How to Be a Healing Witness and Why It Matters

In this broken world, bad stuff often happens to us in isolation, just us and the perpetrator. No one knows our secret.

We were designed by God to heal in community. Not a big, giant community. I’m not talking about telling our hurtful secrets to the whole world or publicly in front of our whole church. Yes, God calls some people to do that, and God uses those stories. But, personally, I don’t believe God calls most people to do that.

I think that’s because, too often, many people in the general congregation don’t have a grid for your story. They aren’t safe people to share your story with. They don’t know how to steward it well. And the tender parts of your heart revealed in your story deserve to be stewarded well.

So not everyone needs to know everything. But someone needs to know everything. In a small, safe community of other believers, even if it’s just one other person, there is real healing power in having our story received.

As the Church of God, Jesus’ hands, feet, mouth, and heart to a desperate and dying world, it’s important for us to learn how to receive people’s stories and how to steward them well, honoring the tender parts of their heart that was so wounded.

One of the most powerfully healing things we can do to receive and steward their story and heart well is to be a witness to the truth of their story. This does 2 incredibly powerful healing things for them:

1) A Witness to the Painful Truth of Their Story

Although, yes, there’s plenty of deception going around our world right now, so often that’s not the problem. Often, the problem isn’t deception, it’s truth misapplied. Truth, even Biblical truth, applied in the wrong way in the wrong context becomes toxic.

• “Get over it.”
• “Big boys don’t cry.”
• “Suck it up.”
• “Be a man.”
• “Grow up.”

Yes, Ecclesiastes 3, there is a time to delay tears in order to accomplish what needs to be done in the moment. But, Ecclesiastes 3, there is also a season to let the tears flow.

Having someone else witness to the pain of our story is amazingly healing.

• “That must have really hurt.”
• “It wasn’t fair you had to go through that.”
• “You are not being treated right by your ex.”
• “She should not have said that. That must really hurt to hear. It isn’t true.”

Just that. Just having someone acknowledge the pain of what you’re going through is tremendously healing.

Now please don’t get me wrong. This isn’t a pity party. This isn’t a celebration of victimhood. This isn’t trying to “fix it” for someone.

This is healthy, godly, loving community saying, “I see you. I see the pain you have to walk through. But you don’t have to walk alone. I’ll walk with you.”

It’s about holding space, safe space, for the other person to be vulnerable. To let their guard down. To share their story. To be heard.

And this is so healing because, when the pain happened, they weren’t heard.

2) A Witness that What They Experienced Was Wrong

To hear someone else say what you experienced was wrong is tremendously freeing and healing.

Abuse is never, ever, the victim’s fault. No one, ever, deserves to be physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually manipulated or abused. Never.

Just to hear someone say, “It was wrong that you were treated that way,” can be tremendously healing.

• “It was wrong that your voice was shut down.”
• “It was wrong that you grew up without a dad.”
• “It was wrong that they made fun of you.”
• “It was wrong that they/he/she hurt you like that.”

Listening to someone’s story, we often don’t think to say this because it’s so obvious. We’re busy thinking about the advice we’re going to give them after they’re done telling their story. But they don’t need our “fix.” They need our witness.

Have you ever known someone who keeps telling the same story, and, even after a long time, seems to be stuck there? Why can’t they just get over it?  Because they’re looking for a witness. They desperately need to hear someone else say that what they experienced was wrong.

Of course it was wrong; it’s so obvious it goes without saying.  No, it doesn’t. It needs to be said because it needs to be heard. By them. By their ears. By their heart. Saying it out loud, letting their ears physically hear you say it, speaks directly to their heart. That’s what they need. We can learn to supply that. Such a simple thing, but it’s so rare and so powerfully healing.

Your Turn

So what about you? Does this resonate? Are you longing for a healing witness? Have you received one, and how did it help? Have you done this for someone else? Feel free to tell us your story in the comments, if you feel so lead, no pressure. And please share this post on social media if it would bless others.