3 Mindset Traps that Sabotage Jesus’ Mission to Wounded People

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As the church, we are Jesus’ hands, feet, voice, and heart to the world. We invite wounded people into transformational intimacy with our Savior by stewarding both truth and compassion. But there are 3 mindset traps that sabotage Jesus’ mission to wounded people.

These 3 mindset traps are so insidious and sneaky we often don’t realize we’ve fallen into them. But they can sweep whole churches away from their Kingdom calling and make them completely ineffective. Worse, these Christians (and even whole churches!) don’t know they’ve been spiritually shipwrecked because their metrics (the measures of man) look so good.

So let’s go through these 3 mindset traps. And then we’ll talk about the mindset the church, and we as Christians, are called to have.

Mindset Trap #1: Empire Building

We fall into this one when we’re more concerned about building our empire than we are about building the Kingdom of God. If our goal is to have people swoon over our personal importance and status, we’ve received our reward in full from the people we’ve impressed. We have none from God. (Matthew 6:1-21)

If we’re not stewarding hearts well, our numbers don’t matter.

The thing about these mindset traps is they’re sneaky. They’re really easy to fall into because they look so good on the outside. And often, from just superficial outside appearances, you can’t tell someone building their own empire from someone walking out their calling and building the Kingdom. The actions can look the same. It’s all about the motivations.

Still, here are some example litmus tests to check our hearts to see if, and to what degree, we’ve fallen into empire building:

  • We base ministry decisions on how they will affect our numbers (giving, attendance, etc.) rather than on how they will affect the hearts we minister to.
  • We’re not willing to do it for the one.
  • The ROI (Return on Investment) is considered rather than whether God is calling us to do the thing or not.
  • We avoid making changes that will offend the biggest tithers.
  • We believe the ends justify the means, compromising our integrity or principles for “the greater good.”
  • We worry about which church gets the credit.
  • Decisions are based on protecting our power rather than what God’s calling us to do.

Jesus chose and poured into 12 guys. He had lousy numbers. But his Kingdom impact changed the world.

Mindset Trap #2: Legacy Saving

The hallmark of legacy saving is when we prioritize preserving the church experience we grew up with.

Although safe, comfortable, and familiar, such churches do not enable transformation. In fact, they shut it down. Can’t have the Holy Spirit coming in here and changing things! But God’s Kingdom is about saving lives not legacies.

We know we’re legacy saving when:

  • We’re afraid to make changes for fear of offending people.
  • We have “sacred cows,” emotional attachments to things, or to doing things a certain way.
  • We care more about preserving the church experience we grew up with than about reaching the changing neighborhood around us.
  • We hold on to things that used to work, but no longer are effective.
  • There is anything that’s not “on the table” to be cut if it interferes with reaching the region around us. The Bible calls these things “idols.”

The movie Jesus Revolution is a true story and a great example of a pastor (Chuck Smith, played expertly by Kelsey Grammer) deciding not to be a legacy saver when he opened up his church to the hippies in the early 1970s. He paid a high price. He lost friends who had been in his church for decades. That had to hurt. But he gained so much more. He gained partnering with the manifest Kingdom of God in one of the greatest revivals the United States has ever seen.

Mindset Trap #3: Sin Winking

We “wink” at sin when we condone, or don’t speak out against, self-destructive, sinful lifestyles. Too often, the gospel’s message of God’s grace to all people has been hijacked as an excuse to make people feel good about themselves, just the way they are, sin and all.

Yes, Jesus’ message is “come as you are.” You don’t have to get all holy first before you come to Jesus. In fact, you can’t. But Jesus’ message is never, “stay as you are.” He invites us into life-changing transformation, where we can no longer live sinful lifestyles that break his heart.

We know we’ve slipped into sin-winking when:

  • We’re afraid to say the word “sin.”
  • We pursue peace (unity) at any price. (Unity not centered on Jesus and his holiness is a false peace.)
  • We care more about offending the culture than we do about offending God.
  • We condone, look the other way, or are even proud of lifestyles that are blatantly anti-Biblical and self-destructive, such as sex outside of marriage (between a biological man and a biological woman).

When we don’t call out sin for the self-destruction that it is, when we tell wounded people they aren’t wounded, we are slamming the door of God’s healing in people’s faces.

What We as Christians and the Church Are Called to Be

I have another post here that describes the church as a lighthouse, a life-saving team of rescuers, in a shabby little building, saving shipwreck victims from drowning.

Yes,

  • Numbers are important.
  • It is right to honor our history.
  • Everyone is welcome in the Kingdom of God.

But the mindset traps we’ve discussed take legitimate concerns and twist them out-of-balance, into an end in themselves. And they are each motivated by fear.

The Way Out

The way out of all of these mindset traps is a single-minded focus on what God is calling us to do. As a Church. As an individual Christian. As a family. And the answer will be different for each church, each individual, and each family. Because nobody can do it all.

Yet we can all trust God to partner with us in what he’s calling us to do. It may be a rocky road at times. But we are never alone, even when it feels like it. We need to be willing to sacrifice:

  • Our importance and reputation
  • Our comfortable and familiar way of doing things
  • The approval of the culture and of others

And instead pursue what he’s calling us to with both hands. Then he will work all things together for the glory of his Kingdom. And that is the best possible outcome for us and everyone around us.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? What part of this post speaks to you? Tell us your story in the comments. And please share this post if it would bless others.

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

What to Do when You’ve Got Nothing

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So I’m staring at a blank screen where this week’s blog post is supposed to be. And I’ve got nothing. My mind is just blank. So I pray, “Lord, I got nothing.”

“So write about that,” came his soft, whispered, answer.

“What?!?” was my bewildered response. But then I thought, “Ok, let’s go with that. What do you do when you’ve got nothing?”

So this’ll be a little different post. I’m writing something about having nothing to write about. That’s meta. 🙂 And it’ll probably be shorter than usual.

