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How to Emotionally Agree with God

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I recently did a post on how to come into agreement with other people; your spouse, your boss, your friends, whoever. This post presented the 3 parts of agreement, which I’ll summarize here.

1) Logical Agreement. Is this what you THINK we should do?

2) Emotional Agreement. Is this what you WANT to do?

3) Spiritual Agreement. Do you have a PEACE in your spirit that this is what God wants you to do?

Often, we charge off after some decision when we have logical agreement with our spouse or the other party, but there’s no emotional agreement. They never wanted to do that thing in the first place. Their heart’s not in it. They feel bullied or coerced into it. And when it ends in disaster, we’re shocked because we went out of our way to make sure everybody was on board.

My point in that post was, if you’re not in agreement in all 3 areas, you’re not in agreement. You need to go back and pray more, both individually and together, asking the Lord to give you agreement.

I had a revelation that this applies to our agreement with God also. So often in the church, we make this mistake. Well, here’s the Bible verse! Let me just quote it for you. There you go! Problem solved! Not necessarily. There are exceptions, but in general, we can’t argue people into the Kingdom of God by hitting them over the head with Bible verses.

Even with people in the church, we can’t solve deep problems with quippy Christian answers and flippantly quoted Bible verses.

Now, just cool your jets. I’m not knocking the Bible. It’s God’s word. It’s living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. It’s got everything we need for life and godliness. God often speaks to us through his word. It’s powerful.

But it’s powerful because it hits something more than our logic, more than our intellect. It’s powerful when it hits our heart. It’s powerful when it hits our emotions.

So often we in the church aim to bring the culture into intellectual, logical, agreement with the Gospel. We try to win by reasoning with them. It’ll never work. Yes, it’s important to be able to rationally answer their questions and have a good rationale for our positions. But winning in logic is not going to change anybody’s mind. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. And he works in the heart as well as the head.

The Holy Spirit works in the heart because that’s where the pain is. We’ll never bring the culture into emotional agreement with the Gospel unless we address their pain.

Take smoking for example. Everyone knows smoking will kill you. It gives you cancer. The Surgeon General has had a warning label on cigarettes for decades. Yet, according to the CDC, 45 million Americans still smoke, 8 million are living with diseases caused by smoking, and over 400,000 die prematurely every year from smoking.

Everyone knows smoking is bad for you. We all have intellectual, logical agreement on this one. So why do millions of people still smoke? Because they don’t emotional agree that it’s bad for you. Smoking did something for them that medicated their pain. Often, it made them feel accepted. Medicating the pain in their heart right now is worth more to them then the high risk of cancer later. So quitting is not what they want to do. No emotional agreement.

Are there truths about yourself where you’re not in emotional agreement with God? Yeah, I know the Bible says God loves me, but that’s because he loves people in general. He doesn’t really love me. Maybe you’re in intellectual, logical agreement with God’s love for you, but you’re not in emotional agreement.

The Christian journey of being sanctified is the process of coming into emotional agreement with God’s love. It’s coming into emotional agreement that, no what the circumstance, God is good.

So how do we come into emotional agreement with God’s truth? Here are 3 ways to emotionally agree with God about that promise in his word that you just don’t believe is true for you. You know the one.

1) Engage your will.

Be an actor playing a role. “If I actually believed this promise of God, what would I do?” And then do that thing. You’re not faking it till you make it. You’re helping yourself believe until you become it.

2) Say it out loud.

Our words have tremendous power over our lives. God built this into the fabric of the universe so we could bless those within our sphere of influence (including ourselves). But the reverse is also true. We can curse others and ourselves if we choose. That’s why people who say they can and people who say they can’t are both right.

When you’re fighting to believe God’s truth, repeat God’s promise out loud.

3) Tell people you trust.

Again, along the lines of saying God’s truth out loud, telling other people “this is what I believe” is hugely powerful. And the beauty of this is, they can say it back to you when you need to hear it. Bonus! It’s not just you. You’re not alone. Others you trust are agreeing with you about this promise of God over your life. That’s uber-powerful in the spirit!

So how about you? What is that thing you believe intellectually and logically, but struggle to believe emotionally, in your heart? You can practice #3 above by telling us in the comments, and we’ll agree with you. Or maybe you’ve come through a season of learning to emotionally agree with God about something. Tell us your story in the comments; it will help others. And please share this post on social media if you think it would bless someone else.

How to Agree in 3 Questions

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We know agreement is a key to any kind of successful partnership, whether it’s in business, a marriage, or a creative partnership. Unity is a powerful thing that can weather any storm. When troubles destroy a relationship, be it a marriage or a business or what have you, it’s not the troubles that actually destroyed it. It was the lack of agreement. The circumstances just exposed the area of disunity.

