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How to Tell if You’re Motivated by Wounding or Calling

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Everything we do in life is driven by one of these two things. At the end of the day, these are the only two motivations in the human experience. Everything we do is driven by either our wounding or our calling. Here’s an example.

Bob and Ted both help their church one Saturday morning a month serving breakfast at the local homeless shelter. They both get up at 5:00 AM, so they can be at the shelter by 6:00 to have breakfast ready for the residents at 7:00. They’re both happy to do whatever’s needed—scrambling dozens of eggs, cooking bacon, toasting slices and slices of toast, washing dishes, talking to and praying with the residents. Both are faithful. Both feel great afterwards, having been blessed with the opportunity to serve. But while they both look exactly the same from the outside, there’s a big difference inside.

Driving home, Bob is jazzed. He feels so good. For a few brief, shining moments, he feels good about himself, having done something good. Maybe that compensates for all his failures. Maybe, for a few hours, that’ll drown out the shame that just won’t let him go. Bob is serving out of his wounding.

Meanwhile, Ted is driving home, and he’s also jazzed. He feels so good. When he’s eating and talking with the shelter residents, he identifies with them. He doesn’t see a dirty homeless man. He sees a broken heart. He sees potential. He sees God’s hand of anointing and purpose on these precious people who have been so deceived and beaten up by the world. And Ted feels privileged to be with them, to tell them the truth of who they really are, how much they’re loved by God, and to pray with them. Ted’s high will last for days. Ted is serving out of his calling.

Do you see the difference? Both are doing the same actions. Both look exactly the same on the outside. Both get good feelings out of it (which is the outworking of a Kingdom principle, BTW. You can control your emotions by serving.) [https://identityinwholeness.com/how-to-control-your-emotions/]

But their motivations are totally different. Bob is serving for the benefit to himself. He’s medicating pain. He may or may not feel guilted into it, but either way, his wounding pushes him to serve. Ted, on the other hand, is serving for the benefit of the people he’s serving. He feels drawn to them. His calling pulls him into serving. He can’t not serve.

Let’s look at another example.

Bob and Ted both get home after the homeless shelter feeding and get their daughters ready for swim practice at the local pool. Their kids are both on the same swim team, and both Bob and Ted are very involved in helping the coach with the team.

Bob was a swimmer in his youth and a strong contender for the Olympics, until the injury. That ended that. But his daughter has an opportunity to succeed where Bob failed. So he pushes her to swim harder, faster, better. And he doesn’t understand why she seems to resent all he’s sacrificing so she can have this opportunity. Going to swim meets all over the country isn’t cheap. He’s living vicariously through his daughter. His wounding is pushing him and his daughter. This movie doesn’t end well. Maybe you’ve seen it. Maybe you’ve lived it.

Ted, on the other hand, can think of a thousand other things he’d rather be doing than spending Saturday at the pool. Mowing the lawn, mending that fence, trimming the roses. He loves being outside, and doesn’t look forward to spending another Saturday indoors at the pool smelling chlorine all day.

But from birth, his daughter was as comfortable in the water as she was on land. No one had to teach her how to blow bubbles in the bathtub, or to put her face under the water. She just did it naturally. She was almost swimming before she could walk. Ted realized something about his child: God hard-wired her to swim. So he silently sacrifices his Saturdays because he knows that as her father it’s his calling to gently guide her into who God created her to be.

Do you see the difference? Again, Bob and Ted look exactly the same from the outside. They both go to all their daughter’s swim practices and swim meets. They both help out the coach with the team however they can. But their inner motivations are totally different. Pushed by his wounding, Bob is doing it for himself, in a fruitless attempt to ease the pain. But Ted is pulled by his calling. He can’t not be there for his daughter, for her sake—not for his.

Both are driven. But while Bob is pushed by his wounding, Ted is pulled by his calling. And that’s how you can tell whether you’re being motivated by your wounding or by your calling. Wounding pushes you—guilt, shame, medicating pain. But calling pulls you—drawing you forward, wooing you, to the point that once you start thinking “what if…” you can’t not pursue it.

So what if I discover I’m being driven by my wounding? Do these 4 simple steps.

1) Admit it. Stop pretending otherwise.

2) Name the wounding. You have power over what you can put a label on.

3) Get help. There’s no shame wearing a cast on a broken leg. There’s no shame getting counseling for broken emotions. Everyone needs help at some point. Talk to your pastor, a professional counselor, a mature and godly parent, or a trusted friend. Or all of them. You need all the tools in the toolbox. But, please, talk to somebody.

4) Embrace this season of healing. You can get free. Healing is out there. Pursue it. Don’t give up. God wants to bring you freedom, so you can set others free. You have authority over what you’ve been set free from.

Once you’re walking in freedom rather wounding, you may realize your calling is totally different from what you thought. Whole new worlds may open up to you.

Or, you may have been pursuing your calling all along, but your wounding is like dragging an iron ball chained to your leg—so you can’t run very fast. Once you get some healing, maybe you’ll feel a new freedom and ease to chase the calling you never believed was possible.

Caveat: Healing comes in waves. This may not be your last season of healing. Healing hurts, so out of his mercy God gives us as much as we can handle at any one time. So don’t be surprised if, after years of living motivated by your calling, you suddenly discover there’s still some wounding there. Don’t be discouraged—God’s getting ready to upgrade you again! Bonus!

How about you? Are you operating out of your wounding, or out of your calling? Have you ever realized, after getting some healing, your calling was totally different from what you thought it was? Have you gone through seasons of healing? How did each give you another level of freedom? We’d love to hear your story in the comments or in an email. And please share if this would bless someone else.

Free Resources:

Do you know God wants to talk directly to you? Do you have trouble hearing him? Find out how to hear God with Dave’s free ebook “Hearing God and What’s Next: 12 Ways to Hear God, 3 Things to Do about It, and 6 Ways to Know You’re Not Crazy.”

Does your heart need healing? Learn the steps to inner healing with Jesus through a fun and engaging fictional story. Download Dave’s free ebook “The Runt: A Fable of Giant Inner Healing.”

