entitlement, by Embracing Gratitude

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So many people live in a scarcity mindset. This causes jealousy and self-destructive behavior in relationships. These people intrinsically believe there’s only a limited amount and I might not have enough. For example, when bosses sabotage their up-and-coming star employees, they’re afraid and threatened by another’s success because of a scarcity mindset. “If you succeed, there won’t be enough for me.”

The opposite of a scarcity mindset is an abundance mindset, the intrinsic belief that’s there’s enough to go around. I’m not threatened by your success, and I can even help you achieve the success I want, because I believe there’s plenty to go around. But there are two kinds of abundance mindsets, an unhealthy one and a healthy one. And they seem sometimes only a millimeter apart, but the end difference is huge. And they are separated by one thing.

Entitlement is the unhealthy abundance mindset. Samson lived in entitlement (see Judges 13-16). He had very little relationship with God, or he couldn’t have lived a lifestyle that broke God’s heart. His lifestyle spit in God’s face. He lived with Delilah, a Philistine woman obviously bent on betraying him. She finally did betray him, and it did not end well for Samson. He took his gifting for granted. He was entitled.

David, on the other hand, lived in inheritance, which is the healthy abundance mindset. When facing Goliath, they both knew this was a fight to the death, that one of them would die that day. But David was like, “I can’t die today because I’ve got a prophesy from Samuel that I’m going to be the next king of Israel. So who does that leave, Goliath? Stinks to be you.” He ran to the battle line, living in the power of his inheritance (see 1 Samuel 17:48).

David wasn’t perfect, far from it, but his sin (adultery with Bathsheba and murdering her husband Uriah, see 1 Samuel 11) was an isolated incident, not a lifestyle like Samson’s was. David repented and was broken over it when God confronted him (1 Samuel 12 and Psalm 51).

That doesn’t make it ok, and David lived in the consequences of that sin the rest of his life, as it played itself out breaking his heart in his family. His children raped and murdered each other (1 Samuel 13). He had to run for his life when they came after him (1 Samuel 15). And he had to pretend to be happy about it when his son was killed (1 Samuel 18).

David had a rich relationship with God. You can read it in the Psalms, the most raw book in the Bible. Sometimes David starts out yelling at God (see Psalm 13), but he always ends up trusting in God’s goodness. David lived in inheritance—the reality that the favor on his life was not his own. It was given to him. Samson trusted in his own strength and his own devices—that lie that he owned the favor in his life. Samson lived in entitlement.

So what, at the practical level, is the difference between living in entitlement and living in inheritance? How do we cultivate one over the other? This one thing makes all the difference. Gratitude.

Gratitude is the difference between entitlement and inheritance. (Thank you Kris Vallotton!)

Here’s the key to living in gratitude.

Be the Steward, not the King. In The Lord of the Rings, conflict arises between Gandalf and Denethor, the Steward of Gondor, because Denethor wants to be king. Denethor wants to own stuff. While he’s more concerned about blocking the return of the true king of Gondor (Aragorn) than he is about stewarding his kingdom well, orcs overrun his city because he’s let the defenses go to pot. Denethor lived in entitlement, and it blinded him to the real threat.

Here’s 4 practical examples of living this out, of living in gratitude and the healthy abundance mindset that inheritance brings:

  1. Don’t own anything. I don’t mean physically, of course we own stuff. I mean at a heart level. Don’t let yourself become emotionally (or spiritually) attached to stuff that’s all going to burn anyway. Take care of the material blessings God has given you as if they are not your own, but belong to a dear friend. Steward material blessings well.
  2. Don’t own your body. You didn’t create your body, God did. Don’t give it over to sexual immorality. Only sleep with your spouse (after you’re married). Eat well and exercise. Not out of obligation, but because you love Jesus who gave it to you. We don’t really love someone if our lifestyle doesn’t honor them. Steward your body well.
  3. Don’t own your life. You didn’t choose to be born, God made your life and gave it to you. Choose to pursue your calling, that thing that makes your heart leap when you think about it. It may not outwardly look like the most responsible thing or make you the most money. But it will be the most profitable because it’s what God created you to do. God put that desire in your heart. Steward your life well.
  4. In humility, value others above yourselves (Philippians 2:3). This doesn’t mean allowing narcissists to run all over you. That would be allowing the life God gave you to be abused, and that’s not good stewardship. It means a healthy balance between being generous to others while allowing others the blessing of being generous to you. It means treating people with the value they have to God (which may be, out of their wounding, very different than how they are behaving at the moment). Steward your relationships well.