Here’s a radical statement, but it’s true. Human agreement is even strong enough to thwart the plans of God. Now just give me a minute here, and I’ll prove it. It’s one of in the craziest stories in the Bible. It’s in Genesis 11, the Tower of Babel.

The backstory is God, when he created people, gave us the charge to, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the whole earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:28) God’s plan was for humanity to scatter itself over the whole face of the earth.

But we had a better idea in Genesis 11:4: “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower reaching to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the earth.” They had agreement. They had unity. Done deal.

Now this is the crazy part. In Genesis 11:6, even God admits their human agreement was stronger than his plan: “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing will be impossible for them.” Translation: “I’d better do something here.”

And he did. God intervened. Basically, he cheated. Those of us who know God chuckle at this, because we know he so does this, all the time. He came down and confused the languages. No communication, no agreement, problem solved. Look at Genesis 11:8: “So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth.” God’s plan wins after all.

Now this is a negative example of the power of agreement and unity. Just imagine how strong agreement is when it’s actually for something God is doing. Imagine how powerful agreement can be if, along with agreeing with each other, we’re also in agreement with God! Obstacles, get out of the way, you’re about to be road-kill!

So why is agreement so hard? How often has this conversation happened:

Husband (or business partner or wife): “Don’t you see the logic of this decision? A implies B implies C, botta bing, botta boom, and there you go!”

Wife (or other business partner or husband): “Well, I guess it does make sense…”

Husband (or first business partner or wife): “Great! We’re in agreement! Off we go!”

And it results in disaster. The wife (or business partner #2) was never in agreement with the decision to begin with. They feel bullied and steam-rolled over. Meanwhile, the husband (or business partner #1) is flabbergasted and shocked, because he was sure they were in agreement. He went out of his way to talk about it with the other person before implementing the decision!

The problem is, while they were in logical agreement, they were not in agreement. The thing many people don’t realize is this: There are 3 parts to agreement.

(1) Logical Agreement.

“Do you THINK this is the right thing to do?”

In other words, you both agree on the logic. Unfortunately, many people stop right there thinking they’re in agreement with the other person, but they aren’t yet. Yes, you do need to have logical agreement, but if that’s all you’re going on, it’s a lose-lose and you’re headed for a crash. One gets steam-rolled and the other is shocked to find himself (or herself) in the middle of a huge disagreement over something he (or she) thought they both agreed on.

(2) Emotional Agreement.

“Is this what you WANT to do?”

Even if the other person sees your logic, if it’s not what they want to do, you’re not in agreement yet. If it’s not what both of you want, then maybe there’s some piece of logic you missed. We can twist logic to arrive at almost any foregone conclusion. God often speaks through that nagging feeling that we just don’t want to do a thing, but we can’t put our finger on why.

(3) Spiritual Agreement.

“Do you have a PEACE in your spirit that this is what God wants you to do?”

You both truly have a sense that this really is God. Yes, you know this is what God wants you to do. It passes the peace test. “Do you have a peace about this decision?” Both people need to have an uncoerced “yes” to be in agreement.

If you both answer “yes” to all of these 3 questions, then you’re in agreement and you can move forward. If not, time to go back and pray more, separately and together, over the decision, asking the Lord for agreement. God often gives each spouse (or partner in a business) a piece. So often, working out the decision together with the other person leads to a better solution than either would’ve come up with on their own.

Now this assumes both parties are healthy, seeking connection in their marriage or partnership, rather than seeking a safe-distance. Sometimes fear and wounding prevents agreement, and you’ve got to go the way God’s leading you anyway. But I wouldn’t recommend that without specifically hearing from the Lord. Pursue agreement for a God-defined season first.

So what do you think? Does this ring true? Have you been in agreement with someone that really wasn’t agreement? How’d that go? Or, do you have a successful strategy in pursuing agreement? Tell us in the comments; someone may benefit from your story. And please share on social media if this would bless someone else.

The 3 Sides of Agreement and the One Thing that Prevents It

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Agreement is powerful. We all know that. Jesus himself said, “Truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” (Matthew 18:19) But what we may not know is there are 3 different sides of agreement. Like a 3-legged stool, we’re not in agreement unless we’re in agreement on all of these sides.

Intellectual Agreement. This is what we usually mean by “agreement.” We agree on the reasons. We see the logic in it. It “makes sense.” But if this is all the agreement we have, we’re not in agreement yet.

Emotional Agreement. Emotional agreement is just as important as intellectual agreement. We’re in emotional agreement if it’s something we both want to do. It just “feels right.”

Spiritual Agreement. We’re in spiritual agreement if we both have a peace about it and believe it’s God’s will. We see God’s hand in it. We agree it’s what God’s doing.