How to Get Your Brain Working for You

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First we have to understand what our brain is really for. Contrary to conventional wisdom, your brain is not there to determine truth. Its purpose is not to figure out what’s true and what’s not. That is your spirit’s job. That’s why discernment is a spiritual gift. Truth is spiritually discerned, not physically reasoned.

The natural man does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God. For they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. – 1 Corinthians 2:14

I’ll give you an example. Amazingly smart people who don’t know Jesus invented evolution. They sat down to “reason” how we got here, and decided we evolved from primates, who evolved from fish, who evolved from single-cell organisms, which ultimately evolved from non-living material in the primordial soup. Even though this theory violates the sciences of physics, biology, geology, statistics, paleontology, and engineering, you can’t talk them out of it. (That’s another post—if you want more info about how evolution violates science, shoot me an email.) Although they espouse “science,” the actual facts don’t matter to them. Because it’s not about science. It’s ultimately about a spiritual truth, the existence of God, that their spirits reject.

Their brain has rationalized their spiritual bias. And that’s what your brain is for—to plan, chart, and route the course to the destination your spirit selects, for better or worse. Your brain is your spirit’s GPS.

Your brain isn’t there to figure out your calling. Your brain is there to plan your calling.

When we ask ourselves, “What’s my calling?” and we try to figure it out intellectually, it typically brings up a lot of fear and frustration. Your brain is not able to determine your calling. That’s not what it’s for. Your GPS is really bad at selecting a destination. That’s your job. That’s not what your GPS is designed for. And your brain is not designed to determine truth. That’s your spirit’s job.

Now once you’ve selected a destination, your GPS is really good at showing you how to get there. That’s what it was designed for. Your calling is something your spirit knows. Once you embrace it, your brain is excellent at planning the route, helping you find the first steps to get there. Your brain is designed by God to route you to the destination your spirit selects.

Here’s a negative example. Atheists’ spirits have selected a godless destination, and their brains have routed the course. Not to open up a huge can of worms here, but the two greatest hoaxes perpetrated on the public in the name of “science” are evolution and climate change (formerly “global warming.” They’ve changed the name since global warming has been discredited, but it’s the same thing.) Evolution is there to rationalize away what God did at the beginning of time. Climate change is there to rationalize away what God’s about to do at the end of time. (If you read Revelation, the first several plagues are all environmental. When these things start happening, the culture will blame climate change to avoid admitting God’s trying to get our attention.)

On the positive side, Hebrews 10:39 says, “We do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” So how do we, people of faith, use our brains to chart the destination to the calling God has for us?

Here’s 3 simple steps.

1) Set the destination.

Your spirit knows your calling. It makes your heart leap. What is that thing for you? 

It doesn’t have to be something spiritual. It can be fly-fishing or dancing or accounting. Remember the famous quote from the movie Chariots of Fire, about the UK’s Olympic track team? Eric Liddell said, “God made me for China, but he also made me fast. And when I run, I feel his pleasure.” While he felt a call on his life to go to China, he also knew part of his calling was to run fast. 

If you truly don’t know what your calling is, ask your heart. It knows. Often, knowing is not the problem. Admitting it is. You need to admit it and embrace it. Let your mouth say it. Out loud. Tell someone. 

2) Let your brain plan the course.

Once you’ve identified your calling, your destination, use your brain to plan how to get there. That’s what your brain is for. 

There’s usually one obstacle that trips us up here — FEAR. Here’s a life-hack to get around the fear.

Be an actor. This is your chance to win an Academy Award. Play the role of someone who isn’t afraid of pursuing your calling. What would that person do? To put it another way, what would you do if you weren’t afraid?  Do that. Now your brain is working for you.

3) Take the first step.

Any movement is good movement. You really don’t have to worry about making a mistake. If you do, you’ll have learned something and can course-correct. So it’s a win-win once you ditch the fear.

Think of it as an experiment. Then if it fails, it was just an experiment. If what you try doesn’t work, you learn a valuable lesson. And then using what you’ve learned, use your brain to revise the plan and try again.

But if your baby-step works — Bonus! So you really can’t lose.

My Story

I got over my fear of moving forward into my calling with another life-hack — playing one fear against another. I was driving to work listening to Michael Hyatt interviewing best-selling author Jeff Goins. During the interview, Jeff said this, and it rocked my world:

“I got to the point where I was more afraid of not trying than I was of failing.” — Jeff Goins

That hit me right between the eyes. It raised a question I could not get out of my mind. What if, on that Day when I meet Jesus face-to-face, I see all the dominoes God had lined up to help me succeed, one event and “coincidence” after another, but they never fell because I never tipped over that first domino? That question haunted me. 

It should haunt you. What if God has resources already prepared to make your dream succeed, but you’re tying his hands because you won’t take that first step? How tragic would that be?

That’s what sent me down this road of being a writer. How am I doing? I’ve had failures and frustrations along the way. But I have learned so much.

Your Story

How about you? Now it’s your turn. This is your time. What makes your heart leap? What’s the first baby-step in that direction? Are you ready to try it? The truth is, you’ll never feel ready. Try it anyway. Let us know what happens. Tell us your story in the comments and please share if this would bless someone else.

Why Your Negative Past Is Key to Your Awesome Future

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Have you ever been paralyzed by your past? Have you ever wanted to do something that made your heart leap, but then dropped the idea because your past disqualified you? Maybe you were an addict or had an affair. Maybe it was an abortion or divorce. Fill in the blank for you.

The truth is, not only can God forgive and heal your past, but your past is actually key to God’s calling on your life. There are two important points here.

First, our past doesn’t derail God’s calling on our life.

But we can derail ourselves. Sometimes we sabotage our own destiny.

“I can’t write that book because I dropped out of college!”

“I can’t lead a marriage Bible study because I’m divorced!”

Sometimes our sabotage is subtle, unconscious, and just under the surface:

“I don’t deserve a healthy relationship after what I’ve done!”

But the good news is our past does not disqualify us from our future for one big reason. That’s not how God sees us. Check out this story.

Ok, so we’re in Damascus, first decade AD. A Christian named Ananias is out watering sheep, or doing whatever they did back then, when God shows up in a vision and calls him by name.

Ananias thinks this is awesome, until Jesus says, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul. He’s praying and I’ve given him a vision of you restoring his sight.”

