Getting to Point B
Sometimes we approach our healing as a destination rather than as a process. “If I can only get from Point A to Point B, my life’ll be fixed!” Point B might be a valid goal:
- “Fix my marriage.”
- “Stop my addiction.”
- “Not be depressed anymore.”
- “Control my anger.”
- “Have a good relationship with my spouse, child, parent, sibling, boss, etc.”
Because we think our healing is in the destination, we come at it with a wrong perspective:
The False Belief: “I have to get to Point B.” Maybe, maybe not. Being at Point A may not be the real problem, and Point B may not be the real solution. Maybe there’s something deeper going on.
The False Myth: “There is a path to Point B.” The truth is, Point B may be unattainable, especially if it involves relationships with others. Healthy relationships depend on the other person as much as they depend on you, and they might not be willing to go there. What do you do then?
The Unyielding Demand: “You, O Pastor/Counselor/Friend/Whatever, are going to get me to Point B.” Already setting up the blame shift if it doesn’t work…
The False Formula: “I know I have a part to play.” When someone says that, they really mean, “If I do the steps, I’ll get to Point B.” Maybe, maybe not; life’s just not that simple.
The Big Denial: “I can get to Point B without looking at my heart, or my story, or my sin.” Good luck with that.
The Secret Fear: “What if it doesn’t work?” Or what if Point B’s not all it’s cracked up to be? What if I get there and I’m still miserable?
The reality is, God’s much more interested in the process than he is in the destination. The ends do not justify the means.
Romans 5:3-5 says, “We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
It’s the character and the hope that God is after. Another word for hope is faith. It’s our faith in God, that he’s enough for us even while we’re stuck at Point A, that he’s trying to build in us through this process.
Here’s the right perspective to approach healing (and life) with:
The Truth: “There may not be a path to Point B.” But I’m trusting God anyway.
The Hope: “I will be different whether my circumstances are or not.” And it’s who I am, and who God is, that makes the difference of whether I can thrive in these circumstances or not.
The Right Question: “What are you up to, God?” What does God want to do in me through these circumstances?
If we approach our life with the right perspective, we will suddenly realize God has taken us to Point C!
Kudos to Dr William Clark from The Lay Counselor Institute for this excellent material.
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Before I retired from my career in Nursing, I encountered one of the meanest most difficult supervisor I had ever seen in my entire work life. She exhibited extreme behavior that smacked of racism (this is in no way a routine assessment) plus the facility I worked in was predominantly people of color and also our clients were the same. Having a background in Sociology allowed me to fairly assess this person. It would take a book to tell this story. However I said Lord, I know that at this late stage of my career, you must be teaching me a lesson to have me encounter a person like this, so I am prepared for this lesson. I prayed a lot and finally when we employees united against the evil of this person, and it took years, we were able to see her leave and we all had become stronger of character.
Isn’t it amazing how God works through even the unrighteous people he allows to come into our lives? Good for you, Charlene, for seeking what the Lord wanted to do in a crazy situation. It sounds like he used you and your co-workers to bring about justice in his kingdom.
I was in an abusive relationship, and prayed for change. I wanted nothing more than to have a healthy relationship with out the alcohol and verbal abuse. After years of prayer provided no change, I became angry with God, but soon realized, it is the other person’s responsibility to step up and change. I may have not handled the situation well, and I will be the first to admit I had become depressed through his drinking and verbal abuse.I then prayed for a change within myself. I left his changing up to him and soon felt liberated that I was not responsible for his actions. I do believe God had a better path for me and after shedding the shame I began to see a better brighter future. My “B” point was God’s plan, now I am in and living God’s plan. What a wonderful place to be!
You have an amazing story, Terri! God is so faithful. Thank you for your comment; I think a lot of people will be blessed by it and your story.
The Right Question: “What are you up to, God?” What does God want to do in me through these circumstances?
This hit me recently when I had been praying and praying for a change in someone else. One day I realized in order for that change to happen I needed to 1. listen to God and 2. Make a change in myself and my approach to that person.
So often (speaking for myself at least) we think we are not the problem. We can’t be the problem. And we want God to fix that other person. When what we really need to do is ask God what we need to do to help with the situation. Is there something I need to do Lord to affect the change that would help improve this persons life and bring them closer to you? Then we have to listen to God and be obedient. That is perhaps the hardest part.
Wow, that’s really good, Kathie. It’s so much easier for us to ask God to change the other person, when really He’s using that other person to show us what He wants to change in us! Thank you for some great insight.