3 Places the Church Is Called to Be

I think we’d all agree the church should be a safe place. We all want to feel safe when we go there. Hopefully, we’re all open to being challenged, since that’s where the growth is. But none of us want to feel judged, condemned, or threatened.

For many of us, the church has not been a safe place to come with our whole selves, warts and all. Some churches are not a safe place to admit you’re struggling.

Some Christians don’t know what to do with other people’s pain since we’ve often never been trained. So some churches have a culture of just slapping a quick Bible verse on people’s pain like a band-aid on a bleeding artery: “You know, we should consider it all joy when we face trials.” This is called spiritual bypassing. (Shameless plug, see my book Stewarding Wounded Hearts to address this problem.)

Worse, some churches even shame pain in our lives as a lack of faith: “If you’re not full of the joy of the Lord, are you even saved?” Apparently, these churches have never read the Psalms.

If we can’t go to the people of God when we’re hurting , where can we go?

The sticky wicket, and this needs to be said for balance, is many people cry “church hurt!” when they are lovingly confronted about their stuff and challenged to grow. Eventually they find another church where they aren’t challenged or confronted, until their stuff grows big enough to become a problem, and then the pattern repeats itself. The problem with church hopping is we bring ourselves with us.

The church should be a safe place to come as you are, and also a safe place to not stay as you are; in other words, a safe place to grow.

What does this look like at a practical level? I recently heard it described beautifully and succinctly by Dr. Theresa Burke (a Christian trauma therapist, author of the book Forbidden Grief, and founder of the Christ-centered PTSD healing retreats Rachel’s Vineyard, Grief to Grace, and Duty to Heal, not affiliate links. Janet and I volunteer on Rachel’s Vineyard and Grief to Grace teams.)

Dr. Burke said the church needs to be a place where people are free to breathe, risk, and heal. In that order. These are 3 things to look for in a healthy church.

1) A Place to Breathe

Think of your last difficult or stressful situation. Pressure at work. A family argument. A close call in traffic. When it was over, did you have a place to safely exhale? What did that feel like?

The church is called to be a safe place to breathe. A shelter from the storm. A community where it’s safe to exhale.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. – Proverbs 18:10

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. – Psalm 91:1

These verses describe the safety of running to the Lord in times of trouble. Shouldn’t the people of God reflect the attributes of God, including a safe refuge from the storm?

A safe place to exhale. A safe place to breathe. A safe place to just be.

Sometimes, we get the cart before the horse. Out of love, we want to jump straight to the healing we rightly discern people need. But that’s not what they need first.

Before a physical wound can heal, it needs to be wrapped in a bandage. We lovingly bandage wounded people by creating a space where they can breathe. Where they can safely exhale, because in this space, with the people of God, there is no threat.

There is a lot of freedom in just being able to express what you’re struggling with without being shamed for it. It’s a safe place to breathe when people are loved and accepted in the middle of all the hurt and struggle and pain.

Because if you can’t go to the people of God when you’re hurting, where can you go?

2) A Place to Risk

When I feel safe, when I’m in a place where there’s no threat, when I’m in a place where my pain is honored, I know I’m in a safe place to risk trying something new. Risk growing. Risk learning. Risk failing.

Growth means learning, and learning means failing. Growth is a risk.

Good teachers don’t shame their students for making mistakes on homework. Good coaches don’t shame their players for making mistakes at practice. They teach them. And they give them the grace and opportunity to try again.

Growth is uncomfortable. And it can be painful. Growth is a risk.

But if we’re in a place where we can breathe, where we can safely exhale, we’re in a safe place where we can risk trying something new, risk trying to live in a new way. Because we know our failures and mistakes will be met with loving help, not with shame.

3) A Place to Heal

When I can safely breathe and exhale, and safely risk and grow, then I know I’m in a place where I can heal and transform.

The godly transformation we desire to see in people’s lives doesn’t come from externally applied pressure or control. Transformation doesn’t come from externally applied “sin management,” which unfortunately is what many of our churches have become.

Transformation comes from internal healing. The visible “bad fruit” in people’s lives – the sin, the addictions, the toxic behavior – is rarely the actual problem. The internal pain from the internal heart wound that those things are medicating – that’s the actual problem.

When our churches become safe places to address the internal wound without shame, our churches become safe places to heal.

And internal heart healing brings the transformation we long to see, that Jesus longs to bring.

It’s All About Transformation

Breathing, risking, and healing – it’s all part of the transformation that Jesus has for all of us. The Bible calls it sanctification. It’s something we want to lean into our entire lives. May our churches be safe and challenging places where we can all transform into who Jesus is calling each of us to be.

When we’re being continually transformed by the healing power of Jesus, we can invite our families, our divided nation, and our very broken world, into true peace – the healing transformation only Jesus can bring.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Have you experienced transformation through healthy church community? Through a brother or sister who met your pain with love instead of shame? Tell us your story in the comments.

Do You Want Help?

Have you been hurt or shamed by the church? Reach out to Dave and Janet for an inner healing session. We use a combination of Biblical truth and brain science to facilitate a safe, gentle way to experience a two-way connection with Jesus, get unstuck, and receive the healing he has for you.