Now Ananias thinks, “Snap, not so awesome.” He answers, “Lord, I saw this dude on Jerusalem Today. He was going house-to-house, dragging off Christians and throwing them in prison! And he’s come here to do the same thing! Look, I’ll show you on my iPhone. I’ve got it on YouTube right here.”

Ok, now this is where it gets interesting. Here’s what the Lord never said:

  • “Wow, I hadn’t heard that! I guess I picked the wrong guy. Must be a mix-up in the front office.”
  • “Thanks, Ananias, you really saved me from a big blooper there!”
  • “I sure am glad you’re on my team, Ananias! Way to be on the ball!”

Nope. Instead, the Lord gets a little testy with Ananias: “Go! Don’t you be talkin’ ‘bout my servant like that! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their Kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name’s sake.”

Ok, I took some creative license here, but you can read the real story in Acts 8:3 and 9:1-19.

Here’s the thing: Everything Ananias said about Saul was completely true. And the Lord completely ignored it. Instead of arguing with Ananias over Earth’s truth about Saul, the Lord responded with Heaven’s truth about Saul. “This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their Kings and before the people of Israel.”

Earth’s truth defines us by what we’ve done. But Heaven’s truth defines us by our calling, and that’s how God sees us. Heaven’s truth trumps earth’s truth every time, which is why your past doesn’t disqualify you. You are not what you’ve done.

When we agree with Heaven’s truth, admit the wrongs in our past, and turn from them so we don’t practice them anymore, like Saul did, that’s called repentance. Repentance totally blows our past away so it has no more power over us.

Second, our past is key to God’s calling on our life.

Back to Saul, soon to be the Apostle Paul. God knew the most challenging controversy in the first century church would be the confusion over whether Gentile converts had to be circumcised and keep the whole Law of Moses or not. There were some very persuasive Pharisees who became Christians and insisted they did. God felt otherwise, but who could stand up to the legalistic and opinionated Pharisees and logically make God’s point to the contrary? Certainly not some uneducated fishermen who could barely read or write!

What God needed was somebody who was himself circumcised on the eighth day, a Hebrew of Hebrews, somebody zealous for the Law who knew it as well as or better than the Pharisees causing all the trouble. If fact, God needed an ex-Pharisee.

Enter the Apostle Paul. He’s wasn’t just an ex-Pharisee, but an exceptional one. He studied under Gamaliel, the greatest Rabbi of that day. He excelled way beyond his peers and was extremely zealous (Galatians 1:14, Philippians 3:4-6). Paul could run circles around the other Pharisees with the Law. He was perfect. Paul’s past was key to God’s calling on his life.

After we repent and go through a season of healing, like Paul did, our past can be key to our future. We have authority over what we’ve been rescued from.

Dropped out of college? You’ve acquired real-life wisdom that makes you perfect to write that book.

Been divorced? You’re perfect to lead that marriage Bible study. You know where the traps and pitfalls are.

Had an affair or abortion? You’re perfect to lead others through the healing you’ve received. You know the pain they’re feeling.

And when you set others free from what you’ve been set free from, that’s revenge. Sweet revenge. Make the enemy sorry he ever messed with you! Make the devil need therapy! Woof!

So what’s Heaven’s truth about you? The Lord has a mission for you. Do you know what it is? It’s connected to your past. You are his chosen instrument for, what? Fill in the blank for you. What’s the passion that rises up in your heart when you think about it. Your past does not disqualify you from it. Your past is actually key to it.

Does this possibility make your heart leap? Does it resonate? Tell us your story in the comments or shoot us an email. And please share on social media if you think this would help or inspire someone else.

[Note: This post was inspired by Graham Cooke’s Living Your Truest Identity 3-CD audio series. I highly recommend it. This is not an affiliate link; we get no commission if you click the link or buy from Graham.]

3 Practical Signs that You’re Missing Your Calling

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I am passionate about walking in the fullness of what God has called me to do on this earth. I hope you are too. I don’t want to miss my calling and just come close.

Our new favorite Internet-TV series is The Chosen, a dramatization of the gospels that is done extremely well. Instead of trying to cram everything into a two or three-hour movie, they are presenting the life and ministry of Jesus as a multi-season series. This gives them the luxury of developing fictional but plausible back stories for the various characters that met Jesus, like the disciples and others.

Jesus is not the main character, although he becomes more and more of a central character as the series develops. The main characters are the people who meet Jesus. The vision of the production is to introduce Jesus to viewers through the eyes of the people who met him, so viewers can have similar experiences meeting Jesus. The stories surrounding its production and the impact it is having around the world are truly the fingerprints of God. This series is reaping amazing Kingdom fruit.

No spoiler here, but there is a character that Jesus asks to follow him. This character has a very involved life he’d be leaving behind to follow Jesus; this is not an easy choice at all. Jesus tells the person in two days they are leaving Capernaum from the Fountain in the Southern Quarter of the city. He can meet Jesus and his disciples at the fountain if he decides to come.

When Jesus meets up with his disciples at the fountain, they find a money bag left by that man to finance their journey. A complete mystery to the disciples, Jesus knows who it is from. He also knows the man is hiding just behind the fountain’s wall, desperately wanting to come but not being able to.

Jesus calls out, “Are we all here? Is there anyone else who wants to come with us?”

The disciples look around, counting each other, and say, “Yes, we’re all here,” not realizing the invitation Jesus is giving to the unseen man. It’s a heart-wrenching scene: The man is silently weeping behind the wall, desperately wanting to go with Jesus but unable to tear himself away from his career and family.

Jesus looks directly at the wall where the man is hiding and says with sad longing in his eyes, “You came so close.”

I don’t want that to be my epitaph. I want to accomplish the calling and the work God created me for here on this planet, not get right up to the edge and back out.

Dominoes

When I began this writing journey in earnest, God showed me a vision of dominos, stood on end like we used to do when we were kids. You know the deal. Knock over the first one, and it knocks over all the others.

What if, on That Day when I see Jesus face to face, he shows me all the resources Heaven had lined up to use my writing for the Kingdom of God? What if it was an impact beyond anything I could ever ask or think (Ephesians 3:20)? But it never happened because I never tipped over that first domino. How tragic would that be?