So here’s 3 steps to follow when you’re trying to move forward, but you’re stuck and you’ve got nothing.

1) Admit the obvious to God. Ask him for guidance.

This takes humility. But God knows we’ve got nothing. He knows we’re stuck. It’s not like it’s going to surprise him. And, honestly, the people closest to us probably know it also. So who do we think we’re fooling?

When we pretend to have it all together, but we’re really stuck, we’re just fooling ourselves.

It’s like flooring the accelerator when we’re stuck in the mud. We think we’re moving because the speedometer says 60 mph, but really the tires are just spinning. Everyone else knows we’re not going anywhere. And we’ll never get unstuck until we admit we’re stuck.

2) Take one giant step back. Get some distance.

Sometimes it helps to sleep on it. It always amazes me how insurmountable obstacles look so much smaller and more manageable the next day after a good night’s sleep.

Or maybe you take a walk. Get outside and do some yard work – that’s a favorite of mine. Not that I particularly enjoy yard work, but the fresh air and doing something physical does me good.

Maybe you read a chapter in a novel. The point is, move away from the problem, do something you enjoy, get a little distance from it. Distance gives perspective. And a different perspective sparks different ideas.

I’m writing this on a different day, and at a different time of day, than I normally write. Because doing something differently gives distance, distance gives perspective, and a different perspective sparks different ideas.

So here we are. And I think this post has a different feel than my usual posts, and sometimes different can be refreshing.

3) Try something.

It really doesn’t matter what. Just try something. Maybe you know your idea isn’t very good. But if it’s the only idea you have, give it a try.

One of two things will happen, and they are both positive. Either it fails, and you learn something, which is a positive outcome. Or, surprise, surprise, the darn thing actually works. Bonus!

Try Something. There is no failure, only learning.

And probably, what will most likely happen is a mixture of both. It will partially work. So chew the meat, spit out the bones. Double-down on what worked, and dump what didn’t.

Success is iterative failure.

Really, and this is really true, there’s only one thing you can do to fail. Quit. If you don’t quit, you win. Eventually. Because if you don’t quit, you keep trying things, you learn and you get better. So here’s to learning!

Your Turn

Does this resonate? What do you do when you’ve got nothing? When you’re stuck? Tell us your story in the comments. And share this post if it would bless others.

Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels

Why I Would Rather Live in Failure than Regret

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At the end of the day, we all have a choice to make. To keep going or quit. Those are the only two options. We all can have many pivots along the way, where we quit something lesser to pursue something greater. But we never want to quit something greater to pursue nothing at all. I don’t want to live in the regret of giving up.

If you don’t quit, you win. Eventually. But, darn it all anyway, failure is hard.

Failure Is Hard

Doing what you’re called to do is hard. It can be scary. Stuff that should’ve worked, that seems to work for everybody else, doesn’t work. And with every failure, Imposter Syndrome shouts, “See, who are you to do this? It’ll never work. Stop embarrassing yourself.”

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing. You might not be starting an online business like me. Parenting is hard. Staying married is hard. Being a student is hard. Working a job is hard. Moving forward from trauma is hard.

Life is hard, if you’re doing anything worthwhile, anything that will make the world a better place. That could be speaking to thousands of people or raising one child. It’s all fraught with failure.

Failure is hard. And repeated failure is hard repeatedly. It can really wear you down.

Regret Is Easier

Living in regret is certainly easier. You’ve quit trying to do that big, hard thing. You can get comfortable and just get used to the idea that it never would have worked anyway. You can save your energy for comfortable things. Safe things. Boring things.

Living small is so much easier and less painful. You don’t have to endure the disappointment loop of continuing to try and watching it fail. Again.

Starting the Lawn Mower

Ever try to start the lawn mower the first time of the season, after a long winter? It can take a long time and a lot of persistence when the engine is cold and hasn’t been started for 3 months. You pull and pull that starter cord. And each time the engine sputters, and … doesn’t start.

After half a dozen times, you think something’s got to be wrong here. So you check the gas. You check the oil. All full and ready. You’re doing everything right. Why isn’t the darn engine starting?

Failure is so frustrating. Repeated failure is repeatedly frustrating.

All you can do is pull the cord again. How many pulls will it take? As many as it takes. You never know which pull will start the engine. Until it starts.

But you know one of these pulls will start the engine. And the truth is, the failed pulls weren’t failing, although it looked like it. Each pull warmed up the engine just a little bit more. And when the engine finally got warm enough, the next pull started it.

But it never would have started if you didn’t keep pulling.

Failure Is a Gift

A failure is not a failure when you learn from it. It’s a lesson. And lessons are gifts from God. Painful in the moment, but worth it in the end.

I’ve worked on technical computer research projects for TLAs (Three Letter Agencies). We got funded to try outside-the-box ideas that may or may not work. One of these research groups had the motto, “Negative results are just as important.” Because documenting those negative results saves the government considerable time and expense when other research teams don’t have to hit that same roadblock. So even if we didn’t get the results we wanted, if we learned the lesson, everybody wins.

Thomas Edison tried a thousand times to make a light bulb before he figured it out. He said, “I didn’t fail. I learned 999 ways not to make a light bulb.” But he only had to win once. So do you.

How I Keep Going with My Three Connections

When the failure gets overwhelmingly frustrating and discouraging, I keep going by staying deeply connected to My Three.

(1) Connection to My Jesus. When trying everything and failing gets the best of me, it’s usually because I’m out there trying it on my own. I’ve forgotten to partner with Jesus, my Lord and Savior, and my Friend, in everything. I have two yellow stickies on my computer monitor:

  • “I will learn all the stuff and do all the things, but You have to make it work.” That’s our partnership.
  • “Intimacy over Productivity. Intimacy First.” When increasing my productivity is not productive, I’ve learned I need to pause productivity and increase my intimacy.

(2) Connection to My Peeps. I maintain intentional connections with certain people I could never do this without.

