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How to Live through Painful Holidays by Doing a Gift Exchange with Jesus

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When I was a kid, Christmas couldn’t come fast enough. I loved the big family gatherings, seeing my cousins, all the great food (especially my mom’s fudge), decorating the tree, and of course all the presents. I loved it all. And my birthday is in December. It was the best month of the year.

Now, my family is broken, I have children who don’t speak to me, and all decorations are just work I don’t have time for. December hurts and January can’t come fast enough. I just can’t wait to get it all over.

December is hard for a lot of people. The physical darkness in the Northern hemisphere this time of year doesn’t help any either. It’s a well-known fact that depression increases this time of year, and the lack of sunlight is one component. Another, and probably larger, component is the holidays highlight the pain in our lives from broken families that we push down the rest of the year.

When parts of your family are dead to you, either literally, emotionally, or relationally, how do you get through watching everybody else’s happy family? What do you do when everyone else’s happy, jolly Christmas just screams to you your own loss and brokenness?

I had a pastor who, as a young boy, used to love visits from his favorite uncle. His uncle would always invite him into a pocket swap: “I’ll give you what I’ve got in my pocket for what you’ve got in yours.” The young boy always had something ordinary in his pocket he gladly gave his uncle. Sometimes a rock. Or string. Or a frog.

But the uncle always had something special in his pocket. Sometimes a piece of candy. Sometimes a shiny silver dollar. It was always worth the exchange.

Jesus is inviting us into a gift exchange with him this holiday season: “I’ll give you what I’ve got in my heart for what you’ve got in yours.” This is how I get through the holidays. By doing a gift exchange with Jesus. Sometimes every day.

I’ve got pain, brokenness, pain, betrayal, more pain, rejection, and yes, even more pain. I get away by myself, usually in the mornings, behind the closed door of my office at home. Sometimes I play my keyboards and worship. Sometimes I lay on the floor and cry. Sometimes I pour my heart out in travail. But there’s one common thread. In those moments, I give Jesus all my pain in my heart. It’ll probably look different for you. That’s ok.

And I stay there until I get what he’s got in his heart. Peace, joy, stillness, quietness of spirit, and most importantly, hope. Precious hope. And I realize, after receiving it, that hope is the thing I was missing and needing the most.

One of the most deceptive lies is that the current situation will last forever. “This is just the way it is.” Not true. It’s a season. We don’t know the length, but God does, and it is of limited length, one way or another. This pain will not pass into eternity, even if it’s not healed in this life, which a lot of it will be. Because that’s God’s desire. Hope blows away the lie that this pain is forever. It’s not.

My gift exchange with Jesus doesn’t change the painful situation. I’m still living in the loss and living with the pain. But it’s no longer overwhelming, and my sense that He’s on it, in control, not caught off guard by it and in fact is working in it. The blood of Jesus is stronger than the pain.

How about you? If the holidays are hard for you, how do you get through them? Have you come out of a season of hard holidays back to a season of blessed holidays again? Please share your story with us to encourage others. And please share if this would inspire and bless someone else.

How to Make It Through to a New Season

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One of the biggest lies we constantly believe is our current situation is forever. It’s not. It’s a season. Whatever you’re struggling with, you don’t have to endure it forever. Unless you choose to. Here’s an example.

For those of you who don’t live in the Washington DC area, Interstate 95 is a giant parking lot where everyone idles their vehicles for an hour or two going to and from work. It’s probably the single largest cause of stress in this region. According to US News and World Report, DC has the second worst traffic in the country, after LA. Not having to commute is a huge win.

I vowed to myself early in my career that I’d never commute. I was successful until 2012, when the small company I worked for got bought out and shut down. I had to take what I could get, which meant a job with a big company 40 miles away, up I-95. Translation: Hour and a half in the morning, two hours or more in the afternoon.

After a year, I started taking a vanpool which cut it down to 40 minutes one-way because the van took the HOT lanes (reversible toll lanes in the middle of the interstate by-passing the traffic parked in the non-toll lanes).

But that meant getting up at 3:30 AM to catch the commuter van. I’d get 5 or 6 hours sleep and prop myself up on artificial stimulants (coffee) at work. Then I’d catch-up on my sleep on the weekends as much as I could. Not a healthy lifestyle.

Every couple years, I’d pop my resume out on the Internet and see if I could find anything where I didn’t have to commute. I noticed new construction and drive around getting names and addresses of companies in my industry with local offices. I’d get on their websites and apply for positions that were great matches. And each time, I’d just hear crickets. It wasn’t God’s timing.