That’s a conversation I never want to have. I don’t want to spend an eternity in regret, wishing I hadn’t been afraid to step out into what I knew God was calling me to.

3 Signs that You’re Just Coming Close

Here are three practical clues that you’re missing the calling God has on your life. Do any of these resonate? They did for me, and they continue to help me check myself, get off the eternal hamster wheel,  and actually make real progress.

1) Always planning but never doing. Planning is so much safer than doing. I want to do it right, so I just have to figure out a few more things first… You know the drill, needing to have everything figured out before doing anything. I perfected this to an art form.

Perfectionism is just socially acceptable procrastination. The truth is we keep planning, instead of doing, because we’re scared. But the only way forward is to start doing things, taking intentional steps, toward the calling we know God has on our lives. Stop ducking it by eternal planning. Enough with the excuses, already.

2) It never gets done because it’s not scheduled. Darn, another week went by without doing anything to move my calling forward. Oh well, I’ll do it next week. No, actually I won’t. Next week, life will happen and crowd it out just like it did this week. Unless.

Unless we schedule it and protect that time. For example, if God’s calling you to write a book, schedule regular writing time and protect it. If, say, a friend wants to do something during that time, just say, “I’m sorry, I have another commitment.” You don’t have to explain. Protect it like you would any other appointment on your calendar.

3) Always busy but never making progress. We’re all busy. But are we just letting life happen to us? Are we drifting, endlessly careening from one emergency to the next? Or are we intentionally taking steps into what God’s calling us to?

Moving Forward Is Simple, but It’s Not Easy

If this is resonating with you, ask the Holy Spirit to help you move forward by doing two things:

  1. Identify the next right thing to do. What’s the next baby step you need to take?
  2. Schedule time to do it. Pick a date and time and write it on the calendar or in your phone. Make an appointment with yourself to move forward into God’s calling on your life.

Simple, obvious, but not easy. Yet, you can do this. God wouldn’t have called you to it otherwise.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? What is your next right thing? What’s holding you back? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share this post to bless others.

4 Lies We Use to Sabotage Ourselves

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So often I’m my own worst enemy. Are you?

Now don’t get me wrong here. There’s something good about being your own worst critic. If I’ve got a problem, I’d much rather notice it myself than have someone else point it out.

Often I’ll think something, like my writing or a video, is only 80-90% as good as it could be, but others think it’s 150%. As long as I keep it in check and don’t procrastinate in the name of perfectionism, my inner critic is a positive force that helps me do my best work. It’s the spark of inspiration within me from the Holy Spirit that makes my heart leap at the possibility of what could be.

But my inner enemy is another matter entirely. When I’m my own worst enemy, I sabotage myself.

Here are 4 lies I use regularly. See if any of these sound familiar.

1) “I’m Too Old” or “It’s Too Late”

“I can’t make a difference! I’m too old!”

“I missed my window! It’s over!”

“It’s too late! The opportunity is gone!”

All of these are lies we tell ourselves to justify not stepping out into the adventure God’s called us to. There’s an old Chinese proverb about the best time to plant a tree.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. — Chinese Proverb

Yes, maybe we should have started sooner. Maybe we should have followed God’s calling on our life 20 years ago. But if we think we missed our golden opportunity, that shows a mistake in our thinking. Namely, that we wrongly think there’s only one golden opportunity.

Every moment is a new golden opportunity. That’s why God makes every sunrise so beautiful. Every day is a new golden opportunity to follow your God-given dreams, make new choices, and start living large.

2) “Who Am I To … ?”

Imposter syndrome. Everyone who has ever done anything amazing feels this way. It’s the enemy’s last, desperate effort to get you to quit, often right before your breakthrough.

That’s why God promises us “the battle is mine, says the Lord” (2 Chronicles 20:15). And again in Zechariah 4:6, “Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord.”

So while you may not feel qualified to write that book, or do whatever else God’s put on your heart, God is qualified. And it’s by his Spirit he’s put that heart cry in us, so he qualifies us, even when we don’t feel like it.

3) “I Don’t Know How” or “I Don’t Know What to Do”

This is an easy one. God is constantly calling people in the Bible to stuff they don’t know how to do. And God promises to come through. He’s got the wisdom we need.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

“I don’t know how” should never stop you. Here’s a simple 4-step plan to get over this road block.

  1. Pray and ask God for his wisdom for this specific problem. Maybe it’s jumping on Google to see how others have solved this problem. Maybe asking others you respect.
  2. Maybe you get a download from God. Maybe you don’t. Take your best guess and try something. Think of everything as an experiment.
  3. Learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are a gift.
  4. Rinse and repeat.

You don’t have to figure the whole thing out up front. You just need to do the next right thing.

4) “I’ll Start Tomorrow”

No, you won’t. “Today is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2). Today is the day to start. Do one thing toward the call God’s placed on your life. Today. Start. The world is waiting.

What They All Have in Common

What do all these lies have in common? They are all covering for one thing:

I’m afraid.

They are all a cover for fear. Stepping out into the calling God has on our lives is a step into the unknown. That’s scary. But it’s so worth it. God is good, and will meet you in that place of dangerous, thrilling adventure.

Your Turn

What has God put in your heart that you’re sitting on? What are you too afraid to start? Today is the day. If you’re willing to start today, tell us in the comments what it is. There’s something powerful about declaring it publicly. And please share this post if it would inspire others.

How to Find Your Calling with 3 Easy Lists

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God has a unique calling on each one of us, our unique contribution to the world. The powers of darkness are terribly afraid of it, because when you walk in your calling, they lose real estate. The enemy’s strategy is to so grievously wound us, as early in life as possible, that we don’t ever step into the calling on our lives. Your calling is that important. If you don’t fulfill it, no one will. Then the world misses out and you live a boring life instead of the adventure you were created for.

So how do you find it? Your calling is the intersection of three things – your passion, your skills, and your livelihood. You need all three, or you don’t have a calling. You have something else. Let’s look at these one at a time.

This is a very practical post today. Have fun with this! Go through this exercise with the Holy Spirit. Ask him to show you the answer to each of these questions. He’s totally into this.

