Sometimes we feel pressured, or drawn, to share our story. Our stories often contain hard and vulnerable things. The thought of sharing our story can be really scary. It can be hard to discern if we’re being drawn to share by the Holy Spirit or pressured by people. And it can be really confusing if it’s both.

Your story is your story. It belongs to you. You can share it or not. Don’t let anyone pressure you into sharing the treasure of your story. Because your story is a treasure. Sharing it is a precious gift that deserves to be stewarded well, as does your vulnerability and your heart, by the hearers.

Here are 7 considerations to think about when discerning whether or not to share your story.

1) Share Your Scars, Not Your Wounds

I learned this from Amy Porterfield. She was talking about how vulnerable to be with followers in your online business on social media, but I believe this applies in the church, and all of life, as well.

Sharing what you’ve been through is generally wiser than sharing what you’re currently going through. Because publicly sharing your story is not about you.

“But it’s my story! What do you mean it’s not about me?!?” 

Private healing we seek out is about us and getting the healing we need. We all need a healthy dose of counseling, inner healing, and/or deliverance. Personally, I’ve benefited from all three, and we encourage everyone to get the help they need. Yes, your healing is about you.

But everything we share publicly is all about the other people. What we share needs to build up our hearers. The Bible uses the word edify. At least four whole chapters in the Bible (Ephesians 4 and 1 Corinthians 12-14) are dedicated to this concept.

If what we’re sharing is an open wound, and if by sharing it we’re gushing emotional blood all over everyone, that’s not helping them. And it’s probably not doing us any favors, either.

2) What Is the Other Party Equipped to Handle?

I learned this from Toni Collier, in her excellent book Brave Enough to Be Broken (not an affiliate link).

Not every audience, Christian or not, church or not, saved or not, is capable of handling your story. Your story is valuable, and sharing it is a vulnerable gift you are giving to others. You deserve to have the gift of your story stewarded well. If the audience, or the other person, is not equipped to steward your story well, and steward your heart well, then don’t share your story with them.

3) Will Others Be Hurt?

Some stories from our past can hurt our current families. You need to prayerfully consider whether or not to share if others will be hurt.

For people in your story who treated you badly, there is a balance here. On one hand, if they didn’t want to look bad later, they should’ve treated you better. This is not about protecting perps so they can continue hurting others.

On the other hand, we don’t want to bash others out of our own unhealed bitterness. That does nobody any good.

And I’m not just talking about people involved in your story. For example, will current children, who had nothing to do with your story, be hurt if certain details from your past are revealed?

These are questions to work through with the Holy Spirit and wise counsel who does not have a stake in your decision.

4) Small or Wide Audience?

Often, what and how much to share depends greatly upon the audience. Is this with a few trusted friends? Is it a private conservation? Or is it being streamed live on the Internet?

The wider, more general, and less trusted the audience, the more discerning you need to be about what you decide to share.

5) Do You Feel Pressured or Drawn?

If the Holy Spirit is drawing you to share, you won’t feel pressured or guilted into it. I have seen ministries coerce people into sharing before they were ready, to the harm of the person sharing.

Unfortunately, some Christian leaders are not above using your story to build their own personal empire. Here are some ways leaders can nicely but manipulatively attempt to coerce you into sharing your story for their own benefit:

• Shame: “If you’re not ready to share your story, you must not be healed yet.”
• Manipulation: “You have a responsibility to share your story. Look at how many people it would help.”
• Presumption: Assuming that you’re going to share, without asking you, and informing you of when you’re on the calendar.
• Pressure by Comparison: “Everyone else (or so-and-so) is sharing their story.”

Every one of these tactics is demonic and not of God. Doing these things is a sure sign that the leader is just using you to build their own empire.

If you feel pressured to share, or are being guilted or manipulated into it, then don’t share. Tell that leader “no.” And you don’t have to explain why. You can just say, “No, I don’t feel right sharing that.”

If they don’t accept your no, and still try to convince you to share, however nicely, realize you’re dealing with a controlling and abusive leader. Run, do not walk, out the door and find healthy leadership in a healthy ministry.

6) The Peace Test

Does sharing your story in this setting, to these people, pass “The Pease Test”? Do you have peace in your spirit about it?

If not, don’t share. You don’t have to be able to explain why. It’s enough to know you have a check in your spirit against sharing. Wait until the Holy Spirit has brought a peace to you about it that outweighs any natural nervousness you might have.

7) If It’s a Tie, Don’t Share

When considering whether or not to share your story, if yes and no are a tie, then don’t share. Once you’ve shared, you can’t take it back. The cat’s out of the bag. But you can always share your story later.

If the Holy Spirit is prompting you to share your story, that prompting won’t go away if you sit on it for a bit. In fact, it usually grows stronger.

One of the key ways I discern whether something I’m unsure about is God or not is by pausing first. If it’s just my flesh, I find the compulsion fades over time. But if it’s the Holy Spirit, it grows stronger.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Have you shared your story and wished you hadn’t? Or has your vulnerability been stewarded well? Or not? Tell us in the comments and shoot us a private message. And please share this post if it will bless others.

Resources

Janet and I are called, in part, to train the church how to embrace the wounded. I did this video series to help the church learn how to embrace two specific types of wounded people, those suffering from depression, and those who are post-abortive. I pray they are helpful.