One day, an external thought just popped into my head about how much I’m paying to commute. I’ve walked with the Lord long enough to recognize the Holy Spirit, so I put my resume out there again. And this time, I was flooded with responses. I was able to find a small company with a site 20 minutes from my house. Finally!

Why now? I don’t know. That was just God’s timing. Time for that season to end, and a new, healthier season to begin. The funny thing is, I was able to land my new position largely because of a new technology I’d learned over the last year with that other company. It’s like God had me there for a reason. Go figure.

The point is, whatever most of us are going through, it’s not permanent. It’s temporary. It’s a season.

But wait a minute, Dave! What about someone with an autistic child or quadriplegic loved one they care for? That’s pretty permanent! Yes, unless God intervenes, that’s permanent. But even in that, there will be seasons. There will be seasons where it’s unbearably hard, and other seasons where there’s an abundance of grace for it. No matter what your struggle, God will meet you there in the middle of it, in the person of Jesus.

And even with something life long, remember life itself is just a season. We Christians take a much longer view. If you drew an infinite line to represent the eternity of your existence, then the first inch is your life here on this planet. The Bible says we get eternal rewards for what we temporarily suffer through in this life. That’s so not fair! God has so stacked the deck in our favor!

So how do we do this?

There’s one major difference between those who make it through and those who don’t. Those who don’t make it do this one thing that those who make it don’t do. Avoid this one thing, and you’ll make it through. What is it? Drum roll please… the one thing that people who don’t make it do is…

Quit.

That’s why they didn’t make it. So how do you not quit? Here’s 3 major ways to not quit.

1) Intimacy with Jesus

Whatever your struggle, he wants to walk it with you. Daily intimacy with Jesus, our lover-king, gives us the strength and the wit and the wisdom and the humor to make it through today.  Which brings us to point 2:

2) Just Do Today

Today itself is a season. You will never have enough strength to make it for the whole season all at once. And that’s why it can get so discouraging. We look at the enormity of what we’re going through, and we think, “I don’t have the strength for all of this!” But we do; just not all at once.

We don’t need the strength to make it through the whole thing today, at this moment. Today, we just need the strength to make through today. That’s how it works. Through intimacy with him, God gives us the strength for that day. And when we look back, we’ll be amazed that we did make it through that whole thing, one day at a time.

3) Find Support

Find people (yes, they’re out there) who’ll support you. They can’t fix it, but they can be there with you in it. Lone Ranger Christians aren’t Biblical. God created us to be in community. We desperately need each other.

Churches are great places to get support. So are therapists (everyone needs help once in a while, there’s no shame in that.) Maybe healthy family members or friends. You can even google support groups for people going through what you’re going through. And if you can’t find anyone, email us. Janet and I will support you.

So what do you think?

Do you have support? What season are you in? Have you had a season you thought was forever and then ended up being really short? Have tough seasons let you help others through tough seasons? Tell us your thoughts in the comments, and please share on social media if this would help someone else.

MLK’s 6 Keys of Nonviolence the Church Needs to Learn

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Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., changed the world. Pure and simple. MLK is an American hero on par with George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

In his 1958 book Stride for Freedom, MLK outlines 6 key principles of nonviolence. These are all Christian principles found in scripture. This post is based on a summary of this work published online here by the Martin Luther King, Jr. Research and Education Institute of Stanford University online encyclopedia.

The Church needs to relearn these 6 key strategies and practice them, whether we’re debating on FaceBook or protesting injustice at a rally. We can’t defeat the world by fighting with the world’s weapons.

1) Resist Evil without Resorting to It

Fighting fire with fire just makes a big fire. The Apostle Paul understood this.

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” — Apostle Paul, 2 Corinthians 10:4

So often, even in the Old Testament in actual warfare, God had a strategy for his people that made no sense.

  • “Joshua, march around Jericho blowing trumpets.” (Joshua 5:13-6:27)
  • “You have too many men, Gideon. Lose 99% of them. Of your 32,000 men, only fight with 300 of them.” (Judges 7:1-8)
  • “Don’t fight at all, Jehoshaphat, just go pick up the plunder.” (2 Chronicles 20:1-25)

So while conventional wisdom often offers good strategies, the Holy Spirit always has the best strategies.

For example, in the pro-life movement, actually killing abortion doctors is wrong. Although some misguided individuals have done that, you can’t defeat legalized murder in our society by committing murder yourself.