  • Janet. My wife is there for me when no one else is. She tells me things no one else will, things I need to hear. She hears the Holy Spirit really well. And every time we disagree, God is trying to tell me something. I have learned to value Janet’s words, ideas, and misgivings. Identity In Wholeness would not be possible without Janet.
  • Other Online Entrepreneurs. When you’re doing something hard, you have to be around people doing the same thing. I meet regularly, on zoom, with friends and other entrepreneurs who are also trying to build their businesses online. Some are ahead of me and some behind. We all learn from each other’s lessons through our failures and successes. Sharing the journey is invaluable.

(3) Connection to My Why. I have another sticky note on my computer monitor: “Because God wants to partner with us to bring GA3.” (GA3 means the “Third Great Awakening.”) That’s why Janet and I do this. We are passionate about seeing the Body of Christ healthy and walking in wholeness. We are called to help Jesus prepare his Bride for the coming global revival. What an honor and privilege. That gets me out of bed in the morning.

Who are your Three? How is your connection to Jesus, fresh or stale? Who are your peeps who get what you’re doing? What is your why? Tell us in the comments.

So Dare Greatly

There is no knowing victory without knowing defeat. Teddy Roosevelt said it best:

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt, from a speech at Sorbonne, Paris, France, on April 23, 1910

So, yes, I would much rather live in continual failure than comfortable regret. Because eventually the engine will start.

Your Turn

Does this post resonate? How have you pushed through failure in the past? What did you learn? What are you trying to do now that isn’t working? Share your story and your lessons in the comments. And please share this post if it would bless others.

Why Trying Harder Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead

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“I’ll just try harder!” How many times, frustrated with yourself, have you doubled-down and said that? I have. When we’re not getting the results we want in our job, our relationships, our body, and/or our spiritual life, we commit to trying harder. Doing all things. Harder this time. “It’ll work this time because I’m going to try harder!” But it doesn’t. Because trying harder doesn’t work.

Doing What’s Not Working, Only Harder, Won’t Make It Start Working

The engineering company I worked for had a serious problem.

Our customers were certain 3-letter government agencies. Our building had a “secure room” where we did sensitive work for these customers. The room had a separate alarm code from our office space, and a badge reader at the door, so only people working on the program could enter the room.

Our daily cadence was, arriving 6:00 AM or earlier, the early-birds opened the room. Then, leaving after 6:00 PM, the late-birds secured & locked it. That worked fine, except for when it didn’t.

If the late guy had a doctor’s appointment and left early, nobody locked the room. The late guy thought somebody else, the last person out of the room, would secure the room. But the last person out didn’t know they were the last person out. They didn’t know the late guy had left early.

It was even more confusing, because there were multiple late guys, and each thought one of the others would lock the room. And some days, only the early guys were in the room, expecting one of the late guys to lock it. But none of the late guys knew that.

Anyway, it seemed like every 3 or 4 months or so, an early guy would come in early and find the room unlocked. Snap. That’s a security violation that has to be reported to the Government Customer. Enough violations in a short enough time period, and it’s game over. Contract terminated, company folds, and we’re all unemployed.

So the facility manager would send out an urgent email: “We all need to try harder to make sure the secure room is locked each night! This is everyone’s responsibility!” But in another 3 or 4 months, snap, we’d have another violation. Trying harder wasn’t working.

I had an idea I shared with the facility manager. And it wasn’t trying harder. Everyone in the office was hired because we were all responsible, conscientious, trust-worthy, dependable people. Everyone was already trying as hard as they could. We all knew the stakes. We couldn’t try any harder.

When you’re already doing your best, you can’t try harder. You have to do something different.

We had to do something different. We laminated a 3” x 4” colored card, a “room tag,” and put it on a chain. When the secure room was locked, it hung on the doorknob outside the room.

When an early guy unlocked the room in the morning, he hung the room tag around his neck. It was big enough that you couldn’t forget you had it and accidently go home while you were wearing it.

So the procedure was, when the early guy left for the day, he had to find a late guy to accept the tag. If you accepted the tag, you accepted responsibility for locking the room that before you left that night. If the early guy couldn’t find a late guy to accept the tag, he locked the room and hung the tag outside the door.

And everyone in the office knew at a glance if the room was locked, by whether the tag was hanging outside the door or not.

Bam! Instantly, no more security violations. The secure room was never left unlocked again. It worked.

Trying Harder Focuses on the Wrong Thing

So, yes, your results are driven by your actions. If you want different results, you need to take different actions. But focusing on the actions themselves is not enough.

Every addict, whether the addiction is drugs, alcohol, porn, food, gambling, shopping, or whatever, has experienced that trying harder doesn’t work. “Ok, I’ll take a different action. I won’t do that thing ever again!” And then they find themselves frustrated, having just done that thing. Again.

Trying harder focuses on our actions. But our actions are not the root of the problem, which is why trying harder doesn’t work. It puts our focus in the wrong place.

Our actions are driven by our decisions. In the secure room example, we decided to implement a new procedure. And that decision drove actions, before the room was left unlocked, that made all the difference. An addict needs to decide to identify and deal with their triggers, before the next episode happens.

But even focusing on our decisions is the wrong place to focus. Because our decisions are driven by our thinking. And our thinking is where we need to focus. That’s where the progress and the breakthroughs happen.

Thinking –> Decisions –> Actions –> Results

So if you want different results, take different actions, by making different decisions, by changing your thinking.

With the secure room, we made a paradigm shift in our thinking. We went from thinking, “It’s everyone’s responsibility to make sure the secure room is locked” (which sounds great on paper), to “It’s the person with the room tag’s responsibility to make sure the secure room is locked.”

If an addict is ever going to beat the addiction, they need to be willing to journey into the pain that addiction is medicating. They need to take the journey to discover the lies in their thinking, and replace those lies with God’s truth.

What We Think Because of Our Trauma

The trauma we endured was out of our control and is never our fault. But what we think about ourselves as a result of it is in our control.