Living in the healthy abundance mindset of inheritance, a.k.a., gratitude, is the greatest adventure you’ll ever pursue. With an infinite God, there’s always more. So what are we waiting for? Let’s kill entitlement with gratitude!

Does this resonate? How has entitlement stolen your inheritance from you? Have you seen restoration through gratitude? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share if you think this would bless someone else.

Photo by Ron Lach

God Is Anti-Formula and Pro-Partnership

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Although there are principles and guidelines clearly spelled out in the Bible, God is intentionally anti-formula. In fact, he goes out of his way to avoid patterns that we could turn into a formula. Because he values something so much more. Partnership with us.

Old Testament: Every Battle is Different

In the Old Testament, there are no formulas for victory. God directs Israel to fight every battle differently. Here are a few examples:

  • Joshua 6: Joshua marches around Jericho seven days in a row with worship. On the seventh day, God collapses the wall protecting the city and Joshua’s army wipes it out.
  • Joshua 8: God tells Joshua to set an ambush behind the city of Ai. Half the army pretends to retreat on the battleground in front of the city, leading Ai’s army away from the city. Those behind sack the city and attack Ai’s army from the rear. Then those feigning retreat turnaround and attack from the front. Ai’s army is caught between two fronts and soundly defeated.
  • Judges 7: Gideon’s greatly outnumbered men cover torches in jars and sneak around the enemy at night. Then all at once they break the jars, blow trumpets, and shout. This throws the enemy into confusion and they help Gideon’s army by killing each other in panic.
  • 1 Samuel 17: God defeats a giant, seasoned, professional warrior with a shepherd boy and a rock.
  • 2 Samuel 5:18-20: God tells David to attack the Philistines directly.
  • 2 Samuel  5:22-25: God tells David to circle around behind them, wait for the sound of marching in the treetops, and then attack.
  • 2 Chronicles 20: King Jehoshaphat doesn’t have to fight at all. The Lord fights the battle and causes Judah’s enemies to kill each other. Jehoshaphat and his army just go out and pick up the plunder for the next 3 days.

New Testament: Every Healing is Different

In the New Testament, there are no formulas for healing. Jesus and his disciples heal people in so many different ways:

  • Matthew 8: Jesus doesn’t even go, but from a distance tells the Roman Centurion his servant is healed.
  • Luke 4: Jesus rebukes the fever of Peter’s mother-in-law and casts it out.
  • Luke 8: The woman with the issue of blood sneaks up behind Jesus and touches his cloak, getting healed before even Jesus knew it.
  • John 9: Jesus heals a blind man by putting mud on his eyes.
  • John 11: Jesus actually lets Lazarus die first and then raises him from the dead.
  • Acts 5: Peter’s shadow falls on people and they are healed.
  • Acts 19: Cloths touching Paul are taken to sick people and they are healed.

No Formulas, No Idols

So why is God so anti-formula? I think because he knows that if we had a formula, we’d cut him out. And he loves us too much to allow that.

If we could turn the works of God into a formula, we would. We’d make an idol out of the formula. We’d cut him out, enjoying the benefits of Kingdom success by following the formula while excluding him. But God values partnership with us too much to allow that.

The beauty of our anti-formula God is that your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s life. While that can be scary, it’s also very freeing.

So What’s God Doing In Your Life?

Does this resonate? What is God doing in your life that looks different from everybody else? When has God had to do something unique, outside conventional wisdom, that worked beautifully? Tell us your story in the comments. And please share this post if it will bless others.

Why Trying Harder Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead

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“I’ll just try harder!” How many times, frustrated with yourself, have you doubled-down and said that? I have. When we’re not getting the results we want in our job, our relationships, our body, and/or our spiritual life, we commit to trying harder. Doing all things. Harder this time. “It’ll work this time because I’m going to try harder!” But it doesn’t. Because trying harder doesn’t work.

Doing What’s Not Working, Only Harder, Won’t Make It Start Working

The engineering company I worked for had a serious problem.

Our customers were certain 3-letter government agencies. Our building had a “secure room” where we did sensitive work for these customers. The room had a separate alarm code from our office space, and a badge reader at the door, so only people working on the program could enter the room.