The Holy Spirit had a much better strategy with life tape. Pro-life protestors would simply stand with red tape over their mouths with the word “LIFE” written on it, silently praying, symbolically standing for the lives of those who could not speak up for themselves.

2) Understand, Not Humiliate, Your Opponent

While our opponent is talking, if we take the time to actually listen, instead of just waiting to talk, we often get the key to turn opponents into allies. Solomon understood this. We state our case; we think we’re right. But then the other person speaks. There’s another side.

“In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines.” – Solomon, Proverbs 18:17

So often when we face unrighteous opposition, it comes from people motivated by fear. Listening to them to understand their fear goes a long way.

We can then acknowledge their, often, legitimate fear. At that point, we’re no longer an enemy in their eyes. We understand! Now we can show them another way to mitigate that fear. Having taken the time to understand, we have their ear.

Think of it this way. Before you can take someone to your bus stop, you have to go pick them up at theirs.

3) Evil Is the Problem, Not the People Committing It

Again, Dr. King brilliantly understood something straight from scripture.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” – Apostle Paul, Ephesians 6:12

The godless world believes that we, as the people of God, are the enemy. But we know that people trapped in godless deceptions are not the enemy. The demonic forces of evil in the heavenly realms are the enemy.

Therefore, we can truly love our enemies, because we know those people are not our real enemy, although they are deceived and being used by the enemy. They are prisoners-of-war, and our charter is to set them free, not conquer them.

4) Suffer without Retaliation

Dr. King exemplified this principle. He was willing to go to jail, and did, but did not retaliate. He didn’t lead a mob to burn down the jail or the police station that unrighteously arrested him.

He stood his ground and took the consequences, unrighteous as they were. Such action moved heaven on his behalf.

“I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.” – Jesus, Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5:39-41

That’s crazy talk! But it works.

I had a friend who, in high school, got beat up by a bully. Afterward, driving away from the school in his air-conditioned car on a hot day in California, he saw the bully walking home, sweating and carrying a ton of books. He slowed, rolled down his window, and asked if the bully wanted a ride.

The bully at first thought my friend was mocking him, but was blown away when he realized my friend was serious. He gladly accepted the ride, asking my friend, “Why are you doing this?!?”

“You looked like you needed a ride,” my friend answered. They were close friends from that day forward.

5) Avoid Both External and Internal Violence

Dr King understood that external violence starts with internal hatred.

“The nonviolent resister not only refuses to shoot his opponent, but he also refuses to hate him.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, Stride for Freedom

This is a Biblical principle. Jesus said, “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). All actions and words, good or bad, start in the heart. To put it another way, our actions and words are the fruit, but the root causing the fruit, good or bad, is in our hearts.

Yes, bad behavior needs to be addressed. But to get to the real issue, we need to go past that to the heart. As the people of God, we should be the experts at this. I pray that we continue to grow into that place.

6) Hope

I love this one. Dr King expressed it by writing in his book Stride for Freedom that we must have a “deep faith in the future” because “the universe is on the side of justice”.

Despair is the devil‘s playground.

As the people of God, we have the hope the world desperately needs, even though they don’t realize it. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28).

As the people of God, if we forget our hope and give ourselves over to despair, we will do and say things that are counter-productive, playing right into the enemy’s hand.

The hope we have in Jesus is far stronger than the fear our enemy propagates. And, at the end of the day, it’s hope that gives us pause. It reminds us to stop and ask the Holy Spirit for his strategy. And it gives us the patience, fortitude, and wisdom to carry out those divine strategies, no matter how bleak or hopeless it looks in the natural.

Our hope in Jesus is our unshakable, unstoppable, and undefeatable secret weapon.

Your Turn

Did this post resonate? What do you think? Share your thoughts, experiences, and insights with us in the comments, and please share this post to bless others.

A Season of Hope

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I recently met with a young couple who was experiencing a loss. They professed no spiritual beliefs. As our meeting came to a close, I asked them if I could pray for them. I was humbled when the young man took his hat off, put it over his heart, and bowed his head. He did not profess to know Jesus but his demeanor showed reverence and respect. He knew somehow that when coming to God in prayer he was standing on holy ground. I did not know how to comfort this couple but I do know that we have a Comforter to minister to those who mourn. I prayed that in this season of advent that they would have hope.

Yes. Advent. A season of waiting. Waiting for the promise of Jesus. The Lord gives us a message of hope. Future hope.