We’re in agreement with our spouse, church members, co-workers, employees, employer, friends, etc, if:

  • We all intellectually agree it’s a good idea. We agree on the logic.
  • We all want to do it. We agree it feels right.
  • We all have a peace about it, believing, yes, God is in this. We agree we can see his fingerprints.

So often we charge ahead once everyone agrees on the logic, thinking we’re in agreement. But if we’re not also in emotional and spiritual agreement, then it’s a false unity.

For example, we can steamroll over our spouses with logic. Maybe they agree whatever it is makes sense, but something just doesn’t feel right. The truth is, we can spin logic any way we want, and, unfortunately, we often do. But maybe they’re picking up on something they can’t articulate (yet). That should be a clue: There’s some piece of logic we missed. We’d do well to pay attention to our spouse. Because they aren’t in emotional agreement yet, we need to wait and keep seeking the Lord.

God loves partnership. He loves partnering with us, and he loves it when we partner with each other. He loves it when his children play nice. No wonder Jesus said, “… if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them …” Agreement is one of the most powerful tools we have on this earth to move the Kingdom of God forward, or in general, just get stuff done.

The Enemy’s Strategy against Agreement. No wonder our enemy tries everything he can think of to keep us from agreement. And he’s come up with an extremely effective strategy against it. If he can get this one thing, he can block agreement for decades, even generations.

The enemy’s most powerful weapon against agreement and unity is Offense. If he can get us offended, we can rationalize just about any kind of bad behavior. Think about it. You can’t be in agreement with someone you’re offended at. The enemy uses this tactic everywhere.

  • It works against marriages.
  • It works against families.
  • It works against friendships.
  • It works in the workplace.
  • It even works on a global scale against countries.

ACTION STEP: The next time I’m offended at someone, I’ll ask the Holy Spirit if there’s something I should be working toward agreement with them about, that the enemy is trying to block.

An Important Caveat. Agreement is not the “be all end all” of spirituality. It is not an end in itself. There are things we shouldn’t agree to, and we should not allow ourselves to be pressured or bullied into a false agreement. Here’s a free tip: If you’re not respected when you disagree, not given the common courtesy every human being deserves, if you’re being punished (e.g., the silent treatment, screaming and yelling, avoidance) simply because you disagree with something, you’re being bullied. And we have no right to bully someone else.

Look at the Tower of Babel in Genesis 11. They were in total agreement over the wrong thing. God had given humanity the mandate, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it,” specifically in Genesis 1:28 (and similarly in Genesis 9:7 after the flood).

But we had other ideas—the exact opposite of God’s mandate, as usual. Instead of filling the earth, we had this plan, specifically so we wouldn’t fill the earth: “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves; otherwise we will be scattered over the face of the whole earth.” (Genesis 11:4)

Look at what God says, especially about the power of their agreement: “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.” (Genesis 11:6-7)

God had to come down and confuse the languages to break their agreement. Course correction for humanity. Agreement is that powerful, and there are some things we shouldn’t agree on. Or to say it another way, there are some things we should agree against. (Certainly anything that dehumanizes people like slavery, human trafficking, or calling human beings a “product of conception” or “blob of tissue.” But I digress.)

So what do you do if you disagree? How do we seek agreement? Keep seeking God. Pray separately and pray together. Keep seeking God until agreement comes and don’t rush it. But this is a perishable opportunity! We might miss the deadline! Then miss it. If you’re not in agreement by the whatever deadline the opportunity has, then it’s a no-go. And that’s ok. The lack of agreement probably just saved you from a big mistake.

But isn’t the husband the head of the home? Shouldn’t he decide and break the tie? Yes, the husband is the head of the home, but not the way the world means it. He has the mandate from God to be a servant-leader, and pursue agreement—intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. He should lead, not pressure or bully, his wife in seeking the Lord. When she says to him, “Look we’ve been at this for days/weeks/months, just make a decision,” then he can break the tie. But it’s not, “Ok then, we do it my way.” It’s like this: “Let’s agree to try this. We can course correct if it doesn’t work. Not because this is my personal preference, but because I honestly believe this decision is in the best interest of the whole family.”

A marriage where the spouses really agree in truth (not where one is being bullied) is unstoppable. Agreement is a powerful thing. Even secular (healthy) companies pursue buy-in on the corporate vision from their employees because they’ve figured this out.

Let’s end by repeating what Jesus says about agreement. Really think about this today.

“Truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” –Jesus (Matthew 18:19)

What do you think? Does this ring true to you? How have you worked out agreement in your relationships? How has it been powerful? How has the lack of agreement cost you? Has not moving forward due to lack of agreement saved you from mistakes? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share if this would bless someone else.