1) Your Passion

What sets your heart on fire? What thing makes your heart leap out of your chest at the thought of doing it? Alternatively, it might terrify you. For those of us still working our way out of our wounding, a calling can be terrifying. It can fly in the face of inner vows we’ve made to protect our heart. It can force us to face our fear.

For example, suppose your calling is public speaking. Suppose God wants to give you words and speeches and messages that will inspire and change a myriad of lives. But in grade school, the enemy set it up so you got severely made fun of for making a mistake during a class presentation, or maybe answering a teacher’s question wrong. You vowed you’d never speak in public again. It wasn’t safe.

Now that vow is holding you back from stepping into your calling, and the thought of public speaking terrifies you. But God wants to heal that. You can renounce those inner vows and the benefit they give you, choosing to trust God for your heart’s safety instead of your own means.

So if you feel either exhilaration or terror at doing a thing, that might be your passion. If your heart didn’t care about it, you’d be indifferent. And if it’s terror, there may an inner vow in the way that you need to work through and remove.

Make a list right now of what you’re passionate about. Use both the positive and negative questions: What exhilarates you? What terrifies you?

Another great question for finding your passion is, What angers you? What problem do you want to see solved? What fight do you want to pick with the world?

2) Your Skills

This is much more straight forward. What are you good at? Make a second list. What skills, talents, and abilities do you naturally have? What were you just always good at? Alternatively, what skills have you developed? What have you learned to do really well? Put all these on your second list.

3) Your Livelihood

Your livelihood is what will people pay you for. God doesn’t want you to starve. He’s a God of provision. He’ll provide for your needs so you can pursue your calling. The easiest way is if people pay you for it.

Honestly, people don’t care about your skills or your passion. They care about themselves. Not dissing anybody here, we all do. But when you solve a problem for people, they will pay you for it.

Make a third list. What will people pay you for? What problems can you solve?

Your Calling

The intersection of all three lists is your calling. Are you surprised? Or did you know it all the time, but were afraid to think about it? What is that thing? Share it in the comments.

What if there’s nothing on all 3 lists?

Oh no, I’m doomed, I have no calling! Now just hold on there, Mr. Melodramatic. You have a calling, we just need to dig a little deeper. The stuff of life has just buried it a little bit. What is on two of the lists?

Skills and Livelihood without Passion is a Job

But what happens if you’ve got skills at something and a livelihood but no passion? That’s a job. Maybe you used to have passion for it, and you’re convinced that job is, in fact, God’s calling on your life. How do you move it from job to calling? You have to rekindle your lost passion.

Ask the Holy Spirit how. One way is to go back to the beginning. Remember when this thing first romanced you and you fell in love with it? How did you approach it then? Can you do the thing the way you did at first and reclaim that lost passion?

Dude, I have never loved my job! Then your job’s not your passion.

Passion and Livelihood without Skills is a Daydream

Without skills, people won’t pay you for long, if at all. If you’re sure this daydream is God’s calling on your life, how can you move it from daydream to calling? What baby steps can you take right now to start acquiring the skills?

Maybe your daydream is to be an author. If that’s your calling, start a blog and start putting your work out there regularly for people to read. Maybe your daydream is to be a missionary. If that’s your calling, enroll in a class at your local community college to start learning your host country’s language.

Passion and Skills without Livelihood is a Hobby

God doesn’t want you or your family to starve. If it’s your calling, God will provide provision for you to pursue it. Usually that’s getting paid for it. How can you take your hobby and solve a problem for people with it? Where does it touch an area that other people care about? It’s ok if it’s a niche thing, as long as somebody will pay you for it. It’s ok if it’s not for everyone, as long as there’s enough people who collectively will pay you enough so you can keep doing it.

Alternatively, God may provide provision through something else. This is especially true in the early days when you’re honing your craft and acquiring the skills.

Think of the 17th century European composers and artists. They had patrons, usually nobility or royalty, who would cover their expenses so they could write their music and make their art. Oftentimes today, your job is your patron. It covers your expenses while you get good enough for people to start paying you.

What if there’s nothing on any two lists?

Then go with your passion list. What on there makes your heart sing? Is there something that equally excites and terrifies you? That could be it.

But, as it stands, you’ve got no skills and you’ve got no livelihood. So start acquiring them. What baby steps can you take now to start getting better at that thing? How can you solve someone’s problem with it? Look at people who get paid for it. What problem do they solve? What’s their business model? How do they do it?

Take Action!

You have a unique calling from God. Hopefully this exercise has helped you discover it. So take action! Have you identified your calling, but you’re missing either passion, skills, or a livelihood? Stare down your fear and start your God-given adventure today. Tell us in the comments what steps you’re taking to acquire the parts you’re missing. Let’s do this!

The Most Damaging Thing We Do to Each Other without Realizing It

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People are people.

We get saved, and we’re instantly justified before God by the blood of Jesus. But we’re not instantly sanctified. We bring all our godless behavior with us into the church.

Being justified means being forgiven. Cleansed of our sin. No longer cannon-fodder for Hell. We were saved from hellfire and brought back into relationship with our loving God when we gave our lives to Jesus. Check.

But being sanctified means being like Jesus. Living like Jesus. Loving like Jesus. Seeing other people like Jesus does. We all have a long way to go. Being sanctified means agreeing more and more with God, and from that place of intimacy, we learn who we really are and start acting like it.

One of the most insidious ungodly behaviors we bring with us into the church is fear of the unknown. We try to control what we don’t understand. It’s natural and human. It’s also wrong, and it does a lot of damage, both outside and inside the church. 

Often, that fear comes out as this really spiritually immature Thing that we condemn in our children when we see it on the playground. In fact, much of our effort in guiding our school age children revolves around teaching them how to avoid this Thing. But we use this Thing on each other in church all the time. Here are some examples. See if you can guess what this Thing is.

Can You Guess This Thing?

Example 1: Someone else is expressing their Christianity differently in a way we don’t understand.So we punish them. Nasty glares. Avoidance. Gossip. Judgmental thoughts that sneak out on our faces.

In one church setting, this Thing might look like, “How dare they lift their hands during worship!” In another church setting, this Thing might look like, “How dare they not lift their hands during worship!” 

(Aside: And to both the Holy Spirit says, “How dare you look at the other person during worship instead of Jesus!”)