Our daily cadence was, arriving 6:00 AM or earlier, the early-birds opened the room. Then, leaving after 6:00 PM, the late-birds secured & locked it. That worked fine, except for when it didn’t.

If the late guy had a doctor’s appointment and left early, nobody locked the room. The late guy thought somebody else, the last person out of the room, would secure the room. But the last person out didn’t know they were the last person out. They didn’t know the late guy had left early.

It was even more confusing, because there were multiple late guys, and each thought one of the others would lock the room. And some days, only the early guys were in the room, expecting one of the late guys to lock it. But none of the late guys knew that.

Anyway, it seemed like every 3 or 4 months or so, an early guy would come in early and find the room unlocked. Snap. That’s a security violation that has to be reported to the Government Customer. Enough violations in a short enough time period, and it’s game over. Contract terminated, company folds, and we’re all unemployed.

So the facility manager would send out an urgent email: “We all need to try harder to make sure the secure room is locked each night! This is everyone’s responsibility!” But in another 3 or 4 months, snap, we’d have another violation. Trying harder wasn’t working.

I had an idea I shared with the facility manager. And it wasn’t trying harder. Everyone in the office was hired because we were all responsible, conscientious, trust-worthy, dependable people. Everyone was already trying as hard as they could. We all knew the stakes. We couldn’t try any harder.

When you’re already doing your best, you can’t try harder. You have to do something different.

We had to do something different. We laminated a 3” x 4” colored card, a “room tag,” and put it on a chain. When the secure room was locked, it hung on the doorknob outside the room.

When an early guy unlocked the room in the morning, he hung the room tag around his neck. It was big enough that you couldn’t forget you had it and accidently go home while you were wearing it.

So the procedure was, when the early guy left for the day, he had to find a late guy to accept the tag. If you accepted the tag, you accepted responsibility for locking the room that before you left that night. If the early guy couldn’t find a late guy to accept the tag, he locked the room and hung the tag outside the door.

And everyone in the office knew at a glance if the room was locked, by whether the tag was hanging outside the door or not.

Bam! Instantly, no more security violations. The secure room was never left unlocked again. It worked.

Trying Harder Focuses on the Wrong Thing

So, yes, your results are driven by your actions. If you want different results, you need to take different actions. But focusing on the actions themselves is not enough.

Every addict, whether the addiction is drugs, alcohol, porn, food, gambling, shopping, or whatever, has experienced that trying harder doesn’t work. “Ok, I’ll take a different action. I won’t do that thing ever again!” And then they find themselves frustrated, having just done that thing. Again.

Trying harder focuses on our actions. But our actions are not the root of the problem, which is why trying harder doesn’t work. It puts our focus in the wrong place.

Our actions are driven by our decisions. In the secure room example, we decided to implement a new procedure. And that decision drove actions, before the room was left unlocked, that made all the difference. An addict needs to decide to identify and deal with their triggers, before the next episode happens.

But even focusing on our decisions is the wrong place to focus. Because our decisions are driven by our thinking. And our thinking is where we need to focus. That’s where the progress and the breakthroughs happen.

Thinking –> Decisions –> Actions –> Results

So if you want different results, take different actions, by making different decisions, by changing your thinking.

With the secure room, we made a paradigm shift in our thinking. We went from thinking, “It’s everyone’s responsibility to make sure the secure room is locked” (which sounds great on paper), to “It’s the person with the room tag’s responsibility to make sure the secure room is locked.”

If an addict is ever going to beat the addiction, they need to be willing to journey into the pain that addiction is medicating. They need to take the journey to discover the lies in their thinking, and replace those lies with God’s truth.

What We Think Because of Our Trauma

The trauma we endured was out of our control and is never our fault. But what we think about ourselves as a result of it is in our control.

To over-simplify it for the sake of example, someone abused as a child might think, “I’m dirty. I have no value.” So they decide, “I don’t deserve any better.” So they choose abusive partners. And they hate the results in their relationships.

But simply being determined to not get in another abusive relationship leads to frustration, acquiescing to, “Oh well here I am again. I guess it’s just always going to be this way.” Because unhealed faulty thinking is leading to the same lousy results.

