The Most Important Person to Get on Your Side

There is one person that can torpedo everything you do. This person has the power to make sure nothing you try succeeds. In order to step into God’s calling on your life, you have to get this person on your side. Can you guess who it is?

Is It Your Spouse?

No. I know it is painful if your spouse is not on-board with God’s calling on your life, or with your goals in general.

They may have some legitimate issues for you to consider. Or they may be afraid of your success because of their own wounding. Or a combination of both. And no one-size fits all; there may be other things going on.

In any case, it’s worth spending some time communicating with them about your vision, your goals, what you’re trying to accomplish.

You can’t control them, but you can invite them to come on the journey God’s calling you to. But if they just won’t, go anyway. You don’t have to let your spouse derail the calling God has on your life.

I have a powerful one-page resource, How to Deal with a Wet-Blanket Spouse, that can be very helpful. If your spouse always poos-poos, derails, and squashes your dreams and ideas, this is a great place to start. You can download it here.

Is It a Family Member? Close Friend? Mentor? Peers?

Nope. Having these people on your side is important. I’m not belittling having supportive family members, close friends, mentors, and peers. All of these are important, and it’s a blessing if you have them on-board.

But they are not necessary. If you know God is calling you into something specific, you can still step into it without support from any of these people.

Is It God?

This is probably the obvious answer, but no. You don’t have to get God on your side. He already is. That’s what that whole cross thing was about, remember?

Now I’m assuming here that your goal/endeavor is in alignment with God’s Kingdom, character, and principles. If it’s out of alignment, he’s not on the side of that goal and never will be.

But since we’re talking about his calling on your life, that’s in alignment with his Kingdom by definition. So he’s already on your side.

Give up? It’s You! Here Are 2 Ways We Are Not on Our Own Side

Give up yet? The person you have to get on your side is you! If you are not on your own side, everything you try will fail, because you’re sabotaging yourself.

Dave, that doesn’t even make sense! How can I not be on my own side?

I agree it’s counter-intuitive. But here are 2 ways we can sabotage ourselves when we are not on our own side.

(1) Shame. We let our shame shut us down. Shame is never on our side.

Godly guilt says, “I did something wrong.” But shame says, “I am something wrong.” And that’s a lie from the pit of Hell. Jesus died so that shame has no more power over you. You are not what you were. None of us, who are in Jesus, are.

But intellectually understanding that won’t defeat the shame and make it go away. While God doesn’t bring us shame, he defeated our shame on the cross, God uses our shame to show us where he wants to heal us.

Here are some common shame messages (fill in the blanks for you).

• “Who am I to do _____?”
• “I could never _____; I’m not qualified!”
• “No one would listen to me.”
• “I’m too _____ to ever do that.”
• Everyone else could do _____ so much better than me.”
• “I’m not good enough to _____.”

These are clues shame is blocking your calling. And it’s the Holy Spirit’s signal that there’s something underneath shame’s lie that God wants to heal. So do the hard work of finding it and pursuing the healing God has for you.

(2) Our Inner Critic. Do you have a strong inner critic? Our inner critic is not on our side. It doesn’t give us encouraging messages. We need to tame that bugger if we’re ever going to step into God’s calling on our life. Here’s how.

Our inner critic is often a mask for fear. It’s our insides trying to keep us safe, trying to avoid risk, trying to keep us from making a fool of ourselves by putting ourselves out there.

Now, yes, ok, there’s one sense in which the Kingdom of God is safe. Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, is able to separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39). We are secure in Jesus.

But there’s another sense in which the Kingdom of God is not safe. It changes us. It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it hurts. But it’s always good.

Nothing worthwhile was ever accomplished by playing it safe.

The problem is, God’s calling on our life isn’t safe. God calls us to something bigger than ourselves, because he wants to partner with us in it.

We have to do our part or we tie God’s hands. But God has to come through on his side or it just doesn’t work. That can be scary. And that’s the place of risk our inner critic is trying to protect us from.

The problem is, if we let our inner critic shut us down, we tie God’s hands and will never know what would have happened if we had gone “all in.”

How to Tame Your Inner Critic

White-knuckling it, trying to “power through,” and just ignoring that inner critic won’t work. It’s a part of you, a part of you that’s scared.

Every part of us deserves to be heard. And if you try to ignore your inner critic, it’ll just keep shouting louder and louder until it cripples you.

Your inner critic gets a seat at the table, but it doesn’t get to run the meeting.

Here’s how to tame that pesky inner critic:

1. Admit the fear. Name it. “I’m scared of _____.”
2. Name the worst case scenario. Typically, no one’s going to implode or die.
3. Treat everything like an experiment. “I’m just trying this.” Best case, it works. Worst case, you learn something. You win either way.

I know people who even name their inner critic. “Ok, Karen, I hear you there. I know you’re just trying to keep me safe. I appreciate your concern. But it’s ok. Nothing catastrophic will happen; I’ve got this. I’m not going ahead blindly. I’m being smart about it.”

Get Yourself on Your Side

So, in conclusion, you get yourself on your own side by:

1. Pursuing healing for the wounded places shame is trying to hide.
2. Taming your inner critic.

God has an exciting calling for you. God wants to partner with you for an exciting and impactful life. God is on your side. Are you?

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Tell us your thoughts and your story in the comments. What you have to share will bless others in our community. And please share this post with everyone it will bless.