Example 2: A young mother, just saved, admits to her women’s Bible study group that she’s having a tough time. She admits to having an abortion years ago, and since getting saved, is grieving for her lost child. The older women scowl at her and say, “Don’t you know that everything in your past is under the Blood? If you’re not full of the joy of the Lord, are you even saved?” 

(Aside: There’s a mile of difference between being forgiven and being healed. If you’re post-abortive and grieving, that’s a sign this is your season of healing. Here are some resources that provide post-abortive healing: Rachel’s Vineyard and Project Rachel. Or call your local Pregnancy Help Center.) 

Example 3: A pastor works up the emotion during worship. “Come on, church! Let’s worship Jesus, he’s worthy! Sing louder! Sing with me!”

(Aside: Yes, he is worthy, but you can’t force or manipulate worship out of people. You can force & manipulate singing and dancing and carrying on, but worship has to be given freely or it’s not worship.)   

Christian Peer Pressure

So what do all these examples have in common? What is this Thing? Christian peer pressure. Yikes! That’s a thing? Unfortunately, yes, and it’s all too common. We’ve all experienced it, and, if we’re being honest, we’ve all done it.

We try to force other people to stay within the experience we’re comfortable with. C’mon, be a good Christian, stay in my mold for you! Conform!

When I was growing up in the late 60’s and 70’s, “cool” was the big word. Everybody wanted to be cool. The adults didn’t know what it meant. I remember hearing adults saying, “Why do you want to be ‘cool?’ It doesn’t mean anything!” While they were right to exhort us to not be influenced by that, it totally means something. It means “acceptable.”

And that’s the thing with Christian peer pressure. You’re only acceptable if you fit into the mold. Be comfortable in there, and don’t be peeking out over the edge!

To be sure, there are some non-negotiables in Christianity: 

  • Jesus is the name above every name and the only path to God. 
  • In fact, Jesus is God. 
  • He’s the God who loved us enough to become human and die for us when we hated him. Jesus was the only person ever who was born to die. All to demonstrate his love for us. What kind of over-the-top, crazy, passionate, love does that? Crazy stuff.
  • And there are a few others I won’t go into here for lack of space. But you know them. Sexual integrity. Giving. Respect. Fruit of the Spirit. Etc.

But here’s the deal. God totally is anti-peer pressure. God doesn’t force us or manipulate us into his way of living. He gives us a choice. In fact, he’s so into this that there’s a whole book of the Bible — Deuteronomy — dedicated to nothing but God articulating our choice so we can make an informed decision. 

“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.” 

Deuteronomy 30:19b-20a

It’s the same choice today as he gave the children of Israel as they were about to come into the Promised Land. But it’s our choice. If we don’t choose God’s ways, it breaks his heart and he weeps for us, for the pain we’re bringing on ourselves. But God honors our choice by giving us over to the consequences of it. 

The difference between godly exhortation and fleshly peer pressure is honoring the person’s choice.

Sometimes churches mistakenly get into the business of sin management instead of transformation. And often the chief tool of sin management is Christian peer pressure. Conform. Be like us. Be acceptable. 

Now I’m not saying we need to pretend to agree with people’s bad choices. The world is trying to bully us into doing just that — calling us “haters” if we have the audacity to say someone’s sinful choices aren’t healthy. That’s worldly peer pressure, and whole denominations have succumbed to it.

But there’s peer pressure in the church too, and we need to stop it. God is not calling every man in the church to go to the men’s ministry breakfast, although he probably is calling most. He’s not calling everyone to feed the homeless every Saturday morning. 

Your Calling

But God is calling everyone to do something. If you’re just drifting through life with no real purpose, just killing time till retirement so you can play with your toys, you’re missing your calling. 

Sometimes we truly don’t know our calling and have to really pursue the Lord to find it. Sometimes it finds us while we’re pursuing something else. But often, we know our calling. We’re just afraid to chase it. We’ve found something we’re good at that’s comfortable and safe.  

What makes your heart leap but you’re terrified to pursue? Or to ask it another way: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

The best way to stand up against and defeat Christian peer pressure is to know your calling. Then, when pressured to do whatever, you can honestly say, “I’m glad you’re doing that; that’s really great, thanks for inviting me. But I’m called to do this.”

We’re learning to say “no” to good things we aren’t called to so we can focus on the good things we are called to. So can you. You don’t have to be controlled or guilted by someone else’s mold. You don’t have to be a prisoner to anyone else’s peer pressure, Christian or otherwise. Actually, that’s a choice we make to duck our own calling. Doh! No more. Your calling is too important to get run over by somebody else’s mold.

How About You?

Have you experienced Christian peer pressure? What happened? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share if this post would bless someone else.

3 Ways to Not Let Your History Control Your Destiny

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Our destiny is the adventure God created us to live. Yet so many of us are not living it, and our history is why—all the wounding, trauma, pain—and the fear it brings. The good news is our history does not have to control our destiny. Jesus is bigger than your fear, and he wants to heal your pain.

To keep us from that healing, our enemy wants us to live in our pain. Forever. He’s terrified of us living our God-given adventure. If we do that, his kingdom of darkness will take major hits and there’s nothing he can do about it. His only hope is to be pre-emptive. That’s why you feel so much fear and spiritual resistance whenever you start to move in your calling.

Our enemy’s strategy is, “I will wound them with so much trauma that the overwhelming pain and resultant fear keeps them from ever moving into the life God created them to live.” Those are the components of the enemy’s strategy: Trauma, causing pain, causing fear, which keeps us stuck. And that’s his goal—to keep us stuck in the pain, never moving into the adventure God has for us. Because he’s terrified of that.

It’s a diabolically brilliant plan. It works on every one of us, taking us hostage to fear. He’s got just one little problem though: The cross. The empty tomb. The love of a relentless God who just won’t stop meddling with things.

Actually, it’s a big problem. The blood of Jesus demolishes all the structures, lies, and plans of our enemy over our lives. The power of the love of God is stronger than the power of the trauma, pain, and fear in our lives.

But we have a choice. The Holy Spirit won’t just burst his healing into our lives like Satan did with trauma and sin. God loves and trusts us enough to honor our choice. Our healing is a partnership with Jesus. It’s our choice.