But replacing the lies with God’s truth, doing the hard work to actually change their core thinking, they come to believe, for example, “I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I am God’s precious child and he loves me for me, before I do anything good or bad.” Then they decide they will never settle for lesser loves again. They take different actions, setting healthy boundaries, and not engaging with unhealthy people. And they enjoy the results of attracting healthy relationships.

Although that’s a way over-simplified example, you get the point. To change our results, we ultimately have to change our thinking. So trying harder doesn’t work, because it’s focused on our actions, while the problem is in our thinking.

Changing our thinking leads to making different decisions, which leads to taking different actions, which leads to the results we want.

Your Turn

Have you tried to change your actions without changing your thinking? How’d that work for you? What paradigm shifts have you made in your thinking that have led to different decisions, different actions, and better results? Share your story in the comments to help the community. And share this post if it will bless others.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I learned the concepts in this post from Andy Andrews’ book “The Noticer Returns” (not an affiliate link). Andy skillfully wraps practical Kingdom concepts up in an entertaining and engaging fictional story. It’s a great, fun, and easy read. I highly recommend it.

3 Types of Fear

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Fear is a signal. We don’t want to be controlled by it. But we don’t want to ignore it either. Fear is a God-given emotion. But fear is scary because it can overwhelm us so easily.

Don’t Put Duct Tape on the Oil Light

Negative emotions like fear are the idiot lights on the dashboard of our lives. We don’t want to be controlled by them. But they are God-given, and we need to pay attention to them.

Fear is a signal that there’s something going on under-the-hood.

Say your oil light goes on. You think, “I don’t want to deal with that $29.95 oil change, watch this!” And you put a piece of duct tape over the oil light so you can’t see it anymore. Problem Solved! Not so much.

You’re fine for a while, until your engine runs out of oil and freezes up. Now, facing $5000+ in engine repairs, that $29.95 oil change doesn’t look so bad.

In the same way, we don’t want to ignore our fear. It’s telling us that there’s something under-the-hood we need to pay attention to.

No Fear of Fear

Here’s the good news. You don’t have to be afraid of your fear. The first thing to do when you’re afraid is take one giant step back and ask, “What kind of fear is this?”

You Don’t Have to be Afraid of Your Fear

Knowing how to correctly respond to our fear depends on correctly discerning what type of fear it is. Fear is a healthy response to a threat. Here are 3 types of threats, and what to do.

1) A Real Threat

There are legitimate things to be afraid of. Rattlesnakes. Tornados. Sharks. Narcissists. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid of something that can actually harm you.

With an actual threat, we need real discernment from God whether to move forward or backward, or to stand our ground.

Most of the time, if you see a rattlesnake, it’s a good idea to slowly back away from it. But if it’s in your yard, and you have the tools (a hoe) and the know-how, you can move forward and kill that bugger.

With a narcissist, we need discernment. Some battles are not worth falling on our sword over. But some conversations need to be had.

There’s no one-size-fits-all. It depends on what God’s doing in that situation, both in you and in the other person.

With a real threat, intimacy with Jesus, prayer, and good counsel can help you discern whether God’s calling you to move forward, back away, or stand your ground and watch him move.

If you’re going to move forward into a real threat, you need two things: God’s calling and skill.

I grew up in the suburbs north of Los Angeles, with undeveloped fields of brush behind our house. Occasionally we’d get a rattlesnake in our yard. When I was a little boy, I’d run from them. As I grew into a teen, my dad taught me how to kill a rattlesnake with a hoe or a shovel.

Now I have the know-how and the tools to approach a rattlesnake and kill it without risking a life-threatening bite. If you know what you’re doing, it’s not a fair fight. The snake doesn’t have a chance. But if you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t approach a rattlesnake – you’ll get bitten and that’s not the snake’s fault.

My friends would sometimes go snake hunting, overturning rocks in the fields looking for a rattlesnake. Fortunately, they never found one. But I never went with them. I figured that’s the snake’s domain. It’s got a right to live out in the fields where it’s not hurting anybody, and it’s helping keep the rodent population in check.

But if it comes in my yard, that’s a different story. Now I’ve got authority, and that’s a dead snake.

Sometimes Christians, especially intercessors, charge forward into battles they have God’s heart for, but aren’t equipped with either the calling (authority) or the tools and skills to win that battle. John Paul Jackson wrote a great book on this subject, Needless Casualties of War about this very thing (not an affiliate link).

