The Key to Getting Free

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The concepts in this post come from an amazing book I read recently, Killing Kryptonite: Destroy What Steals Your Strength by John Bevere. This is an insanely practical book that will plus-up your relationship with Jesus to the next level. You can get your copy here. This is not an affiliate link. I get no commission if you click the link or buy the book. But you’ll get a huge benefit from reading it, I promise.

John Bevere gives a gentle but Biblically accurate message the church desperately needs to hear. He talks about, at a practical level, our relationship as Christians with sin, and how it steals who God created us to be. There’s not an ounce of condemnation in this book, just the loving truth God’s called John to bring us. The quotes in the rest of this post are from the book.

Three scenarios plague Christians when it comes to sin.

  1. The Complacent. Many Christians “choose to overlook sin because of their hardened hearts. They are immune to the reality of breaking God’s heart.” Unfortunately, whole denominations today don’t acknowledge sinful lifestyles as the destructive thing they are, and by doing so withhold the healing God wants to bring. After all, you don’t need healing if nothing’s wrong.
  2. The Defeated. Some Christians believe “the blood of Jesus is powerful enough to free us from the penalty, but not the bondage of sin.” They believe that in Christ we are spiritually made holy, whatever that means, but at a practical level it’s not necessary to live a sanctified lifestyle. It’s a convenient way to pretend to be a Christian so I feel good about myself, but still live however I want to.
  3. The Trapped. These Christians “struggle to break free from sin. They want out, but it has a tight grip on them… The shame of their sin holds them down.” John brings a powerful message to this group. You can get free and John shows you how by an example: his own.

John Bevere takes a brave risk in the book, sharing his own personal struggle with pornography, one of the most powerful and mentally addicting traps in our world today. Kudos to him for his radical vulnerability. I have no doubt it will facilitate a lot of Christians finally getting free.

So often we get in this cycle where we fall into the same old familiar sin, go through genuine heartfelt repentance, think we’re free, only to fall prey again to the same sin. Sometimes Christians give up. “Oh well, that’s just the way I am.” As if their sin is stronger than the blood of Jesus. It’s not. The problem’s not the strength of the sin, the problem’s the type of sorrow we have over it.

There’s two different types of sorrow, a worldly sorrow and a godly sorrow. John Bevere illustrates this so beautifully. In his struggle to get free from porn, he asked a world-renowned evangelist his church was hosting to pray for him. The man prayed with authority and power, but months later John was not free. About nine months afterward, John was crying out to the Lord to know him more intimately, and he was broken because his sin was interfering with his relationship with Jesus. Then he got free.

He didn’t understand and was asking the Lord about it. The Lord explained it to John like this: “When you opened up to the evangelist, you were afraid the sin of lust would keep you from the ministry you knew I’d called you to. You were fearful it would disqualify you. The focus of your sorrow was on you; it was a worldly sorrow.

“Nine months later, because you had been crying out to know me intimately, your heart was breaking because you were hurting My heart by your sin. You knew I had died to free you from this sin, and you hated participating in anything that was along the lines of what sent Me to the cross. The focus of your sorrow was on Me; it was a godly sorrow.”

John explains it further: “Sorrow of the world focuses on us—What are the consequences? Will I be judged? Will I be disqualified? Will I suffer from my sin? What will people think of me?—and so forth. Godly sorrow focuses on Jesus; I’ve hurt the heart of the One I love…”

Isn’t that good? “I’ve hurt the heart of the one I love.” I love that. That’s true repentance right there.

But why does it even matter? Who cares how you live? Will you Christians just get over yourselves and all your dumb rules anyway?

It’s not about rules for rules sake, or feeling good or self-righteous about ourselves. When we’re in love with Jesus, when we’ve done this heart exchange where he has my heart and I have his, then I can’t live in a way that breaks my lover’s heart. I just can’t do it. (Please forgive the shameless plug, but this is the subject of my own book, True Self: Sexual Integrity out of Intimacy with Jesus.)

John puts it really well, “Holiness therefore is not an end in itself, as legalists portray it. It’s the entranceway to true intimacy with Jesus.”

Once you’ve had an intimate experience with Jesus, up close and personal, you won’t trade it for anything. Jesus is the most beautiful, compassionate, gracious, funny, holy, lovely being in the whole universe. All you want to do is be closer to him. I’m addicted. I love his presence, and I get heart-broken over anything that interferes with our relationship.

Is that you? How close are you to Jesus? How intimate? It’s not a contest or a challenge. It’s real life. There is nothing more real in this world than Jesus. And where there is sin, it’s because we don’t understand how beautiful he is and how much our destructive behavior is keeping us from his presence. Tell us your story in the comments and please share if you think this would help someone else.

How to Say “Yes” to God’s Promises when Life’s Pain Says “No”

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Has the pain, abuse, and unfairness of your life erased God’s promises to you? You believed, but where are they? Instead of your Promised Land, all you see for miles around is desert. This post is for you. Caleb, through no fault of his own, finds himself in exactly the same situation. Check this out.

The Israelites had been miraculously delivered from Egypt. They’d seen God’s wonders and his glory over and over again in the desert. They tasted the sweetness of his faithfulness, and also the sting of his discipline at their rebellion (more than once).

But now, all that is just about to pay off. They’re at the borders of the Promised Land and just about to enter their inheritance. And that’s when it gets insane. All chaos breaks loose. The insanity in your life means God wants to break in and do something.