So here are 3 ways to partner with God and not let your history control your destiny.

1) Decide to Not Play the Victim

Enough is enough already. I’m sick of the pain and wounding in my life, and I pray you are too. The first step in getting free is deciding we want to be free. It’s acknowledging the pain in our lives and believing God can heal it.

2) Get Healing

Step 2 is to proactively get healing. We need to seek it out, and actively take steps to pursue our healing. Healing comes in many forms. For some of us, it’s counseling. For others, deliverance. And then there’s inner healing, prayer ministry, or medication. For most of us, it’s going to be a unique combination of the above.

Some of us need medication first to level us out enough so we can receive counseling, inner healing, and/or prayer ministry effectively. Some of us need deliverance or prayer ministry first.

It may take several tries until we find the counselor, pastor, prayer minister, and/or doctor that work for us. That’s normal. Keep trying.

Pro Tip: Ask to sign releases so your pastor, counselor, prayer minister, and/or doctor can talk to each other. You want everybody on your team on the same page. That doesn’t just happen by chance. Be proactive. Ask them to call each other and talk about your case.

3) Limit Negative Influences in Your Life

Misery loves company. The only thing worse than being miserable is being miserable alone. Some friends are just toxic, and they need to go. People who identify with you because your wounding matches theirs may not be happy when you get healthy.

I know a young woman who has a very difficult relationship with her godly parents. A few years ago, through interventive counseling and prayer ministry initiated by her parents, she was on the verge of a breakthrough and healing in that important relationship. But she had a friend who has a bad relationship with her own toxic parents. This friend sabotaged the young woman’s healing. Who else would the friend commiserate with if the young woman got healing?

“Bearing your heart to your hurting friends is not helping. Because all they do is accommodate you in your pain and understand it. You call that sensitivity; I call it enablement.” –Dan Mohler

When someone resents or downplays our healing, that’s a sign that friendship is unhealthy. The young woman would have been better off pulling away from that friend. But because her healing was hi-jacked, she’s now into decades of total estrangement from her parents.

But what do you do if you’re married to the negative influence?

I know someone who, every time they get inspired to move forward in their calling, excitedly talks to their spouse about it. This spouse is like a wet blanket. Their response is always, “Ok that’s great, but…” And they point out the difficulties, issues, or obstacles. The result is the person either doesn’t move forward at all, or moves forward in a limited way.

Now, yes, there’s a balance here. When you share an idea or a plan, most people will just say, “Wow, that’s great!” and won’t share any checks they have in their spirit about it. You want someone in your life who will tell you what no one else will.

Spouses are great for this. A healthy spouse is a great sounding board. While they tell you the obstacles they see that maybe you don’t, they are willing to help you work through them. If your spouse is truly supportive, you’ll come away from the conversation feeling encouraged, not discouraged. You’ll feel empowered, not limited. They are excited about you moving forward, not threatened by it.

If, maybe out of their own wounding, they are consistently a wet blanket of negativity, talking to them is not helping you. You are stuck with a significant negative influence in your life. You need to realize this and acknowledge it.

A negative reaction typically comes from fear. Because of their wounding, your vision is scary or intimidating to them. But you are not helpless. You need to find a way to share it that is less scary. And you can.

If you need ideas for dealing with this situation, download our free guide “7 Ways to Deal with a Wet Blanket Spouse.”

Download the Guide
“7 Ways to Deal with a
Wet Blanket Spouse”

Do not accept it like it’ll never change. Don’t let your spouse be your excuse for not walking into your destiny. That’s not fair to either of you.

Your Turn

So how about it? We want to help you walk out of your history and into your destiny. What in your past has kept, or is keeping, you stuck? How did you walk, or are walking, out of it? Tell us in the comments—your story and vulnerability will help others. Or shoot us an email [LINK http://identityinwholeness.com/contact-us/] if it’s too personal. We’d love to hear from you. And please share this post on social media to bless others.

Why You Don’t Want Clarity but This Instead

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We all want clarity before moving forward. But that’s not how God has wired the universe. Clarity is backward facing. It looks at the past events and actions in our lives and says, “Oh, that’s why that didn’t work out, but that’s why this did.” Looking back, we see how God orchestrated them for good in our lives. We see what we’ve learned. We see how far we’ve come. We see what God did.

Clarity looking through your rearview mirror. It does you no good driving forward.

My Favorite Mother Teresa Story

A reporter went to Calcutta to do a story on Mother Teresa. As he was leaving, he asked her, “I’ve got some important decisions coming up in my life that I have to make when I get back. Would you please pray for me for clarity?”

She said, “No.”

“What?!? You’re Mother Teresa! How can you not pray for me?!?” said the surprised reporter.

“I can’t pray for you for clarity because I’ve never had it,” she calmly replied. “But I will pray for you for faith.”

Read that again. That’s huge.

Another Word for Faith

Faith is often an abstract concept to us, and we don’t always know what it means. Another word for faith, on a very practical level, is direction.

Mother Teresa could just as well have said, “But I will pray for you for direction.”

Direction is forward facing. It requires faith because you don’t know if it’s actually going to work or not until you try it.

Sometimes it’s just a single next step. Sometimes it’s a few steps. But it’s almost never the whole journey, mapped out end-to-end, like we would like.

God Gives Direction, Not Clarity

Look at God’s call to the heroes of the Bible. Moses. Gideon. Samson. David. And in the New Testament, Peter, Paul, even Jesus’ mother Mary.

They were all given first steps. None of them were told the end of the story. They were just given direction. They objected because they didn’t have the whole story, quite reasonably, usually telling God why this is a bad idea or that it just outright isn’t going to work. But every time, God just chuckles and says, “Nevertheless, I will be with you.”

Take that first step. Do the next right thing.

Uncharted Waters

God can’t give us the whole plan up front because each step is a direction of its own. A direction assumes a starting point.

If I was giving you directions to New York City and said, “Get on I-95 North,” that only works if you’re roughly in the same geographical location I am. I’m in the Washington, DC, area, so those directions would work if you’re starting south of New York City somewhere along the East coast.

But if you’re starting in Los Angeles, CA, then “get on I-95 North” does you no good at all. You’d better get on I-10 East first.

