As God brings wounded people to himself, we as the Church need to learn how to facilitate the healing transformation God wants to bring. Often, this starts with just learning how to pray for people effectively, whether it’s after-service prayer, a phone call from a friend in need, or in a private, dedicated, ministry setting.

When praying for people, we have the honor, privilege, and responsibility of stewarding their hearts well. This is a serious responsibility, and should not be taken lightly. They are being vulnerable by asking for prayer, and we can do a lot of damage if we go into this with the wrong heart posture.

As we step into this sacred space, we need a heart posture of Humble Boldness. We call this “Humble Boldness”, not “Bold Humility,” because humility has to come first.

1) Be Humble

This is not about you. It’s about them.

Jesus is the healer. We are not.  We are just the “stage hands.” All we’re doing is facilitating an environment where they can connect with Jesus, and he is free to do whatever he wants.

The good news is, you do not need to have all the answers. Actually, you don’t have to have any at all.

“Tell me more about that” is a great thing to say when you don’t know what to say, or feel out of your depth.

2) Avoid Spiritual Bypassing

I’m not in any way discounting the power of Scripture, or of a word aptly spoken (Proverbs 25:11). But quoting a Bible verse, or other spiritual platitude, because we don’t know what to say, actually can be very damaging because it discounts their pain. This is called spiritual bypassing, and is (unfortunately) very common. Do not give people a “quick fix” to a deep problem.

Example: “Oh, you suffer from depression? Just go home and get a nap and a snack and you’ll feel better. That’s the Biblical solution since it worked for Elijah.”

Superficial solutions do not address the underlying root of the problem and can cause a great deal of damage. We are setting the person up for believing the lie that there is obviously something wrong with them because the superficial solution didn’t work. The truth is, there is something deeper God wants to heal.

3) Avoid Telling Your Story

Telling your story can discount their story and their pain. We think hearing the story of someone (us or someone we know) who’s successfully gone through the same thing is helpful, but often it’s not. They do not need to hear your story. They need you to hear theirs.

This is not about you. It’s about them.

4) Honor Their Story by Validating Their Pain

Honor is the currency in the Kingdom of God. One of the best gifts you can give them is being heard. Repeat back what you thought you heard. This is called reflective or active listening.

Validate their pain. Take a guess at how they are feeling. “Does that make you feel …?” You don’t even have to be right. Just the fact that someone is listening and trying to understand how they’re feeling can be tremendously helpful. This creates a safe space.

Don’t underestimate the healing virtue of non-judgmental, active listening.

5) Be Bold

Without an agenda of your own (that’s the “humility” part), ask the Holy Spirit what he wants to do. We don’t want to be so “humble” that we’re afraid to do, say, or pray anything.

After asking the Holy Spirit, go with the thought that comes to mind. Believe God wants to partner with you to bring them healing in this moment.

The more you practice, the more you will learn what’s God and what’s not. It’s totally ok to make a mistake! That’s how we learn. And as long as you’re walking in humility, you won’t do damage.

Always validate their pain first (see above). After validating their pain, if you have a word-picture, or Bible verse comes to mind, or you get some advice or direction for them, don’t be afraid to tell them. But submit it with humility.

Don’t say, “Thus saith the Lord …!”

You can say, “I’m getting this picture (or this verse). Does this mean anything to you?”

If you’re not sure if your thought is God or not, one technique is to sit on it first for a few minutes. Often, if it’s God, it won’t go away, but will get stronger.

If you want to give them a scripture verse, for example, ask yourself and the Holy Spirit these questions to test for spiritual bypassing:

• Does this make light of their situation?
• Could this be discounting something deeper going on?
• How can I share this verse (or advice, etc.) while honoring their pain?

6) Be Honoring and Affirming in a 3 Step Finish

When you’re done, here are 3 steps to end a prayer session well:

1. Thank them for their vulnerability in letting you pray for them. Never take for granted how hard it was for them to ask for prayer.
2. Pray blessing over them.
3. Ask the Holy Spirit what you can say to affirm them. How does he see them? What does he want them to know?

Stewarding Hearts Well

So let’s adopt the heart posture of humble boldness. That’s how we can be Jesus’ hands, feet, voice, and heart to a wounded, lost, and dying world. That’s how we facilitate God’s healing transformation. God is trusting us to steward their hearts well in this sacred space.

Because if they can’t go to the people of God when they’re hurting, where can they go?

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Have you been on the receiving end where your heart was stewarded poorly? If so, tell us your story in the comments. And please share this post if it would bless others.