First, there’s internal attack. Miriam and Aaron, Moses’ co-leaders, more than that, his siblings, his own family, start bad-mouthing him (Numbers 12). It’s the struggle of religion vs God’s heart, the very same struggle that nailed Jesus to the cross. Miriam and Aaron don’t think Moses is following the rules properly. Actually he is, but not according to their understanding. In fact, their case against Moses is really thinly veiled jealously. The Lord has none of it and comes to Moses’ defense. God settles it quickly by turning Miriam leprous for a week.

Do you struggle with internal chaos, internal condemnation no matter what you do? God is on the verge of breakthrough in your life.

Then there’s external attack. Moses sends twelve spies to explore the Promised Land (Numbers 13). They all come back with the same report. The land is awesome, it’s flowing with milk and honey just like the Lord said. They bring back some of the fruit, huge grapes and other goodies. Oh, and by the way, the land’s filled with giants who are much stronger than we are. We looked like grasshoppers to them. The external obstacles are insurmountable.

Although they all agree on the state of the land, it’s inhabitants, and what they found, the twelve spies have two opposing recommended courses of action. Ten of the spies are terrified and say there’s no way we can do this. We’ll get slaughtered.

But the other two, Joshua and Caleb, are all for taking the land. They have a promise from God that he’ll be with them and they can do it. So I imagine it goes down something like this:

Ten Spies: “The people in the land are huge giants, infinitely bigger and stronger and more powerful than us!”

Joshua and Caleb: “I know, right! It’s going to be exhilarating beating those guys! I can’t wait, let’s go! This is going to be so epic! They’ll sing songs about us for centuries! We have a promise from God, we can’t lose! Stinks to be them. Let’s go do this!”

But the other ten convince the people not to trust God and rebel. They talk about stoning Moses, Joshua, and Caleb, heading back to Egypt, and just forgetting the whole thing. Quitting. This is not what we thought it would be. It’s just too hard. Time to cut and run.

Are you going to quit on the promise of God in your life? When life gets impossible, God’s promise is on the verge of fulfillment. Just like with the Israelites, the hardest struggles, both internally and externally, are on the borders of our Promised Land.

And you know the scariest part about this? God honors your choice. The people rejected God’s promise and chose to believe in their fear instead. And you could say they benefitted from it. They lived out their lives in safety, not having to take the risks that God’s promises required. But it was a hard, meaningless, bland life in the desert, on the border of God’s rejected promises. Nothing horrifically bad happened. But nothing amazingly good happened either. Like a ship chained to the dock, or a Lamborghini that never sees the light of day outside the garage, they all died in the desert of complacency. How sad. Don’t let this be your tragedy.

I think the saddest part is, Joshua and Caleb also waited 40 years. That’s the part that seems really unfair to me. Even though they had nothing to do with it, they were caught in the consequences of their unbelieving community. They were ready to grab God’s promises with both hands, but they had to wait 40 years too.

But it was worth it! They did eventually see the fulfillment of God’s promises in their lives. And this is the most amazing part of the story—how Caleb finally entered the Promised Land. Think about this.

It would have been easy for his passion to grow cold through the pain of life. He could’ve turned bitter over the unfairness of it all. 40 years in the desert? Are you kidding me?!? Many of us turn bitter in the desert. Do you know someone who has? Have you?

But Caleb didn’t. He just became more and more determined to seize God’s promises when he finally got the chance. Listen to him talk to Joshua, who had seceded Moses as leader, when the people are finally ready, 40 years later, to enter the Promised Land, really this time.

Keep in mind reading this that in war, you want the high ground. So the “hill country” Caleb’s talking about here is where the enemies have the high ground. It’s the hardest land to take by far. There are only two types of people who would even attempt it. Soon to be dead fools who don’t have a lick of common sense, or soon to be victorious recipients of a promise from God.

Caleb to Joshua: “You know what the Lord said to Moses the man of God at Kadesh Barnea about you and me. I was 40 years old when Moses the servant of the Lord sent me from Kadesh Barnea to explore the land. And I brought him back a report according to my convictions, but my fellow Israelites who went up with me made the hearts of the people melt in fear. I, however, followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly. So on that day Moses swore to me, ‘The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly.’

“Now then, just as the Lord promised, he has kept me alive for 45 years since the time he said this to Moses, while Israel moved about in the wilderness. So here I am today, 85 years old! I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. Now give me this hill country that the Lord promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites [the giants] were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the Lord helping me, I will drive them out just as he said.” (Joshua 14:6b-12)

The guy was 85 and wanting to go take the hardest part of the land! And this time, he would not be put off. He had yet another promise from God he was believing. I could see people saying, “But dude, you’re 85! How about you plan the battle, but we’ll go do the heavy lifting on this one.”

Caleb: “Don’t you ‘but dude’ me! I’ve waiting 45 years for this, and I’m going giant-whomping!”

And you know what? The “unfair” delay really wasn’t. It made Caleb’s character shine all the more brightly and made his victory all the more spectacular. The promises of God triumph over the pain and unfairness of life.

God didn’t forget about Caleb. And he hasn’t forgotten you. What promises have you seen fulfilled in your life that you thought were gone? What promises are you still waiting for? Tell us in the comments, and please share if this post would bless and encourage someone else.