To over-simplify it for the sake of example, someone abused as a child might think, “I’m dirty. I have no value.” So they decide, “I don’t deserve any better.” So they choose abusive partners. And they hate the results in their relationships.

But simply being determined to not get in another abusive relationship leads to frustration, acquiescing to, “Oh well here I am again. I guess it’s just always going to be this way.” Because unhealed faulty thinking is leading to the same lousy results.

But replacing the lies with God’s truth, doing the hard work to actually change their core thinking, they come to believe, for example, “I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I am God’s precious child and he loves me for me, before I do anything good or bad.” Then they decide they will never settle for lesser loves again. They take different actions, setting healthy boundaries, and not engaging with unhealthy people. And they enjoy the results of attracting healthy relationships.

Although that’s a way over-simplified example, you get the point. To change our results, we ultimately have to change our thinking. So trying harder doesn’t work, because it’s focused on our actions, while the problem is in our thinking.

Changing our thinking leads to making different decisions, which leads to taking different actions, which leads to the results we want.

Your Turn

Have you tried to change your actions without changing your thinking? How’d that work for you? What paradigm shifts have you made in your thinking that have led to different decisions, different actions, and better results? Share your story in the comments to help the community. And share this post if it will bless others.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I learned the concepts in this post from Andy Andrews’ book “The Noticer Returns” (not an affiliate link). Andy skillfully wraps practical Kingdom concepts up in an entertaining and engaging fictional story. It’s a great, fun, and easy read. I highly recommend it.

How to Conquer Imposter Syndrome

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“Imposter Syndrome” is that feeling of inadequacy we all feel when we’re overwhelmed by our calling. Because God always calls us to something bigger than ourselves. He calls us to something we can’t do without him.

So often, this is our first response to God’s calling on our lives. And, believe me, imposter syndrome, feeling inadequate for the task, continues to pop up over and over again. Because, in ourselves, we are inadequate for the task. God is the one who makes it work.

The Whispers of the Enemy

Who am I to do this?”

When the enemy talks to us, he disguises his voice as ours so we don’t recognize his lies as coming from external to ourselves. And he talks to us in the first person, so we think his lies are our own thoughts.

He won’t say, “Who are you to do this?” in a Darth Vader voice. He’ll say, “Who am I to do this?” in our own voice, so we don’t recognize him, and we think it’s our own thought. If we think it’s our own thought, we’re quicker to agree with it. And when we agree with his lies, that’s where he gets power over us.

That’s imposter syndrome. And it’s the whisper of the enemy.

  • “I can’t raise a child.”
  • “I can’t write a book.”
  • “I can’t do this job.”
  • “I can’t be a pastor.”
  • “I could never actually do that thing that makes my heart sing.”

If you feel like this, you’re not alone.

All Over the Bible

Everyone, Christians and non-Christians alike, have dealt with this, from the beginning of time. There are examples all over the Bible. Here are just a few:

  • Moses: “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” (Exodus 3:11)
  • Gideon: “How can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” (Judges 6:15)
  • Saul: They inquired further of the Lord, “Has the man [Saul] come here yet?” And the Lord said, “Yes, he has hidden himself among the baggage.” (1 Samuel 10:22)
  • Jeremiah: “Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” (Jeremiah 1:6)
  • Esther: “… any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned, the king has but one law: that they be put to death …” (Esther 4:11)
  • Peter: “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” (Luke 5:8)

So if you feel like you’re in over your head, and you can’t possibly do that thing that makes your heart sing, you’re in good company.

Partnership with God

We feel imposter syndrome when we realize God is calling us to something bigger than ourselves, that we can’t do on our own. Which is actually the point. He wants to do it in partnership with us.

But we have to do our part. If we give up, we tie God’s hands.

What if, when we get to heaven, we see all the resources God had lined up to help us, all ready to fall like dominoes at just the right time when we needed them. But it never happened because we never pushed over the first domino. I don’t want to live in eternal regret, do you?

How to Conquer Imposter Syndrome

When God, from the burning bush, calls Moses to deliver the Israelites from Egypt, Moses’ first response is classic imposter syndrome. Who am I to do this? I can’t do this!

“Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” — Exodus 3:11

God’s response to Moses, and all the others mentioned in the bullets above, is the cure for imposter syndrome. God’s common answer is, “I will be with you.”

“I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.” – Exodus 3:12

The cure for imposter syndrome is worship. Intimacy. Spending time with God. Being with the one who will be with you.

When, through intimacy with him as a lifestyle, we get to the place where we know that we know that God has called us, we can say with Moses, “If you’re not going with us, we’re not going” (Exodus 33:15, my paraphrase). But with his presence, we can do anything.

When you feel inadequate for the task, spend intimate one-on-one time with the One who’s calling you to the task.

The cure to imposter syndrome is spending time with the One who longs to spend time with us.

Your Turn

Does this resonate?

Have you felt imposter syndrome? What has it kept you from doing? Or have you conquered it? Either way, tell us in the comments. And please share this post if it would bless others.

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

3 Fears We Have about Hearing God’s Calling on Our Lives

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As a “calling coach,” I’ve been helping people hear God for the calling on their life, and practically step into it, for a while now. When I started, I thought people wanted to know God’s calling on their life, but just didn’t know how. What I actually discovered surprised me.

While, yes, we want to know God’s calling on our life, we also have mixed feelings about it. In fact, we are often outright afraid to hear God’s calling on our life. After working with many people, here are what I’ve found to be the 3 most common fears we have about hearing God’s calling on our life.

(1) “I fear God will ask me to do something I don’t want to do.”

“I’m afraid God will call me to do something I hate, or something I really don’t want to do, like teach Sunday School. Or move to Africa. And then that’ll put me in the awkward place of either hating my life or being disobedient.”

There’s nothing wrong with teaching Sunday School or moving to Africa. Those are good things. But if those are things you would hate (or severely dislike), then don’t worry. God’s not calling you to do that.