Directions only make sense if the starting point is known. Suppose God gives you Step 1. But he can’t give you Step 2 until you’ve done step 1, because you wouldn’t understand it. Because it’s from a different starting point than you expect. Because Step 1 is going to take you to a place you didn’t expect.

That’s the way it so often works, isn’t it? We tend to think so binary, either this is going to work or it isn’t. But what happens is often in the middle. It works, but differently than we expected. So the starting point for Step 2 isn’t where we thought we’d be.

So after we actually do Step 1, and get to whatever surprising place God knew it would lead us, now we’re ready for Step 2. Having completed Step 1, we’re finally at the starting point for Step 2. Now it makes sense. But it never would have made any sense before we completed Step 1.

Clarity Needs These 3 Things. Especially #3.

Yes, God does bring us clarity. But it requires these three things.

As we’ve said, clarity is backward facing. After we’ve done the thing, then we get clarity about it, looking back and learning from our experience. So the first thing clarity needs is action. That’s why “analysis paralysis” is a thing. There’s no clarity until you do something.

Second, clarity needs time. You don’t always get clarity the day or week or month after doing something. Sometimes, you’re still too close to it.

Have you ever seen those science pictures where they show you a close-up of something, and you have no idea what it is? Then they zoom out and you can clearly distinguish what the object is? Clarity and time are like that. Sometimes, you need some distance.

Third, and most important of all, clarity needs healing. You can look at events in your life, even from a long time ago, and still not have clarity about what really happened if you haven’t received healing.

Healing’s a two-way street. God is more than willing to give healing, and sometimes it comes over time, which is one reason why time is so important in all of this. In fact, he’s dying (literally) to bring healing into our lives. He really wants to heal.

But we have to be just as willing to receive it. That requires several difficult things on our part:

  • Humility. “Healing?!? I don’t need healing. I’ve got this.”
  • Vulnerability. It’s scary letting someone else, even God, into a place of pain.
  • Spiritual Maturity. The more healed you are, the more you’ll accept more healing.

Your Turn

So cut God a break. Don’t pray for clarity. Pray for direction.

What is your “next right thing” that God is leading you into? Are you hesitating? If so, you’re in good company; everyone in the Bible did. But when you know it’s God, even if it doesn’t make sense, follow his direction and step out. The clarity comes afterward. We’d love to share the journey with you. Reach out to us on the Contact page. And please share this post if it would bless others.

2 Practical Ways to Faith Jesus

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On July 15, 1859, daredevil and tight rope walker Charles Bloudin walked across a tightrope 1100 feet long, suspended 160-200 feet in the air, without a net. Over Niagara Falls. Pushing a wheelbarrow. Walking backward. Blindfolded.

When he reached his destination on the other side, the crowd roared with amazement. When he was ready for his return trip, he asked the crowd, “Who believes I can carry a person across in this wheelbarrow?” Everyone raised their hand and shouted an enthusiastic “Yes!”

His next question quieted the crowd. “Who wants to get in the wheelbarrow?” Every hand went down. He had no volunteer from the audience on the return trip.

This story shows us two very practical things about walking out our faith.

1) Faith is a Verb. Practice It.

The crowd believed Charles Bloudin could re-cross Niagara Falls with someone in the wheelbarrow. But none of them had faith that he could.

“To believe” is just intellectual ascent. It’s something we do with our mind. Once a thing is proven to us, it gets filed in our mind under “Things We Believe.” We don’t need to waste energy thinking about it again. So if you’re like me, you free up that memory and forget the proof, just remembering that it’s something you believe. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s an efficient way to manage our finite intellectual capacity. But it’s got nothing to do with our heart.

Faith, on the other hand, is all from the heart. It’s an on-going thing. This is the sense of the Greek word often translated “faith” in the New Testament. The closest we can come in English is “to believe”, which diminishes it to just theoretical intellectual ascent, or “having faith”, which makes it sound like a possession we bought and keep on our shelf with other keepsakes.

But real faith is an active thing. We would understand it better if we treated it like a verb, saying things like, “I faith in Jesus.” Continual. On-going. From the heart.

2) Don’t Be Afraid to Go First.

Everyone watching Charles Bloudin that day believed he could carry someone else across the Niagara Falls tightrope in the wheelbarrow. They all wanted somebody else to go first.

That’s a problem in the Kingdom of God. Because God always calls us to go first. He’s calling us to something unique that no one’s ever done before (at least not like we’re going to do it). He makes all things new, and our calling is no exception.

Moses had this problem of belief without faith. When God called him, Moses saw and heard some amazing things (Exodus 3):

  • A bush burning that didn’t burn up.
  • God standing in the middle of the fire and speaking with him.
  • Getting God’s name, a completely new revelation on the Earth of who God is.
  • His staff turns into a snake and back again.
  • His hand turns leprous and back again.
  • God’s promise to be with him.

Moses’ response? “Please send someone else to do it.” He believed God could do it. But he didn’t have faith that God would actually do it through him. He wasn’t “faithing” God.

In the end, God gave Moses the boost he needed. Moses had the faith to get into God’s wheelbarrow as long as his brother Aaron got in with him.

God’s ok with that. He knows it’s hard for us to actually step out into the impossible realm he’s calling us to, even if we want to. If our hearts remain soft and willing, he will give us the boost we need. By Exodus chapter 8, Moses was talking to Pharaoh directly without needing to speak through Aaron. Moses grew into who God already knew he was.

So will you. So will I. Continue to practice your faith, don’t take it for granted. Faith is not a “one and done.” Treat it like something that needs constant maintenance, like a car or a garden, because it does.

Don’t be afraid to go first. God is calling you to something unique, that the world’s never seen before. Even if it’s something others have done, the world has not seen anyone do it with your unique gifting and style, and the world desperately needs to.

Your Turn

Tell us your story in the comments. What is God calling you to do that’s bigger than you? What have you done in the past that you never thought you could? We’d love to walk this journey with you, and please share this post if it would bless someone else.

Credit where credit is due. I got the excellent concept of faith as a verb from Pastor Jim Bethany at Richland Baptist Church. You can listen to his excellent teachings here. And the story of Charles Bloudin comes from Creative Bible Study.