How to Believe in a World that Mocks Faith

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Wild animals surrounded him. This was not looking good. They were all looking at him and making their wild animal sounds. “How did a respectable English scientist like me get here,” thought Uncle Andrew. “What did I do to deserve this?” Indeed, when he could avoid it, he himself never actually did anything. Safe in his laboratory, he convinced or tricked or blackmailed others to do his experiments and take the risks, even his own nephew, Digory. Uncle Andrew had to stay safe in order to objectively evaluate the results. All for the greater good of science, of course.

He was sure this all must be his nephew Digory’s fault, that bratty child who wasn’t even afraid of all these wild animals. Fear gripped Uncle Andrew, such fear as he had never known. He knew from his scientific training and great career as a master of rational thought that his best chance of survival among all these wild beasts was to be silent and perfectly still. So he was, while the animals continued to bray, howl, trumpet and bark at him.

What really happened, on that remarkable first day in Narnia, was this. Aslan, the lion, had just created Narnia and all of its wonderful talking animals by singing everything into existence. Young Digory, his friend Polly, his Uncle Andrew, a carriage driver and his wife, along with an evil destroyer of worlds – the sorceress Jadis, had found themselves witnessing the whole thing. How this happened is too long a story to relate here, but CS Lewis tells it masterfully in The Magician’s Nephew, Book 6 in The Chronicles of Narnia. It’s actually the prequel to the rest of the 7-book series, explaining, among other things, the origins of the White Witch and why there’s a lamppost in the middle of a forest.

Anyway, the animals were actually talking to Uncle Andrew, but the way he’d prejudged the world, in his scientific, humanistic arrogance, prevented him from seeing, hearing and accepting what was really happening. Instead, his mind only allowed him to hear generic animal sounds, not the words and syllables they were actually speaking.

When he wouldn’t speak back and interact with them like the other humans did, the animals had a hilarious discussion about whether or not he was really a plant, probably a tree that needed to be planted. The bulldog was convinced, by the amazing sense of smell Aslan gave him, that Uncle Andrew was, in fact, a human. But the other animals prevailed, and they planted him up to his waist in a hole. Then the elephant watered him, hoping it would revive the droopy vines on top of his head.

Although they should’ve listened to the bulldog, you have to give the animals a break here. It was their first day in existence and they weren’t experts in biology yet. When Aslan rescued poor Uncle Andrew, although all Uncle Andrew allowed himself to hear was a lion roaring and growling, Aslan lamented, “O, sons of Adam, how well you protect yourselves from everything that would do you good!”

Although we laugh at poor Uncle Andrew, we do this all the time, both as individuals and as a society. At the root, we don’t want a God hanging around telling us how to live our lives, so, in our arrogance, we explain him away in the name of “science.” Never mind the fact that our “scientific” theory of evolution has more holes in it than a fisherman’s net and leaks logic like a sieve, not standing up to scientific scrutiny itself (that’s another blog post, don’t get me started). But it protects our desired world-view from the reality of the world-view we don’t want.

“Denial protects what we want to believe from being overthrown by what is real.” – Dr. Theresa Burke

We live in a secular society that denies, mocks, and often persecutes any type of faith. So how do you believe in the face of so much scorn? Here are 3 key take-aways.

1) Dare to Take the Risk. So often people say, “Well, if God does a miracle for me, then I’ll believe.” That’s a safe bet. The problem is, God’s not into safety, he’s into faith. Dangerous faith. Faith that puts you out there on a limb. Faith that remains out there, even when the limb breaks.

In the Kingdom of God, everything’s upside-down and backwards from human thinking. There are exceptions, but in general you get your miracle after you believe, not before. God responds to faith; he just laughs at ultimatums.

People don’t believe because they don’t want to look foolish if they’re wrong. Perfect love drives out all fear. Faith takes the risk, and it doesn’t disappoint us (Romans 5:5). In fact, in the Kingdom you spell faith R-I-S-K.

2) Know Experience the Reality of Jesus. As Christians, we have the advantage of personally knowing who we believe in. Jesus is a living person we can really talk to, and who really talks to us. In the Bible, the word “know” can be translated “experience.” It is Greek philosophy, not Hebrew, that separates the two. As Christians, loving the Jewish Messiah, we follow Hebrew, not Greek, thinking. In fact, Proverbs has a special word for someone with head knowledge but no experience—fool.

God wants to make himself real to you. That looks different for every person. What works for me won’t work for you, and vice versa. But there’s something that will work for everyone – pursuit. God promises us, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13)

How long do you have to pursue him? As long as it takes, through all the pain. Until he shows up in your life in the middle of that pain. And he always will. He wants it more than you do.

3) Share without Apology. We don’t have to prove there’s a God. Honestly, people know there is, they just don’t want to admit it. The word of your testimony is powerful (Revelation 12:11). Just share what God’s done for you. Answer their questions when they ask, but don’t waste your breath answering questions they’re not asking.

The truth is, many people really want to believe, but their fear and their wounding are holding them back. But we have the perfect love that drives out all fear (Jesus himself). When they are mean to us, and we still treat them with love, respect, and honor, it shatters their bitter-root expectation about how people will treat them, and they want what we have.

So how about you? How do you practice believing in an unbelieving world? Your faith changes the atmosphere when you walk in the room. Have you seen how it affects those around you? Share it with us in the comments, and please share if this post would bless someone else.