If you move forward into a real threat, make sure you have both the calling and the tools to do so. If you feel a calling but don’t have the tools, talk to godly counsel and learn the tools.

2) A Perceived Threat

This is a tricky one, because to us the perceived threat appears real. We have to stop and ask ourselves, is this a real threat, or am I just perceiving something bad that might happen?

And if it does go bad, what’s the worst that can happen? What would I do in that event? Sometimes having a plan can replace or lower the fear to a point where it’s no longer crippling.

Often, a perceived threat is the enemy trying to back us away from what God is calling us into. When we realize fear is his only weapon, it explains why we feel it so much and where most of it is coming from.

Most of the time, when we discern a perceived (but not real) threat, moving forward cautiously, with a contingency plan, is the right thing to do.

3) A Remembered Threat

Sometimes a remembered threat can bring up more fear than anything else. We’re in a situation that used to be dangerous, where we were harmed before, but is not dangerous now.

Maybe we have the tools and maturity to deal with the situation differently. Maybe we’re at a different stage in life and no longer have to be a victim to an oppressive person or situation.

Maybe we’re giving a bill for our past to someone who has nothing to do with it. For example, if we have a mile’s worth of reaction to an inch’s worth of offense, that’s a clue of a remembered threat.

A remembered threat is different than a real threat where we learned a lesson. The hot stove is still hot; being afraid to touch it counts as a real threat, even if we’re remembering the lesson we learned by touching it last time. It’s still a real threat.

A remembered threat is something that used to be a real threat, but no longer is a threat at all. Remembering trauma can cause this kind of fear. Like getting in the car again after a bad accident.

Realizing we’re dealing with a remembered threat can help us move forward. Often, fear from a remembered threat is God’s signpost that he has a deeper level of healing for us, and he’s inviting us to step forward into it.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? What are your experiences with these types of fear? How did you get through them? Did you move forward or backward? Tell us your story in the comments. And please share this post if it will bless others.

FYI, I learned about the 3 types of fear from Emily P. Freeman on her podcast, “The Next Right Thing.” It is excellent. She usually has short episodes (<15 minutes). I highly recommend it.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Our 4 Postures in Pain toward God

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When we’re in pain, we often take one of four postures toward God. See if any of these sound familiar. Personally, I’ve done them all.

(1) Hiding from God

Sometimes in our pain, the shame ramps up, and we do anything to not be exposed.

Adam and Eve are the poster children for hiding from God in shame, after they ate the forbidden fruit in Genesis 3. They clothed themselves to hide from each other. And they hid from God. Their shame was in overdrive.

Shame’s lie is, “I am uniquely and fatally flawed. Uniquely – no one’s as bad as me. And fatally – there’s no fixing me.”

Both are lies. In the words of Tenth Avenue North, “you are more than the mess you made.” I write more about this here, but we are not what we do.

The beautiful thing about the Genesis 3 story is God’s response. God didn’t burst into the Garden, tearing off Adam and Eve’s fig leaves, with a vengeful cry of, “I know what you did!” Yet we hide from God because that’s what we expect, and what our shame fears the most.

Instead, he asks questions: “Where are you?” And when Adam admits he was hiding in shame, “Who told you that you were naked? Did you eat from the tree I told you not to?” Then when Adam performs the world’s first blame-shift by throwing Eve under the bus, God asks Eve, “What have you done?”

[Aside: I have a post here, with a 1-page worksheet, about starting a daily practice of answering 4 specific questions God asks us.]

Now, yes, God knew the answers to his questions before he asked them. He wasn’t asking for information. He was asking for relationship. He was asking for connection. His questions were an invitation to Adam and Eve to connect with him in the middle of their sin and their pain.

And, yes, God gives consequences to all involved, Adam, Eve, and the serpent. But it’s fascinating to me who didn’t get a question. The serpent. Because God doesn’t want relationship with him. That ship sailed when Satan rebelled against God and fell from Heaven.

But God asks us questions because he’s inviting us to stop hiding. Into relationship. To bring all of our sin and pain to him in an intimate, connected, relationship. We have a special opportunity that fallen angels do not. I encourage you to take it.

(2) Running from God

Jonah is the poster child for this one. There are times when we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what God wants us to do. Or maybe it’s something we know is wrong that we want to do anyway.

Sometimes we know what God wants, and, like Jonah, we intentionally head in the other direction. Running from God is telling him, “No, I’m doing it my way.”