Don’t be afraid. God doesn’t call us to something we hate. It might be something we’re afraid to do, but because we think it won’t work, or we don’t know how, not because we hate it. If it actually worked, it’s something we’d be excited about.

Your calling is not something God has to guilt you into.

If you feel pushed into something, then that’s not God’s calling for you. God’s calling pulls us. It’s something, if all the risk was stripped away, that you’d want to do.

What is something you keep telling yourself to not get so excited about? “That’ll never work!”  But your thoughts and your heart can’t stop leaning in that direction. God’s calling is pulling you.

God put his calling in you, as a passion in your heart, when he created you. The enemy’s tried to bury it, as deeply as he can, under mountains of wounding. But it’s still there.

Are you willing to let God rekindle your passion?

(2) “I fear getting it wrong.”

“But what if I get it wrong? What if I don’t hear God correctly? I don’t want to waste years of my life, operating out of my flesh, going down the wrong path.”

Kudos for caring! Honestly, many people don’t care if they’re on the wrong path as long as they’re comfortable and happy in the moment. But you are a person who fears God and actually cares.

God honors that desire of your heart to get it right, stewarding your life for his Kingdom. With that heart motivation, he won’t let you get it wrong. With that heart motivation, the only wrong step you can take is not taking one.

Check out this 3 minute video that explains it better with visual aids. 🙂

Don’t be afraid. God won’t let you get it wrong. The only wrong step you can take is not taking one.

Are you willing to take the first step into the adventure God has for you?

(3) “I fear I can’t live up to it.”

“I’m not afraid I’ll hear God wrong or that it’ll be something I hate. I’m afraid I’ll hear God right and it’ll be something I’d love to do, but I won’t be able to. I’m afraid I won’t be able to live up to his calling on my life.”

Legit fear. And actually… accurate. We are all broken people, and we can’t live up to his calling on our life. By ourselves. But the good news is, we don’t have to.

Yes, God’s calling on our life is something bigger than us. It’s not something we can do in our own strength. But God never calls us to do something alone.

When God calls people in the Bible to these impossible things, like Moses, Gideon, etc., and they have legitimate concerns about why they can’t do the thing, God always answers the same way:

“Nevertheless, I will be with you.” – God

He doesn’t argue with them about their concerns. He just assures them they will not be alone.

Don’t be afraid. God is not calling you to do it alone. He will be with you. And he typically brings other people alongside you. Eventually.

Yes, God calls us to something we can’t do. Alone. But the good news is he’s calling you into partnership with him. He wants to do it with you. Your job is to take the next step. His job is to make it work.

Are you ready to partner with God?

Are you willing to be willing?

Three times above, I’ve asked the question, “Are you willing to …?” Sometimes we’re not willing because it’s scary. That’s ok.

If that’s you, are you willing to be willing? That’s enough; God can work with that.

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Do you see yourself in this post? Which fear do you struggle with? Tell us in the comments, and the community can help you. Or if you’ve worked through one of these fears (or another one related to hearing God), tell us your story in the comments. Your story will help others.

And please share this post if it will bless others.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-leaning-on-table-3767411/

4 Paradigms of Doing, and How to Shift to the Healthy One

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How do you do “doing”? Doing stuff is important. Nobody wants to spend their whole life on the couch watching TV while their brain turns to mush. Although we are not what we do, it’s important to do stuff.

Unfortunately, many of us do not have a healthy relationship with “doing.” Here are 4 common paradigms of doing. The first 3 are unhealthy, and for each one I’ll show you how to shift into the healthy 4th paradigm.

(1) Autopilot Doing

The busyness of life in the West tends to put us on autopilot.

Anyone with school-aged children knows this. Every other minute you find yourself shuttling some kid somewhere to some activity. And that’s not bad. We’re investing in our children. Kudos. But has it drowned out you? Are you just John’s mom or Amy’s dad?

Adults, young and old, are barraged by constant notifications from our devices. Someone emailed! Or posted! Or shared a TikTok! Look! Now!

Don’t get me wrong; I love my iPhone and being connected. But have the devices that were supposed to save us time hijacked our time instead?

I can speak from experience that men can live their whole life on autopilot. I did for a long time, before I broke out of it. Providing for your family. Doing the job. Then, after 40+ years in the workforce, retire in the veiled frustration of unfulfilled monotony, and die in front of the TV. How tragic.

Too many of us never discover the exciting calling God created us for. Living on autopilot starved our heart’s passion to death long ago. Autopilot stinks.

Silence is the Antidote to Autopilot.

The good news is, our God raises the dead. It’s in the silent spaces, the quiet moments of our lives, that the Holy Spirit whispers life to our distracted hearts.

But it takes intention on our part. Here are some examples:

Schedule regular white space on your calendar. Turn off the phone, put away the computer, and any other distractions. Spend even just a few moments alone with a journal. Light a candle. Declare this time as yours. Listen for the Holy Spirit reminding you of your heart’s passion. He put it there in the first place.

Can you dare to remember? Would that change everything?

(2) Wounded Doing

One of the enemy’s foundational strategies is to bury the calling of God on our lives under a mountain of wounding.

Wounding can lead us to self-medicating with addictions. Anything to drown out the pain for a little while.

Addictions can be self-destructive:

  • Sex
  • Alcohol
  • Drugs
  • Porn
  • Codependency (addiction to other people’s problems)

But we can also be addicted to good things that we’ve let get out-of-balance because they take away the pain:

  • Entertainment
  • Shopping
  • Eating
  • Social Media
  • Relationships

Our addictions can even look really great on the outside, and be praised by the people around us:

  • Work
  • Church
  • Activism

Doing self-destructive things is obviously an addiction. But how do we know when the good things we’re doing are actually an addiction, medicating pain in our lives? By answering one question: Are we getting our value from it?

If this is you, there is something in your life God wants to heal. But to receive God’s healing, you have to be willing to go into the pain. Not to get re-traumatized, but to let God open the wound just enough so Surgeon Jesus can bring his healing.