How to Escape the Abnormal Normal

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It happens to all of us. We all grow up in a household, our family of origin. Every family has different strengths and weaknesses. Even if our brains know better, how we grew up is all our hearts know. Good or bad, how we grew up is what our hearts think is normal.

There are no perfect parents, though some are more wounded and deceived than others. That’s not the child’s fault. It‘s not your fault (or your credit) how you were raised.

“Good” parents and “bad” parents are a myth. All parents did something right. They at least conceived you, and yes, that was a good thing! Many parents love their children but don’t know how to express it, thinking their child knows when the child doesn’t and desperately needs that overt affirmation.

Being a parent is not a binary “good” or “bad” thing. It’s a continuous gradient. All parents could’ve done some things better and could’ve done some things a lot worse. I’m not making excuses for our parents, but it’s not about blaming them either.

The point is we all have things in our upbringing we accept as normal without even thinking to question them. But they aren’t normal. For example:

  • Maybe we weren’t loved unless we performed, so we think our value comes from what we do.
  • Maybe the family’s image was more important than we were, so we believe how we look on the outside is more important than our heart motivation on the inside.
  • Maybe our family members all lied so we think that’s normal. It’s just want you do.
  • Maybe there wasn’t proper respect in the home, so we don’t respect authority and have a hard time taking direction from our employer.
  • Maybe our parents were emotionally disconnected from us out of their own wounding, so we vowed we’d take care of ourselves. We don’t let anyone come close.
  • Maybe we were abused, physically, emotionally, and/or verbally, and now we’re the abusers. We hate it but don’t know any other way to act.
  • Maybe in your family children were possessions to be managed, rather than blessings to be stewarded. Many millennials raise their families in this trap.

We may not have liked it, but we grew up this way. Doesn’t everyone?

Our family’s abnormal dysfunction becomes our plumb line for what’s “normal.” It’s what we gravitate to in our relationships. We gravitate to others who meet our expectation. We think everyone’s this way. We confuse “common” with “normal.” But something being common does not make it normal.

So often we hate aspects of how we were raised, but we don’t know any other way to live. So we continue the cycle with our own kids, handing down the dysfunction generation after generation.

Is there a way to break out of the cycle? Yes! The good news is Jesus died on a cross so we could break out of this cycle. He came to set us free, reconciling us to God and to each other. There is another way to live.

So how do we break out of the mold? Here are five practical steps to escape the abnormal normal we grew up with.

1) Want more. We have to be dissatisfied with our current situation. We have to hate our own sin enough to want to change. Sometimes God’s greatest gift to us is a life-crash. Something happens in our life where we can no longer deny that (a) a problem exists, and (b) it’s our problem.

You do not have to live stuck. That’s a choice you make. I absolutely hate it when I hear people say, “Oh, well, that’s just the way I am.”

  • “I’m overweight and always will be. I’m just big-boned.” (There’s no such thing, BTW.)
  • “I smoke/drink/dope. That’s just what I do.”
  • “I’m just not a patient person.” (And they say it like it’s a badge.)

No, that’s not just the way you are! That’s the way you’re choosing to be. You can make another choice if you decide you want to.

2) Renounce the benefit. The problem is, the dysfunction is giving us a benefit. We have to come to the place where we hate our sin more than we love the benefit. Sometimes our life getting worse and worse is actually God, in his great love and mercy for us, turning up the heat to bring us to that point.

A man came for prayer ministry because he couldn’t control his anger directed at his family. The prayer minister asked him what the benefit was. The conversation went like this:

“There’s no benefit to my behavior! I’m destroying my family!”

“There is a benefit you’re reaping, or you wouldn’t be acting like this. Let’s pray and ask the Holy Spirit what the benefit is. Then listen to your heart.”

After they prayed and waited, the man said, “You know what? There is a benefit. When I’m angry, I don’t feel the pain. And it prevents people from getting close enough to hurt me.” Bingo.

3) Be teachable. This means owning the problem. We do not have to be a slave to how we were raised. We can make a different choice.

That’s what grace is all about. Grace is not just about covering our sins. Yes, it does that, and that’s wonderful. Our past no longer haunts us. But if we still live in the muck Jesus died to set us free from, we’re wasting his grace.

Grace does so much more than take away our sins. It empowers us to live without them. It empowers us to live free. But living in freedom is a learned skill. We have to learn another way of living. We have to learn to not default to the old, comfortable dysfunction.

Positive change happens when we stop blaming everyone else and decide to change ourselves. The change other people need is on them. Be the change you want to see in your own life. The only way to learn to do that is to be willing to learn.

4) Find a healthy coach. Whether it’s a counselor, a pastor, or a best friend, go through the journey with someone else to encourage you onward with wisdom and unconditional acceptance when it gets hard. And it will get hard. Everything worthwhile does.

A healthy coach will not try to fix you. And that’s what you want, a coach not a rescuer. A healthy coach gives wise advice, but their sense of well-being is not threatened if you don’t take it. They leave that on you.

For example, youth today are yearning to be mentored by the older generation without being controlled. They want to be healed, not fixed.

5) Don’t give up. If you don’t give up, you win. Eventually. You didn’t get into this situation overnight; you won’t get out overnight. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

In our microwave culture, we want it fast and we want it now. But real, lasting, fulfilling, life-change often doesn’t happen that way. It’s a slow, simmering process. God, in his great love and mercy for us, only gives us as much healing as we can handle at a time. So we have to be in this for the long haul.