You know Jonah’s story. God told him to go preach repentance to Nineveh, the capital of Assyria, one of Israel’s enemies (who would later destroy the upper kingdom of Israel). Jonah got on a boat going the other direction, was thrown overboard during a storm, and was swallowed by a whale (ok, technically, a huge fish).

It’s a misconception that the whale spit Jonah up on the beach of Nineveh. Jonah actually got spit up back in Israel, where he started. But don’t take my word for it:

  • Jonah 3:1-2 – The Lord tells Jonah (again!) to go to Nineveh. Why would he have to go there if he was already there?
  • Jonah 3:3 – “Jonah obeyed the Lord and went to Nineveh.” Again, the Bible wouldn’t record Jonah going to Nineveh if he was already there.

God gave Jonah a do-over. God had the fish barf him right back where he started from, so Jonah and God could try this again.

When we bolt, in his love and longing for us, God often allows painful situations to bring us back to a place where we can try it again.

And in Jonah chapter 4, when Jonah is angry and arguing with God, God asks Jonah questions.

  • “Have you any right to be angry?” (asked twice in slightly different ways)
  • “Shouldn’t I care about that great city (Nineveh)?”

God doesn’t rebuke Jonah. He invites Jonah into a conversation by asking questions.

If you are running from God, I encourage you to have the conversation with God. Bring all your fear, bring your pain, bring your anger. It’s ok. God can take it. He would rather have the difficult, ugly, messy conversation than see you bolt.

(3) Fighting with God

When I first sat down to read the Book of Psalms, I dreaded it. I thought it would be the most boring book in the whole Bible. “Reading the song lyrics on the jacket without the music. Swell.” But now, having read them, Psalms is my favorite book in the whole Bible.

Because the Psalms are so real life, so raw. The Psalms are more descriptive of real life than prescriptive. God gets us.

Here are some excerpts (my paraphrases, but you get the point):

  • Psalm 2: Why do the nations plot in vain against God? (Anybody following the news lately?)
  • Psalm 3: Everyone’s against me!
  • Psalm 6: I’m worn out from groaning, all night long I flood my bed with tears.
  • Psalm 10: Where are you God? Why are you hiding in times of trouble?
  • Psalm 13: How long, God? Will you forget me forever?!?
  • Psalm 51: Forgive me God!
  • Psalm 77: When I remember God, I groan! (This psalm was portrayed so beautifully in Season 3, Episode 8, of The Chosen.)

And so many more. Yet in all of these desperate psalms, God meets the writer. In the middle of the pain, and the abuse, and the ugliness, and the sin, and the hurt. God wants to walk with us through it.

“Conflict is growth trying to happen.” – Jill Savage

I encourage you to have the confrontation with God. What are you angry about in your life? Have it out with him, he can take it. David, Job, and Jacob, just to name a few, had it out with God. And God did not rebuke them. God met them.

Many psalms are beautiful examples of having it out with God, and through that process, strengthening relationship with him. The psalmist always ends closer to God than when he started. So will you, if you have the conversation.

(4) Seeking God with Trust

Eventually, we want to land here. Hiding and running are ways we avoid seeking God. And fighting with him is a messy way to seek God.

But what if there’s a healthier way?

Jesus modeled a healthy way to seek God in the middle of suffering in Gethsemane. Well, that was Jesus, so it was easy for him! Um, no, not so much. He sweated blood (Luke 22:44). There were no rainbows and unicorns.

Jesus modeled seeking God in a healthy way in the middle of hardship like this:

  • He told God what he wanted. “Take this cup from me.” (Matthew 26:39)
  • He named the messy emotions. “My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death.” (Matthew 26:38)
  • He deferred to God, trusting God’s plan: “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39,42)
  • He received (and accepted!) the supernatural strength to do what he needed to do. An angel from Heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. (Luke 22:43) You will receive the supernatural strength you need too.

But Jesus is God, so he could do that! Yes, Jesus is fully God. But he’s also fully human. In becoming human, Jesus emptied himself of his divinity (Philippians 2:6-8). He did everything as a human, as an example for us. So we can do everything Jesus did, and even greater things (John 14:12), if we have the same relationship with the Father he had, which is available to us who believe through the Holy Spirit.