In this advent season may we show the love of Jesus to those around us that do not know this hope. Our world is starved for love. Real love. I see this hunger in the eyes of so many around us. They are starved to know that there is a God who loves them. And they need hope.

May you and yours be blessed this advent season. And may we in turn be a blessing to the hurting and dying (spiritually) around us.

Share with us in the comments what Advent means to you. And if you think this would bless someone else, please share it on Facebook or your favorite social media channel with the buttons below.

How to Say “Yes” to God’s Promises when Life’s Pain Says “No”

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Has the pain, abuse, and unfairness of your life erased God’s promises to you? You believed, but where are they? Instead of your Promised Land, all you see for miles around is desert. This post is for you. Caleb, through no fault of his own, finds himself in exactly the same situation. Check this out.

The Israelites had been miraculously delivered from Egypt. They’d seen God’s wonders and his glory over and over again in the desert. They tasted the sweetness of his faithfulness, and also the sting of his discipline at their rebellion (more than once).

But now, all that is just about to pay off. They’re at the borders of the Promised Land and just about to enter their inheritance. And that’s when it gets insane. All chaos breaks loose. The insanity in your life means God wants to break in and do something.

First, there’s internal attack. Miriam and Aaron, Moses’ co-leaders, more than that, his siblings, his own family, start bad-mouthing him (Numbers 12). It’s the struggle of religion vs God’s heart, the very same struggle that nailed Jesus to the cross. Miriam and Aaron don’t think Moses is following the rules properly. Actually he is, but not according to their understanding. In fact, their case against Moses is really thinly veiled jealously. The Lord has none of it and comes to Moses’ defense. God settles it quickly by turning Miriam leprous for a week.

Do you struggle with internal chaos, internal condemnation no matter what you do? God is on the verge of breakthrough in your life.

Then there’s external attack. Moses sends twelve spies to explore the Promised Land (Numbers 13). They all come back with the same report. The land is awesome, it’s flowing with milk and honey just like the Lord said. They bring back some of the fruit, huge grapes and other goodies. Oh, and by the way, the land’s filled with giants who are much stronger than we are. We looked like grasshoppers to them. The external obstacles are insurmountable.

Although they all agree on the state of the land, it’s inhabitants, and what they found, the twelve spies have two opposing recommended courses of action. Ten of the spies are terrified and say there’s no way we can do this. We’ll get slaughtered.

But the other two, Joshua and Caleb, are all for taking the land. They have a promise from God that he’ll be with them and they can do it. So I imagine it goes down something like this:

Ten Spies: “The people in the land are huge giants, infinitely bigger and stronger and more powerful than us!”

Joshua and Caleb: “I know, right! It’s going to be exhilarating beating those guys! I can’t wait, let’s go! This is going to be so epic! They’ll sing songs about us for centuries! We have a promise from God, we can’t lose! Stinks to be them. Let’s go do this!”

But the other ten convince the people not to trust God and rebel. They talk about stoning Moses, Joshua, and Caleb, heading back to Egypt, and just forgetting the whole thing. Quitting. This is not what we thought it would be. It’s just too hard. Time to cut and run.

Are you going to quit on the promise of God in your life? When life gets impossible, God’s promise is on the verge of fulfillment. Just like with the Israelites, the hardest struggles, both internally and externally, are on the borders of our Promised Land.

And you know the scariest part about this? God honors your choice. The people rejected God’s promise and chose to believe in their fear instead. And you could say they benefitted from it. They lived out their lives in safety, not having to take the risks that God’s promises required. But it was a hard, meaningless, bland life in the desert, on the border of God’s rejected promises. Nothing horrifically bad happened. But nothing amazingly good happened either. Like a ship chained to the dock, or a Lamborghini that never sees the light of day outside the garage, they all died in the desert of complacency. How sad. Don’t let this be your tragedy.

I think the saddest part is, Joshua and Caleb also waited 40 years. That’s the part that seems really unfair to me. Even though they had nothing to do with it, they were caught in the consequences of their unbelieving community. They were ready to grab God’s promises with both hands, but they had to wait 40 years too.

But it was worth it! They did eventually see the fulfillment of God’s promises in their lives. And this is the most amazing part of the story—how Caleb finally entered the Promised Land. Think about this.

It would have been easy for his passion to grow cold through the pain of life. He could’ve turned bitter over the unfairness of it all. 40 years in the desert? Are you kidding me?!? Many of us turn bitter in the desert. Do you know someone who has? Have you?