Does this resonate? Where are you in this cycle? What made the difference? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share if this would bless someone else.

How to have Victory over Shame

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The most secretive prison in the world isn’t in some subbasement of some 1960s era non-descript government building in some closed dictatorial regime. But it is the most populated prison in the world. “Wait a minute, that doesn’t even make sense!” you say. “How do you keep the largest prison in the world secretive?” Put it in the human heart. Outwardly we justify our sin while we inwardly hate ourselves for practicing it. So often we live in the secret prison of shame. The good news is we can have total victory over shame.

Every human being is affected by shame to some degree. It robs us of who we really are. It sets our life on a trajectory of desperately trying in vain to numb its pain.

  • We medicate it, because the pain of the addiction hurts less.
  • We feed it, foolishly believing the shame from the last failed relationship will be healed by the next one.
  • We pretend it doesn’t exist. If I act like I’m fine long enough, maybe I’ll actually believe it myself.

None of it works. All our coping methods just add more shame.

But there’s good news. There is something that will work. Or rather, someone that will work. But to understand the victory, we first need to understand the problem. What really is shame, anyway?

Shame is not guilt. There’s a subtle but important difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt, or conviction, is what the Holy Spirit gives us, because he loves us. It’s a gift from God. He’s correcting our sinful behavior because (1) it’s self-destructive, and (2) it interferes with our relationship with him. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” And often that’s true.

Shame, on the other hand, is not from God, but rather is Satan’s perversion of godly guilt. Shame says, “I am something wrong.” That is so totally not true. That’s a lie. Shame is a liar.

Shame is the false belief that I am uniquely and fatally flawed. (Kudos to Restoring the Foundations Ministry for this definition). There are three fundamental lies of shame.

  1. “I am flawed.” There’s something wrong with me. I can’t let anyone see. I live in the fear that someone somewhere will find out my secret. I’d better keep them at a distance.
  2. “I am uniquely flawed.” No one is as bad as me. I am the only one with this problem. If they really knew how bad I am, they would hate me like I hate me.
  3. “I am fatally flawed.” I can’t be fixed. My flaws are permanent; it’s just the way I am. The best I can do is hide it and control the situation (and everyone else) so no one ever finds out.

Shame holds so many people, even Christians, in prison, keeping them from living out their true identity, or often even knowing what it is. Yes, Christians are forgiven, but so often we’re not healed. This is why we struggle with divorce and addictions and legalism just like the world does.

But there’s good news. We can have victory over shame. His name is Jesus, and he’s made a way.

Shame’s power over us is really just a house of cards because it’s built on lies. The truth of God’s word blows it away.

Each of shame’s three lies described above get smashed to pieces by the Word of God. We have victory over shame when we choose to replace its lies with God’s truth:

  1. I’m not something wrong.
    • I was made in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27).
    • I have been made a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).
    • God loves me apart from what I do (Ephesians 1:3-14).
  2. I’m not uniquely flawed; I’m not the only one like this.
    • No temptation has seized me but that which is common to mankind (1 Corinthians 10:13).
  3. I am not fatally flawed. My sin is not bigger or more powerful than Jesus’ blood.
    • Jesus’ blood is bigger and stronger than any and all of my sin, and by his stripes I am healed (Isaiah 53:5, Romans 6:10, Hebrews 9:28, 1 Peter 3:18).

That’s why Jesus said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

The question is, Who are you going to believe? God or your shame? When shame brings up your past, agree with it and add, “Yes, that’s why I have a Savior!” When we speak (out loud) God’s truth over ourselves instead of the lies of shame, shame disappears in a puff of grace. Jesus is so there.

Victory over shame opens up a whole new adventure to us—the life God created us to live and Jesus died to restore. I can’t wait to see what God does in your life. And in mine. Shall we take the plunge?

Have you been down this road? Does this resonate with you? Tell us in the comments, and please share on social media if you think this would bless someone else.

How to Get Unstuck

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Are you stuck? We all get stuck at some point. Is it an addiction you just can’t lick? Is it depression that just won’t end? Is it a mid-life crisis, realizing you’ve ended up with some boring, dead-up life and your dreams have all but vanished? Feel like you just can’t get there from here? I’ve been stuck. This post is a plan for getting unstuck.

Here’s how you get unstuck. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6), and he is the path for getting unstuck. I know that sounds all Christian Happy Quippy, like those trite and insincere things we say to each other on Sunday mornings. Don’t bounce to another web page, hang with me here a minute. There’s a very practical path hidden in that verse that we’re going to unpack in this post. So read on, Precious Stuck One, for the path to freedom.

1) Jesus is the way.

This is where it starts. Commitment on our part. Jesus is already committed to walk this path with us. He’s sacrificed his life. He’s uber-invested in your freedom. Are you as invested in your own freedom as he is?

We think we are, but are we really? Are we committed to the freedom Jesus wants for us, or only to freedom on our terms? Are we committed to success that’s easy, convenient, doesn’t hurt, and doesn’t violate our rights? Sometimes we’re comfortable with our bondage.

Are we willing to sacrifice for success on his terms? His success comes through painful perseverance, long suffering, laying down our rights, and dying to ourselves. Are we willing? His success is hard fought, but it’s much more satisfying, and it comes with a calling and an authority. We have authority over what we’ve been delivered from.