“We can never be challenged by a negative, but only by the character of God.” – Graham Cooke

In every trial on this earth, God wants to reveal to us, personally, an attribute of himself that we haven’t experienced yet (or at a deeper level than we’ve experienced in the past). So in the midst of trials, can we learn to ask, “Father, what do you want to reveal to me about yourself in this?”

What attribute of God do you need right now?

Your Turn

Does this resonate? In pain, which of these 4 postures do you lean toward? Tell us in the comments. What you have to share will help others. And please share this post with everyone it will bless.

How to Tell if You’re Motivated by Wounding or Calling

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Everything we do in life is driven by one of these two things. At the end of the day, these are the only two motivations in the human experience. Everything we do is driven by either our wounding or our calling. Here’s an example.

Bob and Ted both help their church one Saturday morning a month serving breakfast at the local homeless shelter. They both get up at 5:00 AM, so they can be at the shelter by 6:00 to have breakfast ready for the residents at 7:00. They’re both happy to do whatever’s needed—scrambling dozens of eggs, cooking bacon, toasting slices and slices of toast, washing dishes, talking to and praying with the residents. Both are faithful. Both feel great afterwards, having been blessed with the opportunity to serve. But while they both look exactly the same from the outside, there’s a big difference inside.

Driving home, Bob is jazzed. He feels so good. For a few brief, shining moments, he feels good about himself, having done something good. Maybe that compensates for all his failures. Maybe, for a few hours, that’ll drown out the shame that just won’t let him go. Bob is serving out of his wounding.

Meanwhile, Ted is driving home, and he’s also jazzed. He feels so good. When he’s eating and talking with the shelter residents, he identifies with them. He doesn’t see a dirty homeless man. He sees a broken heart. He sees potential. He sees God’s hand of anointing and purpose on these precious people who have been so deceived and beaten up by the world. And Ted feels privileged to be with them, to tell them the truth of who they really are, how much they’re loved by God, and to pray with them. Ted’s high will last for days. Ted is serving out of his calling.

Do you see the difference? Both are doing the same actions. Both look exactly the same on the outside. Both get good feelings out of it (which is the outworking of a Kingdom principle, BTW. You can control your emotions by serving.) [https://identityinwholeness.com/how-to-control-your-emotions/]

But their motivations are totally different. Bob is serving for the benefit to himself. He’s medicating pain. He may or may not feel guilted into it, but either way, his wounding pushes him to serve. Ted, on the other hand, is serving for the benefit of the people he’s serving. He feels drawn to them. His calling pulls him into serving. He can’t not serve.

Let’s look at another example.

Bob and Ted both get home after the homeless shelter feeding and get their daughters ready for swim practice at the local pool. Their kids are both on the same swim team, and both Bob and Ted are very involved in helping the coach with the team.

Bob was a swimmer in his youth and a strong contender for the Olympics, until the injury. That ended that. But his daughter has an opportunity to succeed where Bob failed. So he pushes her to swim harder, faster, better. And he doesn’t understand why she seems to resent all he’s sacrificing so she can have this opportunity. Going to swim meets all over the country isn’t cheap. He’s living vicariously through his daughter. His wounding is pushing him and his daughter. This movie doesn’t end well. Maybe you’ve seen it. Maybe you’ve lived it.

Ted, on the other hand, can think of a thousand other things he’d rather be doing than spending Saturday at the pool. Mowing the lawn, mending that fence, trimming the roses. He loves being outside, and doesn’t look forward to spending another Saturday indoors at the pool smelling chlorine all day.

But from birth, his daughter was as comfortable in the water as she was on land. No one had to teach her how to blow bubbles in the bathtub, or to put her face under the water. She just did it naturally. She was almost swimming before she could walk. Ted realized something about his child: God hard-wired her to swim. So he silently sacrifices his Saturdays because he knows that as her father it’s his calling to gently guide her into who God created her to be.

Do you see the difference? Again, Bob and Ted look exactly the same from the outside. They both go to all their daughter’s swim practices and swim meets. They both help out the coach with the team however they can. But their inner motivations are totally different. Pushed by his wounding, Bob is doing it for himself, in a fruitless attempt to ease the pain. But Ted is pulled by his calling. He can’t not be there for his daughter, for her sake—not for his.