(3) Desperation Doing

The world is not a safe place. Being an adult can be outright scary. We feel like we’re dancing on the highwire without a net.

  • “This business venture better work or we’re out on the street.”
  • “My spouse’s chemo has to beat the cancer. I can’t stand another loss in my life.”
  • “I can’t believe I’m having to deal with this!” (Fill in the blank for you.)

When something important and out of our control hangs in the balance, it’s easy to get into desperation. It’s even natural. It’s human nature to try and control what we can.

And again, doing things is good. But doing things in desperation is not. And the cure is to make a paradigm shift into paradigm number 3.

(4) Partnership Doing

We may end up doing the exact same things we were doing in desperation. But when we’re doing them in tangible partnership with God, our heart’s posture in doing them is different.

Ok, what do I mean by tangible partnership with God? Granted, God’s Spirit in us is intangible. We don’t physically experience him like we do other humans. (Usually, there are those moments…) But our experience of him can be just as real.

It is possible to walk out your life in a tangible partnership with God. Here’s what that looks like:

  • You’ve done the work of hearing God for the calling on your life.
  • You’ve clearly defined what you’re responsible for doing.
  • You’ve clearly defined what God’s responsible for. Usually, bringing the results. Making it work.
  • You’ve made an overt decision that even if God doesn’t bring the results you expected, your heart will still testify that he is good.
  • Rinse and repeat. When it doesn’t work (or when it does), you go back to God and refine his calling on your life, the actions you’re responsible for, and what he’s responsible for.

For example, I tangibly partner with God for my time in doing this website, which I do mostly during my lunch break at my day job. My lunch break varies in length depending on when I arrive at work in the morning.

I don’t set an alarm. God’s responsible for waking me up early enough to hit the gym and arrive at work with enough website time at lunch.

I always wake up at different times, within an hour or two. Even accounting for unpredictable traffic, I can’t count how many times my lunch break has been just long enough, to the minute, to accomplish what I needed to do that day. God’s in this.

I’m responsible for going to bed at a reasonable hour. And I’m responsible for using the time he gives me efficiently (e.g., not scrolling social!).

So he gives me the time, and I do the things. You’re reading the results. My partnership with him works. Yours will too.

Your Turn

Do you see yourself in any of these “doing” paradigms? Is this post an eye opener? Share your story with this community in the comments.

If this hit home and you want to talk with me about hearing God’s calling on your life (practically and for real!), and partnering with God in it, email me at dave@IdentityInWholeness.com. I’d love to talk with you.

And please share this post to bless others.

The Most Important Person to Get on Your Side

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There is one person that can torpedo everything you do. This person has the power to make sure nothing you try succeeds. In order to step into God’s calling on your life, you have to get this person on your side. Can you guess who it is?

Is It Your Spouse?

No. I know it is painful if your spouse is not on-board with God’s calling on your life, or with your goals in general.

They may have some legitimate issues for you to consider. Or they may be afraid of your success because of their own wounding. Or a combination of both. And no one-size fits all; there may be other things going on.

In any case, it’s worth spending some time communicating with them about your vision, your goals, what you’re trying to accomplish.

You can’t control them, but you can invite them to come on the journey God’s calling you to. But if they just won’t, go anyway. You don’t have to let your spouse derail the calling God has on your life.

I have a powerful one-page resource, How to Deal with a Wet-Blanket Spouse, that can be very helpful. If your spouse always poos-poos, derails, and squashes your dreams and ideas, this is a great place to start. You can download it here.

Is It a Family Member? Close Friend? Mentor? Peers?

Nope. Having these people on your side is important. I’m not belittling having supportive family members, close friends, mentors, and peers. All of these are important, and it’s a blessing if you have them on-board.

But they are not necessary. If you know God is calling you into something specific, you can still step into it without support from any of these people.

Is It God?

This is probably the obvious answer, but no. You don’t have to get God on your side. He already is. That’s what that whole cross thing was about, remember?

Now I’m assuming here that your goal/endeavor is in alignment with God’s Kingdom, character, and principles. If it’s out of alignment, he’s not on the side of that goal and never will be.

But since we’re talking about his calling on your life, that’s in alignment with his Kingdom by definition. So he’s already on your side.

Give up? It’s You! Here Are 2 Ways We Are Not on Our Own Side

Give up yet? The person you have to get on your side is you! If you are not on your own side, everything you try will fail, because you’re sabotaging yourself.

Dave, that doesn’t even make sense! How can I not be on my own side?

I agree it’s counter-intuitive. But here are 2 ways we can sabotage ourselves when we are not on our own side.

(1) Shame. We let our shame shut us down. Shame is never on our side.

Godly guilt says, “I did something wrong.” But shame says, “I am something wrong.” And that’s a lie from the pit of Hell. Jesus died so that shame has no more power over you. You are not what you were. None of us, who are in Jesus, are.

But intellectually understanding that won’t defeat the shame and make it go away. While God doesn’t bring us shame, he defeated our shame on the cross, God uses our shame to show us where he wants to heal us.

Here are some common shame messages (fill in the blanks for you).

  • “Who am I to do _____?”
  • “I could never _____; I’m not qualified!”
  • “No one would listen to me.”
  • “I’m too _____ to ever do that.”
  • Everyone else could do _____ so much better than me.”
  • “I’m not good enough to _____.”

These are clues shame is blocking your calling. And it’s the Holy Spirit’s signal that there’s something underneath shame’s lie that God wants to heal. So do the hard work of finding it and pursuing the healing God has for you.

(2) Our Inner Critic. Do you have a strong inner critic? Our inner critic is not on our side. It doesn’t give us encouraging messages. We need to tame that bugger if we’re ever going to step into God’s calling on our life. Here’s how.

Our inner critic is often a mask for fear. It’s our insides trying to keep us safe, trying to avoid risk, trying to keep us from making a fool of ourselves by putting ourselves out there.

Now, yes, ok, there’s one sense in which the Kingdom of God is safe. Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, is able to separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39). We are secure in Jesus.