2) Jesus is the truth.

If we’re going to get unstuck, we need to be friends with the truth. The truth is often not politically correct, comfortable, safe, or easy. But it is good, and it is true. It’s time to agree with God’s truth.

When the culture (or our desires) clash with what God’s revealed in his word, we have to let God win every time. For example:

The culture says you can sleep with anyone, any time. But we wait for marriage, because:

Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 NIV)

The culture says we’re a cosmic accident. But we believe we’re intentionally designed by God, because:

You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16 NIV)

The culture says you can change your gender and your race. But we don’t recreate ourselves and decide who we want to be. That’s actually spiritual rebellion. We discover who God’s made us to be, because:

What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, “Stop, you’re doing it wrong!” Does the pot exclaim, “How clumsy can you be?” How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father, “Why was I born?” or if it said to its mother, “Why did you make me this way?” (Isaiah 45:9-10 NLT)

The culture says we have to earn our value and the right to be loved. But we know we have intrinsic value. Just because we exist, God loves us, because:

God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

The culture says we can terminate a pregnancy if it’s inconvenient. But we trust God and walk with him through the pain of single parenthood, because:

[God is] a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows. (Psalm 68:5a) [That totally includes single moms.]

The culture says anyone developing emotional problems after an abortion was weak to start with. But we speak the truth about trauma and offer God’s hope, healing, forgiveness, and acceptance to everyone who wants it, because:

He has sent me [Jesus] to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. (Isaiah 61:1b-3a)

The culture says to ship the illegal aliens back where they belong. But we do good to the foreigners and the aliens among us specifically to honor the Lord, because:

When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God. (Leviticus 19:33-34)

God’s word needs to define our opinions. We take the word of God at face value, and we’re willing to change our minds.

3) Jesus is the life.

We live his adventure. He’s the breath in our lungs and the hope in our heart. He is the life we live. Our life revolves around him.

Jesus is our lifestyle. Are we living in the light of God’s truth? Or are we living in the culture’s comfortable lies? Are we committed to sexual purity in our lives, waiting for marriage, or have we rationalized a sinful lifestyle? Do we tithe and give generously, or do we live in fear with a scarcity mindset? Do we spend intimate time with the lover of our soul, Jesus our lover-king, or do we just throw him a bone and check the box on Sundays?

Is our life style bent around ourselves and our comfort, or around him and his truth? This isn’t legalism. This is passion. When you’re passionate for your lover, pleasing them is light and pleasurable. If we’re passionate for Jesus, we can’t live in a way that breaks his heart.

In the West, we like to compartmentalize everything. We have our family box, our work box, our entertainment box, our church box, and our God box. We like to think that as long as our God box is the most important box, God’s happy. But that’s totally not true! God does not want to be in the most important box. He wants to be the most important thing in every box.

You could say it this way. Jesus doesn’t want to be the most important thing in our lives. He wants to be the only thing. Coach Lombardi didn’t realize he was talking about Jesus when he made his famous quote, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” But he was. Jesus is Winning!

And the only way for us to win at life and get unstuck is to think so, too. When Jesus is everything, all the other things fall into place. Not that we won’t have problems, we will. Sometimes really painful, unexpected ones that hit us like a sledgehammer. But our focus isn’t on the problem, it’s on Jesus and figuring out what he’s doing in our lives through the problem. It’s about being real and honest with him, telling him the truth about our pain and accepting his joy in the middle of it.

So there’s the blueprint for freedom. Commit to Jesus the way, agree with Jesus the truth, and live Jesus as your lifestyle. The result is a deeper level of freedom and intimacy with him than you’ve ever known.

Does this resonate with you? Does it challenge you? What parts? Please share on social media and tell us what you think in the comments below. It’s time to hear from you.

How to Honor Someone Else’s Identity

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Most of you remember the free ebook I gave to our subscribers as a Christmas present, Midget: A Fable of Giant Inner Healing. I plan to sell it later this year on Amazon and wanted you, our subscribers, to have it first for free. (It’s available on the downloads page; click the “Free Stuff” link above.)

A friend pointed out that “midget” is a pejorative term among little people. So I emailed the LPA (Little People of America) and asked them (1) if that was so, and (2) for suggestions about how to fix it. I said I’m not averse to changing the title (and the name of the main character), but would prefer to include a disclaimer with their approved wording.

Cuquis Robledo, the Public Relations Director of Little People of America, sent me a very timely and polite response. She congratulated me on the ebook and thanked me for reaching out to them. I believe they were sincerely touched that I cared enough to ask.

They suggested a title change and a disclaimer educating people against using the word “midget” at all, which they call the “m-word.” The LPA is trying to remove usage of the word from our vocabulary in general; for example, working with the USDA to rename certain food products. I confess I originally thought this was a little extreme, but then I actually listened to them. I listened to why from their point-of-view. Here is what I learned.

The m-word was used in the Freak Show era to de-humanize little people. “Come see the bearded-lady! Come see the elephant man! Come see the midgets!” I think little people have a right to be angry over the use of this de-humanizing word. Working in post-abortive recovery, I feel the same anger when pro-abortion advocates de-humanize a child as a “fetus” or as a “product of conception.”