Both are driven. But while Bob is pushed by his wounding, Ted is pulled by his calling. And that’s how you can tell whether you’re being motivated by your wounding or by your calling. Wounding pushes you—guilt, shame, medicating pain. But calling pulls you—drawing you forward, wooing you, to the point that once you start thinking “what if…” you can’t not pursue it.

So what if I discover I’m being driven by my wounding? Do these 4 simple steps.

1) Admit it. Stop pretending otherwise.

2) Name the wounding. You have power over what you can put a label on.

3) Get help. There’s no shame wearing a cast on a broken leg. There’s no shame getting counseling for broken emotions. Everyone needs help at some point. Talk to your pastor, a professional counselor, a mature and godly parent, or a trusted friend. Or all of them. You need all the tools in the toolbox. But, please, talk to somebody.

4) Embrace this season of healing. You can get free. Healing is out there. Pursue it. Don’t give up. God wants to bring you freedom, so you can set others free. You have authority over what you’ve been set free from.

Once you’re walking in freedom rather wounding, you may realize your calling is totally different from what you thought. Whole new worlds may open up to you.

Or, you may have been pursuing your calling all along, but your wounding is like dragging an iron ball chained to your leg—so you can’t run very fast. Once you get some healing, maybe you’ll feel a new freedom and ease to chase the calling you never believed was possible.

Caveat: Healing comes in waves. This may not be your last season of healing. Healing hurts, so out of his mercy God gives us as much as we can handle at any one time. So don’t be surprised if, after years of living motivated by your calling, you suddenly discover there’s still some wounding there. Don’t be discouraged—God’s getting ready to upgrade you again! Bonus!

How about you? Are you operating out of your wounding, or out of your calling? Have you ever realized, after getting some healing, your calling was totally different from what you thought it was? Have you gone through seasons of healing? How did each give you another level of freedom? We’d love to hear your story in the comments or in an email. And please share if this would bless someone else.

Free Resources:

Do you know God wants to talk directly to you? Do you have trouble hearing him? Find out how to hear God with Dave’s free ebook “Hearing God and What’s Next: 12 Ways to Hear God, 3 Things to Do about It, and 6 Ways to Know You’re Not Crazy.”

Does your heart need healing? Learn the steps to inner healing with Jesus through a fun and engaging fictional story. Download Dave’s free ebook “The Runt: A Fable of Giant Inner Healing.”

What I’m Learning about God’s Rest

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I’ve shared my journey of discovering how to honor the Sabbath and enter into God’s rest. Not that those are both the same thing, but they are related.

True rest, God’s rest, is not the absence of work. Regarding the Sabbath, Jesus told the Pharisees, “My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I too am working” (John 5:17).

So it’s not a legalistic thing. I used to hate talking about the Sabbath because I thought it was. I thought if I wasn’t bored all day that I wasn’t honoring the Sabbath. Not true.

God’s rest is not the absence of work. God’s rest is doing the right work, the stuff God has for you. Jesus did only what he saw the Father doing (John 5:19).

And it’s not just doing the right work. You can do the right work and still choose to be stressed out over it. God’s rest is also trusting him for its success. That takes the pressure off! That doesn’t mean we do a sloppy job, we still pursue excellence and do the best we can. But we’re not stressing over the success because it doesn’t depend on us. That is so totally freeing!

There’s a huge difference between pursuing excellence and pursuing perfectionism. I know from experience there’s no rest in pursuing perfectionism. And I bet you do, too.

This is fast becoming one of my favorite verses:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. – Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30, The Message)

The unforced rhythms of grace. I love that!

So here’s what God’s been teaching me about entering into his rest and learning the unforced rhythms of grace in my life.

I’m keeping the Sabbath by not using it to do any recurring tasks. Like our weekly blog. Like paying bills. I can do one-off tasks, things that need doing around the house or on the website. But I’ve been intentionally avoiding recurring tasks.

And it’s been wonderful! I’ve been feeling refreshed instead of exhausted. After finishing any one-off tasks I’ve had to do Sunday, I’ve had time to do things that feed my soul. Like reading for a couple hours in the evening with Janet. We both read different things, but being together and just reading is tremendously refreshing. And I feel God smile.

This is just personally what God’s been teaching me. I’m not recommending it for anybody else. And I know I’ve more to learn.

What are you learning? What is God teaching you about entering into the unforced rhythms of grace? We’d love to hear from you, and what you’re learning will bless the rest of our community. So please leave a comment and share on social media if you think this would bless someone else.