But there’s another sense in which the Kingdom of God is not safe. It changes us. It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it hurts. But it’s always good.

Nothing worthwhile was ever accomplished by playing it safe.

The problem is, God’s calling on our life isn’t safe. God calls us to something bigger than ourselves, because he wants to partner with us in it.

We have to do our part or we tie God’s hands. But God has to come through on his side or it just doesn’t work. That can be scary. And that’s the place of risk our inner critic is trying to protect us from.

The problem is, if we let our inner critic shut us down, we tie God’s hands and will never know what would have happened if we had gone “all in.”

How to Tame Your Inner Critic

White-knuckling it, trying to “power through,” and just ignoring that inner critic won’t work. It’s a part of you, a part of you that’s scared.

Every part of us deserves to be heard. And if you try to ignore your inner critic, it’ll just keep shouting louder and louder until it cripples you.

Your inner critic gets a seat at the table, but it doesn’t get to run the meeting.

Here’s how to tame that pesky inner critic:

  1. Admit the fear. Name it. “I’m scared of _____.”
  2. Name the worst case scenario. Typically, no one’s going to implode or die.
  3. Treat everything like an experiment. “I’m just trying this.” Best case, it works. Worst case, you learn something. You win either way.

I know people who even name their inner critic. “Ok, Karen, I hear you there. I know you’re just trying to keep me safe. I appreciate your concern. But it’s ok. Nothing catastrophic will happen; I’ve got this. I’m not going ahead blindly. I’m being smart about it.”

Get Yourself on Your Side

So, in conclusion, you get yourself on your own side by:

  1. Pursuing healing for the wounded places shame is trying to hide.
  2. Taming your inner critic.

God has an exciting calling for you. God wants to partner with you for an exciting and impactful life. God is on your side. Are you?

Your Turn

Does this resonate? Tell us your thoughts and your story in the comments. What you have to share will bless others in our community. And please share this post with everyone it will bless.

How to Get Your Brain Working for You

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First we have to understand what our brain is really for. Contrary to conventional wisdom, your brain is not there to determine truth. Its purpose is not to figure out what’s true and what’s not. That is your spirit’s job. That’s why discernment is a spiritual gift. Truth is spiritually discerned, not physically reasoned.

The natural man does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God. For they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. – 1 Corinthians 2:14

I’ll give you an example. Amazingly smart people who don’t know Jesus invented evolution. They sat down to “reason” how we got here, and decided we evolved from primates, who evolved from fish, who evolved from single-cell organisms, which ultimately evolved from non-living material in the primordial soup. Even though this theory violates the sciences of physics, biology, geology, statistics, paleontology, and engineering, you can’t talk them out of it. (That’s another post—if you want more info about how evolution violates science, shoot me an email.) Although they espouse “science,” the actual facts don’t matter to them. Because it’s not about science. It’s ultimately about a spiritual truth, the existence of God, that their spirits reject.

Their brain has rationalized their spiritual bias. And that’s what your brain is for—to plan, chart, and route the course to the destination your spirit selects, for better or worse. Your brain is your spirit’s GPS.

Your brain isn’t there to figure out your calling. Your brain is there to plan your calling.

When we ask ourselves, “What’s my calling?” and we try to figure it out intellectually, it typically brings up a lot of fear and frustration. Your brain is not able to determine your calling. That’s not what it’s for. Your GPS is really bad at selecting a destination. That’s your job. That’s not what your GPS is designed for. And your brain is not designed to determine truth. That’s your spirit’s job.

Now once you’ve selected a destination, your GPS is really good at showing you how to get there. That’s what it was designed for. Your calling is something your spirit knows. Once you embrace it, your brain is excellent at planning the route, helping you find the first steps to get there. Your brain is designed by God to route you to the destination your spirit selects.

Here’s a negative example. Atheists’ spirits have selected a godless destination, and their brains have routed the course. Not to open up a huge can of worms here, but the two greatest hoaxes perpetrated on the public in the name of “science” are evolution and climate change (formerly “global warming.” They’ve changed the name since global warming has been discredited, but it’s the same thing.) Evolution is there to rationalize away what God did at the beginning of time. Climate change is there to rationalize away what God’s about to do at the end of time. (If you read Revelation, the first several plagues are all environmental. When these things start happening, the culture will blame climate change to avoid admitting God’s trying to get our attention.)

On the positive side, Hebrews 10:39 says, “We do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” So how do we, people of faith, use our brains to chart the destination to the calling God has for us?

Here’s 3 simple steps.

1) Set the destination.

Your spirit knows your calling. It makes your heart leap. What is that thing for you? 

It doesn’t have to be something spiritual. It can be fly-fishing or dancing or accounting. Remember the famous quote from the movie Chariots of Fire, about the UK’s Olympic track team? Eric Liddell said, “God made me for China, but he also made me fast. And when I run, I feel his pleasure.” While he felt a call on his life to go to China, he also knew part of his calling was to run fast. 

If you truly don’t know what your calling is, ask your heart. It knows. Often, knowing is not the problem. Admitting it is. You need to admit it and embrace it. Let your mouth say it. Out loud. Tell someone. 

2) Let your brain plan the course.

Once you’ve identified your calling, your destination, use your brain to plan how to get there. That’s what your brain is for. 

There’s usually one obstacle that trips us up here — FEAR. Here’s a life-hack to get around the fear.

Be an actor. This is your chance to win an Academy Award. Play the role of someone who isn’t afraid of pursuing your calling. What would that person do? To put it another way, what would you do if you weren’t afraid?  Do that. Now your brain is working for you.

3) Take the first step.

Any movement is good movement. You really don’t have to worry about making a mistake. If you do, you’ll have learned something and can course-correct. So it’s a win-win once you ditch the fear.

Think of it as an experiment. Then if it fails, it was just an experiment. If what you try doesn’t work, you learn a valuable lesson. And then using what you’ve learned, use your brain to revise the plan and try again.