When my dad grew up in Oklahoma, Brazil nuts were called “n-word toes”. They didn’t mean anything bad by it, and my dad was not a racist. It was just the thing’s name as they were taught. But I think it’s good that today we no longer use that de-humanizing word. I never realized the m-word was in the same category, but it is.

So this is not about political correctness gone mad. This is about respecting real people and their identity. It’s about sensitivity to not hurting other people unnecessarily. (Yes, there are times when we need to say painful truth, but this isn’t one of them.)

Even if the term doesn’t hurt me, and I don’t think it should hurt them, the fact that it does hurt them should be enough for me to not use it. Especially a word that was used in the past to de-humanize them.

While there’s certainly no constitutional right to avoid offense, we as Christians answer to a higher authority. We can voluntarily choose to follow the moral compass Jesus laid out for us in, among other places, 1 Corinthians 13 and Matthew 25 (especially the sheep and the goats parable). We can choose to walk in love.

So, all that to say, I’m voluntarily changing the name of the ebook. The question is, To what? This is the exciting and fun part! This is where you come in. I’m asking for your help. What’s a good name? Here’s some guidance to think about:

  • The words “midget” and “giant” are clear opposites. In changing the title, I’ll also have to change the subtitle, “A Fable of Giant Inner Healing.” Help me also find a word for the subtitle that’s the opposite of the new name.
  • I veto “Dwarf” right out-of-the-gate because, with the popularity of LOTR, people will expect something quite different from an ebook called “Dwarf”.
  • It should be mildly disrespectful or snarky. When the “tall ones” call the main character by the m-word, they aren’t complementing him. They are limiting him and his identity. It was meant to be a mild put-down.
  • Ideally, it would still fit on the cover in a similar way.

So what are your ideas? Leave them in the comments! Let’s have fun with this!

To Be Right or to Be Jesus, that Is the Question

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“To be or not to be, that is the question,” asked Shakespeare through his character Hamlet, in the play by the same name. That’s probably both Hamlet’s and Shakespeare’s most famous line. But the question is incomplete. “To be or not to be WHAT?” What are we going to fall on our swords over? Being right or being Jesus?

When I was a teen, I was one opinionated bugger. Why shouldn’t I be? I thought. I’m right! And often I may even have been right, politically, morally, and spiritually. I was a Reagan-Republican, after all. I knew my Bible backwards and forwards. But I was missing something. In my self-righteousness, even when I got it right I missed the best. I so often missed Jesus’ heart.

If just being right is our goal, then we get really angry because everyone else is just so wrong. Just spend an afternoon on FaceBook and you’ll see what I mean. Being right, as an end in itself, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It takes a lot of energy arguing with all those people who just won’t get it, no matter how right we are. Maybe there’s a better way to change the world.

The Pharisees were totally right. Always, just ask them. They were conservatives who knew the Law, chapter and verse. They brought to Jesus a woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-11), who according to the Law of Moses should be stoned. That was the “right” thing to do. (BTW, adultery’s not a solitary crime. According to the Law of Moses, the man also should be stoned [Leviticus 20:10]. I guess they rationalized that bit away – first clue they missed something – selective application of the Law. Being all men, the Pharisee’s probably rationalized excusing the man.)

But, fortunately for us, Jesus isn’t after right. He’s after best. The best does not violate what’s right, it supersedes it. You know the story, Jesus saved the woman without violating the Law of Moses. We should, too.

Jesus talks about dying to ourselves. In fact, he says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). But wait, that means denying my rights! That’s downright un-American. Was Jesus a communist or something?

No, but he’s after what’s best, not just what’s right, something better than what’s right. Sometimes, often, love means dying to our right to be right.

In high school, a certain bully was going to beat-up my friend Don. After successfully evading the bully one hot summer afternoon, Don drove past him walking home carrying a load of books under the hot sun. Don could’ve honked and waved as he drove by in his air-conditioned car. But he didn’t. He pulled over and offered the bully a ride.

No one was more surprised than the bully. The guy almost fell over. It took him a minute to realize the offer was genuine and Don wasn’t just goading him. “Why are you doing this? Why would give me a ride?”, asked one surprised bully.

“Because it looks like you need one,” my friend Don simply replied. The bully accepted, and they became close friends after that. (And nobody dared mess with Don again or the bully would pulverize them.)

My friend would’ve been within his rights to pass by the bully. But he correctly discerned the Kingdom of God had something better in mind.

This doesn’t mean we don’t hold people accountable when necessary. It’s actually love to hold criminals and abusers and narcissists accountable (1) to prevent future victims, and (2) so they have the opportunity to get help (if they don’t take the opportunity, that’s on them). It’s also love to discipline our children.

But in the common everyday stuff of life, mercy triumphs over judgement (James 2:13). The best triumphs over the right.

What about you? Does this resonate? Have you shown mercy and had it be better than the “right” would’ve been? Or have you had someone show you mercy when you didn’t deserve it? Tell us your story in the comments, and please share if you think this post would bless someone else.

Why New Year Is in the Dead of Winter

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It’s fascinating to me that our New Year here in the West occurs in the dead of Winter. I know other cultures’ New Year occurs at different times of the year, and that’s great. I’m sure God is speaking to all cultures with the timing of their New Year celebration, but I’m only qualified to write about my own culture. What is God saying to us in the West?