But Caleb didn’t. He just became more and more determined to seize God’s promises when he finally got the chance. Listen to him talk to Joshua, who had seceded Moses as leader, when the people are finally ready, 40 years later, to enter the Promised Land, really this time.

Keep in mind reading this that in war, you want the high ground. So the “hill country” Caleb’s talking about here is where the enemies have the high ground. It’s the hardest land to take by far. There are only two types of people who would even attempt it. Soon to be dead fools who don’t have a lick of common sense, or soon to be victorious recipients of a promise from God.

Caleb to Joshua: “You know what the Lord said to Moses the man of God at Kadesh Barnea about you and me. I was 40 years old when Moses the servant of the Lord sent me from Kadesh Barnea to explore the land. And I brought him back a report according to my convictions, but my fellow Israelites who went up with me made the hearts of the people melt in fear. I, however, followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly. So on that day Moses swore to me, ‘The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly.’

“Now then, just as the Lord promised, he has kept me alive for 45 years since the time he said this to Moses, while Israel moved about in the wilderness. So here I am today, 85 years old! I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. Now give me this hill country that the Lord promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites [the giants] were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the Lord helping me, I will drive them out just as he said.” (Joshua 14:6b-12)

The guy was 85 and wanting to go take the hardest part of the land! And this time, he would not be put off. He had yet another promise from God he was believing. I could see people saying, “But dude, you’re 85! How about you plan the battle, but we’ll go do the heavy lifting on this one.”

Caleb: “Don’t you ‘but dude’ me! I’ve waiting 45 years for this, and I’m going giant-whomping!”

And you know what? The “unfair” delay really wasn’t. It made Caleb’s character shine all the more brightly and made his victory all the more spectacular. The promises of God triumph over the pain and unfairness of life.

God didn’t forget about Caleb. And he hasn’t forgotten you. What promises have you seen fulfilled in your life that you thought were gone? What promises are you still waiting for? Tell us in the comments, and please share if this post would bless and encourage someone else.

How to Be Hopeful without Being Impatient

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We all hate to wait. We live in a culture where we want the microwave to cook faster. And often we treat our relationships like that. Let’s just cut to the chase. But that’s not how relationships work. We can do grave damage trying to take short cuts in our impatience.

I’ve learned this the hard way. Sometimes other people just need to understand how right I am! And so I tell them, in love, of course. But it never goes well; I can’t imagine why. It’s almost like the Holy Spirit doesn’t care about getting to the right answer as much as he cares about the process of getting there.

And you know what frustrates me the most, the very most frustrating thing about the Holy Spirit? He’s not in a hurry. Doesn’t he realize my relationships are on a tight schedule, here? After all, I have in my planner that this relationship was supposed to be fixed by November.

The problem is, God is on his own schedule, and he doesn’t ask for my input. Of all the nerve! He acts like he’s God or something.

It’s kind of like Gandalf tongue-in-cheek rebuking Frodo at the beginning of the first Lord of the Rings movie (The Fellowship of the Ring).

“A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Neither is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.”

God’s like that. Never late. Thank goodness. Always on-time. I can live with that. Never early. Now that’s just downright annoying!

Sometimes people have to figure things out for themselves by experience. This can be very frustrating, for example, for parents. We have all this truly great advice that can save our children a world of heartache, hurt, and bruising if they’d only listen. But I had a very wise woman tell me, “We have to let our kids live their own adventure.”

The fact is, my getting antsy and impatient is not going to speed God up. Truth be told, if anything, it might actually slow him down, because now he’s wanting to do something in me, to replace my impatience with faith. And so in his great mercy, he’s going to give me ample opportunities to practice faith over impatience, much to my consternation, and finally, if he gets his way, much to my surrender.

I’m not saying we sit back and be lazy and just wait for God to drop stuff in our lap. That’s obviously not how it works either. Clarity so often comes with action. We often have to do something, try and fail, and then try and fail again, to discover the destiny God has for us.

But I am saying this. We can take action and do stuff, but we don’t need to bring along the stress and pressure of our impatience. My stress and impatience comes when I take up responsibility for the outcome, instead of leaving it in God’s hands where it belongs. Taking responsibility for something that, deep down, we fundamentally know is out of our control is really stressful.

When we finally truly trust God for the outcome of the actions we’re taking, we can be hopeful without being impatient.

How about you? Are you more often impatient or hopeful? Tell us in the comments. And please share on social media if you think this post would be helpful to someone else.