But if your baby-step works — Bonus! So you really can’t lose.

My Story

I got over my fear of moving forward into my calling with another life-hack — playing one fear against another. I was driving to work listening to Michael Hyatt interviewing best-selling author Jeff Goins. During the interview, Jeff said this, and it rocked my world:

“I got to the point where I was more afraid of not trying than I was of failing.” — Jeff Goins

That hit me right between the eyes. It raised a question I could not get out of my mind. What if, on that Day when I meet Jesus face-to-face, I see all the dominoes God had lined up to help me succeed, one event and “coincidence” after another, but they never fell because I never tipped over that first domino? That question haunted me. 

It should haunt you. What if God has resources already prepared to make your dream succeed, but you’re tying his hands because you won’t take that first step? How tragic would that be?

That’s what sent me down this road of being a writer. How am I doing? I’ve had failures and frustrations along the way. But I have learned so much.

Your Story

How about you? Now it’s your turn. This is your time. What makes your heart leap? What’s the first baby-step in that direction? Are you ready to try it? The truth is, you’ll never feel ready. Try it anyway. Let us know what happens. Tell us your story in the comments and please share if this would bless someone else.

Why the Biggest Enemy of Your Calling Is Your Excellence

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What’s the biggest thing standing in the way of your calling? The biggest enemy of your calling isn’t the Enemy himself (the devil), although he’s not a fan and can be a real pain in the neck. It’s not the obstacles in your way, like not enough time or money, or opposition from people you love, although those are real obstacles. It’s not even your limiting beliefs, although those can certainly hold us back and we need to learn to think differently.

The biggest thing standing in the way of you achieving your calling – that unique contribution you were born to make – is what you’re excellent at. What?!? Let me explain.

Your 4 Zones

This concept comes from the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks (not an affiliate link). I highly recommend this book; it was a game-changer for me.

The activities in our lives fall into these 4 zones.

1) Zone of Incompetence. What you’re not good at. For me, it’s cooking, just ask my family. And there are many other things I don’t do well.

2) Zone of Competence. What you’re good at, but so are other people. I can drive a car. I can do my personal taxes. I can trim a hedge. I’m mediocre at those things, but I can do them. Other people can do them much better. I’m not an Indy race car driver. I get overwhelmed with business taxes. And while I can successfully use a hedger without injury, I can’t sculpt a hedge to look like a Disney princess.

3) Zone of Excellence. What you’re extremely good at. For me, it’s software engineering. I’ve done it for over 30 years. I’m exceptional at designing software and writing code. It’s a very comfortable place to be.

4) Zone of Genius. Your calling. That unique contribution you were born to make in the world. The thing, like Galadriel told Frodo, “If you don’t do it, no one will.” (Remember the Lord of the Rings movies?) For me, it’s writing. And music. I am not the best at them, but I am passionate about these two things.

Your zone of excellence is something you’re better at than most people. You excel at it so much that it’s comfortable. It’s safe. And that’s exactly what makes it the greatest enemy of your zone of genius.

Your zone of genius, that place of living in your calling, can be very uncomfortable. You might not do it well at first. You might need to learn some new skills. But it lights you up.

Here are 3 ways to move into your zone of genius.

1) Recognize It

The best way to recognize your zone of genius, your calling, is by your passion for it.

For example, while I’m extremely good at software engineering, I have absolutely zero passion for it. It’s all going to burn. None of my computer programs will be running in Heaven. I want to do something that’s going to last.

But writing changes lives. Janet and I are called to train the church how to embrace the wounded, and to speak truth to the culture. Writing’s a big part of that. We are partnering with Jesus to bring the Third Great Awakening. I’m passionate about that. That gets me up in the morning.

Another clue to your calling, your zone of genius, is where your creativity is. What spurs your imagination? What are you creative at?

I’m certainly not the best musician around, but I have a lot of creativity around music. Music is eternal; it speaks to your spirit. That’s why you can forget a conversation you had this morning but remember a song from 30 years ago.

It doesn’t have to be an art. I have a mechanical engineer friend who did a series of blog posts for Christmas, 12 Days of Hydraulic Happiness. This guy is creative about hydraulics! That’s a calling.

The other 3 zones, incompetence, competence, and excellence, are all about how good you are at something. But your zone of genius is different. It’s the thing you’re passionate and creative about. It’s the thing that makes your heart leap before your brain talks you out of it.

2) Suspend Disbelief & Admit It

Most of us don’t admit our calling because we don’t believe we can actually do it. Those lies are called limiting beliefs, and they don’t serve us. Sometimes it’s the Enemy putting negative thoughts in our head. Other times it’s our own brain trying to protect us from what we’re fearful of.

What if?

But, what if, you know? Suspend disbelief for a moment. What would it be like if you could actually do that thing? Do you dare let yourself even think about it? What would it be like to follow that passion, that creativity, in your heart?

Thank your brain for trying to protect you, but suspend disbelief and let yourself admit your passion. What’s the one thing you’d do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

3) Take the First Step

Suppose you’re watching a movie. At the end, the hero is successful at that thing you’re passionate about, your calling. What did they do at the beginning of the movie to get there? What steps did they take? What was their very first step?

Do that. Take that first step in the direction of your calling. Pretend you’re an actor playing that role. What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Do that.

Maybe there are some skills you have to learn. Learn them. Writing this blog, I’ve gotten very good at WordPress (the software that runs this website), resizing & cropping images, and online marketing. These were skills I didn’t have before. And my writing has gotten so much better because I’m posting a blog every week. (When I go back now and look at my posts from that first year – oh my!  😛  We’ve come a long way!)

My first steps were getting my website off the ground, learning to send broadcast emails, all the things that go with running a blog. My next steps are getting this message out to more people. What’s the next (or first) step for you?

Your Turn

What challenged you in this post? What resonates? What is your calling? Admit it and tell us in the comments. This is a safe place. And please share this post if it would bless others.