Wouldn’t it make more sense for the New Year to be at the start of Spring, when everything’s budding and coming back to life? Maybe in some cultures it is; what an awesome time that must be. But God worked through our history to make our New Year when all the leaves are off the trees and everything’s dead. Why do you suppose that is?

I’ve heard a pastor say that leaves don’t actually change color in Fall. They reveal the true color they actually are when not getting overridden by all that green chlorophyll. The point he was making is, in the Autumn of your life, your true colors will show.

What are your hidden colors? Do they reflect the grace and healing of God’s empowerment in your life, or do they still reflect your wounding?

There’s nothing wrong, by the way, with being in a place of wounding. Acknowledging where you’re at is the first step to get healing. Run to God in those times, not away from him. The problem comes when we run away from God and to our chlorophyll of choice to hide our wounded colors, in our own strength.

What is your chlorophyll of choice? Control? Addiction? Entitlement? Performance? (Personally, I’m really good at performance, more about that later.)

Have you ever wondered why we don’t go straight from Fall to Spring? After all, why can’t the new leaves just push out the old? Why do we have to go through a cold, bare-root season first? Why do we have to get stripped down to nothing? Maybe there’s something necessary going on inside the trunk of the tree that’s getting ready for Spring. Maybe Spring couldn’t come without this time of preparation.

What happens when circumstances and struggles reveal our wounding and our chlorophyll of choice stops working? What happens when all the leaves are off the trees of our lives? Maybe when we’re stripped down to the bare trunk, maybe that’s when we hear God best. Maybe because then we have to and we don’t have any other choice. Maybe out of his great love and mercy for us, he’s stripped away everything that distracted us from his voice.

I think God considers that place the beginning. That’s where his New Year starts. Because when all the outside is stripped away, there’s nothing left but to work on the heart. And that’s what he’s always wanted, to heal our wounding and give us a new heart.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26)

I’m up for that. My hidden colors were worthlessness and rejection. The lie I believed was, “I am unlovable.” My chlorophyll of choice was being nice, being a servant to all. Dying to myself, literally, to a fault. My bitter root expectation was, “You’re going to reject me. So I’m not going to give you a reason. I’m going to be as lovable as possible, so that when (not if) you reject me, it’s on you.” We call this performance orientation, and I got really good at it, unfortunately.

God had to take me through a bare-root, cold Winter season. He had to strip away all the false leaves and false colors I used to protect my heart, in order to take that structure of lies and inner vows and bitter root expectations down.

Ironically, it’s when I started coming out of those lies that all disaster broke loose. My family fell apart and disintegrated. It hurt. But it was a season. It was only a season (a long season, several years), and I’m coming through it now. Sometimes the enemy’s greatest deception is to trick us into believing the painful season we’re in is forever, which brings desperation and despair. It’s not forever. It’s only a season. Trusting God brings hope through the pain.

He’s still working on me, but I’ve come a long way. He’s brought me into a fresh, bright Spring the last few years. He’s restored relationships I thought would never be restored, while others I still wait for. And he’s using his chlorophyll to work his colors into me.

How about you? What season are you in, here at the turn of the New Year? Tell us in the comments. If you’re in a cold, Winter, bare-root season, we’d love to pray with you. If you’ve come through such a season, please share your story; it will encourage others. And please share on social media if you think this post would bless others.

Photo by Kari Shea on Unsplash

Give Yourself the Gift of Not about You

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The Christmas rush. Do I have all the presents? All the food? Are all the decorations done? I hate the crowds, the lines, the traffic, because when I’m scampering to get my last-minute presents, they’re in the way of accomplishing my goal. I do commando shopping: get in, get the target, get out. My focus is on my objective. And that’s my problem. It’s all about me.

My best shopping trips are when I go into the store intentionally focused on making someone else’s day better. Determined to be Jesus to someone, I look for that grumpy face that’s forgotten it needs to smile. I have to be uber-intentional about it or it won’t happen. As an introvert, I can easily and happily slip in and slip out without talking to anyone and be quite happy about it. But I sense the Holy Spirit has a different agenda.

I’ve seen grumpy store clerks completely change their demeanor when I just said something nice to them that built them up, instead of tearing them down (2 Corinthians 10:8). I try to say something both empathic and complimentary. Like how hard it must be to be nice to inconsiderate shoppers all day, and what a good job they do at it. Like how they’re the unsung heroes of Christmas, and we really do appreciate them. Sometimes I apologize for taking them for granted.

It always gets me a smile. That’s become my new objective – to get a smile out of someone who looks stressed, to make someone else’s day. And that’s the best gift I buy for myself at the store – the gift of making it not about me. Best of all, it doesn’t cost me anything but a little intentionality.

I don’t think Jesus is frustrated by the crowds, the lines, or the traffic. But I don’t think about what Jesus thinks about often enough. I look at the crowds and see obstacles. He sees opportunities. He yearns to be with them, while I just want to avoid them. He has compassion on them because they are harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd (Matthew 9:36).

Yes, Christmas is about the Father giving us his son. Jesus came to give us his life for our salvation, so we could have abundant life (John 10:10). But that’s only the beginning. He also came to give us his heart so that life would be worth living, by serving others (that’s the “abundant” part).

So, when you run out in a panic to get that last-minute thing, celebrate Christmas’ abundance by going out of your way to make someone else’s day.

Does this resonate? Can you relate? Tell us your story in the comments. And please share on social media if you think this would make someone else’s day. Merry Christmas!